Sugarkane Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Could you look at options at being a single mother? Eg sperm donor, adopting? It has advantages- it's always the woman who has to sacrifice career anyway and being the prime carer. It's always The woman changing nappies, getting up at night. The huge advantage is you don't have to compromise with another person all the time.
Author Londonsangel Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Could you look at options at being a single mother? Eg sperm donor, adopting? It has advantages- it's always the woman who has to sacrifice career anyway and being the prime carer. It's always The woman changing nappies, getting up at night. The huge advantage is you don't have to compromise with another person all the time. It is definitely an option in the future, if I don't meet someone else.
Author Londonsangel Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 I need someone to get me out of my overthinking rut!!! I cannot comprehend how someone can go through fertility treatment, look at buying a house, and building a family with someone, and a week later be moved out and blocking them off whatsapp, and probably fb next and want nothing to do with them except during work hours.. professionally!!! How?? Can someone please answer this. I dont know if i'll ever be able to move in with someone again.. i've been through this so many times The break ups (not the baby making and moving in together), how do I ever find someone that is going to want to be with me forever like I want to be with them
Sari Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Is this an open invitation for a visit? Lol. I'm more then ready to be an expat! I wish it wasn't so costly to move abroad. I'm about 30 minutes west of Washington DC. I wouldn't say the women here are slim pickings. But as I've mentioned, I have a thing for women of Europe. Who knows...there could be a successful love connection right here on LS! Haha Well you're more than welcome to look me up if ever you decide to hop across the pond! I'll be the one with 10 cats hanging off me, wearing an I heart lorena bobbit t-shirt
Sari Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I need someone to get me out of my overthinking rut!!! I cannot comprehend how someone can go through fertility treatment, look at buying a house, and building a family with someone, and a week later be moved out and blocking them off whatsapp, and probably fb next and want nothing to do with them except during work hours.. professionally!!! How?? Can someone please answer this. I dont know if i'll ever be able to move in with someone again.. i've been through this so many times The break ups (not the baby making and moving in together), how do I ever find someone that is going to want to be with me forever like I want to be with them I think you just have to ride this bit out I'm afraid sweetie. The endless ruminating is part and parcel of the grieving period. Your brain needs time to process what's happened, it's in shock and keeps trying to get back on an even keel by trying to make sense of the BU. Unfortunately it sounds like one of those emotional terrorism, drive-by break-ups, and so really there is probably little sense to be made. Your brain will realise this eventually and will start to heal itself by forgetting. Ugh, bit scientific and clinical-sounding, sorry! I hear you regarding not sure if you can go through this again. I've been dumped 5 times in the past 5 years (only two men, but it hurts just as bad, if not more, to be dumped more than once by someone I think). I honestly thought I'd met my future husband both times, so I'm mourning the future that will never be, as well as just missing the men themselves. I don't really believe in 'fate' as such, but one day we will all be in a much happier place in our lives, and it will be because of everything that came before it, all the break-ups, hardships, challenges, good times and bad times, they all led us to where we are now, and they will all lead us to a better place one day. I hope to thank all my exes one day, as they will have inadvertently helped me along the road to finding eventual (lasting!) happiness. I truly believe that. Big hugs to you xx
Allumere Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Is this an open invitation for a visit? Lol. I'm more then ready to be an expat! I wish it wasn't so costly to move abroad. I'm about 30 minutes west of Washington DC. I wouldn't say the women here are slim pickings. But as I've mentioned, I have a thing for women of Europe. Who knows...there could be a successful love connection right here on LS! Haha @ H3DRV: Hey now...I'm about 40 minutes south of DC..... I'm closer and unlike Sari only have 5 cats! @Londonsangel: F"n ouch is all I have to say. I don't know or understand how things like that happen. I understand to a small degree how gents process and respond to things but this isn't a gender thing...this is simply the act of a selfish, immature, frightened person...and I have seen women play the exact same card. Part of it is simple. For whatever reason they want out and see its cleanest to play the dick/bitch and leave..why, because thats easier than dealing with your emotions because you just might cause them to feel a little guilt...and its all about feeling good right? They are cowards actually and beyond the fact they are scared of your emotions they sure as hell have no real control or understanding of their own. Chances are you will never know the reason(s) and if by chance he were to ever provide one, reality is that it is rarely just "one" reason and what they tell you isn't the real one. Sounds like as ****ty as this is now, you are lucky in the long run.
