starla33 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 i'm not sure that even exists anymore (people may settle when they are much older and realize their dating pool has shrunk and everyone has married off). These days though everyone is looking for the bigger better deal and assuming there is always someone better around the corner. So I don't know...settling for the awesome person instead of going around the corner may not be a bad thing.
chex Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Well usually when I'm in relationships I'm settled. I mean I have to be somewhere for a bit to get to know the people right?
Leigh 87 Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 THOUSANDS.... MILLIONS of average and unattractive couples, totally love and adore each other!!!!! They DO NOT feel like they have settled, and they would not change anything, albiet maybe they would wave a wand and turn a beer gut into a flat stomach.. but you know, they would not want to grossely change the way the other person looks, even if they COULD use magic:) .... .....Settling is a lingering feeling that you would like to have done better. Ending up with a person who is not attractive, or is not intellectually intelligent, LOOKS like a shortcoming on paper. TO their partners, however, they are just what they want! My partner is more physically attracted to may women, who happend to be super models and are far mroe beautiful than I am! I do not walk around with a sense that my bf has "settled" though, that feeling to me, is bizarre, and I would never be with a guy who made me feel that way! 1
animalover Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 But if he likes those models and he is with you.... is he not settling just because he can't aim to thoese models? Don't get me wrong, we all settle for less that we want when going into a rrelationship because the perfect person does not exist! There are always those small things you would like to change in the other person.... finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend...is not about the attractive things a person has...that is something everyone will accept! Finding a person who's defects are acceptable for you is the key to a healthy relationship, actually it is all about settling! 1
Leigh 87 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 But if he likes those models and he is with you.... is he not settling just because he can't aim to thoese models? Don't get me wrong, we all settle for less that we want when going into a rrelationship because the perfect person does not exist! There are always those small things you would like to change in the other person.... finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend...is not about the attractive things a person has...that is something everyone will accept! Finding a person who's defects are acceptable for you is the key to a healthy relationship, actually it is all about settling! But you will see women who have a better body or a prettier face than your girlfriend; there will always be someone prettier, smarter, and funnier than her. Your NOT settling though, because it is her you would rather have because your are very attracted to who she is; you do not want to look at a prettier face, you just want her. ...Settling, in my opinion, is when you FEEL like yoursettling. My boyfriend does not feel like he is settling, because he would not trade me for anyone else, based on looks alone.
Leigh 87 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 My deffinition of settling is: when you FEEl like you have taken what you could get in a relationship, even though you want more; you FEEl like you have settled into a relationship you enjoy, but you have active thoughts of how you wish you could have done better. As I mentioned, most couples who love and adore one another DO NOT have models as partners. It does not mean they consciously think " oh, I have settled with this awesome girl because the super models will not go for me" ...I think it goes something like this: two people meet, they are attracted to one another enough to become close, then they fall in love and could not imagine swapping their partner for a better looking person. Basically, if neither parties FEEL like they are settling, then they are not settling. ...There is little point making the definition of settling to be " anything less than a super model who has a masters degree, a great job, and the best personality" Because that is NOT REAL for 99% of people. It is just not practical to set out to find that, and therefore feel like your settling for less.
Leigh 87 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 But if he likes those models and he is with you.... is he not settling just because he can't aim to thoese models? Don't get me wrong, we all settle for less that we want when going into a rrelationship because the perfect person does not exist! There are always those small things you would like to change in the other person.... finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend...is not about the attractive things a person has...that is something everyone will accept! Finding a person who's defects are acceptable for you is the key to a healthy relationship, actually it is all about settling! ACTUALLY - it would be different if my boyfriend was the type of guy who had victoria secret super models after him! Obviously, guys like that would not notice a cute, non mode like myself, because they have much better looking women to chose from; they will become accustomed to what they HAVE, and would therefore feel like settling if they somehow were forced to date an "average" looking women! There are cases though, of great looking people meeting average people in their work place or through college, and falling madly in love with them! On average though, people tend to go for the prettiest people who will chat to them and become interested; when the most attractive person to them makes an offer, from that point it will become a benchmark as to the types of women they would like to attract from that point onwards.... ..................................................................................... My boyfriends friends told him that I was not good looking enough for him, actually! His EX best mate, a girl, was so shocked at how ugly she found me, that she even got a couple of her and my boyfriends mutual friends to ADD ME ON FACEBOOk............ JUST so they could see my pics and talk about how ugly I was:confused::confused::confused::confused: My boyfriend never thought I was not good enough to begin with; he thought I had a stunning body ( which I did back then!) and an average face, that was sort of pretty. I have a bad nose. If I had a small button nose, I would probably be a swimwear model. I am not joking, my nose is the only bad part of my face. After his mates continued to tell him that I was not good enough looking for him, it rubbed off on him unfortunately He went from thinking he was seeing this super fit hottie, to thinking that maybe I was just not pretty enough for him. He said he lost all those feelings of settling for my looks once he fell in love with me; he is no longer mates with those horribly mean people who told him I was not good enough.
