SexyQueen Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 on our wedding day, we were so happy that we finally found the other half and our dream came true!! Can't believe I am feeling it differently now, the reasons could go longer than silk road. It is like when you found your dream job, it was perfect. Sooner or later you hated it but can't live without it, so you stay and keep going. Maybe it is time to change job. But what if the grass on the other side is not greener? Many people out there struggling to finding a job! Don't get me wrong, marriage is a life time contract but not a job. Besides, can anyone just walk out because their partner has become not perfect? such as lack of good sex skills, illness, loss of income etc? My parents, and many good examples won their golden pledge - 'forever husband and wife regardless of illness and whatever cause'. My husband has always been faithful and a bread winner. But not all man are good in sex, just can't. Well, I must be blinded by love and the urge of wanted to get married. My perfect H has to be like this: Faithful + Bread winner + good sex + he loves me + I love him + good background What do you say my chances of finding my dream man? I realise it takes alot of courage for people to end a marriage.
TigerCub Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 You're saying more about your shortcoming than his really... 1) Why can't you be the bread winner? Or at least be an equal partner and contribute to the relationship? What? You're not smart enough to have a good job? Or are you just lazy? 2) While sex skills are important (I will never disagree with that) - I just think that even if your partner wasn't the best with the sex skills - you could still teach him what you like and teach him how to please you - so in a way, you're saying that you're not expressive, you don't know how to show him what you like and therefore, most likely you don't have the "good sex skills" either... I dunno ..... seems that you're far from the perfect partner, so perhaps you should work on that. But really, at the end of the day, if you don't want him, let him go. No one should be settled for. And just for the record - I don't think there is a perfect person. It's all about compatibility - its about being right for that person. 2
pink_sugar Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 You're saying more about your shortcoming than his really... 1) Why can't you be the bread winner? Or at least be an equal partner and contribute to the relationship? What? You're not smart enough to have a good job? Or are you just lazy? Definitely this. I don't need a breadwinner. I don't mind being the breadwinner or even sharing equal finances. As long as he contributes to the household in other ways such as cleaning duties, cooking dinner, watching the kids etc.
JamesM Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 on our wedding day, we were so happy that we finally found the other half and our dream came true!! We all are like that.....full of hope and dreams with no idea of reality and our future. Can't believe I am feeling it differently now, the reasons could go longer than silk road. There is something called the seven year itch. It simply means that you suddenly see that life is not perfect. And your partner is not exactly as you imagined it. Your white knight has rust on his armor. It is like when you found your dream job, it was perfect. Sooner or later you hated it but can't live without it, so you stay and keep going. Perhaps you do not hate it so much as you simply are disappointed. DO you no longer love your husband, or is it more that you would like to change a couple of things about him? Maybe it is time to change job. But what if the grass on the other side is not greener? Grass always looks greener on the other side until you get close enough to see the grubs. Many people out there struggling to finding a job! So he is struggling to find a job? Or are you unhappy because he isn't looking for a job? Two different things. Or is this simply an analogy about your marriage. Don't get me wrong, marriage is a life time contract but not a job. Yeah, at around seven years, I would have said eek too! But I know now that if I jumped ship, then I would have missed out on a wonderful albeit challenging life. Besides, can anyone just walk out because their partner has become not perfect? such as lack of good sex skills, illness, loss of income etc? You bet you can! The question is....is it what you committed to do when you said I do? Absolutely not. Is your husband ill? Jobs can be obtained. Most illnesses can be cured. And sex can be taught. Besides, while you may think he is lousy in bed, another woman may find him incredible. My husband has always been faithful and a bread winner. But not all man are good in sex, just can't. When did he lose his job? Has he been looking or does he sit at home and do nothing? Do you work? It sounds like the bigger deal is his lack of sexual skills. Well, I must be blinded by love and the urge of wanted to get married. You may have been.And you may be blinded to his good qualities right now as his weaknesses are seemingly more obvious. My perfect H has to be like this: Faithful + Bread winner + good sex + he loves me + I love him + good background Which doesn't your H have? Why? Background he cannot change. But the rest can be changed. What do you say my chances of finding my dream man? No, the question is...are you missing the fact that your dream man may be in front of you? I realise it takes alot of courage for people to end a marriage. Actually, after almost 23 years of marriage and many challenges, I think it is harder...much harder...to stay in a marriage and fix it because of a commitment made than it is to simply walk away. Marriage is hard work and happily ever after only exists in fairy tales (and not always there either). Leaving a marriage is initially difficult but much easier than working at accepting and changing a marriage when a solution seem unfindable and a answer seems unknown. Walking away can be easier than staying especially when the future is unknown. It doesn't take strength to leave. It takes strength to stay. 1
moomin Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I think you need to work on the parts that he does not have. It may be that he simply doesnt have the time or dedication to be everything to you.. One of my friends has always been bad in bed, he has 2 children by the same lady. Recently after 10 years he learnt how to make her orgasm and he was a made man.. Help your partner get there and if he is really that bad then make it your job to help him be better. 1
Author SexyQueen Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 My H is not ill and always has a job. Another thing is our age, he is 12 years older, and i feel like I am missing my stage of life. I don't find it easy to leave, the uncertainty of the future that I had been through, and the pain of BU. I don't know why he has no motivation to watch a video or something to learn a better sex skill. It is not easy to teach ....
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