H3Drvr Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Well you're more than welcome to look me up if ever you decide to hop across the pond! I'll be the one with 10 cats hanging off me, wearing an I heart lorena bobbit t-shirt 10 cats I might be able to look over...bobbit shirt would be the equivalent of kryptonite and being kicked in the nuts. Lol If you promise not to wear the bobbit shirt, I might actually take you up on the offer. I could use a tour guide to help me find the best fish & chips place in London within a few months; I maybe attending a business conference there in April.
Author Londonsangel Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 I think you just have to ride this bit out I'm afraid sweetie. The endless ruminating is part and parcel of the grieving period. Your brain needs time to process what's happened, it's in shock and keeps trying to get back on an even keel by trying to make sense of the BU. Unfortunately it sounds like one of those emotional terrorism, drive-by break-ups, and so really there is probably little sense to be made. Your brain will realise this eventually and will start to heal itself by forgetting. Ugh, bit scientific and clinical-sounding, sorry! I hear you regarding not sure if you can go through this again. I've been dumped 5 times in the past 5 years (only two men, but it hurts just as bad, if not more, to be dumped more than once by someone I think). I honestly thought I'd met my future husband both times, so I'm mourning the future that will never be, as well as just missing the men themselves. I don't really believe in 'fate' as such, but one day we will all be in a much happier place in our lives, and it will be because of everything that came before it, all the break-ups, hardships, challenges, good times and bad times, they all led us to where we are now, and they will all lead us to a better place one day. I hope to thank all my exes one day, as they will have inadvertently helped me along the road to finding eventual (lasting!) happiness. I truly believe that. Big hugs to you xx You are amazing Sari, I hope I will see my ex's all like that too. I've been dumped just as many times, but different guys, although only 2 of them were really serious, this being the most. And it's awful, but I want him to be a failure at life, and date a fat, ugly girlfriend that treats him like crap and breaks his heart!!! Or maybe a hot one that breaks his heart and he can never get over!!! I'm sorry if this makes me an awful person
Sugarkane Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I still think you should think about being a single mother. I think because of these socio economic times it will only get popular. When I was in school I felt like the odd one out because my parents never divorced.
Author Londonsangel Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 I still think you should think about being a single mother. I think because of these socio economic times it will only get popular. When I was in school I felt like the odd one out because my parents never divorced. I am considering it, especially because of my age, cannot believe I'm turning 35 My parents celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary next week, but they have been through hell, they worked and made it work over and over, unlike certain people that just walk out when they feel they no longer want to be in a relationship. But I need to find a one night stand at the right time lol... or do the fertility treatment route...
tory1012 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I can relate to you on the support front, my bf dumped me after 3 years and I was absolutely devastated myself. I really do feel for you! How are you getting on? That must be so difficult to see him all day. I work from home so I am alone all day with my thoughts and have to find things to distract me. This site is fantastic for that. If you to chat or anythig I'M HERE! Support is essential during these times.
Author Londonsangel Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 I can relate to you on the support front, my bf dumped me after 3 years and I was absolutely devastated myself. I really do feel for you! How are you getting on? That must be so difficult to see him all day. I work from home so I am alone all day with my thoughts and have to find things to distract me. This site is fantastic for that. If you to chat or anythig I'M HERE! Support is essential during these times. Hi Tory, I'm so so sorry, when did this happen? I'm not coping well yet, as it's not even been 2 weeks yet, the working together is hard as he's ignoring me, and wants nothing to do with me out of work.. this after doing everything for him for 3 years, and loving him more than anything... I mean how can a person be so mean? I never did anything wrong so being treated like this is really getting to me. I can't imagine being home all day either though, as just the evenings alone in our flat is full of reminders and very difficult. What distractions have you found helpful? I've taken half day today just so i can have my hair cut and highlighted... so I can look and feel nice, and maybe he can regret his decision even more.
