Jai Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 Hello all, I have a very messed up situation. If you look back to my old posts you see that I was with my ex for 6 years and then she breaks up with me and royally ****s me over sleeping with her new man not even 24 hours after we broke up and lying to me about everything. Like it is not bad enough that we have been broken up for almost two monthes but I get a call from her 2 days ago telling me she has an STD and I gave it to her. What the **** is wrong with this picture. The whole 6 years I was faithful to her so unless I picked this up before I met her there is no way I got it from somebody else. Anyways to make matters worse the virus I have has no cure. Now I am all ****ed up and have to tell any new ladies about this....like they are going to want to be with me after they find this out. (Just to mention it is not AIDS or HIV it is not going to kill me) To make matters ever worse then that I had a girlfriend who is now gone and my ex infected her new boyfriend. What a ****ed up situation....... I get ****ed over by my ex when she leaves and I am a mess about it for a while.....I finally start to move on and now I can't because I have this virus. I must have been at the end of the line when God was giving out lives because I don't see how I deserved for this to happen to me. Man I am so bummed. Just wanted to rant a bit. I know you might now have any answers but I needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening, Jai
uriel Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 I assume you are saying you got herpes? If that's so, is it possible you were asympomatic for the last 6 years without realizing it? Is it possible your ex was unfaithful during your relationship and gave it to you? If not, who did you sleep with before her? It's important to trace the line of infection. Everyone who's in danger of having it should be told. BTW, don't assume this ends your sex life forever. Get informed about your condition and talk to others who have it (there are support groups online and elsewhere). When you're involved with a woman who cares about you, you'll have the talk, tell her about the risks, and let her decide. Casual sex? Probably not. But, if a woman's in love with you and willing to take some precautions, I don't see why not. Wouldn't stop me. -- uriel
Author Jai Posted August 27, 2004 Author Posted August 27, 2004 Actually it is not herpes....it is HVP (genital warts) which are contagious whether you protect yourself or not. I don't want to throw around blame because I don't know where I got it from but I do know I was faithful to my ex for the entire relationship. I had my ex before her tested and have not heard anything yet. I know I can have an active sex life still but like you said it would have to be with a person who was not concerned with getting the virus. It is good to know that some people out there don't look badly at people in my position because there are around 70% of people that get scared or think you are gross. It is tough but what can I do....I have to carry this burden on my back for the rest of my life. Peace, Jai
uriel Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 Oh -- HPV. Yeah, I have that. Don't know which past bf gave it to me either. It's very common for men never to know they have it since they are usually asymptomatic. Yes -- HPV requires a conversation. But, again, I think your sex life won't be as badly impacted as you may believe. It's a common condition -- so many women already have it. Also, it doesn't carry the stigma of herpes (or the outward signs, as a rule). It can lead to cervical cancer, of course -- and using protection will help lessen a woman's contracting it. You should be using that anyway until you are married or in a monogamous relationship where both of you have been tested for the lot in advance of unprotected intercourse. Just take care and keep a level course emotionally. It's very disappointing when life throws a curveball like this, but you get more and more of them as you get older. Keep it in as much perspective as you can -- it could be worse. Thank goodness it isn't HIV. -- uriel
snilljente Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 Uriel, why do you you think that Herpes has more of a stigma than HPV? I just got diagnosed with Herpes in June and don't consider myself to be a promiscuous person...I am not perfect, but I have been regularly tested (they don't test for Herpes, unless you specify Herpes....I found this out the hard way...Saying test me for everything didn't cut it)....I am just curious why people think this has more of a stigma....?
uriel Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 I think it has more of a stigma because more people know about herpes and they fear getting any open sores -- visible signs of an STD. On a purely pragmatic level, it's no different than any other virus based, non lethal STD, of course. -- uriel
overseas2004 Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 Hey listen I have HPV and I have the type that can cause cancer. I even have a spot on my cervix that is for now... thank god.... benign. When I got really horrified about this at the doctors office he told me that if he lined up all his patients who had the same thing it would be about 50 miles. So you see its not a big deal. Its more a big deal for a woman... I have the potential to have cancer and sometimes that scares me... but for a guy... jeez dude. relax.
Author Jai Posted September 7, 2004 Author Posted September 7, 2004 Ok, I would like to relax but it has been about 5 monthes and no sex. I would like to relax but my ex couldn't be faithful and gave me this stupid ass virus. I understand that you have the type of HPV that causes cancer and I am very sorry to hear that but don't make light of my situation. I have to deal with it too and I have to deal with it by myself seeming that I do not have a support circle. I would relax if everyone wasn't accusing me of giving it to her. Ya I am sure that seeming I was sooooo happy I would have cheated.....isn't it usually the unhappy people that cheat? This whole thing sucks. I want to kick the **** out of my ex but I can't do it cause it is not the person I am. She makes me sooooooo miserable. LIFE IS NOT FAIR. Jai
uriel Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 No it's not fair. But, as I was trying to say earlier, this is how it goes. The older you get, the more you and everyone who ages with you will deal with similar blows. That doesn't lessen them, but I hope realizing that will help you to see it's no stigma on you. You didn't ask for this -- and you thought you were in a monogamous relationship. A woman who really cares for you will work past this. I too have the type of HPV that causes cancer and have gone through surgery for dysplasia before. I'm in a committed relationship now, so we don't worry about it. You will love (and make love) again. I'm sorry you're dealing with the accusation of being the one to give it to your ex. I still don't know how she knows it wasn't her new guy. -- uriel
snilljente Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 Uriel..you seem very wise...what my Dr. and Therapist and one of my best friends told me is that if the person loves you, a treatable STD is not a deal breaker...in my case, they were referring to Herpes....It's hard..I get angry thinking where did I get this?! Of course, the two people that I called and asked denied it...people aren't always honest and there are innocent victims as a result....we are them...but we are still the same people we were before we were diagnosed and we still have alot to offer....Maybe you would benefit from counseling to talk about it....it's helping me..I am still grieving, but I am better.
Bender donetat Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 simple facts that might help you out...... 2/3 of the population in the U.S. has a form on HPV your body EVENTUALLY becomes immune and you no longer are able to "give" it to others (not that you yourself get rid of it) in men it usually never effects anything at all there are 15000 strains of HPV 90% of the people with HPV NEVER find out they have it
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