rocketman122 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Yes, high numbers whould say to me the person isnt stable. the number for me is high, but not for LTR. if the girl had a high LTR number, it would concern me. that she jumps fdrom one person to the next. my sister has a high number (now married) and it turned me off to constantly see her with different guy every few months.
jcrew11 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I think this is a good attitude, and a mature one. I would imagine, if you’re with a guy, and your number bothershim that much, odds are there will be other things about you that bother him, too. I find it absurd that a girl who loses hervirginity at 16, is sexually active, and ends up sleeping with, say, 15-20 guysby age 25 or so, is deemed promiscuous. That means 15-20 guys in ten years. Assuming she’snot had several longterm relationships, etc, that means she only slept with what,2 people a year on average? Does that really strike people as “promiscuous”? I would just have to ask the girl or guy why they are not able to have a long term relationship that lasts longer than a few months. Being promiscuous may indicate that man or woman has "a wandering eye/A.D.D." in relationships. It may point to some mental instability and inability for a stable relationship. Also, in the 80's and 90's people were scared of AIDS but now no one really cares.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Its going to depend on the guy. His attitudes, beliefs, insecurities (this is probably the most important one!!!!), openmindedness Me personally, any guy who has a lot of casual sex (meaning sex with a girl who isnt a girlfriend or who he isnt dating somewhat seriously) turns me off. A few cases is fine, but any more than that I get turned off (which is why I dont ask) So its not about the number, its about who he has sex with and why. Id prefer a guy who sees sex as a bit more emotional than the guys who love ONS and casual sex Really, I am surprised by the number of guys that ask about my sexual history. I find it to be annoying. I dont ask about a guy's and Id rather him not ask about mine...the current attitude they have is more important than their past Wait. Let me get this straight: - If a guy asks about it he's probably insecure - You find it annoying for a guy to ask about it yet - Guys who had a lot of sex turn you off Yeahhhh no hypocrisy there at all. 1
TheGuard13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I would just have to ask the girl or guy why they are not able to have a long term relationship that lasts longer than a few months. Being promiscuous may indicate that man or woman has "a wandering eye/A.D.D." in relationships. It may point to some mental instability and inability for a stable relationship. It may...but the point is...that's not neccessarily being promiscuous. They may not have had a long term relationship because that's not what they wanted, needed, or because they hadn't met someone they liked enough. Everything is situational, and everyone is a bit different.
apple OR orange Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 depends on the guy, those who can be picky will worry about it, those that cant be picky wont. However if you choose guys who can be picky then you are going to have a problem with a higher number. I never ask, but then i am single and dont date either (know my limits).
Talak7 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I would just have to ask the girl or guy why they are not able to have a long term relationship that lasts longer than a few months. Being promiscuous may indicate that man or woman has "a wandering eye/A.D.D." in relationships. It may point to some mental instability and inability for a stable relationship. Also, in the 80's and 90's people were scared of AIDS but now no one really cares. You're just being judgmental. "Not able to have a long term relationship". How old are you? Have you not had times in life where you just can't have a relationship? Are you so co-dependent you need one constantly? wandering eye/ADD? What the **** kind of medical diagnosis is that? It may point to mental instability? You have absolutely no credential, research, anything to make such ridiculous claims. Just because not everyone wants to hop into a long term relationship with whomever is willing to get naked with them doesn't mean they are mentally instable... Look up co-dependency 1
ascendotum Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) You're just being judgmental. "Not able to have a long term relationship". How old are you? Have you not had times in life where you just can't have a relationship? Are you so co-dependent you need one constantly? wandering eye/ADD? What the **** kind of medical diagnosis is that? It may point to mental instability? You have absolutely no credential, research, anything to make such ridiculous claims. Just because not everyone wants to hop into a long term relationship with whomever is willing to get naked with them doesn't mean they are mentally instable... Look up co-dependency You are knocking this other guy on his perception but I think you are going a bit too far with your claim of co-dependency for people who consistently aim for relationship with a bf/gf. That's pretty much the way its been done down through history. The hookup culture is only a recent change in social mores. Yes there are times when some people don't want to be in a relationship, but really it has been the norm in history or in many societies today and not that people just root randoms as the defacto lifestyle and LTRs are for the rare special ones. People generally don't get into long term relationship with "whomever". I also don't think you need to screw someone every few months to work out what you want in a LT partner. In a hot button topic like this anyone has the right to be judgmental and are well within their rights to reject someone on the values they want in a partner. If they themselves are guilty of doing the same thing that is their deal breaker then they are a hypocrite (and a fair few players are). A single mother I know has not seriously been looking for a LT partner now for a number of years while she focuses