Necris Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Looking at that thread title that may sound like a terrible thing, but before you judge if you think about it, its actually quite helpful or at least its helpful for me in my experience. While learning to expect rejection won't help you be more successful it does take some of the sting out of being rejected. When you approach or go on a date feeling super confident (in my experience confidence really doesn't help at all) like "you got this" and not expecting rejection you are already expecting too much, and when you do get inevitably rejected you feel terrible, shocked, and your ego feels temporarily shot especially if you felt you put alot of effort in. But when you expect rejection and you are rejected the feeling is more of a neutral feeling you don't feel particularly bad but you don't feel good, you just accept it. Rejection begins to feel natural and inevitable. An example would be a girl I went on a date with, she seemed to enjoy herself, thanked me for taking her on the date, and then faded away. This is quite ordinary for me so it didn't really surprise me. Normally I would have felt quite sad from the rejection, but since I expected it I was okay with it, though I would have liked my money and time back but oh well. Expecting rejection is good as it helps you to stop caring so much, you already know what's going to happen, you aren't surprised, and you aren't expecting really anything to happen.
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Looking at that thread title that may sound like a terrible thing, but before you judge if you think about it, its actually quite helpful or at least its helpful for me in my experience. While learning to expect rejection won't help you be more successful it does take some of the sting out of being rejected. When you approach or go on a date feeling super confident (in my experience confidence really doesn't help at all) like "you got this" and not expecting rejection you are already expecting too much, and when you do get inevitably rejected you feel terrible, shocked, and your ego feels temporarily shot especially if you felt you put alot of effort in. But when you expect rejection and you are rejected the feeling is more of a neutral feeling you don't feel particularly bad but you don't feel good, you just accept it. Rejection begins to feel natural and inevitable. An example would be a girl I went on a date with, she seemed to enjoy herself, thanked me for taking her on the date, and then faded away. This is quite ordinary for me so it didn't really surprise me. Normally I would have felt quite sad from the rejection, but since I expected it I was okay with it, though I would have liked my money and time back but oh well. Expecting rejection is good as it helps you to stop caring so much, you already know what's going to happen, you aren't surprised, and you aren't expecting really anything to happen. I was thinking you got the idea from my big mouth, but it looks like you formulated it from your own experiences. I agree with every thing you said. If you're a man, it's pretty to easy to justify that rejection will happen a lot even if you have as much to offer as your target. A lot of men here have faced a lot of rejection. It will also help you too when you actually hit one. Help you take things slow in the beginning.
Talak7 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Looking at that thread title that may sound like a terrible thing, but before you judge if you think about it, its actually quite helpful or at least its helpful for me in my experience. While learning to expect rejection won't help you be more successful it does take some of the sting out of being rejected. When you approach or go on a date feeling super confident (in my experience confidence really doesn't help at all) like "you got this" and not expecting rejection you are already expecting too much, and when you do get inevitably rejected you feel terrible, shocked, and your ego feels temporarily shot especially if you felt you put alot of effort in. But when you expect rejection and you are rejected the feeling is more of a neutral feeling you don't feel particularly bad but you don't feel good, you just accept it. Rejection begins to feel natural and inevitable. An example would be a girl I went on a date with, she seemed to enjoy herself, thanked me for taking her on the date, and then faded away. This is quite ordinary for me so it didn't really surprise me. Normally I would have felt quite sad from the rejection, but since I expected it I was okay with it, though I would have liked my money and time back but oh well. Expecting rejection is good as it helps you to stop caring so much, you already know what's going to happen, you aren't surprised, and you aren't expecting really anything to happen. You know, I wouldn't say learn to "expect" it - I would say instead learn to EMBRACE it. Meaning that don't go INTO the date with a sour attitude. Don't build walls and start a cynical thought process that you'll be rejected. Instead, realize that you could walk down the street and probably NOT be interested in 80% of the people currently standing there (age, personality, etc...) and that rejection is INCREDIBLY NORMAL. I reject girls left and right by not even acknowledging any interest in them. Rarely, they try something and you have to actually reject. So it's not so absurd to think "Hey, maybe this other human isn't exactly feeling that I'm a great fit for a life partner". Yeah, well, statistically they won't be.... My wording might be too picky and we could probably being saying the same things but yes...learning that rejection is a part of life lets you realize that the girl from 2 months ago that you havn't even given a thought to DOESNT ACTUALLY MATTER so why were you so upset for that week after getting turned down? From there, you'll have a bunch of shining confidence everyone can see. From there, those that DO reject you, will be very shocked and re-analyze when they see you are just a cool guy that has a deeper understanding of life and the connections we make - and you'd be happy to be a friend. (But never be lead on. That's another story). Worst thing you can do post rejection is act like you care 2