tory1012 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Yeah it is really tough! Especially when i know that he's been with other people. We broke up a year ago so it's not as fresh as yours, but trust me when it happens i drunk so much wine and cried to my friends. I have still been seeing him for the past year while knowing he's with other people. It's stupid and i've made myself more miserable by doing it. Today I was like I am so sick of feeling sad all day every day. It actually got to the point where I was paralyzed by the pain. Sitting on my couch and couldn't anything but think of him. So I am trying out this site which is really really cool to talk with people who are going through the same things. I usually try to read a book if i can concentrate, watch youtube or play games. I go to the gym 6-7 times a week now too. That makes me feel awesome. I even tried online dating ( didn't really work out for me... wouldn't personally recommend it but probably being bias). Anyway thats a bit of my history with my ex who was my first love and I loved him dearly to the point where my thoughts were usually filled by him and most decisions i made in life i always included whether he would approve. A tad unhealthy really. Anyway going and getting pampered is a fantastic idea! You must be going through personal hell. I feel for you so much because i know just what that's like. Physically paralyzing. Nothing anybody can say can make you feel better. Maybe a temporary solace for a very short stint. I think having support and somebody to talk to is key! Also you probably don't to hear this but your ex sounds like a coward and a c*nt. So was mine tho. He's a different person since we broke up he said part of his misery was being with! Oh but HAVING SEX WITH ME IS PERFECTLY PEACEFUL!!!!
Author Londonsangel Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Yeah it is really tough! Especially when i know that he's been with other people. We broke up a year ago so it's not as fresh as yours, but trust me when it happens i drunk so much wine and cried to my friends. I have still been seeing him for the past year while knowing he's with other people. It's stupid and i've made myself more miserable by doing it. Today I was like I am so sick of feeling sad all day every day. It actually got to the point where I was paralyzed by the pain. Sitting on my couch and couldn't anything but think of him. So I am trying out this site which is really really cool to talk with people who are going through the same things. I usually try to read a book if i can concentrate, watch youtube or play games. I go to the gym 6-7 times a week now too. That makes me feel awesome. I even tried online dating ( didn't really work out for me... wouldn't personally recommend it but probably being bias). Anyway thats a bit of my history with my ex who was my first love and I loved him dearly to the point where my thoughts were usually filled by him and most decisions i made in life i always included whether he would approve. A tad unhealthy really. Anyway going and getting pampered is a fantastic idea! You must be going through personal hell. I feel for you so much because i know just what that's like. Physically paralyzing. Nothing anybody can say can make you feel better. Maybe a temporary solace for a very short stint. I think having support and somebody to talk to is key! Also you probably don't to hear this but your ex sounds like a coward and a c*nt. So was mine tho. He's a different person since we broke up he said part of his misery was being with! Oh but HAVING SEX WITH ME IS PERFECTLY PEACEFUL!!!! OH no! you should not still be seeing him, I know easier said than done, mine wants nothing to do with me, if he rocked up at our door I've probably invite him into our bedroom too... sad isn't it Maybe it's best for both of us he's being an @ss and wants nothing to do with me... He's not my first love, but he was my greatest and the first I lived with long term and tried to have children with. Guess I should've seen the "I never want to get married" as an alarm bell, but he wanted kids, I didn't think he'd just pack up and leave, he used to say to him living together is as committed as marriage, wow what a lie!!!!!! I need to start exercising more, put on so much weight in the last 3 years... I dont know about the online dating either... and I live in a pretty small town, I doubt anyone even knows about online dating lol!! But I think I should look into relocating, job and city... fresh start...How depressing to be saying that at almost 35
tory1012 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 yeah i know right! It's f*cking ridiculous how far i've let it come. Then he has the audacity to say to me one day when i was feeling sad about the two of us. "well you should have stopped seeing me 12 months ago". Maybe i deserve that because I should have. Anyway no point dwelling on the past! Well I don't believe in the concept of getting married, I would be fine without it. That's me personally tho everybody is different. Well funny you mention that because in June I'm moving to a different country. I thought why the hell not? I'm 22 and there's no reason for me to stay here. So that's what i'm doing. I told him too and that still didn't want to get back with me so that was kinda the icing on the cake! Lightbulb flashes MOVE ON. Yeah when you bring the prospect of children into it your pulling on the female maternal heart strings a little bit. Well my guess is he didn't find you compatible in the end and left because of this? Oh life is so unfair and full of suffering. How are you finding this site? Is it helping you at all?
