miss_jaclynrae Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 If a promiscuous person or a person who cannot hold long-term relationships picks me is not a gift. Why should I feel so special that he picked me? He could have anyone else. Again, I could be just a number. I won't take any chances. Once more, I want to minimise the risk. Uhmmm... maybe the bolded is EXACTLY why you should feel special.
silvermercy Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Uhmmm... maybe the bolded is EXACTLY why you should feel special. I don't see it that way at all though. He can pick ANYONE. That's baaaad!! lol Therefore, I am just a number after all...
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 For the reasons I mentioned in my previous post. Double digits is just a general guide. For me the higher the number, the more likely it is for him to be promiscuous or not being able to hold a long-term relationship. I just want to minimise the risk. I don't know about statistics. I just want to find a man who can't separate love from sex just like me. I think men have been getting away with it for far too long to be honest... Generally speaking, it is more likely for a high-number person to dump me, cheat on me, get bored with me etc, among other things. In other words, it is more likely that I am just another number. We also wouldn't be compatible and it wouldn't be likely able for us to raise any kids on a common front either. Again, I want to minimise the risk. If a promiscuous person or a person who cannot hold long-term relationships picks me is not a gift. Why should I feel so special that he picked me? He could have anyone else. Again, I could be just a number. I won't take any chances. Once more, I want to minimise the risk. The more sexual partners a man has the less he bonds to a woman during sex. Theyve done scientific studies on it there are actual chemical and hormone differences in the male brain after sex in guys that are promiscuous after they have sex. This might apply to women too I didnt look into that though since Im not a lesbian Not saying manwhores dont deserve love, not at all. But for me, Id rather have someone that is more likely (after all, there are no guarantees) to bond through sex and doesnt view me as another hole. However its not good to judge so I have a dont ask dont tell policy (many men ask about my past though and they bring up their own though)... and the only time I dated a guy too promiscuous for me for awhile (he lied about his past once a friend mentioned to him early on during our dating I dont dig manwhores) I wasnt surprised by his past when I found out based on his unemotional nature and attachment to sex while we dated 1
Woggle Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I have no issue with women not wanting players. If men want women without a lot of partners it is only fair that men be willing to live up to their own standards and vice versa. I have never seen a player who had any trouble getting a ton of women but for the women who are turned off by players I say good for them.
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It is important to have experience, emotionally and sexually. you learn a whole lot about yourself and about the others. I've read about this study saying that people generally need around 12 relationships (of one to three months at least) to understand what they like, need, look for and are satisfied with emotionally. I did date some guys before my 20's but I've had 2 long relationships, one of three years, another of seven years. I was in relationships for 10 years, and I am not counting the guys in highschool - I think I have seen one guy for 6 months and another one for 9. Where does this leave me? It leaves me highly inexperienced, if you ask me. I've been single for the last 2 years and it's been ... how should I put this... different ! I got the hang of it, now, but some of the mistakes I've done... oh my God, so obvious! I do like an experienced bf, and I would expect him to have at least one or two long relationships. I would not want a bf who lies to get sex, who gets women intoxicated, who cheats or harms women for his pleasure. I expect men to have had a lot of ONS and to not be impressed with the concept by this stage / age.
TheFinalWord Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 The more sexual partners a man has the less he bonds to a woman during sex. Theyve done scientific studies on it there are actual chemical and hormone differences in the male brain after sex in guys that are promiscuous after they have sex. This might apply to women too I didnt look into that though since Im not a lesbian Not saying manwhores dont deserve love, not at all. But for me, Id rather have someone that is more likely (after all, there are no guarantees) to bond through sex and doesnt view me as another hole. However its not good to judge so I have a dont ask dont tell policy (many men ask about my past though and they bring up their own though)... and the only time I dated a guy too promiscuous for me for awhile (he lied about his past once a friend mentioned to him early on during our dating I dont dig manwhores) I wasnt surprised by his past when I found out based on his unemotional nature and attachment to sex while we dated Just advice, do as you wish. You seem interested in a long-term relationship (assuming leading to marriage?). There should be no secrets between a husband and wife. Here is from the bible (even if you don't believe in it, it's good insight). That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. The man and his wife were naked before each other and not ashamed. If you study this passage, it goes beyond physical nudity. They were completely exposed in all regards to one another and were not ashamed. They knew each other completely (If you study the bible as well, the text will say a husband and wife know each other, referring to sexual bonding). If a woman felt ashamed to become truly naked before me, I would want to understand the reasons why. She should not feel ashamed to confide in me. If she does, then the man (or the woman if the case is reversed) should examine his heart. If a woman feels she will experience wrath and retribution for exposing herself to her husband, something is wrong. That is why I do not care about numbers. I only care about redemption. If a woman is born again, her past is meaningless to me...albeit there can be healing that needs to occur which is why honesty is paramount. There are few healing relationships as the potential healing available through a covenant marriage.