Eggplant Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I feel that it is not right to lie to somebody and tell them how amazing they are to you when that's not how you feel. Settling is dishonest. (Unless you both agree to "settle")
animalover Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 ACTUALLY - it would be different if my boyfriend was the type of guy who had victoria secret super models after him! Obviously, guys like that would not notice a cute, non mode like myself, because they have much better looking women to chose from; they will become accustomed to what they HAVE, and would therefore feel like settling if they somehow were forced to date an "average" looking women! There are cases though, of great looking people meeting average people in their work place or through college, and falling madly in love with them! On average though, people tend to go for the prettiest people who will chat to them and become interested; when the most attractive person to them makes an offer, from that point it will become a benchmark as to the types of women they would like to attract from that point onwards.... ..................................................................................... My boyfriends friends told him that I was not good looking enough for him, actually! His EX best mate, a girl, was so shocked at how ugly she found me, that she even got a couple of her and my boyfriends mutual friends to ADD ME ON FACEBOOk............ JUST so they could see my pics and talk about how ugly I was:confused::confused::confused::confused: My boyfriend never thought I was not good enough to begin with; he thought I had a stunning body ( which I did back then!) and an average face, that was sort of pretty. I have a bad nose. If I had a small button nose, I would probably be a swimwear model. I am not joking, my nose is the only bad part of my face. After his mates continued to tell him that I was not good enough looking for him, it rubbed off on him unfortunately He went from thinking he was seeing this super fit hottie, to thinking that maybe I was just not pretty enough for him. He said he lost all those feelings of settling for my looks once he fell in love with me; he is no longer mates with those horribly mean people who told him I was not good enough. I think you are looking to this form the wrong perspective... First at all we all settle... we all need to accept things on the other person that we don't like... it is as easy as that... it is just that we settle for what we are capable to accept or we accept as minor defects... When we speak about settling, we speak about the beginning of the dating/relationship... not when someone already knows you and learn to love other things from you (character). We can say your boyfriend settled for you since he in a moment of time felt you where short of looks for what he deserved... of course when he met you and got in love with you.. that doesn't matter anymore!
Leigh 87 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I also did not think my boyfriend was good looking enough for ME when we first met:lmao::lmao::lmao: He thought I had a stunning body - he actually thought I had the best body a women could have. He did not think he could do better in this area! With my facial features though - he did not think I was the prettiest girl he could get, but he did not think I was ugly! He did call me beautiful on the second or third date, and he is nto the type of guy to say that to many girls. I think I was his first. He does not talk like that to girls like that (according to him) So... Yeah, he settled at first, and so did I, I suppose! After we love each other, we do not feel that way though! ...I think it is very rare for a man to meet a women, and think " wow this girl is the most attractive women I can ever get" ...And even if a man does find a women who is the best looking women he can find, they may not work out in the end! ...If a guy does not settle for looks (he finds the best looking girl for hm) then he might have to settle for something else, for example, she may not be very intelligent so he cannot talk with her about interestin things he enjoys, and has to go to his friends for that aspect...
animalover Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I also did not think my boyfriend was good looking enough for ME when we first met:lmao::lmao::lmao: He thought I had a stunning body - he actually thought I had the best body a women could have. He did not think he could do better in this area! With my facial features though - he did not think I was the prettiest girl he could get, but he did not think I was ugly! He did call me beautiful on the second or third date, and he is nto the type of guy to say that to many girls. I think I was his first. He does not talk like that to girls like that (according to him) So... Yeah, he settled at first, and so did I, I suppose! After we love each other, we do not feel that way though! ...I think it is very rare for a man to meet a women, and think " wow this girl is the most attractive women I can ever get" ...And even if a man does find a women who is the best looking women he can find, they may not work out in the end! ...If a guy does not settle for looks (he finds the best looking girl for hm) then he might have to settle for something else, for example, she may not be very intelligent so he cannot talk with her about interestin things he enjoys, and has to go to his friends for that aspect... you see, now I totally agree with you! We all settle down when it comes to a relationship... and there is nothing wrong about it!
Leigh 87 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 ......except for the super models who have found loving husbands - I am sure their husbands never thought they settled:lmao:
animalover Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 ......except for the super models who have found loving husbands - I am sure their husbands never thought they settled:lmao: Maybe not in the looks... but believe me they settled for other characteristics...no one is perfect.... not even me :lmao:
sillyanswer Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 What if the choice is between settling and being alone? Then pick whichever seems to be the better option. Companionship that isn't completely perfect might be better than being alone. Perhaps it depends how far away from what you ideally want you are when you decide to settle. Isn't it better to have someone than to be alone forever? False premise, because you don't know you'll be alone forever at the point you choose to settle.
Radu Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I've been thinking about this, since going back to college i met a few older ppl and a few girls who are mid 20's, and who are involved with 40+ yr olds. These are guys who have become successfull in their careers, have everything settled down, want to settle down with a family, and who are looking for someone to do it with. I know that as time goes by, you get more and more willing to settle because your options continue to dwindle. It may come a time when i will settle to greater degree than i would do now, if say i get to 40+ and i'm still single. Untill then ... Afterall, the guy in my avatar used to say 'a guy is as old as the woman he's feeling up' ... PS: DY will love this post of mine.
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