crownjewel1 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I was with a guy ... For about a month. Just kissing etc... Then one night I gave him oral. Things were still hot for a week or 2 after that but I still wanted to wait for intercourse. Then one day he told me via text that he has herpes. And I When I told him that I was worried I got it from oral he told me it was basically impossible and he was upset that I was treating him like a leper. We finally made up.... But it has bothered me that he didn't tell me before oral. He did tell me before sex but still insists on using no condom. What would the normal reaction be to this?
Lani Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Firstly- you can definitely get it from oral. So he's a jerk for not telling you before you went down on him. He'll deny knowing that, but he is lying. Secondly- a normal reaction could only be given if he told you before any sexual contact was made. Herpes is not ideal, but just use contraception and you should be ok. It's not something to freak about, if he does the right thing and tells you early enough. 1
Talak7 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I was with a guy ... For about a month. Just kissing etc... Then one night I gave him oral. Things were still hot for a week or 2 after that but I still wanted to wait for intercourse. Then one day he told me via text that he has herpes. And I When I told him that I was worried I got it from oral he told me it was basically impossible and he was upset that I was treating him like a leper. We finally made up.... But it has bothered me that he didn't tell me before oral. He did tell me before sex but still insists on using no condom. What would the normal reaction be to this? I would suggest a herpes-related forum The people here will be far too judgmental about things they don't know about. They'll know more about etiquette and realistic danger. 2
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 Would you leave him over it?
Maneater Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 yes I agree with another poster. go to STD forum. Him insisting on NOT wearing condom when he has herpes sounds insane and selfish though! Why would he think giving it to you is ok???? 4
Lani Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Would you leave him over it? I know I wouldn't leave him for having herpes. It's probably not his fault. The thing that bothers me is that he didn't tell you before you gave him oral, he should have. Would I leave him? I don't know. Sorry, that doesn't help.
Imported Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I know I wouldn't leave him for having herpes. It's probably not his fault. The thing that bothers me is that he didn't tell you before you gave him oral, he should have. Would I leave him? I don't know. Sorry, that doesn't help. Betting its the other way around.
kaylan Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Dump this loser for not being honest with you and jeopordizing your health. Hes already shown you his needs matter more than your needs or health. I woudlnt put any other forms of lying past this guy since he started the relationship with one. Dump him NOW! 5
Eclypse Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Genital and oral herpes are different species, and oral-genital infection is 'relatively' rare. As a medical scientist I wouldn't bet my life against it though (or even next weeks salary). He's a tool, plain and simple. I've heard of people who this on purpose to "entrap" their sexual partner. Disgusting behaviour IMO. I'd dump him in an instant. This is inexcusable. 2
candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 He told you. A real arsehole would convince you to have sex, shag you good, then dump you and never tell you a thing. STDs are like an unlucky draw. Main lesson here: ALWAYS use a condom. ALWAYS. You put yourself in this situation, not him. Want to be extra safe? Take him by the hand and visit your gyno. Have all the tests in the world - both you and your partner - and when the tests are clear, start the pill. Romance killer for sure, but safe! 2
Lorelai Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 "He did tell me before sex but still insists on using no condom." That's the deal-breaker for me. My dad had HIV. He wouldn't tell people. He didn't want to use a condom. Not using a condom and sharing needles was how he got the disease. I am willing to bet money that this man got herpes because of his distaste for condoms, though even with condoms, herpes cannot be entirely prevented. He needs to take responsibility for his disease. You may need to learn to carry some flavored condoms, since many do oral unprotected and that's utterly stupid. But I'd dump him. He shows that he may get more diseases by his poor condom usage. 3
yessy21 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Lies. He can defenitley give it to you if he has an outbreak by you giving him oral sex. Also, a condom should not be a question. it should be an answer. you dont know if this person will be with you for the long haul. If you are not comftorable dont do it. Its all about what YOU want. Not HIM. Herpes is not bad to have, its like a rash, but its not ideal either.