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It is important to have experience, emotionally and sexually. you learn a whole lot about yourself and about the others. I've read about this study saying that people generally need around 12 relationships (of one to three months at least) to understand what they like, need, look for and are satisfied with emotionally. I did date some guys before my 20's but I've had 2 long relationships, one of three years, another of seven years. I was in relationships for 10 years, and I am not counting the guys in highschool - I think I have seen one guy for 6 months and another one for 9. Where does this leave me? It leaves me highly inexperienced, if you ask me. I've been single for the last 2 years and it's been ... how should I put this... different ! I got the hang of it, now, but some of the mistakes I've done... oh my God, so obvious! I do like an experienced bf, and I would expect him to have at least one or two long relationships. I would not want a bf who lies to get sex, who gets women intoxicated, who cheats or harms women for his pleasure. I expect men to have had a lot of ONS and to not be impressed with the concept by this stage / age. There are many men who dont have ONS or alot of relationships that can treat you better than guys that do have alot of those things in their history. Experience does help because you find out what you like, but finding a guy that treats you well has more to do with personality and character than experience...Some of the meanest men I have ever met have had tons of dating experiences... 1
silvermercy Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I prefer to listen to studies that measure tangible variables like hormones (i.e. oxytocin etc) than psychology-related studies which can be interpreted either way. (Perhaps because I'm a medical research scientist in real life. lol) There are also many happily married people with very few long-term relationships and partners. They didn't need to add to their number to know themselves or other people in general. Maybe they have increased inner wisdom, who knows! lol Well that's the person I'd like to meet. Oh yeah... that's what I hate about this modern age. That, we, women, have to 'expect' our partners to have lots of ONS. Oh I expect that, too, but that doesn't mean I have to accept that.
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I prefer to listen to studies that measure tangible variables like hormones (i.e. oxytocin etc) than psychology-related studies which can be interpreted either way. (Perhaps because I'm a medical research scientist in real life. lol) There are also many happily married people with very few long-term relationships and partners. They didn't need to add to their number to know themselves or other people in general. Maybe they have increased inner wisdom, who knows! lol Well that's the person I'd like to meet. Oh yeah... that's what I hate about this modern age. That, we, women, have to 'expect' our partners to have lots of ONS. Oh I expect that, too, but that doesn't mean I have to accept that. Dear lord, you and I are kindred spirits 1
silvermercy Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Dear lord, you and I are kindred spirits hahaha! LOL!! If only you were my male kindred spirit! Not fair! lol 1
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Oh yeah... that's what I hate about this modern age. That, we, women, have to 'expect' our partners to have lots of ONS. Oh I expect that, too, but that doesn't mean I have to accept that. I don't expect it as in I demand it. I expect it as in "I think they would". And if that's a turn off, no pbm, whatever suits you. I wasn't in frat parties, I was in a relationship or working my butt off. I expect guys attending frat parties... to drink tons and have sex.. I was majoring a double diploma and was applying for a scholarship abroad. Massive party scene that I missed. I expect that during those parties, some alcohol consumption and some sex did happen... I don't expect the others to think the same way I did or to have made the same choices I did. People who hurt me the most were those who had no idea what they wanted. Were confused. Didn't know themselves and didn't understand how women worked, fundamentally. Were scared. Or weren't ready for a committed relationship because they still had more exploring to do. Fair enough. Experience in dating (say one month dating typically) is completely different to experience in dating measurable in years. Combine that with some variety and you do get a good mix of emotional experiences that makes a man - in my eyes, at least - potential bf material. yeah, in his 30's, I do expect a man to have had a double digit number of partners. It's most likely true, not something unheard of.
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't expect it as in I demand it. I expect it as in "I think they would". And if that's a turn off, no pbm, whatever suits you. I wasn't in frat parties, I was in a relationship or working my butt off. I expect guys attending frat parties... to drink tons and have sex.. I was majoring a double diploma and was applying for a scholarship abroad. Massive party scene that I missed. I expect that during those parties, some alcohol consumption and some sex did happen... I don't expect the others to think the same way I did or to have made the same choices I did. People who hurt me the most were those who had no idea what they wanted. Were confused. Didn't know themselves and didn't understand how women worked, fundamentally. Were scared. Or weren't ready for a committed relationship because they still had more exploring to do. Fair enough. Experience in dating (say one month dating typically) is completely different to experience in dating measurable in years. Combine that with some variety and you do get a good mix of emotional experiences that makes a man - in my eyes, at least - potential bf material. yeah, in his 30's, I do expect a man to have had a double digit number of partners. It's most likely true, not something unheard of. I get why you think the way you do esp. considering your past. People with more experience know what they want. However, that does not stop someone from treating you badly. I guess I just cannot agree with you because the 2 happiest marriages I have ever seen were with couples where both men had little experience prior to marriage and the 2 worst marriages I have seen are ones where the men constantly had girlfriends and casual sex. I do think personality and character is just a big of a factor. There are several shy, unexperienced men that come on this forum that have such character and depth to them I really think if they found the right woman theyd make her very happy 1
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I get why you think the way you do esp. considering your past. People with more experience know what they want. However, that does not stop someone from treating you badly. I guess I just cannot agree with you because the 2 happiest marriages I have ever seen were with couples where both men had little experience prior to marriage and the 2 worst marriages I have seen are ones where the men constantly had girlfriends and casual sex. I do think personality and character is just a big of a factor. There are several shy, unexperienced men that come on this forum that have such character and depth to them I really think if they found the right woman theyd make her very happy well anyway, if you do find such a man and he has some equally nice friends, do bring them my way and silvermercy's. Unfortunately, it looks like I cannot return the favor, because of our different standards. True love is hard to come by, putting silly rules over a man and his past is limiting yourself unnecessarily. That's how I feel, anyway. And of course personality and character are important, I doubt the rest of humanity except you two would settle with scumbags. I won't take a good man's experience against him. It's what makes him himself. The good and the bad. And if I don't embrace his "bad" experiences and "bad" choices, I don't really embrace him, his character. it's our imperfections that make us fascinating, IMHO.
