I need my g/f back

[shep]

i recently just lost my girlfriend...she broke up with me. now just a few days ago i posted problemi was having with her...i was upset because i wasn't able to see very often on acount of her starting school at 8 am to 3pm...and me recently starting a job in a factory from 3pm to 11pm.

 

anyway i was worried about our relationship and she always told me that "it will all work out, because we always find time to see eachother." well she is usually asleep when i get home and she said she would try to work it out with me. she told me to leave her a voicemail on her phone everynight and i did.

 

well last night she was awake and told me to come over. i got there and i gave her a kiss, and she kissed me back...but she had this look on her face like something was wrong, and i asked her if something happened and she said no. i asked her if something was wrong, and she shrugged her shoulders and of course i knew something was wrong. i asked her if it had to do with me and her and she said yes, and her eyes started to well up with tears.

 

then she started crying and telling me that she wasn't sure wut she wanted anymore and that she loved me, but wanted to end it. i asked her if it was another guy and she swore up and down that it wasn't. and she said she didn't think she was going to be able to take not seeing me as often as usual. and then went on to say that she loves me....not loved me...that she loves me and don't ever f****** forget that. then she told me she was all stressed out and didn't know if wanted to deal with a relationship right now...and said she didn't even know if she wanted a boyfriend right now. i asked her if it was permanent and she said we could always get back together sometime. and started crying and said she needed some time to think and that she had a lot on her mind...but didn't tell me what(i didn't ask though either)

 

now i haven't cried since i was like in 6th grade, but this was my first real, and serious relationship...i didn't cry much because she begged me to stop and that it was making it harder for her and i hugged her for a long time and asked her for one last kiss and she did and was crying her eyes out...then i said i should go and started to walk out(felling like i was going to shed tears again)and she grabbed my hand and i started to pull away from her, but it was like she didn't want me to leave.

 

we've benn dating for about 10 months and we have never been apart, we've had our arguments and fights, but none lately leading up to this...it was kinda like spur of the moment for her...and i don't know why she all of the sudden wanted this...we just went on a date 4 days prior on sunday and everything was fine then we were both having a good time we went to dinner and a movie. i mean she was just fine were talking and laughing...nothing out of the ordinary( but i haven't gotten to talk to her directly since that night...but it was only 3 days when she wanted breaking up with me.

 

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME...I'M SO CONFUSED AND NEED SOME GUIDENCE I WANT HER BACK REALLY BADD I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A CHANCE TO SPEAK TO HER SINCE LAST NIGHT...BUT I WROTE A NOTE AND LEFT IT IN HER MAILBOX TELLING HER HOW I FEEL AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF SHE WANTS TO TALK TO ME OR NOT.

[Firegirl04]

CALL HER....

[Trager]

oh oh oh i see by own bf's passion in u. its been ten months for us. i just did that to him CALM DOWN. where to start. how to explain. First of all i'll see if i can get him to log in and help u. Whell if she is at all in a situation like me then u can calm down. My original problem is commitment. Long story i wont get into but listen. i did that to j just a week ago. i love him with all my heart i really do. its long distance so i actually never see him. sept for 2 times a year when i get to visit. i had a reality check of my own insights. i couldnt handle our relationtip anymore. i didnt know what to do or where to turn. It wasnt only that i was having my own inner battles, i have countless # of stressis all around me. my life is not perfict. she sounds like me. i couldnt get it through his thick head that i loved him and still needed him, actually more than ever. I pushed him away yet pulled him in at the same time. the whole time he just wanted to know one thing. what are we, are we a cupple, are we together? I said yes and no. No we wernt bf gf and yet unmistakably i could not loose that. she does not sound like she wants ot leave. I didnt. But somehow i needed to, i needed independence even for a few days. yes we talked and worked it out. its been a long hard road, and any serious relationtips have bumps. huge ones infact. but look...

 

Dont focus on the fact u lost her, it will only help push her away, she obviously still needs u. If u truely love her stop worrying about yourself as in if u get to keep her, let her know u love her, by standing by her, always have ur phone on, call when she asks, but dont think u need to confess ur unying love in words,(that is no mockery i know the feeling) she knows show her however. If she wants space, grant it if she needs u there go. But remember, if u crowd her.. or push her.. ur not helping.

 

Love bites some times, and it scares us. I dont know if ur religious or not, but also pray. wait this out, it may just be another bump.

 

Keep in mind however that if she does decide not to get back with u, that apperintly she has her reasons. and again, if u truely love her at least show that u accept it, i'm not saying dont fight for her, but remain a friend, cus love shows many ways.

[Trager]

oh hey, all cus i us my bf as an example dosent mean it cant apply

[ross2090]

I'm posting after my gf and as she said we did have a bump in the road just like this. One thing that comes to mind when i read your post and hers was how i only looked at one frame of the video and forgot that there was more to it before and after. That is one of my problems is taht i can focus on the little things and lose focus on everything else or the big picture. As trager said she just might have just wanted to step back from everything and reevaulate your sitiation. I know as trager can attest to that i took it as bad but now that most everything has been worked out and we feel refreshed in the relationship which is great. Now we are excited to talk to each and overlook the grind that got us down. She might be stepping back to see what she has. I know one thing is that you give sometime to her and still show her you care and love her. It was so hard for me because she told me she didnt want to leave but she couldnt stay. I was dumbfounded because i didnt know what to say or think.

