Fondue Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Good evening and thanks for reading: I firmly believe in asking women out either in person, or most frequently, by phone. I prefer to avoid text messages when I am arranging something. Hearing them accept usually gives me a gauge on whether or not they are interested by the tone of their voice and overall excitement level. Thing is, I hate phone conversations. I avoid it. So whenever I ask a girl out, it is usually direct and to the point. I don't beat around the bush, nor do I talk about nonsense about how her day was and what kind of **** she's been up to. For example, I just called a girl whom I met with last month. She was nice and we had chemistry, but soon after our meetup, she went on vacation for a while and things just didn't happen afterward. We never made it to seeing each other again. We had a day's worth of texting a few days after she got back, but that soon just faded away. Anyway. I ring her up, she answers Me: Hey it's Fondue, am I speaking to __________? Her: Hey. Yah, it's me. *giggle* Me: What's so funny? I'm not interrupting anything important, am I? Her: Nothing, I just didn't expect your call is all. No, I'm just working on my website. ***At this point she was starting to say something, but she was wayy to quiet*** Me: Yah, I didn't expect to call you either. Funny story that is, actually. But anyway, I am itching for Sushi this Thursday night, join me. Her: *She starts talking about something, but I really can't understand her, she's still quiet." Me: I can't understand you, you're quiet. Anyway, my proposition, what do you say? Her: Yah, sure! Me: Okay, I'll text you with the details later. Bye. Her: ***She starts talking about something, I think, but I had already pressed my hang-up button*** This is more or less how my typical phone conversations go. I don't like talking on the phone, I prefer to do it in person. I usually call a woman, tell her what/when, and if she wants to join, they say yes, and that's that. We meet and have a good time. This has been working for ME, but I am now wondering if it works for THEM. As a female, would you think this is acceptable, or are you left wondering something else?
meeji Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 hmm. I think you should try to engage her in some kind of conversation if she seems to want to bring other topics into the conversation. If she is saying other things and you are very quickly and abruptly ending the call it may come across to her that you aren't actually interested in her but getting into her pants. Maybe some people would read that as insensitivity or even worse, that you are a player who doesn't have time to have a conversation bc you are juggling so many women. I hate talking on the phone and I'm a woman. I hear you. They think that I'm being rude when I'm quick to end the call but then they meet me in person and they don't have the same impression.
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 My mother hates the 'phone. I don't know what it is..... I, on the other hand, don't like the 'phone much because my hearing is deteriorating..... You could say to her when you see her - "I'm sorry I was so abrupt on the 'phone the other day - I actually hate phones, I'm slightly phobic about them, dunno why. And the problem's made worse by the fact that I hate texting, too.... I like to hear a voice and see a face - see, this for me, is just perfect - I'm talking to you, and nothing's getting in the way!" And smile, broadly.
the_entertainer1 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Well, good on you for calling and being straightforward if you want to see a girl again. But if you were calling me, I'd want to have an actual conversation that revolved around something more than just organising the date, even if I did seem nervous. The way I see it, if you want to build a relationship with someone, communication is key. Telephone conversations are part of that communication. So, ask her how her day is, or what she's been up to. Otherwise, everything becomes centred around the date and often, expectations are higher as a result. And, if you called and didn't ask how I was going or what I've been up to, I'd be concerned that you weren't taking an interest. Whenever I talk to anyone (in person or on the phone), I always ask how they're going ... Just my opinion ...
candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I am shy, and I don't like an approach that is too direct . I work well with texts, I can say yes, maybe and even no. I remember this guy who was a work colleague of my friend, who literally asked for my telephone number in front of the others. He was nice, he had made me laugh a few times, but I really didn't feel like going further. I think he felt it, too. Guess what, I am such a wuss that I gave him my telephone number, because I didn't have the heart to say "no" with all people watching... So if you are asking me what I like, I def prefer texts. I get uncomfortable to talk over the phone with guys I barely know, I get the feeling I am a bit cornered. But that's just me
superb Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Good evening and thanks for reading: I firmly believe in asking women out either in person, or most frequently, by phone. I prefer to avoid text messages when I am arranging something. Hearing them accept usually gives me a gauge on whether or not they are interested by the tone of their voice and overall excitement level. Thing is, I hate phone conversations. I avoid it. So whenever I ask a girl out, it is usually direct and to the point. I don't beat around the bush, nor do I talk about nonsense about how her day was and what kind of **** she's been up to. For example, I just called a girl whom I met with last month. She was nice and we had chemistry, but soon after our meetup, she went on vacation for a while and things just didn't happen afterward. We never made it to seeing each other again. We had a day's worth of texting a few days after she got back, but that soon just faded away. Anyway. I ring her up, she answers Me: Hey it's Fondue, am I speaking to __________? Her: Hey. Yah, it's me. *giggle* Me: What's so funny? I'm not interrupting anything important, am I? Her: Nothing, I just didn't expect your call is all. No, I'm just working on my website. ***At this point she was starting to say something, but she was wayy to quiet*** Me: Yah, I didn't expect to call you either. Funny story that is, actually. But anyway, I am itching for Sushi this Thursday night, join me. Her: *She starts talking about something, but I really can't understand her, she's still quiet." Me: I can't understand you, you're quiet. Anyway, my proposition, what do you say? Her: Yah, sure! Me: Okay, I'll text you with the details later. Bye. Her: ***She starts talking about something, I think, but I had already pressed my hang-up button*** This is more or less how my typical phone conversations go. I don't like talking on the phone, I prefer to do it in person. I usually call a woman, tell her what/when, and if she wants to join, they say yes, and that's that. We meet and have a good time. This has been working for ME, but I am now wondering if it works for THEM. As a female, would you think this is acceptable, or are you left wondering something else? This reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite....the idea of this ever happening to me is scary. I would probably decline fearing you were joking or forced to ask against your will. Glad it works for you though.
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Me: Hey it's Fondue, am I speaking to __________? Her: Hey. Yah, it's me. *giggle* Me: What's so funny? I'm not interrupting anything important, am I? Her: Nothing, I just didn't expect your call is all. No, I'm just working on my website. ***At this point she was starting to say something, but she was wayy to quiet*** Me: Yah, I didn't expect to call you either. Funny story that is, actually. But anyway, I am itching for Sushi this Thursday night, join me. Her: *She starts talking about something, but I really can't understand her, she's still quiet." Me: I can't understand you, you're quiet. Anyway, my proposition, what do you say? Her: Yah, sure! Me: Okay, I'll text you with the details later. Bye. Her: ***She starts talking about something, I think, but I had already pressed my hang-up button*** In this scenario you didn't ask anything about her, she told you she was working on her website but you didn't engage her with it, you mentioned that you use the phone to gauge their interest.. did you ever think they do the same thing and in that conversation you come off as not interested. IMO you should make the phone call all about her, make it about getting to know her. It doesn't have to last long but you need to seem engaged and interested in hearing what she has to say and them ask her out, she will have a better feeling after the call than if you hung up while she was talking.
Bristolius Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Good evening and thanks for reading: I firmly believe in asking women out either in person, or most frequently, by phone. I prefer to avoid text messages when I am arranging something. Hearing them accept usually gives me a gauge on whether or not they are interested by the tone of their voice and overall excitement level. Thing is, I hate phone conversations. I avoid it. So whenever I ask a girl out, it is usually direct and to the point. I don't beat around the bush, nor do I talk about nonsense about how her day was and what kind of **** she's been up to. For example, I just called a girl whom I met with last month. She was nice and we had chemistry, but soon after our meetup, she went on vacation for a while and things just didn't happen afterward. We never made it to seeing each other again. We had a day's worth of texting a few days after she got back, but that soon just faded away. Anyway. I ring her up, she answers Me: Hey it's Fondue, am I speaking to __________? Her: Hey. Yah, it's me. *giggle* Me: What's so funny? I'm not interrupting anything important, am I? Her: Nothing, I just didn't expect your call is all. No, I'm just working on my website. ***At this point she was starting to say something, but she was wayy to quiet*** Me: Yah, I didn't expect to call you either. Funny story that is, actually. But anyway, I am itching for Sushi this Thursday night, join me. Her: *She starts talking about something, but I really can't understand her, she's still quiet." Me: I can't understand you, you're quiet. Anyway, my proposition, what do you say? Her: Yah, sure! Me: Okay, I'll text you with the details later. Bye. Her: ***She starts talking about something, I think, but I had already pressed my hang-up button*** This is more or less how my typical phone conversations go. I don't like talking on the phone, I prefer to do it in person. I usually call a woman, tell her what/when, and if she wants to join, they say yes, and that's that. We meet and have a good time. This has been working for ME, but I am now wondering if it works for THEM. As a female, would you think this is acceptable, or are you left wondering something else? I got rid of all the parts where you were beating around the bush.
