calgary Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 we went for coffee last week I got friend zoned.. said I was having none of it. deleted her from facebook told her goodbye. felt like no contact from that point would be awesome and i'd recover and get on with my life.. went out to a club with my friends.. my ex came and found me and sat me down when I was too drunk to function.. told me she's suffering from depression apparently.. just that her life is really really bad. I was too drunk to deal with it there and then... so I said we should go get food or something and she agreed.. text me the next day still wants to go.. but told me she's not really in a position to be in a relationship until she gets her head clear.. she said it would be unfair to drag me down with her.. now I don't know why she wants to talk to me about all this, why not her girl friends or her mum ? i'm not really sure I believe she's depressed either.. 5 days after we broke up she planned on hooking up with a guy who never showed up and she's gone out partying twice a week since the break up. a depressed person to me generally seems to stay home being anti social ?I don't know i'm not an expert i'm here for advice on depression and way's people cope. I text her last night to ask how she was doing (since i'm concerned) and she didn't reply to me but my friends said they saw her in a club last night again and she made friends with the guy she planned on hooking up withs friends on facebook.. maybe i'm assuming and jumping to conclusions ( I think everybodies minds plays games at these awful times) maybe going out is just her way of coping.. maybe i'm just assuming the worst as I always do. Maybe she really is depressed and maybe if I take her out for dinner it might cheer her up a little bit and give her something to look forward to ? maybe i'm a mug who should tell her she's none of my concern now and to go to the doctors and leave me alone. but she stood by me through devastating times in my life ( funerals etc) and I just feel as though I owe it to her to be civil at a time of need. I don't feel like I should consider my own feelings right now if I can help her stop thinking of terrible thoughts such as drugs and self harm. but who knows if it's just attention seeking and i'm getting strung along here? i'd feel terrible if anything happened to her I love her family they were amazing to me. I know now is not the time to discuss getting back together especially if she's a mess. But would people agree that the best way to get over a break up is to start a fresh? not jump straight back into things.. just take it slow.. few dinners, texts occasionally ? maybe agree to meet up downtown for drinks with friends etc ? not just an all or nothing decision ? I know that's something separate I should have put in another thread maybe but I just wondered peoples thoughts! Thank you for reading !
jnd2009 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You going out to dinner with her is contact with you that she's longing for. If you don't want to get back with her I wouldn't do it. Showing you'd hang out with her so soon, even if it's dinner, may give her false hopes of you getting back together. It's too soon. Talk over the phone if you feel that bad that you need to talk to her, but I wouldn't keep making in-person plans.
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