Author darkwings Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 as far as what happened to me, i dont mind telling you about it,i do mind when people dont believe it even though i say you dont have to believe me it doesnt matter its over now,i dont actually enjoy being thought of as a liar.......i feel i have to prove i t, and i shouldnt have to.......he was never bought to justice......my justice is being able to say Of course, I believe u. Why wouldn't I?..But, I can't understand why people won't believe u; I mean, how can anybody cook up such a traumatic incident...what would that achieve?...But, the important thing is that u have recovered so much..I'm not even sure if anyone ever heals completely... and yes i do forgive him You forgave him??!! That too after all that he did! My counselor told me that to really heal I would have to let it all go. He basically said that hating someone so deeply, with undercurrents of vengeance, generates a lot of negative energy that could one day, maybe, make me want to explode in a severely destructive manner. He asked me that if I could not forgive him, I should atleast try to let go of the hatred..I just glared at him after hearing his suggestion...I really thought he was out of his mind.. I dont need a protector, i am pretty independent have been from a very young age in fact when i was growing up my parents both worked so i bought up my little sister, I skewed the opposite way i became an over achiever who was ocd, was a part of everything i could ever be a part of,twice in the local paper for me helping others. Way to go girl!!..Wish I could be like that...Though I do good academically, other than that I don't have anything to brag about. One of the first things that my counselor told me was that I needed to find my own strength, using him as a crutch, would get me nowhere...Well, he's gone for more than a year..and, honestly, I haven't done that great... his wife would often be standing in the kitchen watching, never said a word..... i got more upset that my step father said she...because i was always told she was not the word to use when describing a woman ro a girl.. God!! I really don't know what to say...I know it probably doesn't even matter at all now, but still, I'm so sorry that all this happened to u... i cant have people touching me..if i fall ....i have to get up by myself. Sorry, but u come across as a bit egoistic to me..I may be wrong, but it seems that u don't want to let others help u...or see u in any kind of distress...as if letting them help u would make them perceive u as a weakling...It's definitely great to be able to take care of urself, but still having supportive people around u, who could brace or cushion ur fall, won't hurt, I think... hope me sharing my story has helped you in some way.. Definitely...I could literally feel ur strength radiating out from ur post!!..Makes me want to become stronger.
spiderowl Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 (edited) So he's extremely traditional and wouldn't love a girl who was not a virgin, even if it was not her choice to be raped? What sort of guy is he? He's certainly not the loving, caring guy you need. If he is a good guy, he will cope with you telling him this. He might be a bit shocked at first and, if he is a good guy, he will be very sad and angry that someone hurt you like this, but he will want to comfort you and show you just how much he cares about you. However, if he is an inflexible bigot, he will judge you on this and not love you. If the guy is right for you, you won't have any problem with him. If he's a bigot, then he's not for you. Why should you have to hide something of such importance from your partner, the guy who is supposed to love you? If you think this guy will look down on you because of this, then you have poor judgement in men. You need to learn to spot the genuine good guys, not those who just purport to be. I'm so sorry about what happened to you. Some women are now bringing cases to court about incidents that happened in the past. I guess that's a really difficult thing to do, but something you could consider. If you did want to consider this, do contact a support group who will be there fore you. I hope your guy turns out to be as good as you need. Edited February 10, 2013 by spiderowl
Kohdak Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 If he doesn't love you regardless, then he isn't for you. You need someone to confide in, and if you are worried about being judged you can't do that. That's one of the boyfriend/girlfriend duties. Someone to talk to about ANYTHING - a counselor is great and all, but someone you can actually connect with on a deeper level (other than just talking at someone) is SO much better. You will learn there is a difference between talking at, and talking to someone. Your S.O. should be listening,feeling, and understanding, not judging.
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