bollixology Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Hi all first time poster but i have been reading for a few months. i posted this in the break up section but i guess it was the wrong place for it, if any one has an opinion or advice i am more than willing to hear it, if not that's cool too well as you can guess i am going through a break up(almost 6 years of a relationship) at the moment but perhaps with a slight difference to some of you mine has seemed to be ongoing for almost a year at this stage. finally on the 23rd of last month she decided to call it quits and we have not been in contact since then. i have come to the realisation that it wont be coming back any time soon nor do i truly believe that i could let my self in for further pain by it. lots of reasons for the break up some mine and of course some hers, i am safe in saying that the majority of the blame lies in her court as she has admitted this to me on more than one occasion. no one cheated or has had the intention of doing it as far as i am aware, big reason is her wanting to pre sue other ambitions on her own and i am ok with that but not the manner in which she has led me on and continually hurt me for the last 12 months in doing this has left a bad taste in my mouth. since we have been in NC i have come to the realisation that it would never have worked out with us in the long run and that i am better off away from the train wreck which the relationship had become in the last three months. since the NC i have also decided to make a move to Australia(lots of friends and prospects of work to look forward to) in 16 weeks time and go and do something for my self rather than simply stagnate in my own self pity. but that's exactly the thing i cant even seem to be happy about it nothing is making me happy at all, i have read all the advice about put me first and love me, work out(allays used to go to the gym but bought my self a cheap weight bench last weekend to make my self happy or try to at least) keep busy and try new things...nothing is working for me..... to put it in further context i am currently in my last year of college finish in may (went back as a mature student) and had been worried about an essay that i had handed up and if it would pass or not and hold my plans up, so i got in contact with my lecturer and got a really nice message back to tell me than in no circumstances had i failed or even come close to it and it has still not even given me a blip of happiness. i cant say that i am in a deep dark depression i feel that i have gone through that in the last number of months, i just feel numb with days that can be bad but i can function to a certain degree, i still love her and of course i still want her(dreamt about her last night) but i also know that she is bad for me, but even in the worst of the worst times (and believe me their were times that i was a broken man from her actions) i could still smile and have a joke if not with her with friends. i am just lost i am 29 and have the world at my feet and i just cant seem to even muster a smile on my face.....is this normal how can i stop it and just take this numb feeling away?? sorry if it is too long but any input would be great thanks
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