LeliiMarie612 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 So I'm new here, but I've been checking Loveshack for months now. It's been quite helpful since I can relate to most situations and I decided to create an account here. I just thought I'd make a little introduction before getting into my situation. So I have been in two relationships within the past year. Both ended and were with different guys. The first was five months and the second was about two months. Before these two guys I hadn't really dated before so I didn't really know much about relationships. The first, however, I did really like him and he did really like me as well so we dated. It was both new two us though so we made mistakes and toward the end he seemed to have changed and just broke up with me out of the blue, because he felt I was too boring and that he needed someone who was more open. I accepted it but never completely got over it. He was very immature after the break up but did try and maintain a friendship until we stopped because it was too awkward. He did try and talk to me again a few weeks ago since we're still in the same school, but he then decided to start ignoring me again out of no where. He is, however, still very close with another ex of his that he wasn't even serious with and it just bothers me how he decides to be friends with me one minute then ignores me the next, but can talk to a girl who was never there for him or took him seriously. The second guy, I'll admit, I sort of used him. I knew he had feelings for me for a while, and I sort of liked him as well but not enough to date him. Then when he confessed his feelings, I went out with him, knowing well enough I wasn't over my first ex and that him and this guy were friends. I ended up falling for him though and that's when I guess I regretted using him, because he began to hurt me as well. He was sweet to me in the beginning, but he said "I love you" too soon and never tried seeing me. He also has a rep for being "bad" and everyone told me that he wasn't right for me. I refused to listen to them, until he began to lie to me to a point where I got tired of it and broke up with him. He tried to be my friend afterwards, but wound up hurting me, mentally and physically, so I stopped talking to him. Afterwards, even though I was the one to break up with him, it felt like he broke up with me because he made sure to go out his way to hurt me. Then on top of that, he already found another girl that he swore was just his best friend when we were dating but he already claims that he loves her and that he loved her for a while and yet me and him just broke up close to a month ago, so it makes me question if they were really just friends and if he was really busy all those times he couldn't see me. I know it shouldn't bother me because I let him go, but I just wonder how he could claim he loves me and then move on to another girl so quickly. Now, I always was unsure about relationships because I can't take pain very well. I have bad depression and already have other things going on in my life that I won't get into detail about, and I've noticed since I've dealt with what i had to deal with with these both guys, one ignoring me and calling me boring and the other abusing me and then moving on quickly, that makes it worse. Ever since I got out of my last relationship, especially lately, I've been feeling more down and everyone's been saying I've been acting differently since I was with my last guy. Is there any way i could just let the past go and move on about my life?
betterdeal Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Is there any way i could just let the past go and move on about my life? I think there is a very good chance you can, and the fact you're asking this question says to me you want something more than to replay the past. That's a good thing in my book: you're thinking about your life as a bigger thing than one (or two) specific relationships. Overall, I get the impression your relationship with feelings is where you could make the most significant changes that will lead to a better, more enjoyable life for you. Take these two encounters with these two people as valuable learning exercises. Learning about how you behave, respond to, and see things, and what you like and dislike, is pretty much what finding out who we are is all about. Personally, I found reading self help books on dialectical behavior therapy very helpful in understanding where feelings and emotions fit into the big picture, and better ideas of how to respond to events in life. It may be something you'd like to consider.
Author LeliiMarie612 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 Thanks, I appreciate it. And your right, I know I don't want to relive the past, but I just want to get out of it. And I know I need to work on feelings and that's somwthing I've always had an issue with, but I'll take that into consideration.
betterdeal Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 It takes our brains different amounts of time to process trauma (or any experience, actually) so, in answer to the question, "how do I stop living in the past", you just need to let your synapses, neurons and glia do what they do to process memories. You can help them, a lot, and it will make you feel better instantly and in the long term: the way you encourage the process along is to get good sleep, and the best way to do that is to eat a healthy diet with lots of fresh vegetables, exercise such as walking, running, or swimming. Other things that help include making your bed comfortable and clean, and treating yourself to relaxing things like a nice hot bath, a massage, a hair cut. Being well fed and well rested gives our bodies (including the brain) what it needs to repair and rebuild. 1
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