StanMusial Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 This reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite....the idea of this ever happening to me is scary. I would probably decline fearing you were joking or forced to ask against your will. Glad it works for you though. Yeah you should at least tell her about your skills in magic. 2
Author Fondue Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 I got rid of all the parts where you were beating around the bush. I appreciate the help, thank you. But do you have anything constructive to add?
Author Fondue Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 In this scenario you didn't ask anything about her, she told you she was working on her website but you didn't engage her with it, you mentioned that you use the phone to gauge their interest.. did you ever think they do the same thing and in that conversation you come off as not interested. IMO you should make the phone call all about her, make it about getting to know her. It doesn't have to last long but you need to seem engaged and interested in hearing what she has to say and them ask her out, she will have a better feeling after the call than if you hung up while she was talking. A flaw of mine is that I am not good at conversation. I rather be playful and "funny" in person. A real life date gives me opportunity to simply be that. Playful. I am good with escalating the whole physical thing, touching, tickling, etc. On the phone, I'm a bit of a derpppp. If she isn't carrying the conversation, then I'm like a deer in headlights. Besides, I prefer to have something to talk about in person . I can't waste all those subjects for over the phone. This is part of the reason why I keep things very short and to the point. I knew she was interested because of how surprised she sounded to hear from me and how enthusiastically she said yes. Maybe the better question was to the ladies of this forum, whether or not my approach is something that suits you, or is it a turn-off. Like, what is a "better" way to ask you out. Someone said text, another said she wants to talk about something first. I suppose I have to learn a bit more.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Someone said text, another said she wants to talk about something first. I suppose I have to learn a bit more. Or maybe you should realize that all women are different and what works for one of us won't work for another.
candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 practice makes better. Tell me about speaking on the phone, I'd much rather write a thesis on quantic physics!
Author Fondue Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 Or maybe you should realize that all women are different and what works for one of us won't work for another. I'm sure there are general guidelines. How does one figure out what the woman prefers? Say, I was asking them out for the FIRST time? Or rather, if I just got there number and want to contact them a few days from now. I thought the rule was to call, or at least that is what most women on this forum suggest.
pteromom Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Maybe the better question was to the ladies of this forum, whether or not my approach is something that suits you, or is it a turn-off. Like, what is a "better" way to ask you out. It sounds awkward to me, but I would probably chalk it up to you being nervous about asking. I think what is missing is any response to what she's saying. It's like you already had in your head what your mission was (to get her to agree to go out with you), and you made a beeline for that goal instead of communicating with her. My advice would be to slow down. Take a breath before responding. Listen to what she's saying and respond to it appropriately. Like, this: Her: *She starts talking about something, but I really can't understand her, she's still quiet." Me: I can't understand you, you're quiet. Anyway, my proposition, what do you say? Instead of getting back to your mission, you should have said "What was that? I couldn't hear you." THEN gotten back to your mission. Still, I think as long as you explain to her when you see her in person that you get very awkward on the phone, she'll be understanding about it.
candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 a lot of guys have different approaches: some try to "read" their girl: does she prefer text or call or email and go with the one that she seems more comfortable with. other guys are more at ease with one of these approaches - let's say his "thing" is dropping funny, eloquent mails. He will continue with this approach because it is what makes him more comfortable and will see how the girl responds. in the end, whatever means of communication you choose, you should make sure that it helps you convey the best message about yourself. if your thing is calling, fine, just make sure to ask questions, listen and not make it too long. the other person can feel when you're nervous, so if you're calm and relaxed, she'll get calm and relaxed too. I'm in my 30's, most guys contact me via text or email, but that's Europe.