TheFinalWord Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Looking at that thread title that may sound like a terrible thing, but before you judge if you think about it, its actually quite helpful or at least its helpful for me in my experience. While learning to expect rejection won't help you be more successful it does take some of the sting out of being rejected. When you approach or go on a date feeling super confident (in my experience confidence really doesn't help at all) like "you got this" and not expecting rejection you are already expecting too much, and when you do get inevitably rejected you feel terrible, shocked, and your ego feels temporarily shot especially if you felt you put alot of effort in. But when you expect rejection and you are rejected the feeling is more of a neutral feeling you don't feel particularly bad but you don't feel good, you just accept it. Rejection begins to feel natural and inevitable. An example would be a girl I went on a date with, she seemed to enjoy herself, thanked me for taking her on the date, and then faded away. This is quite ordinary for me so it didn't really surprise me. Normally I would have felt quite sad from the rejection, but since I expected it I was okay with it, though I would have liked my money and time back but oh well. Expecting rejection is good as it helps you to stop caring so much, you already know what's going to happen, you aren't surprised, and you aren't expecting really anything to happen. Rejection is just part of being a man. Whether it is a career, a promotion, some physical feat you try, or a woman, you will face it. A man will get up again. Don't get me wrong, there is a initial sting and grieving process. But don't let yourself get stuck there! Stop, kick the dust off your shoes and try again. Keep your integrity and you have no reason to feel shame. Integrity is something no one can take away from you: you have to give that away. By integrity I mean, do not grovel for a woman and do not manipulate women out of spite. Be able to lay your head down at night, knowing you did you best and did not defraud anyone. Declare a standard for your life, stick to it, and press on. You took her out and she declined your offer. Okay, it stings. But this too shall pass. You know your self-worth, and it isn't wrapped up in one woman or one date. No one can know you or all you have to offer in one date; their loss. I recall you said you believed in God. This may help. Driscoll is a bit in your face, but sometime it's needed: Principles for Christian Dating ?Mark Driscoll? - YouTube
Author Necris Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 You know, I wouldn't say learn to "expect" it - I would say instead learn to EMBRACE it. Meaning that don't go INTO the date with a sour attitude. Don't build walls and start a cynical thought process that you'll be rejected. Instead, realize that you could walk down the street and probably NOT be interested in 80% of the people currently standing there (age, personality, etc...) and that rejection is INCREDIBLY NORMAL. I reject girls left and right by not even acknowledging any interest in them. Rarely, they try something and you have to actually reject. So it's not so absurd to think "Hey, maybe this other human isn't exactly feeling that I'm a great fit for a life partner". Yeah, well, statistically they won't be.... My wording might be too picky and we could probably being saying the same things but yes...learning that rejection is a part of life lets you realize that the girl from 2 months ago that you havn't even given a thought to DOESNT ACTUALLY MATTER so why were you so upset for that week after getting turned down? From there, you'll have a bunch of shining confidence everyone can see. From there, those that DO reject you, will be very shocked and re-analyze when they see you are just a cool guy that has a deeper understanding of life and the connections we make - and you'd be happy to be a friend. (But never be lead on. That's another story). Worst thing you can do post rejection is act like you care Yeah I can't say embrace rejection, rejection isn't exactly embraceable for most people but expecting it is alot easier and more natural. Also I don't know about the shining confidence thing either, confidence really is a non-factor in attraction, for me lots of confidence makes the rejection feel worse and I highly highly doubt the girls that reject me ever in their minds start later thinking I'm a cool guy to be friends with, since basically all my rejections usually end up with the girl fading away from my life never to speak to me again. Its not confidence you need its the ability to not care people need. Women can't sense nor care about your confidence levels or negativity levels unless you are the type of guy to just moan and complain and tell your date about all your past failures. When you expect rejection it looses its impact and you naturally care less. Though I do agree you shouldn't act like you care after you are rejected, nor should you really care. I find that when I expect rejection it just becomes an ordinary regular experience nothing to feel sorry about or care about. 1
Author Necris Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 You took her out and she declined your offer. Okay, it stings. But this too shall pass. You know your self-worth, and it isn't wrapped up in one woman or one date. No one can know you or all you have to offer in one date; their loss. I recall you said you believed in God. This may help. Driscoll is a bit in your face, but sometime it's needed: Principles for Christian Dating ?Mark Driscoll? - YouTube Personally when I used to get rejected it used to sting but it doesn't really sting anymore, which is good:), that is what I was trying to tell everyone don't let it sting. I'm not going to say to enjoy it but expecting it is one way to make it loose its impact. Now I will admit sometimes if I get rejected by an aquaintance in my social circle that does sting mainly because of the inevitable loss of a potential contact and member of my social circle, though that's usually a non-issue since I don't really have dateable women in my social circle anyway. Yep, I'm a Christian guy, as for that video, looks kinda long (I like reading more than watching), I'll look at it later but I'd prefer text. 1
