SunshineToday Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Really? Are you surprised? Really? Real life huh? How do you know? I am surprised. I say real life because I have been a cheater and I know what she says is true. Same people who pile on are the first to run to the mods. Constructive in your face criticism, is still support, even if the truth hurts.
TheOW Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Ow,Cat & LHF; I can read why your questioning MHF... But I posted about my friend's situation & how it affected my w/regards to her infidelity, so I can see her posting about how infidelity affects her especially because she says it's her own sister suffering the affects of an A. I can understand her anger yet not at all OW. Still I can understand her non support of anyone cheating/engaging w/a MS too. Guess what I am saying is it probably is that she is talking about the destruction from her sister's husband's A. I say this w/respect* And i totally get that, but why does she insist on coming to threads by OW to stir things up, call us names and attempt to put us down ? It doesnt put me down lets be clear about that BUT she is stopping other OW from posting their stories on here and that has been said by numerous posters. She should stay away from this board. 1
LFH Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Ow,Cat & LHF; I can read why your questioning MHF... But I posted about my friend's situation & how it affected my w/regards to her infidelity, so I can see her posting about how infidelity affects her especially because she says it's her own sister suffering the affects of an A. I can understand her anger yet not at all OW. Still I can understand her non support of anyone cheating/engaging w/a MS too. Guess what I am saying is it probably is that she is talking about the destruction from her sister's husband's A. I say this w/respect* I agree and I understand that CIH... but you posted 1 thread and maybe refereneced it here or there in a random post. You didn't post in every thread about it. You didn't spend more time here than I do for a situation that wasn't YOURS. You were also already here dealing with situations in your own life. You didn't seek out an internet forum to exclusively talk about the situation your friend found herself in and then spend hours a day on it. I truly don't care if she hates me. I'm good with that, it will in no way impact the life I lead. I think she needs help. She's also shared things from well over a year ago when the story was completely different. She needed help then. Badly. I wish she'd get it. 1
ComingInHot Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 OW & LHF; I understand. I have to say that I am impressed w/you both (and others on LS) when it comes to being called names. My biggest need is found in Words of Affirmation. Words build me up and can tear me down. I wish I had tougher skin like you gals* Words, even from strangers, can hurt ,me. Stupid me cause I still put myself out there at that risk. I've learned better Not to put up w/it, but it still does hurt. Kudos to both of you* or coffee cause it's still breakfast where I am. 1
LFH Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 OW & LHF; I understand. I have to say that I am impressed w/you both (and others on LS) when it comes to being called names. My biggest need is found in Words of Affirmation. Words build me up and can tear me down. I wish I had tougher skin like you gals* Words, even from strangers, can hurt ,me. Stupid me cause I still put myself out there at that risk. I've learned better Not to put up w/it, but it still does hurt. Kudos to both of you* or coffee cause it's still breakfast where I am. That's the thing. Words do hurt. Of course they do... which is why I think it's important that people choose them carefully. It isn't that I have a thick skin, I just won't let anyone push me away, because I think I have a perspective that provides value, even if most people don't want to hear it. I try not to be reactionary when it upsets me, but sometimes it does. I've had to walk away more than once to keep from retaliating with names myself. Thanks for the kudos though and I'll take that cup of coffee. 3
Got it Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I am surprised. I say real life because I have been a cheater and I know what she says is true. Same people who pile on are the first to run to the mods. Constructive in your face criticism, is still support, even if the truth hurts. Comparing OP to murderers, rapists and the OW is always wrong is neither constructive or support. 1
sweet_pea Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I don't really understand why it matters whether MFH is lying about who they are? If they're a BS, that doesn't mean they have any less of a right to post here. Sometimes, yes, MFH posts are a bit blunt/mean and show a disdain for OW... but I have seen the same disdain from OW directed at BS' and so forth. If you don't like what someone posts, oh well. No need to gang up on them specifically. Ignore them... isn't there a button for it? If you don't agree with what is being said, that doesn't mean that they have any less right to say it, or that they are automatically right. Yeah, I'm sorry I threadjacked but regardless of someone's tone in posts, I don't think it's right to gang up on them. So what, someone hates OW... I'm sure there are those that hate BS' but that doesn't mean that they should be attacked for it. 1
Lostinlife4now Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I have to agree with you here... there is venom and spite oozing her posts. Why would anybody come on here and post about a sister??? Why not come here and post? I have learned when someone is posting really ugly thoughts, words, and opinions, I pity them, for they are the REAL ones with the problem. Not me! I think I let people bait me into getting my heart and blood racing with not so nice postings, but then I sit back, and say WTF? Don't care, as long as when I look in the mirror and am ok with what is staring back at me. Other peoples opinions about me don't really matter....That's what happens when you get older....Ya just don't care! And then there are some posters that are so kind, caring, thoughtful, loving, watchful and have so much empathy. Why would I give that up? "One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch girl"....D. Osmond. 1
Got it Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I don't really understand why it matters whether MFH is lying about who they are? If they're a BS, that doesn't mean they have any less of a right to post here. Sometimes, yes, MFH posts are a bit blunt/mean and show a disdain for OW... but I have seen the same disdain from OW directed at BS' and so forth. If you don't like what someone posts, oh well. No need to gang up on them specifically. Ignore them... isn't there a button for it? If you don't agree with what is being said, that doesn't mean that they have any less right to say it, or that they are automatically right. Yeah, I'm sorry I threadjacked but regardless of someone's tone in posts, I don't think it's right to gang up on them. So what, someone hates OW... I'm sure there are those that hate BS' but that doesn't mean that they should be attacked for it. That is an acceptable excuse for her to vomit all over every thread? And then that means we can't comment on our thoughts to her comments?