Bristolius Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I appreciate the help, thank you. But do you have anything constructive to add? Sure. Start the phone call by saying, "Sorry I can't talk for long, but..." I do that all the time when I could talk, but I'm not in the mood.
candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Sure. Start the phone call by saying, "Sorry I can't talk for long, but..." I do that all the time when I could talk, but I'm not in the mood. not really, better try something more similar to " do you have a minute?". If you say "can't talk for long" I'd feel a bit bad, I'd think "so why are you calling? if you want to talk to me properly, make time". Yeah, girls, sooo many nuances, so many ways to royally screw it up, I know !
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Hi Fondue! Having seen your advice to women with BF issues in other threads, I think your phone style will get you women who are well-suited to you. Your phone style is brusque and abrupt. A woman who is going to expect a lot of communication will view it as rude and walk away. You'll have saved yourself the headaches, and be left with women who don't require a lot of maintenance (i.e. phone communication) between dates. It's not a style I'd recommend to someone new to dating, but it's a style that works very well with your temperament and with your communication expectations in a relationship. Hope the feedback is helpful...and apologies for any unnecessary fluff. 1
Author Fondue Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 not really, better try something more similar to " do you have a minute?". If you say "can't talk for long" I'd feel a bit bad, I'd think "so why are you calling? if you want to talk to me properly, make time". Yeah, girls, sooo many nuances, so many ways to royally screw it up, I know ! This is part of the reason why I keep things short and to the point-- so there is no room for error. The longer you linger, the more opportunity have to screw up! I suppose there isn't anyway to avoid screwing up, everyone's too different. Some prefer calls, some don't. Some want long conversation, some don't. Some want to keep it brief but wonder why you called in the first place. Etc. etc. etc. It just comes down to how much you **** up, a little or a lot.
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Sure. Start the phone call by saying, "Sorry I can't talk for long, but..." I do that all the time when I could talk, but I'm not in the mood. ...so why not call me when you CAN talk instead? That would be my thought process. I will say, I always admire guys who do call. I realize it's nerve-wracking for some. I give you a huge break on technique and style. I'd rather get an abrupt, nervous phone call than a volley of well-crafted texts. To me, the former shows more interest because it takes more effort.
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 This is part of the reason why I keep things short and to the point-- so there is no room for error. The longer you linger, the more opportunity have to screw up! I suppose there isn't anyway to avoid screwing up, everyone's too different. Some prefer calls, some don't. Some want long conversation, some don't. Some want to keep it brief but wonder why you called in the first place. Etc. etc. etc. It just comes down to how much you **** up, a little or a lot. View it as an opportunity to connect rather than a field of hidden land mines that you will ****up!
Bristolius Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 ...so why not call me when you CAN talk instead? That would be my thought process. I will say, I always admire guys who do call. I realize it's nerve-wracking for some. I give you a huge break on technique and style. I'd rather get an abrupt, nervous phone call than a volley of well-crafted texts. To me, the former shows more interest because it takes more effort. I stand corrected. I actually forgot this was a call for a date. Still, I do use that "can't talk long" with my friends. Also, if I get get bored during a call, I'll say,"hello? Hello? HELLO?" Then just hang up.
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Bristolius, terrible terrible thing to do, ! just make sure you are actually hanging up, I've had a guy who tried to pull this one with me, and... actually... I've heard him ask another girl out! Real story, I swear, someone up there loves me and protects me! Fondue, I know you feel that calling is your thing, but you are tense. Try texting. Really. You can obsess freely there and pick your words and phrases as carefully as you wish. Ideally, you'd even like it, after a while... you know what they say, cannot fake real love !
Bristolius Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Bristolius, terrible terrible thing to do, ! just make sure you are actually hanging up, I've had a guy who tried to pull this one with me, and... actually... I've heard him ask another girl out! Real story, I swear, someone up there loves me and protects me! Fondue, I know you feel that calling is your thing, but you are tense. Try texting. Really. You can obsess freely there and pick your words and phrases as carefully as you wish. Ideally, you'd even like it, after a while... you know what they say, cannot fake real love ! I don't really do that. Years ago in a gift catalog I saw a little gadget with a button. You plugged your phone in and when you clicked the button it made the call waiting sound so you could say, "sorry I've got to take this call."
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