on her child + work. When I made a comment to her friend how she seems to always hook up with a guy everytime one of us has been out with her, her friend said "don't you dare call her a slut..she's only had sex probably no more then 10 times this year." For you and some others here that might not seen promiscuous. Once every 5-6 weeks is hardly nympho, but for a lot of other guys they will see its sex with 10 different guys (usually club/bar pickups) for the year & the year before & the year before & the year before & the year before & the year before since the father of her child split (+ those in her younger days). It didn't really matter to me when I had sex with her (or even if I had stayed on longer for a fling), but if I am looking to settle down, 60-70 or whatever is too many for me. I don't care about her reasons for focusing her life on her daughter, and I don't care if others say that was her past it does not matter....for me I would see myself as less special for her as a husband. OP - for me when the girl's number is over 2/3 of their age its getting on the high side, but I'm Gen x. Its not an automatic dealbreaker. Edited February 4, 2013 by ascendotum 1
Bristolius Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Wouldn't you have to be elderly to have had lots of LTRs? 1
pbjbear Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) Yes, high numbers whould say to me the person isnt stable. the number for me is high, but not for LTR. if the girl had a high LTR number, it would concern me. that she jumps fdrom one person to the next. my sister has a high number (now married) and it turned me off to constantly see her with different guy every few months. Your numbers are high but you dont want your future girl to have high numbers? Maybe I read that wrong Id rather see someone have sex within the dating context rather than casual sex context. Men who frequently engage in casual sex turn me off but to each their own. Constantly having a boyfriend/girlfriend would scream insecurity/"I need to have someone" attitude but I guess it would just depend. One of my closest female friends always has alot of suitors because she is hot and she isnt insecure or needy, just always has a pick of guys to choose from. Edited February 4, 2013 by pbjbear 1
amolya Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Since when did having casual sex make one insecure and mentally unstable? I know guys and girls who have lots of casual sex, usually friends with benefits not random drunk hookups, and they are confident, happy and secure. Sometimes if you're not ready for a relationship or haven't found anyone right for you, you might want to casually date/have fun, not everyone wants to be celibate until the right person comes along. And being able to enjoy casual sex doesn't mean that you don't know that loving sex in a committed relationship isn't better....just that until then it can be a good substitute, as long as you a safe and having sex with people you like and trust. It's fine if casual sex isn't for you, and you want to be with someone who also isn't into casual sex, but judging people who think differently is pretty close minded... 3
pbjbear Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Since when did having casual sex make one insecure and mentally unstable? I know guys and girls who have lots of casual sex, usually friends with benefits not random drunk hookups, and they are confident, happy and secure. Sometimes if you're not ready for a relationship or haven't found anyone right for you, you might want to casually date/have fun, not everyone wants to be celibate until the right person comes along. And being able to enjoy casual sex doesn't mean that you don't know that loving sex in a committed relationship isn't better....just that until then it can be a good substitute, as long as you a safe and having sex with people you like and trust. It's fine if casual sex isn't for you, and you want to be with someone who also isn't into casual sex, but judging people who think differently is pretty close minded... Im not judging, but people who put little emotional investment in sex are not compatible with me. 2
Talak7 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) You are knocking this other guy on his perception but I think you are going a bit too far with your claim of co-dependency for people who consistently aim for relationship with a bf/gf. That's pretty much the way its been done down through history. The hookup culture is only a recent change in social mores. Yes there are times when some people don't want to be in a relationship, but really it has been the norm in history or in many societies today and not that people just root randoms as the defacto lifestyle and LTRs are for the rare special ones. People generally don't get into long term relationship with "whomever". I stopped reading here because clearly you tried to make opinions from these "facts" You know nothing of history and the history of human interaction, sex, and dating. The idea of romantic romantic love and sex only between one man and one woman was not the norm throughout most of our history. Throughout the history of humans as a species, across all cultures and nations and timelines....monogamy, romantice love, etc...almost non-existent Edited February 4, 2013 by Talak7
ASG Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Promiscuitiy is based off the number of times you've had sex. If you are with one partner and average three times a week and are together for a year that makes 144 times you've had sex. That's a slut right there. Please please PLEASE tell me you are trolling! Promiscuity is NOT based on the number of times you have sex, but rather on the number of casual sex partners you have. And even then it is highly subjective which NUMBER makes you promiscuous. And just in case you're wandering, this is a DICTIONARY definition. Having a SO with whom you have sex does NOT a slut make. It just makes someone with a healthy sex life. I am so shocked that anyone could actually think like this! 1
Drseussgrrl Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 After last night's Super Bowl halftime show I think I'm gay for Beyonce. Does this make me a slut?