kaylan Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 He told you. A real arsehole would convince you to have sex, shag you good, then dump you and never tell you a thing. STDs are like an unlucky draw. Main lesson here: ALWAYS use a condom. ALWAYS. You put yourself in this situation, not him. Want to be extra safe? Take him by the hand and visit your gyno. Have all the tests in the world - both you and your partner - and when the tests are clear, start the pill. Romance killer for sure, but safe! He told her AFTER sexual contact. So he gets NO kudos for telling her anything. You know how you avoid these situations....having strong sense of who has good character and asking about status (better to get tested) before you do anything sexual. At least do that...only the lowest people will lie about that when outright asked...but this guy is near that form of low anyways. OP, how could you not think to ask about this kinda stuff. And how could you "make up" with someone who did this to you. Have some self respect. Are you that into this guy or that desperate that you accept crappy behavior like this right at the beginning of a relationship? 1
pbjbear Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 This guy is awful for letting you give him head and he didnt tell you he has herpes. Dont talk to him ever again. If he did this he most def has a character flaw and isnt a good datin prospect. You can get it through oral, PLEASE go get yourself checked out! 1 in 4 people have herpes its one of the most common STD's and theres no cure. I used to work at Planned Parenthood I could tell you horror stories and all sorts of people have them. I met several girls who decided to explore sexually and the first guy they hooked up with had herpes. This is one of the reasons why I try to put off getting physical with a guy...there are more people out there with STD's than people like to think
candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 He told her AFTER sexual contact. So he gets NO kudos for telling her anything. no one owes anything to anyone, life's a beach and then you die ! think about yourself first and foremost, and with a bit of luck, you'll be fine! And who's in a relationship here? It looks like sexual exploration that got a little bit off hand... I understand that some people don't want to look promiscuous (in the eyes of their partner, their friends or their own eyes), but just accept what you're doing and why you're doing it. Lust . Nothing wrong with that, but relationships are a completely different dish, if I may...
pbjbear Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 no one owes anything to anyone, life's a beach and then you die ! think about yourself first and foremost, and with a bit of luck, you'll be fine! And who's in a relationship here? It looks like sexual exploration that got a little bit off hand... I understand that some people don't want to look promiscuous (in the eyes of their partner, their friends or their own eyes), but just accept what you're doing and why you're doing it. Lust . Nothing wrong with that, but relationships are a completely different dish, if I may... You are saying a guy with herpes shouldnt tell a girl before she goes down on him "btw, I have herpes"? If thats true, Im not giving any guy head Im not exclusive with if that is what this world has come to When it comes to endangering someones health, your attitude is not correct. 1
veggirl Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 What's his reasoning for insisting on no condom?! :sick: Please don't have sex with this douchebag. 1
kaylan Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 no one owes anything to anyone, life's a beach and then you die ! think about yourself first and foremost, and with a bit of luck, you'll be fine! And who's in a relationship here? It looks like sexual exploration that got a little bit off hand... I understand that some people don't want to look promiscuous (in the eyes of their partner, their friends or their own eyes), but just accept what you're doing and why you're doing it. Lust . Nothing wrong with that, but relationships are a completely different dish, if I may... Idiotic post is idiotic. You selfish people can have each other.
candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 You are saying a guy with herpes shouldnt tell a girl before she goes down on him "btw, I have herpes"? If thats true, Im not giving any guy head Im not exclusive with if that is what this world has come to When it comes to endangering someones health, your attitude is not correct. it is your decision to give head to a guy you fancy or not, not his. You are aware of the risks, the risks are ALWAYS there. He may have herpes and not know it, how is that different from him knowing and not sharing it with you? Sorry, your decision and yours alone. No one makes you do anything you don't want. I absolutely agree that this attitude is not correct, but you'd be amazed at the number of stuff that I was told that were not correct, in order to get me to sleep with them. Did these guys force me in any way? No! It was MY own decision to believe them - most likely, because I wanted to believe them - and go ahead and have sex. I know better now. No excuses, no blame game, liars get away with it, because the others let them. Both are just as guilty, if you ask me, that's what's real .
candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Idiotic post is idiotic. You selfish people can have each other. beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, baby !
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 He is on oral meds to prevent breakout and says condoms make him lose sensitivity. So he prefers not.. He's older and has had a vasectomy.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 He is on oral meds to prevent breakout and says condoms make him lose sensitivity. So he prefers not.. He's older and has had a vasectomy. The same kind of douchebags who complain condoms make it hard to feel usually give this kind of excuse to guilt-trip girls into going raw. boy:"I hate condoms, I don't feel anything" girl:" So what do you propose, we do?" boy:" Let's go raw. I promise to pull out" Really OP, it doesn't matter he had a vasectomy and you're not going to get pregnant, its the fact he has an STD and he withheld such vital information. He put you at risk. Even if the severity of herpes is not as dangerous as AIDS or HIV, the matter still stands at the fact that he put you at risk. 1
candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 nope, she did that, unless the guy actually was holding a gun to her head . sorry to be such a party pooper
kaylan Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I cant believe there are girls out there who simply overlook behavior like this and give guys a pass. Makes me wonder why I even try and treat ladies I date well if selfish behavior is rewarded. Jeez. 1
kaylan Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 nope, she did that, unless the guy actually was holding a gun to her head . sorry to be such a party pooper Doesnt matter what she did or didnt do. He still lied to her, put her at risk, and is in the wrong. So yes, he did do something. Doesnt matter if she chose to hook up with him...she didnt knowingly hook up with someone who had an STD. He on the other hand knowingly hooked up with someone without telling them the truth about his health status. Thems the facts. Stop trying to deflect all the blame on OP. Yes she could have been more careful, but that doesnt absolve the douchebag of being dishonest and selfish with her. Especially a guy whos trying to pressure her into unprotected sex.
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