skywriter Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 (edited) I don't think it's right to gang up on them. So what, someone hates OW... I'm sure there are those that hate BS' but that doesn't mean that they should be attacked for it. Oh my....encouraging words for OW/OM, or BS?WS, coming to share their stories and expecting positive and or helpful feedback. FS, no, it doesn't matter how the exmm thinks of me now. however, I do wish him and his loved ones the best in life. Edited February 7, 2013 by skywriter
sweet_pea Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 That is an acceptable excuse for her to vomit all over every thread? And then that means we can't comment on our thoughts to her comments? Did I SAY that you can't comment on your thoughts to her comments? No. Thank you for highlighting that point, but ignoring that the same 'hate' has been/is expressed toward the BS'. What I said, was regardless of someone's opinions (and in this case, MFH's), no one should be attacked/ganged up on for them. I don't think it's right whether it's done to BS', OW or WS'. There's a difference between being constructive, commenting on someone else's comments, and then flat out attacking them personally (calling them names, saying they shouldn't post somewhere, etc.) And once again, that goes for EVERYONE.
sweet_pea Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I don't think it's right to gang up on them. So what, someone hates OW... I'm sure there are those that hate BS' but that doesn't mean that they should be attacked for it. Oh my....encouraging words for OW/OM, or BS?WS, coming to share their stories and expecting positive and or helpful feedback. FS, no, it doesn't matter how the exmm thinks of me now. however, I do wish him and his loved ones the best in life. 1. Why should an OW or WS expect positive feedback for engaging in an affair? Helpful feedback, yes, I think that should be given, but a pat on the back because they're cheating? No. 2. Like I said, I don't think it's right to gang up on someone because you don't like what is said. I agree, MFH can come off strong, but that doesn't mean that they should be told to post elsewhere, or called a disgusting person (as someone did on this very thread). I have seen things OW post that I think are awful, but I haven't said they're disgusting individuals.
spice4life Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 1. Why should an OW or WS expect positive feedback for engaging in an affair? Helpful feedback, yes, I think that should be given, but a pat on the back because they're cheating? No. 2. Like I said, I don't think it's right to gang up on someone because you don't like what is said. I agree, MFH can come off strong, but that doesn't mean that they should be told to post elsewhere, or called a disgusting person (as someone did on this very thread). I have seen things OW post that I think are awful, but I haven't said they're disgusting individuals. It's one thing to offer constructive criticism and another to come here bash posters simply because you're angry and don't know what to do. I don't think it's wrong to speak up when someone is getting out of hand and simply trying to tick people off. Just like I don't think it's wrong to offer constructive criticism from the BS's side. I respect that. But that's not what is happening in this case. 2
Got it Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 1. Why should an OW or WS expect positive feedback for engaging in an affair? Helpful feedback, yes, I think that should be given, but a pat on the back because they're cheating? No. 2. Like I said, I don't think it's right to gang up on someone because you don't like what is said. I agree, MFH can come off strong, but that doesn't mean that they should be told to post elsewhere, or called a disgusting person (as someone did on this very thread). I have seen things OW post that I think are awful, but I haven't said they're disgusting individuals. 1. And why not!?! It says it up there at the top "support". When I was in the affair I wasn't looking for someone to tell me I was wrong. I didn't agree and I was damn happy to with him. And so yeah, I wanted the pat on the back and who are you to tell me I couldn't have it? There were many times I wanted to gush and I had every right to do so here.
sweet_pea Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 It's one thing to offer constructive criticism and another to come here bash posters simply because you're angry and don't know what to do. I don't think it's wrong to speak up when someone is getting out of hand and simply trying to tick people off. Just like I don't think it's wrong to offer constructive criticism from the BS's side. I respect that. But that's not what is happening in this case. I agree, I don't think anyone should be bashed. However, maybe I just don't see MFH bashing anyone specifically... calling them names, etc. I understand that they can come off strongly, but I feel like a lot of people dislike MFH's approach because of the very fact that they aren't coddling, babying and so forth like others are. I did see it happen to MFH and no one spoke up about how wrong it was. Like I said, I guess I just see it as par for the course of open internet forums. It's the internet, people will say what they want and they have a right to it, regardless of whether someone likes it or not. Either way, that's just my opinion and I apologize for the threadjack! I'm glad to see that many of you have become indifferent to the MM in your switch.