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I'm not trolling, I have serious insecurities that I need to address before I can enter any relationship. I generally believe people become promiscuous once they have had sex with a partner more than five times. OMG, I'm promiscuous to the bone, I've actually dated a guy for 7 years !!!
CptObvious Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You can even get an STD from someone if they don't have an STD. spontaneous aids? damn.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 If your number of partners exceeds your number of days on earth so far X 3, that's too high a number.
TheFinalWord Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I'm very very sorry but that just isn't possible. In what regard? With God, all things are possible.
TheFinalWord Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Previous number of relationships and sexual partners. Shockingly or maybe not so shockingly even lots of very religious women except a man to a certain amount of previous long term relationships and sexual partners. They just hide it better. None of the Christian women I have dated have acted that way towards me. In these threads, we see a lot about judgment. However, we can't fully appreciate justice without also appreciating mercy. And we cannot understand mercy without receiving forgiveness. Those who have been forgiven little, show only a little love. What are the attributes of love? Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. From my perspective, I can count my "number" on one hand; and that was 10 years ago before accepting Christ....and it my current low number is not due to lack of opportunity Yet, I would not hold a woman's past against her if she were born again. As long as any of us are breathing, there is hope. For you too friend. 1
Imported Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 OP, there is no good answer for this. You seem like a nice and classy person and I always try to treat such people nicely. Women that seem like low rent sluts to me get treated like low rent sluts. So long as they got nice tits and ass. I can always cover the face or tag from behind. Plus, they're usually really good at sucking dick. Usually that's all I want from them anyway. I don't ask numbers. I pay attention to behavior. I do have limits and ...yes I am a hypocrite in this matter.
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 OP, there is no good answer for this. You seem like a nice and classy person and I always try to treat such people nicely. Women that seem like low rent sluts to me get treated like low rent sluts. So long as they got nice tits and ass. I can always cover the face or tag from behind. Plus, they're usually really good at sucking dick. Usually that's all I want from them anyway. I don't ask numbers. I pay attention to behavior. I do have limits and ...yes I am a hypocrite in this matter. You are a low rent slut as well...ew
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It is absolutely necessary for men to lie through their teeth. I'm 41, one relationship of 3 months and zero sexual partners. I got two options. Option A: tell the whole truth and have it turned against me. Option B: LIE through my teeth. Tell women I've had a bunch or relationships and a bunch of sexual partners. From now on Option B for me. Candie is not super bright...there are decent women out there
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 well anyway, if you do find such a man and he has some equally nice friends, do bring them my way and silvermercy's. Unfortunately, it looks like I cannot return the favor, because of our different standards. True love is hard to come by, putting silly rules over a man and his past is limiting yourself unnecessarily. That's how I feel, anyway. And of course personality and character are important, I doubt the rest of humanity except you two would settle with scumbags. I won't take a good man's experience against him. It's what makes him himself. The good and the bad. And if I don't embrace his "bad" experiences and "bad" choices, I don't really embrace him, his character. it's our imperfections that make us fascinating, IMHO. Ive never had an official boyfriend...if I wanted a scumbag what I just said would not be true. With the few guys I wanted to commit to it didnt work out, the shady ones seemed to want me sometimes...
TheFinalWord Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Not to dispute this about the women you have dated, but how do you know? I've seen oodles of religious women lie about this. i used to live in apartments with thin walls and what I heard used to shock me. That's okay, I don't take it that way. I don't want to debate you anyway, I am just trying to minister to you b/c you seem hurt. Yes, you are right, I don't know the heart of all women. The freeing part is, I don't have to b/c God does. I trust He will show me the truth and show me the right partner for me. If that is a virgin, it is a virgin. If it is a former prostitute, so be it. If it is a life of singleness, I am content. God knows what is right for my life. For me, I will remain open to God's best, ask for his guidance, and trust. Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. 1
Imported Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You are a low rent slut as well...ew I have my highs and my lows I guess. But I am always honest about it. And most women generally can get over it. Not so true for many guys.
ls32ssibm Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 When someone loses count the number is probably too high. Most people will lie anyway. I'm guilty of it.
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