Mycteria Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Someone (I dont remember who) in a recent thread stated that it was a deal breaker if a girl's number is in the double digits. This thread isn't aimed at that person, it just got me thinking. I'm 23 now and I've been with 6 people. I average about 1 new person per year, and they were all either serious LTR boyfriends or people that I started dating with the intent of it becoming serious. So say I keep dating until I'm 30 or so before meeting the person I'm supposed to be with. By then my number will be well into the double digits (hypothetically). I'm not too worried about this because I know I'm not promiscuous but reading that post did make me wonder. Would you guys really have a problem with a sexual history like that?
pbjbear Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Its going to depend on the guy. His attitudes, beliefs, insecurities (this is probably the most important one!!!!), openmindedness Me personally, any guy who has a lot of casual sex (meaning sex with a girl who isnt a girlfriend or who he isnt dating somewhat seriously) turns me off. A few cases is fine, but any more than that I get turned off (which is why I dont ask) So its not about the number, its about who he has sex with and why. Id prefer a guy who sees sex as a bit more emotional than the guys who love ONS and casual sex Really, I am surprised by the number of guys that ask about my sexual history. I find it to be annoying. I dont ask about a guy's and Id rather him not ask about mine...the current attitude they have is more important than their past 3
sillyanswer Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I'm not too worried about this because I know I'm not promiscuous but reading that post did make me wonder. Would you guys really have a problem with a sexual history like that? By the time you get to your mid 20s people will stop asking you what your number is. 6
SJC2008 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Someone (I dont remember who) in a recent thread stated that it was a deal breaker if a girl's number is in the double digits. This thread isn't aimed at that person, it just got me thinking. I'm 23 now and I've been with 6 people. I average about 1 new person per year, and they were all either serious LTR boyfriends or people that I started dating with the intent of it becoming serious. So say I keep dating until I'm 30 or so before meeting the person I'm supposed to be with. By then my number will be well into the double digits (hypothetically). I'm not too worried about this because I know I'm not promiscuous but reading that post did make me wonder. Would you guys really have a problem with a sexual history like that? By 30 you'd be at 12-13 realtionships. I'd be more concerned about that than the amount of people you've slept with. You're getting to an age where LTR are common so if you have a good people picker your number wont go up much. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I would never ask (and never tell). But 6 sounds fine. To me a lot of it is age related. When I was 20 I would have been intimidated by a girl who said she had sex with 6 men before me. At almost 25 the number obviously changes. It's also about how a girl views sex. If she's had a copious amount of casual sex it demonstrates that we aren't coming from the same place with regards to sex. Then again, I'd never ask a girl about her past.
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 It depends. Compare: I banged six guys in a month. I banged six guys in 30 years. The number is the same: Any double standards.....? 4
à droite Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Someone (I dont remember who) in a recent thread stated that it was a deal breaker if a girl's number is in the double digits. This thread isn't aimed at that person, it just got me thinking. I'm 23 now and I've been with 6 people. I average about 1 new person per year, and they were all either serious LTR boyfriends or people that I started dating with the intent of it becoming serious. So say I keep dating until I'm 30 or so before meeting the person I'm supposed to be with. By then my number will be well into the double digits (hypothetically). I'm not too worried about this because I know I'm not promiscuous but reading that post did make me wonder. Would you guys really have a problem with a sexual history like that? most guys I talk to said it not a big deal if your dating a guy and have sex . however if you were to go to the bar almost every night and pick up a guy and sleep with him then that i problem. It show you have no self respect and give it up so fast. seeing how you date and it a long term thing or short term you should be fine it show your picky. 1
kaylan Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 OP, Numbers arent the only thing to look at when determining how promiscuous someone is. I take into account when they lost their virginity, how old they are, and then do an average. Along with that I take into account how many casual relationships theyve had vs LTRs. And then within those casual relationships, how many were ONS or flings with people they barely knew or how many were FWBs with people they knew better. All in all, risky sexual behavior is not my gab...but it takes more than numbers to figure that out. A girl who lost her virignity at 16 and is now at 10 partners at my age of 26? No big deal. A girl who lost her virginity at 18, and by 21 has been with 15 guys...even though she was only single for one year during that time? Well that says she either did some cheating, or gets around when shes single. So again, theres more to it than numbers. 6
Author Mycteria Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 By 30 you'd be at 12-13 realtionships. I'd be more concerned about that than the amount of people you've slept with. You're getting to an age where LTR are common so if you have a good people picker your number wont go up much. I dunno. My number is going up faster now than when I was younger. I've spent the majority of my adult life in two serious relationships (2+ years). Now I'm realizing that it's important to date a lot of people in order to find out what you really want. The two guys I've slept with since my last serious boyfriend have all been short term things. We dated for around a month, slept together, and eventually realized it wasn't going to work out for other reasons and broke it off. I could easily see this happening 12-13 more times before I hit 30. Is that a cause for concern for guys? I just don't see any way around it. I'm not about to turn down guys that I'm attracted to (mentally and physically) just because I feel like my number is getting too high. And my people picker is fine. The guys I've dated have been awesome and I don't regret them. Learned a lot, but we weren't compatible for a lifelong thing.