 

One thing to do is trust her and her judgement and let her know you still want her then i know she will tell you if and when she wants to come back. The second is to give her the time and space. Remember also that she might be doing this because she loves you and doesnt want to hurt you. Another thing is to make sure you communicate well because i would get very emotional and it didnt help and usally ended the converstion but i also understand its hard to hold it back. God Bless

[ross2090]

I'm posting after my gf and as she said we did have a bump in the road just like this. One thing that comes to mind when i read your post and hers was how i only looked at one frame of the video and forgot that there was more to it before and after. That is one of my problems is that i can focus on the little things and lose focus on everything else or the big picture. As trager said she just might have just wanted to step back from everything and reevaluate your situation. I know as trager can attest to that i took it as bad but now that most everything has been worked out and we feel refreshed in the relationship which is great. Now we are excited to talk to each and overlook the grind that got us down. She might be stepping back to see what she has. I know one thing is that you give sometime to her and still show her you care and love her. It was so hard for me because she told me she didn't want to leave but she couldn't stay. I was dumbfounded because i didn't know what to say or think.

 

One thing to do is trust her and her judgment and let her know you still want her then i know she will tell you if and when she wants to come back. The second is to give her the time and space. Remember also that she might be doing this because she loves you and doesn't want to hurt you. Another thing is to make sure you communicate well because i would get very emotional and it didn't help and usually ended the conversation on worse terms than it was before but i also understand its hard to hold it back. God Bless

[shep]

thanks guys, thats's really good advice. i hope you can post something tomorrow too, because now i have another problem. i called her tonight and talked to her about some things cuz i had people come to my house today and tell me they heard from a lot of people that she already had another guy. i wanted to believe them but had to find out for myself....she wasn't mad that i called either(so hopefully that was a good sign).

 

now this guy is supposedly her best guy friend, and she said she did not leave me for him and that she told me why she left me(she needed time, space, relieve stress....etc) but she said one of the rumors was true and that she was going to homecoming with this guy as friends...and said but all i can say about him is that i do like him though.....i asked her if they were gonna get together and she said they probably won't going to get together though. because this guy was still in love with this girl he broke up with recently, but also that she was still in love with me. but then i asked her though if this guy did want to get together would they, and she said probably????????????????? wut am i supposed to think of that....i do want to wait for her but this homecoming isn't for like a month or month and half....i'm not sure. i mean does she expect me to wait that long? should i trust her if it only took her like a day when she realized she liked this guy? i also asked her if it was right after we broke up that she liked him and she said she didn't know.

 

well she said she was gonna let me go and that i could call her still....and asked me wut time i had to work and promised me she'd call before i went to work. i mean she said she still loves me, but she likes another guy at the same time. should i wait for her or just forget her....cuz if she could fall for another guy that quick(her best friend by the way) will she do this again to me....now i want to stay faithfull and believe that we will get back together.....i don't know if i mentioned that she did say she did want to work things out with me still and that we had a good chance still.....also if she does come back to me and she still wants to go to homecoming with this guy....should i let her or just say we're done?

 

i'm so confused i think i covered everything, but is that normal for a girl to fall for her best friend like that.....should i still trust her if the only thing keeping her from dating this guy is that he doesn't want to?

 

ONCE AGAIN PLEASE HELP ME, I THOUGHT I WAS CONFUSED BEFORE, BUT NOW I'M LOST, AND NEED HELP BADLY

THANKS FOR READING THIS, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!!!!

[Trager]

Hey. i wont be able to answer for probly two days due to the fact of the computer situation i have. But hearing all that still sounds like me. I must say if my relationtip was a bad person good person one i'd have all the faults. If he is her best friend then she has probably been waiting for this oppertunity for awile. I myself hasd to chose to stay with ross or go with someone elce. I truely love him tho so i not only couldnt bare to think of what he had to be going through, i didnt want to loose him. so i chose him over another. I cant tell u if she ifs fighting an inner battle of wanting to stay, who too pick what to do. but i can tell u, wether or not u like it ur getting used. i have used in my day, and i dont like doing it, but even tho i loved him i used him. look from this point of view. if someone u liked before u met this girl came along, and before had been out of reach, and u actually wanted to try a chance with them, and told ur gf all that she has told u where would ur mind be? where hers probly is. she likes him, a lot, and he is finally single or at least in destress over another. This is a key time to grab them for a new relationtip. There is a 80 percent chance that if this guy wants her he will get ur gf. This is where ur pain and her test of love comes in. Set some boundry's, no one should suffer being used without a say. If she loves you tell her what she is doing to you! Show her its hurting, i didnt actually realize what i was doing untill ross put me in his position using a girl he liked. Once i saw the potential of that threat and that i could lose the one who really loved and cared i came to realize my mistake. My good friend kitty once put her gf in this situation. it ended with kitty having a bf and a gf. apperintly all party's where fine with it. i doubt it is true. OK OK i know bringing religon into this isnt great but have u read pauls deffinition of love in the bible? 1 corenthians 13:4-7 and 13. if she dosent love u, then this deffenition wont apply, and as much as it hurts u may have to show her that its u or him. if i knew u well enugh and we hung out i'd basicly be telling u, SHE DOSENT DESERVE U IF SHE WANTS TO PERSUE ANOTHER. reality says she wants him, if she cant have him it sounds like she will settle for second best, and to her thats u. NO this dosent mean ur second best it just means ur ex should consider her losses. if u want her back she must realize that she CAN loose u, even if its not true, she must see u cant be there for her while she wants another. i am hippicrit, as i have done what ur ex is doing. But u can learn from my mistake.