TheFinalWord Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Personally when I used to get rejected it used to sting but it doesn't really sting anymore, which is good:), that is what I was trying to tell everyone don't let it sting. I'm not going to say to enjoy it but expecting it is one way to make it loose its impact. Now I will admit sometimes if I get rejected by an aquaintance in my social circle that does sting mainly because of the inevitable loss of a potential contact and member of my social circle, though that's usually a non-issue since I don't really have dateable women in my social circle anyway. Yep, I'm a Christian guy, as for that video, looks kinda long (I like reading more than watching), I'll look at it later but I'd prefer text. Yes, I can see what you are saying. Makes sense. You do have value to offer, even if rejected. Please don't let it make you think less of yourself. No problem about the video. You can read transcripts online if you are interested Dating | Mars Hill Church
chex Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Expecting rejection really isn't sexy at all, and it won't help. It's expecting nothing that's really the key. Expecting nothing but still enjoying yourself. 2
Estate Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Looking at that thread title that may sound like a terrible thing, but before you judge if you think about it, its actually quite helpful or at least its helpful for me in my experience. While learning to expect rejection won't help you be more successful it does take some of the sting out of being rejected. When you approach or go on a date feeling super confident (in my experience confidence really doesn't help at all) like "you got this" and not expecting rejection you are already expecting too much, and when you do get inevitably rejected you feel terrible, shocked, and your ego feels temporarily shot especially if you felt you put alot of effort in. But when you expect rejection and you are rejected the feeling is more of a neutral feeling you don't feel particularly bad but you don't feel good, you just accept it. Rejection begins to feel natural and inevitable. An example would be a girl I went on a date with, she seemed to enjoy herself, thanked me for taking her on the date, and then faded away. This is quite ordinary for me so it didn't really surprise me. Normally I would have felt quite sad from the rejection, but since I expected it I was okay with it, though I would have liked my money and time back but oh well. Expecting rejection is good as it helps you to stop caring so much, you already know what's going to happen, you aren't surprised, and you aren't expecting really anything to happen. I think you're half way there. Don't expect rejection... assume she likes you. But if it doesn't work... don't let the rejection phase you... later on, look back on what happened and try to get something from it... like, what did you say? Could you say something better or approach differently next time? Then try that. Use rejection as a learning tool and don't let it get you down. Ever guy gets rejected, and probably more than not, but some guys take it in their stride and stay confident saing "Well, she judged me without knowing me, lets try it a different way next time", and some guys crumble and never want to speak to a girl again. 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Necris, I admire how you stay positive and keep trying. I'm really rooting for you to find a wonderful girlfriend. You have a lot to offer. It will happen! 1
jcrew11 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Looking at that thread title that may sound like a terrible thing, but before you judge if you think about it, its actually quite helpful or at least its helpful for me in my experience. While learning to expect rejection won't help you be more successful it does take some of the sting out of being rejected. When you approach or go on a date feeling super confident (in my experience confidence really doesn't help at all) like "you got this" and not expecting rejection you are already expecting too much, and when you do get inevitably rejected you feel terrible, shocked, and your ego feels temporarily shot especially if you felt you put alot of effort in. But when you expect rejection and you are rejected the feeling is more of a neutral feeling you don't feel particularly bad but you don't feel good, you just accept it. Rejection begins to feel natural and inevitable. An example would be a girl I went on a date with, she seemed to enjoy herself, thanked me for taking her on the date, and then faded away. This is quite ordinary for me so it didn't really surprise me. Normally I would have felt quite sad from the rejection, but since I expected it I was okay with it, though I would have liked my money and time back but oh well. Expecting rejection is good as it helps you to stop caring so much, you already know what's going to happen, you aren't surprised, and you aren't expecting really anything to happen. From the starting point, everyone is "rejected" until you sleep with the girl or marry her. But rejection is a learning experience; and can be based on external factors - the situation, the girl's personality, or the guy's circumstances. Is your goal to find one girl to marry? Is your goal to have sex with any woman available? Change up the scenarios to see if you have better success.
ltjg45 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 These days, you have to expect rejection if you think of hoping to find any form of success. The dating game is a lot more cruel nowadays. I have seen women say they like a male only to found out they only did that just to get into the wallets and bolt. I have seen men attract a female only to abuse them not long afterwards. At this point, I could even sleep with a woman and still expect rejection afterwards since sex is so easy to find and acquire that it does no good to the bonding of a male and a female. That is perhaps why, even though I masturbate often, I'm not so quick to find a woman to bang. I'm not surprised finding a strong relationship that leads to a healthy marriage is dropping like a hot rock.
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