Author Londonsangel Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 yeah i know right! It's f*cking ridiculous how far i've let it come. Then he has the audacity to say to me one day when i was feeling sad about the two of us. "well you should have stopped seeing me 12 months ago". Maybe i deserve that because I should have. Anyway no point dwelling on the past! Well I don't believe in the concept of getting married, I would be fine without it. That's me personally tho everybody is different. Well funny you mention that because in June I'm moving to a different country. I thought why the hell not? I'm 22 and there's no reason for me to stay here. So that's what i'm doing. I told him too and that still didn't want to get back with me so that was kinda the icing on the cake! Lightbulb flashes MOVE ON. Yeah when you bring the prospect of children into it your pulling on the female maternal heart strings a little bit. Well my guess is he didn't find you compatible in the end and left because of this? Oh life is so unfair and full of suffering. How are you finding this site? Is it helping you at all? OMW!!! Your story sounds like mine He cheated on me a year ago and i was leaving and he BEGGED me to stay,which I did, and when he left me last week, he said, well you should've left me a year ago. WTF! But really, try to stay away from him, it's not going to help, trust me. NC is best... I wish I had that option. My ex didn't believe in marriage, BUT, i think he said this because he wanted an easy way out... he just didn't wanna fully committ. Nothing wrong with it if you really don't believe in it. And I was all too happy to sacrifice it as he was willing to try for a child, and said he was as committed as a married person. I do know that he once said to me, if he can't give me kids he'd leave, and I told him he was more important to me than having a child. So maybe this was part of it, he had issues and even the fertility treatment failed... I guess this also damages a guys ego. And he knows i want them very badly. But still, we had plenty of treatments to try still, you dont try once and call it quits! We had been trying for 2 years naturally so it's not like he didn't want them with me, he could've left in those 2 years. Really dunno what happened Your are still SO young, you will find someone awesome. And good for you on moving... I'm turning 35, that clock is ticking away fast Site is deffo helping!
tory1012 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Yeah there was infidelity in my relationship too! From both sides, but we still remained together. Did you find that your relationship was never the same after that? I don't think it will ever be the same after something like that happens. Well I just hope that we can both get better and be happy! Yesterday was a good day for me because i finally decided to do NC and stop being sad over the whole thing. It has been a year and he does not want me back! whereabouts in SA are you from? I use to live with friends who were from Cape Town. Lovely people and such a great sense of humour. That's one thing I love about South Africans they have such an awesome sense of humour.