ASG Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 After last night's Super Bowl halftime show I think I'm gay for Beyonce. Does this make me a slut? It depends... do you have sex regularly?
Drseussgrrl Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 It depends... do you have sex regularly? Unfortunately not.
ASG Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Unfortunately not. Then I think you're ok. Unless you've had an STD... Then, yes.. You're a slut. Because everyone knows promiscuity is measured by how many times you have sex and whether or not you've had an STD... Now you know... *SMH*
VioletSummer Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 You should judge someones number against their personality, someone could only be on four but have cheated on their previous partner. Or someone could be on 9 and be totally in love, trustworthy and in a LTR.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I don't think my number is high by any means, but based on what men here think... they probably would all think I am a super slut. Seriously though? I don't give an eff. I don't discuss my number and if a man has a problem with that then I don't want him, and if I did tell him my number and he had a problem? Guess what... I don't want him either! 1
silvermercy Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) That means 15-20 guys in ten years. Assuming she’snot had several longterm relationships, etc, that means she only slept with what,2 people a year on average? Does that really strike people as “promiscuous”? Short answer: yes. Way too high for me. I find two people a year excessive. Imagine as they get older... even higher. (I'm female and that applies to the men I date). I don't want my man to go into double digits territory whatever his age. Two alarm bells ringing: 1. If it's mostly casual: he can separate love from sex; not relationship material for me. 2. If it's mostly relationships: his people picker needs adjusting. I refuse to adjust it for him. If I had to choose between 1 and 2 though, I'd definitely choose 2 - even if the number was higher. Edited February 4, 2013 by silvermercy
ascendotum Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I stopped reading here because clearly you tried to make opinions from these "facts" You know nothing of history and the history of human interaction, sex, and dating. The idea of romantic romantic love and sex only between one man and one woman was not the norm throughout most of our history. Throughout the history of humans as a species, across all cultures and nations and timelines....monogamy, romantice love, etc...almost non-existent When it comes to romance and dating, I agree, but not for monogamy or marriage or its non christian equivalent. Clue me up. Tell me the countries now or the significant societies over the past 2000 yrs where woman were just shared around amongst guys or where women just wandered from guy to guy to swap sex for some food & shelter for the night. I know of harems + concubines but that was for the rulers.
runningfar Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 it turned me off to constantly see her with different guy every few months. I am sorry your sister turns you off. I have only slept with a few guys at 28 and I still think an immature schmuck who cares about this, really, not just who you are, deserves zero time of day. Would not, would not, date him. I will do my part in keeping his numbers properly low. Who the fudge really cares about numbers? Who talks about it?
TheGuard13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Short answer: yes. Way too high for me. I find two people a year excessive. Imagine as they get older... even higher. (I'm female and that applies to the men I date). I don't want my man to go into double digits territory whatever his age. Why? Two alarm bells ringing: 1. If it's mostly casual: he can separate love from sex; not relationship material for me. Most men can separate love and sex, can't they? 2. If it's mostly relationships: his people picker needs adjusting. I refuse to adjust it for him. What does this have to do with whether you want to be with him? The only thing you'd need to worry about in regard to the "people picker" is whether he picks you or not.
silvermercy Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) Why? For the reasons I mentioned in my previous post. Double digits is just a general guide. For me the higher the number, the more likely it is for him to be promiscuous or not being able to hold a long-term relationship. I just want to minimise the risk. Most men can separate love and sex, can't they?I don't know about statistics. I just want to find a man who can't separate love from sex just like me. I think men have been getting away with it for far too long to be honest... Generally speaking, it is more likely for a high-number person to dump me, cheat on me, get bored with me etc, among other things. In other words, it is more likely that I am just another number. We also wouldn't be compatible and it wouldn't be likely able for us to raise any kids on a common front either. Again, I want to minimise the risk. What does this have to do with whether you want to be with him? The only thing you'd need to worry about in regard to the "people picker" is whether he picks you or not.If a promiscuous person or a person who cannot hold long-term relationships picks me is not a gift. Why should I feel so special that he picked me? He could have anyone else. Again, I could be just a number. I won't take any chances. Once more, I want to minimise the risk. Edited February 5, 2013 by silvermercy
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