Got it Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Did I SAY that you can't comment on your thoughts to her comments? No. Thank you for highlighting that point, but ignoring that the same 'hate' has been/is expressed toward the BS'. What I said, was regardless of someone's opinions (and in this case, MFH's), no one should be attacked/ganged up on for them. I don't think it's right whether it's done to BS', OW or WS'. There's a difference between being constructive, commenting on someone else's comments, and then flat out attacking them personally (calling them names, saying they shouldn't post somewhere, etc.) And once again, that goes for EVERYONE. I didn't include the "same hate has been/is expressed towards the BS" because you assumed it has been. You didn't cite anything factual but an assumption that you had. So why include that?
sweet_pea Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 1. And why not!?! It says it up there at the top "support". When I was in the affair I wasn't looking for someone to tell me I was wrong. I didn't agree and I was damn happy to with him. And so yeah, I wanted the pat on the back and who are you to tell me I couldn't have it? There were many times I wanted to gush and I had every right to do so here. And darling, that was my opinion, hence the "I think..." Did I tell you that you can't have a pat on the back for being in an affair? Did I say I'm an authority on what an OW or MM can and can't have? Hmmm... 1
sweet_pea Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I didn't include the "same hate has been/is expressed towards the BS" because you assumed it has been. You didn't cite anything factual but an assumption that you had. So why include that? Sure. Here for example, at least one OW has said she hates the BS. That's the most recent example I could find, in which the OW is straight up saying that they hate the BS. From other threads I've read, the OW speaks with the same venom that y'all say MFH does. But yeah.
spice4life Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I agree, I don't think anyone should be bashed. However, maybe I just don't see MFH bashing anyone specifically... calling them names, etc. I understand that they can come off strongly, but I feel like a lot of people dislike MFH's approach because of the very fact that they aren't coddling, babying and so forth like others are. I did see it happen to MFH and no one spoke up about how wrong it was. Like I said, I guess I just see it as par for the course of open internet forums. It's the internet, people will say what they want and they have a right to it, regardless of whether someone likes it or not. Either way, that's just my opinion and I apologize for the threadjack! I'm glad to see that many of you have become indifferent to the MM in your switch. I totally hear what you're saying. It's not a direct approach, it's more like passive agressively lacing responses with poison designed to hurt. Anyway, I will say no more. I've decided to use the ignore feature for now...lol. Not for you. 2
LFH Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I don't really understand why it matters whether MFH is lying about who they are? If they're a BS, that doesn't mean they have any less of a right to post here. Sometimes, yes, MFH posts are a bit blunt/mean and show a disdain for OW... but I have seen the same disdain from OW directed at BS' and so forth. If you don't like what someone posts, oh well. No need to gang up on them specifically. Ignore them... isn't there a button for it? If you don't agree with what is being said, that doesn't mean that they have any less right to say it, or that they are automatically right. Yeah, I'm sorry I threadjacked but regardless of someone's tone in posts, I don't think it's right to gang up on them. So what, someone hates OW... I'm sure there are those that hate BS' but that doesn't mean that they should be attacked for it. Do you also plan to come to my defense when it happens to me? I'm just curious because I could cite at least a dozen instances.
sweet_pea Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Do you also plan to come to my defense when it happens to me? I'm just curious because I could cite at least a dozen instances. Sure, just call on me.
Got it Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Sure. Here for example, at least one OW has said she hates the BS. That's the most recent example I could find, in which the OW is straight up saying that they hate the BS. From other threads I've read, the OW speaks with the same venom that y'all say MFH does. But yeah. Do you mean butterflybutterfly? In the same sentence she says that it was unjustified! She owns that it was a incorrect feeling. Show me where anyone is saying it and standing by it as an appropriate and reasonable feeling/action.
sweet_pea Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Do you mean butterflybutterfly? In the same sentence she says that it was unjustified! She owns that it was a incorrect feeling. Show me where anyone is saying it and standing by it as an appropriate and reasonable feeling/action. Actually, I was talking about the user "pandorabox," "secretflower" too.... but I'm glad butterflybutterfly realizes it was unjustified.
skywriter Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 1. Why should an OW or WS expect positive feedback for engaging in an affair?Sweetpea. I'm sorry, I wasn't implying that positive feedback, meant encouraging an A. I was more of the mind, that how, you convey your opinion to someone in need of advice, be recievable and not cause the person to feel, unwelcome. There are many post that made by people struggling with opening up and addressing something they can't share with people they are closest to. Anyway, I think you know what I'm talking about. 1
sweet_pea Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 1. Why should an OW or WS expect positive feedback for engaging in an affair?Sweetpea. I'm sorry, I wasn't implying that positive feedback, meant encouraging an A. I was more of the mind, that how, you convey your opinion to someone in need of advice, be recievable and not cause the person to feel, unwelcome. There are many post that made by people struggling with opening up and addressing something they can't share with people they are closest to. Anyway, I think you know what I'm talking about. Ahh, ok. No need to say sorry, either! 1
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