Author Londonsangel Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Yeah there was infidelity in my relationship too! From both sides, but we still remained together. Did you find that your relationship was never the same after that? I don't think it will ever be the same after something like that happens. Well I just hope that we can both get better and be happy! Yesterday was a good day for me because i finally decided to do NC and stop being sad over the whole thing. It has been a year and he does not want me back! whereabouts in SA are you from? I use to live with friends who were from Cape Town. Lovely people and such a great sense of humour. That's one thing I love about South Africans they have such an awesome sense of humour. Oh no Well really, it's good that you don't see him, or will stop seeing him. And I agree, the last year there was no trust, it's hard but there wasn't from my side. I was checking his phone all the time.. it was insane. Driving myself crazy, so maybe he's done me a favour? But right now, he just walked in our office, and for some reason he looks like he's lost weight (and i haven't!) and he looks nice and all that. Maybe it's just the heart deceiving me.. we always want what we cannot have right... maybe he's been going to the gym, guess i must start exercising too. I live in a little cr@p town, East London haha, would LOVE to move to CT. And thanks that's quite a compliment I feel much better after doing my hair yest, quite a change, and i hope he saw it, as i look great! even though he doesnt really look my way when in our office. had a nice eve with a friend having seafood and drinking cocktails. so i felt FINE last night, was like wow.. now i feel cr@p again and miss him since waking up... such a cycle isn't it. I really hope we both feel better soon hun.xx
tory1012 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Yeah it never goes back to being the same! Well I have done some things in the past two weeks with my ex that are just plain crazy! I tried to tell him i'm moving countries in 3 weeks blah blah blah just to see if he would show me anything! He said he was really sad i was leaving, but he still didn't want me. His words were I really wish it would've worked and i loved you. Now i'm being bombarded by images of you and you look so beautiful. Hence the reason I have held onto false hope for so long. He says these things which send me in a whirlwind. Anyway I'm acting Crazy and psychotic and it just has to stop man! Yeah I went out last night to the city and met many boys, but they all failed in comparison of course. Couldn't find myself interested in anyone. Then i called my ex like 4 times at 4am he turned his phone off so it went to voice mail. Ummm crazy and psychotic. I'm going to start NC now and make a blog of it each day/week however long it takes until i feel i don't need support anymore. Hope your weekend is going well! Let me know how ya doing
Author Londonsangel Posted February 9, 2013 Author Posted February 9, 2013 Yeah it never goes back to being the same! Well I have done some things in the past two weeks with my ex that are just plain crazy! I tried to tell him i'm moving countries in 3 weeks blah blah blah just to see if he would show me anything! He said he was really sad i was leaving, but he still didn't want me. His words were I really wish it would've worked and i loved you. Now i'm being bombarded by images of you and you look so beautiful. Hence the reason I have held onto false hope for so long. He says these things which send me in a whirlwind. Anyway I'm acting Crazy and psychotic and it just has to stop man! Yeah I went out last night to the city and met many boys, but they all failed in comparison of course. Couldn't find myself interested in anyone. Then i called my ex like 4 times at 4am he turned his phone off so it went to voice mail. Ummm crazy and psychotic. I'm going to start NC now and make a blog of it each day/week however long it takes until i feel i don't need support anymore. Hope your weekend is going well! Let me know how ya doing Tory noooo!! This guy does not desserve you. Pls stop seeing him. I know I cannot really say that as I have to see mine at work everyday, but if I had the choice, it would be complete NC. Saw the therapist this morning... my first ever time, i was so nervous and emotional! She was lovely, we pretty much just spoke, like i would to my friends, but she's ofcourse coming from an outside, not taking any sides, point of view. so she pointed out where i went wrong to, what we have to work on, and i have some homework. and you know what, as hard as it was to hear all the blame i had in the break up, i'm not gonna meet my mr right or get married until i sort these things out. i mean the ex is in no way innocent, as he is the one that walked out, and has the growing up to do, but i need to find out who i am, and learn to make myself happy. she kind of said i'm like a piece of clay, whoever i end up with, i mould myself to what they want me to be, i need to find out who i am, and i need to be that person, no matter who i'm with. and she also said i made him my WHOLE village.. so instead of having multiple people i get things from in my village (friends, family etc), i got everything from him, which is unhealthy. now that i know what i need to work on, it's not easy changing that as i've always been like that. and ofcourse, working on my self esteem, that's a tough one. i've been a bit lonely, was alone last night ,did some retail therapy today, spent too much money, and a friend is fetching me in an hour to go to a jewellery demonstration of a friend of hers.. a girly afternoon. so i've done my nails to make myself feel nice i have a far way to go but i think i'm having a better day than i have had in 2 weeks. maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel. for both of us! how's your weekend so far?