suladas Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 The number isn't that big of deal to me. A women with a number of 4, who were all ONS would be more of a problem to me then 6 that were all in relationships. Obviously there is a cap on it, someone in their mid 20's with a number like 30 no matter what would not be for me. 2
kaylan Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Sleeping with an average of under 2 per year since you lost your virginity is no big deal. I think any mature realistic adult will know that sex is a part of dating and figuring out if you are compatible with someone. And that just because you have sex with someone does not mean you will or have to stay together long term before figuring out if things fit or not. I expect Ill have been with about 15 women by the time Im married. If a girl has a problem with that, let her. Ive had my times where Ive been more liberal about sex than I should...but my number isnt out of the ordinary...and I dont separate sex from emotions either.
sillyanswer Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I think any mature realistic adult will know that sex is a part of dating and figuring out if you are compatible with someone. Agreed, but that's part of the problem: there are plenty of people who aren't mature or realistic yet they're still allowed to have a go at this dating thing.
Author Mycteria Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 A number too high is when you get an std. That could be at 1/10/100/1000. If you are always careful and use safer sex practices then the worse you will come across is a loser who doesn't want to use a condom, wash, etc. Pass on those. You can get an STD from anyone, even if you practice safe sex and even if your partner got tested before you slept with them. You can even get an STD from someone if they don't have an STD. This is a stupid measure for promiscuity. And no, I don't have an STD. Just have a mom in the health field.
Talak7 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 The number thing should be taken with a grain of salt IMO. But that is my opinion. Guys and girls have sex for a variety of reasons. If you lived in a foreign country, single for a year-long stint, and knew you were not going to try to get into a relationship during this year.....would he be some horrible person for hooking up with girls? Maybe? What if the girls wanted the exact same thing? Does that make them sluts and terrible people with no self-respect? Or just creatures that accept their situation and just want to enjoy fulfilling their sexual desires. Do you have to be abstinent if you decide you don't want to be in a serious relationship? To me, having a large number of serious relationships is a red flag. If you constantly need a relationship / someone next to you, it screams insecurity and boring (to me). I'm at...I stopped counting. Because I didn't think it was important. I think around 15-20 and I'm 24. My perspective has always been the following - There's two types of sex 1. Sex with someone you are dating/Care about / love 2. Everything else Having a higher number of #1 seems scarier to me than having a higher number of casual encounters. I guess I just feel that if you are that much of a chameleon, you probably aren't really that interesting of a person. I also don't believe in religion or that hokey stuff- so I don't really think having sex with someone that wants to have sex with you is a bad thing...
ThaWholigan Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I think everyone has a line to be honest. I'm not sure where mine is, but it does depend on the average/frequency to an extent. I'm not bothered too much about promiscuity if I'm honest. Considering my V-taker, most girls I meet will not be quite as prolific . I think anything double their age will be cause for concern. (I'm 24 - if I had been with more than 50 women, I think people would be within their rights to question me. I would be the same for a girl my age with the same kind of number). Having said that, a well-known (and loved ) poster here is well into triple digits and yet is more than capable of a happy monogamous relationship. Something I take into account more than their number, or their sexual adventures. Just be clean . 1
MyPoutine Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Some guys are turned off in the opposite direction, too little experience...it depends on the guy.
sweetkiwi Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I don't usually ask numbers. Most guys give up the information freely. Except the ones who can't even remember lol IME numbers don't mean anything. Least of all if they are experienced and loyal. I won't sleep with a virgin again. Got lucky the first time. And I like older men so.....I expect their numbers to be higher.
