dannyt Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) Hey Guys, I'm in a sticky situation and I'm not sure how to approach it exactly, I asked few close friends (guys) but u know how that went so now I'm here to get more opinion from people, especially girls. I met this girl not long ago (3-4months), she's very sweet, beautiful and kind. I ended up asking her out to hangout and before she even said yes she starting talking about relationships and how she's not ready for one (kinda weird ,but I guess she was trying to let me know) so I assumed she wanted to mess around but that wasn't the case! So no relationship, no fun, nothing. Lately I been growing feelings towards her and normally I don't get like that around girls but this one is different, I'm pretty sure I REALLY like her. However, I know for a fact she's not "ready for a relationship" so she says. She knows how I feel about her and I'm not sure if it was a good idea to spill it out, I haven't even made a move on her because she stated that the last two guys that made a move on her she pushed them away and I don't want to get pushed. I know she was in a long relationship for about (2yrs approx.) but not a healthy one, filled with abuse and controlling (the guy was a dirt bag) so I'm guessing that could play a part to it HOWEVER that was long ago like 4 years ago!.. To go further she has stated few other things: "She wants to get her life straight" "She's not emotionally ready for a relationship" "I'm not looking for a relationship from anyone" "I just want to be friends for now" at the same time she has told me Im really sweet and so on however I really feel that she's scared to fall in anything. I don't know if these are all excuses or not, hope you can help. Thank you in advance. If you have any questions I can go deeper it help my situation!. Edited February 4, 2013 by dannyt
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Unfortunately, she doesn't want a relationship with you. She has been crystal clear with you from the very beginning. It's best for you to find someone else to befriend. Sticking around as her "friend" is going to be very frustrating and disappointing for you. You will not get what you seek. What did your friends tell you? You mentioned that they gave you feedback, but you didn't like it.
Author dannyt Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) They said stop talking to her which I did but then she comes back and starts talking to me, and I've done that twice where I just stop talking to her and she always comes back talking to me. I'm a very stright up guy, I've asked her before if she sees anything between us and her response was "at this point a relationship is the last thing I'm looking at, I'm trying to fix few things in my life". Then I said well I can just stop talking to you to give you that space and her response was no I don't want you to do that. So I'm confused as hell, now if she is being honest I don't mind staying around a bit longer its only been a few months anyways... But sometimes when girl say things there's always a bigger picture behind it, well atleast some girls. Edited February 5, 2013 by dannyt
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I'm a very stright up guy, I've asked her before if she sees anything between us and her response was "at this point a relationship is the last thing I'm looking at, I'm trying to fix few things in my life". Then I said well I can just stop talking to you to give you that space and her response was no I don't want you to do that. Sorry, but it couldn't be any clearer. She doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with you. Platonic friends? Yes. Boyfriend? Absolutely not! She doesn't see you that way. You persist, so rather than give you a critique about everything that makes you un-dateworthy to her, hurt your feelings, and have you argue and try to convince her otherwise when her mind is firmly made up, she pulls out the "It's not you, it's me" card. When she meets the right person, her life will be miraculously fixed and she will date him. Unfortunately, that guy is not you. You are friends-only material in her eyes. Accept that. You aren't "confused." You're in denial and unwilling to accept that you aren't dating material in her eyes. We aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea. Kudos for trying, but the answer will often be "no." There is a sea of other women out there. Rather than try to get water out of an unyielding rock that holds none, stick your bucket in the sea. Look elsewhere for a romantic interest. Smart daters move on. What will you do?
Author dannyt Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Thanks for the advice, trust me I tried to stop talking to her twice and she always comes back and starts talking to me, so I don't really want to be a rude or harsh to her. She knows and I made it very clear that I don't want to be just friends with her. However, I also told her I'm not going to rush her into anything but if I'm just a friend and she cant see anything in the future with me then she should stop talking to me period. I'm very honest with her I also told her I expect the same from her and that's when she said "I just need to fix few things in my life before I can emotionally get into a relationship" and that is why I asked if her past relationship has affected her or not. I have tested her few times to see if she would come out with me solo and it has never failed. Her birthday is coming up and she is doing it with bunch of her friends and she invited me, I decided to ask her out for a night out just me and her and she said yes... so again she does seem interested but I feel that she gets scared when it comes to anything emotional... I dunno maybe your right... I ignored her again this whole weekend again and last night she messaged me...
Chickdan Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 (edited) I am in a bit of a similar situation, and I will tell you that she will always come to you if you do not talk to her. That's what happens when friends don't talk for a while. When one misses the other, they are going to strike conversation. But that does not mean she has feelings for you, it's simply a friend missing a friend. I misinterpreted the same thing not too long ago. If you really feel that strongly for her, then I would stay friends, but find a way to detach your emotions so that you are available to other women. If the chance does ever arise with this girl and you are still single, then there ya go. But for now you need to focus on meeting other women rather than focusing on the same girl. Edited February 8, 2013 by Chickdan
Author dannyt Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 Thanks again. I do consider the advice you guys are giving me so I do thank you. However I'm just trying to see what makes sense. The problem is I don't Know her long enough for her to "miss me" I've only known her for few months so that would be a little weird. How long do you know the girl you are talking to ? .. As I stated iam growing feelings towards her but I can easly stop it by just cutting her out however I don't want it to be a mistake. She's also said before which I should have brought up erlier that "she falls in love quick and ends up usally making a mistake'... So I don't know if this is part of her process to get to really see and know who iam before jumping into anything... I am in a bit of a similar situation, and I will tell you that she will always come to you if you do not talk to her. That's what happens when friends don't talk for a while. When one misses the other, they are going to strike conversation. But that does not mean she has feelings for you, it's simply a friend missing a friend. I misinterpreted the same thing not too long ago. If you really feel that strongly for her, then I would stay friends, but find a way to detach your emotions so that you are available to other women. If the chance does ever arise with this girl and you are still single, then there ya go. But for now you need to focus on meeting other women rather than focusing on the same girl.
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