tory1012 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Yeah I know and that is what I am doing! It is really tough tho, but i imagine it's harder for you having to see him regularly. Aw i'm glad you went! Do you agree with what she said? Sometimes therapists can help however i think that you do have to find a therapist who you really connect with. My weekend was okay, i was pretty sad yesterday however i managed to get through it okay. I feel alot better today. I even cut up my sim card in my phone so he can't contact me on my mobile and i'm not just sitting there staring at it. I've decided to immerse myself in reading and weight loss until i move countries in June! How's your weekend going? How was the girly day out?
Author Londonsangel Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Yeah I know and that is what I am doing! It is really tough tho, but i imagine it's harder for you having to see him regularly. Aw i'm glad you went! Do you agree with what she said? Sometimes therapists can help however i think that you do have to find a therapist who you really connect with. My weekend was okay, i was pretty sad yesterday however i managed to get through it okay. I feel alot better today. I even cut up my sim card in my phone so he can't contact me on my mobile and i'm not just sitting there staring at it. I've decided to immerse myself in reading and weight loss until i move countries in June! How's your weekend going? How was the girly day out? I know it's hard sweetie you're used to him there all the time. Don't worry, yesterday was hard for me too, wish I lived closer to you, I didn't leave the house yesterday, kept myself indoors, not good but I was feeling down. Me too, I need to lose weight, so he can see everyday what he's lost! The girly day out was lovely and good for me I was home fri and sat night though, alone, those are the ones that suck. The therapist is really awesome, I was nervous and emotional but then got talking and didn't stop, its VERY expensive but she wants to see me again a few times, i think this Fri or Sat. And I'm looking forward to it! I know we are both to blame for this breakup, but like she says, his issues are no longer my problem, but mine are and we need to work that out. And I don't need a man to have a child lol. Today is a hard day, would've been our second try at IUI... and I could feel it yesterday!! As much TMI as this is, I had 3 s3x dreams with 3 guys, maybe cause it's been over 2 weeks of not getting any, but i'm due to ovulate today, and I think our s3x drives increase so we go out looking for it to get pregnant.. so it was a hard day, good thing i stayed indoors lol! I was on heat badly!
tory1012 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Yup I am! But i have gotten used to being the second over the last 12 months since we broke up. I think I'm ready to seek somebody else, but I seldom meet somebody I really like. It will happen. I could be looking in all the wrong places. Oh wow, I wish I could stay home on Friday or Saturday I feel as if I have to go out and do something otherwise my thoughts just consume and paralyze me! Really bad! I know that feeling all too well! It's called self service love LOL. That would be cool we could get drunk together and feel better! You're more than welcome to add me on FB I'll have to find a way to give you my full name tho lol. Not too keen on writing it on here in public haha
Author Londonsangel Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Yup I am! But i have gotten used to being the second over the last 12 months since we broke up. I think I'm ready to seek somebody else, but I seldom meet somebody I really like. It will happen. I could be looking in all the wrong places. Oh wow, I wish I could stay home on Friday or Saturday I feel as if I have to go out and do something otherwise my thoughts just consume and paralyze me! Really bad! I know that feeling all too well! It's called self service love LOL. That would be cool we could get drunk together and feel better! You're more than welcome to add me on FB I'll have to find a way to give you my full name tho lol. Not too keen on writing it on here in public haha Yeah you are ready to move on, I don't think I'm there yet, today has been exactly 2 weeks. I dont like staying home on a fri, or sat, or sun... but I don't have many friends left here, and most have marriages and kids, or partners, So they dont really go out, I'd rather be out! But I wanna lose some weight first. Is there not a way to send me a PM? I'm not sure how this site works lol.
tory1012 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Yeah I agree But i'm moving countries so nothing serious haha. Me neither! And you totally loose friends when in a relationship! Well my profile private so meh. Jade Elizabeth New Zealand pink top view from behind haha
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