FitChick Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 The older you get, the higher the number. If a man has been married for twenty years and dates a woman his own age who has never been married, she will have had more sexual partners. I had this discussion once and when this insecure man expressed concern, I asked him if I should have only dated once every ten years? Never talk about numbers. Nothing good can come of it. This seems to be a problem mostly amongst the young. Grow up and it will cease. 2
Woggle Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 It's more about attitude than about numbers. I would have to ask myself if she ever cheated or was dishonest with a guy and if she seems capable of actually having a healthy relationship. If the answer is no for the former and yes for the latter then the numbers don't matter. I don't want to be cheated on or have her catch GIGS the minute things start to get serious. 1
iris219 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Who talks about exact number of sexual partners? I haven't talked about this since my high school boyfriend. I wouldn't worry about it or waste too much time thinking about it. It's unlikely that anyone will ask. A mature person will be more concerned with the kind of relationships you've had, not the number of people you've had sex with. 3
medasist Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 It's none of the other persons business how many people you've been with. I don't wanna know their number and I'm not gonna tell mine. As long as you aren't dirty about it, it really doesn't matter. Someone (I dont remember who) in a recent thread stated that it was a deal breaker if a girl's number is in the double digits. This thread isn't aimed at that person, it just got me thinking. I'm 23 now and I've been with 6 people. I average about 1 new person per year, and they were all either serious LTR boyfriends or people that I started dating with the intent of it becoming serious. So say I keep dating until I'm 30 or so before meeting the person I'm supposed to be with. By then my number will be well into the double digits (hypothetically). I'm not too worried about this because I know I'm not promiscuous but reading that post did make me wonder. Would you guys really have a problem with a sexual history like that?
harnold Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 When i was younger (not that I'm "older" and "wiser" now... I'm 25 FWIW), any number would "hurt" me. The thought of someone else banging my gf would really hit home. I think for a lot of guys (at least when we're younger) its moreso about that than the actual number. We're sensitive. Nowadays, I'm 25, and am seriously so apathetic to it. Not a turnoff at all. If anything ill exchange stories (nothing graphic, vulgar, or inappropriate within the context of a relationship) about past "experiences". Sometimes I even make humor out of it
ASG Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Well it's my most important measure of promiscuity. Besides when you are in a relationship with just ONE person having sex is a regular basis. So does that mean you are promiscuous for just having one partner? Sure does. I'm sorry... what?!?!
TheGuard13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I dunno. My number is going up faster now than when I wasyounger. I've spent the majority of my adult life in two serious relationships(2+ years). Now I'm realizing that it's important to date a lot of people inorder to find out what you really want. The two guys I've slept with since mylast serious boyfriend have all been short term things. We dated for around amonth, slept together, and eventually realized it wasn't going to work out forother reasons and broke it off. I could easily see this happening 12-13 moretimes before I hit 30. Is that a cause for concern for guys? I just don't see any way around it. I'm not about to turn down guys that I'mattracted to (mentally and physically) just because I feel like my number isgetting too high. And my people picker is fine. The guys I've dated have been awesome and I don'tregret them. Learned a lot, but we weren't compatible for a lifelong thing. I think this is a good attitude, and a mature one. I would imagine, if you’re with a guy, and your number bothershim that much, odds are there will be other things about you that bother him, too. I find it absurd that a girl who loses hervirginity at 16, is sexually active, and ends up sleeping with, say, 15-20 guysby age 25 or so, is deemed promiscuous. That means 15-20 guys in ten years. Assuming she’snot had several longterm relationships, etc, that means she only slept with what,2 people a year on average? Does that really strike people as “promiscuous”?
jcrew11 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 If you have double-digit partners, it just makes it more likely or probable that you have an STD or very low standards or low self-esteem. It just gives the impression that someone is dirty. Now, it doesn't really matter because people can get tested and prove they have no STD's. But if you have never been tested, its just a fact that the more people you sleep with, the higher chances of getting an STD. In the present day, everyone is really promiscuous, and I don't think "a high number" is a breaking point. But a religious virgin might not want to marry a promiscous person.
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