 

Plus, is this guy a decent guy? i mean he may look dreamy, i dont know if u are bi or not but to her aperintly she see's something. If he is a good guy he should know how u feel. approach him, tell him what is going on. He has a right to know he is in the middle of a love war. and as for the girl he likes, ya know moving in too soon can caust the persuer greatly. and dont hate him for having her attention. actually incase the worse happens be sure your on eachothers good list. Cus u know all is fair in love and war

 

i'll be on fer awile if u want to personal send me on the site, i dono how it works but i'll check back!

[shep]

wut's up trager and ross, sorry i haven't kept updated with u guys but i had to work the whole weekend. but wut u guys have told me is very good advice, and i've tried to use it, but it just won't work on her....trager the latest post u have made made a lot of sense. telling me whether i like it or not, i'm being used. right before i checked your replies i was thinking about that all day. i realized that i was being used and all the things she has been telling me really don't make any sense to me. like i said before, i want to stay faithful and believe we will get back together, but at the same time i wonder if she really means the things that she is telling me.

 

i haven't talked to her since saturday afternoon before i went to work and we basically talked about the same things. now working all this weekend has given me a lot of time to myself to think or daydream about the whole situation. now i do still love her, but another part of me wants to tell her there isn't going to be no more u and me. i don't know if that's how i should think, but it's really hard to feel just one emotion right now(1 minute i mad, then sad, then confused, .....etc) to be honest i reall don't know how to feel anymore. i don't want to go against any of your advice and i do want to give her time to think, but if we had a relationship that strong and never had any seperations before, why couldn't we just work it out between us?

 

now all i can think about is that she only broke up with me because she wanted to try her chances with someone else, but she keeps telling me that's not why. but this story takes a little twist here, the day she broke up wit me, her friend(the guy she likes) asked her if anything happened to us would she go to homecoming with him. and she pretty much made it clear that we pry wouldn't get back together til after homecoming?????????? but at the same time she still calls me baby, babe, basically any name she used to call me. but she doesn't say i love you directly any more.....she says things like i still love u, i'm still in love with you, i want to work things out with u.....OH YEAH i also asked her if she was going to homecoming with this guy as friends, and she said she didn't know.

 

now i'm 19 and can't really get into school dances anymore, but if our relationship was that strong, y didn't she just ask me if i cared if she went to homecoming with this guy? she also said it wasn't helping that i kept calling her, and that it wasn't making it any easier, so i've decided to NOT cal her until friday night or saturday afternoon. i think that should give me enough time to think because i can't really make a decision on wut i want right now(based on how often and how quick my emotions change)

 

there is one thing that pisses me of though, is that she can just say how long it is that we need to be apart. that makes me wonder if she really loves me or not still. u know....y couldn't we get back together before homecoming. i'm also thinking about telling her that i'm not going to wait forever....i might not be looking for another girlfriend, but i'm thinking if she spends enough time away from me i might lose interest in her... but like i say i'm really confused right now and i don't even know how to feel, but i still think about her damn near 24/7, and i'm always expecting a call from her, or me wanting to call her, or think she's gonna be there when i get home.........once again confused, and i thank u guys for reading this it's long but your advice is really helping me through this, cus this was my first real relationship....so once again THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING!!!!!!!!!!!

[Trager]

i'm sorry to, i'm 17 and just got a job school has started and my trips tothe library are verry rare. i am actually with my adopted mom right now in colo instead of nv. so i have a comp. i'm camping till monday tho and then going back to nv. i think she has moved on, hey i just picked up a book in the airport called never be lied to again by david j. lieberman, i didnt get it for my relationtipm, i live amoung severe liars in nv so ya. i think that if uput it to her that its u or him you will see the truth of it. she will have to decide. sometimes we lie to ourselves as not to see the truth, so go in open minded. but geting apart from her to think was a great idea, i'm late and still in a tee and boxers so if i dont go my madre will kill me, chat on monday hopefully! stay strong and listen to cher i believe in life after love!