Settling.

[superb]

Do you guys get to the point in dating where you feel settling is necessary?

[MrCastle]

Never have, never will. I've had the opportunity to do so several times. Never. No one should ever feel like they're settling.

[ptp]

Never have, never will. I've had the opportunity to do so several times. Never. No one should ever feel like they're settling.

 

What if the choice is between settling and being alone?

 

Isn't it better to have someone than to be alone forever?

[Keenly]

I am getting to the point where its popping into my head, but I want REAL love too much to allow myself to settle. I want the same feeling inside of me that would be inside of her.

 

Mutual attraction, emotionally, mentally, and physically, is something I will never settle for less on.

[MrCastle]

I've read your posts here.[/Quote]

 

Yeah I'm guessing you haven't.

 

You're a pretty typical dude in PUA community who feels that he's entitled to a woman who is far better looking than you are, correct?

 

 

Settling to you is dating somebody who is about as attractive as yourself

 

Nope.

[ptp]

Op you should specify what you mean by "settling".

 

Do you mean in terms of looks? Or in terms of how someone treats you? Or how much someone makes?

[Talak7]

What if the choice is between settling and being alone?

 

Isn't it better to have someone than to be alone forever?

 

 

Are you asking if it's better to be alone and do what you want or to have someone you don't want around consistently around?

 

Seems like the question almost answers itself....?

 

 

Settling?

No.

I think people's opinions/perspectives/feelings change so they can APPEAR to be "settling", but I'd like to think that the only people that CHOOSE to settle are those that are so insecure that their relationships will suck anyway.

 

I much rather be a 50 year old running around skeeming on 35 year olds and Dr. Housing it up or something.....rather than forcing someone upon my life. Ugh, that'd just be annoying. Get a dog.

 

 

 

I also think settling has a lot to do with looks

 

I dated a 10 model for years. She was HOT! I could've married her. We probably wouldn't have worked out at all. To me, settling wouldve been marrying her saying "shes so hot I can't leave".

 

So I'll likely be dating an 8 that's just SO much better for me. and if she's sexually satisfying and I find her incredibly attractive, who cares what # she is? Maybe I appear to "settle" - but I think it'd be a better fit if I ever decided to stay with anyone

Edited February 3, 2013 by Talak7

[superb]

Op you should specify what you mean by "settling".

 

Do you mean in terms of looks? Or in terms of how someone treats you? Or how much someone makes?

 

Settling between what you feel you want/deserve and what youre able to get. I guess that's what I meant.

[pbjbear]

I think the vast majority of men feel like they are settling in looks. Very few men are goodlooking enough to get a woman that is insanely hot so most HAVE to settle in their eyes. The thing is, I say these things on the internet that offend men but this is the truth. Getting a guy to admit it in real life is harder to do but look at their actions and youll see its true.

 

To all the men that have a more average looking woman that say "I dont feel I am settling" Id ignore them and look at their actions. All of my married female friends' husbands gawk at women that are hotter than their wives, secretly fantasize about them and have inappropriate conversations about these hotter women that show they wish they could have her. There is no guy on the planet that doesnt do this. Since people will respond and say my friends' husbands are just jerks and Im biased...none of these guys are jerks. They are all decent husbands and I say them as a "nice guy" before they got married. Im not even including my friends that married guys that I have always thought were jerks.

 

I want someone attractive but when I see a guy hotter than my current dating partner I dont react the way men do...men place more value on looks. Thats why so many women freak out when their husband is in their mid-life because no matter how great she is, a younger more attractive woman with a less than stellar personality to balance it WILL be a better option in their husband's eyes

 

Most guys want the hottest women possible (any guy who says otherwise is lying) so most settle in that department.

 

In terms of personality, values, how they want to get treated there is variability among men on how much preference they place...so for everything else its up in the air. I know many men that say personality holds high value but then their dating choices dont reflect that at all...others do place personality high on the list. It depends

Edited February 3, 2013 by pbjbear

[à droite]

Do you guys get to the point in dating where you feel settling is necessary?

 

yes and no

 

yes you do not want to die alone and live with 20 cats and be a crazy cat person.

 

No you want a person you can spent the rest of your life together and love one another ,but your going to have to settle for your partners imperfections and short comings your never going to meet the perfect person. there is always going to be some better at this and that you just got to find the main things you want in a partner and every thing else you just have to deal with or what ever.

[pbjbear]

I've read your posts here. You're a pretty typical dude in PUA community who feels that he's entitled to a woman who is far better looking than you are, correct?

 

 

Settling to you is dating somebody who is about as attractive as yourself

 

He is a hippie who feels entitled to many different women. Not saying thats wrong but those are his views. He believes each woman can fulfill a different aspect of him, so prob one of them would have to be super hot but the others not

[Talak7]

I think the vast majority of men feel like they are settling in looks. Very few men are goodlooking enough to get a woman that is insanely hot so most HAVE to settle in their eyes. The thing is, I say these things on the internet that offend men but this is the truth. Getting a guy to admit it in real life is harder to do but look at their actions and youll see its true.

 

This is really wrong. I consistently bang much hotter girls than I. I attribute it to my conversational abilities and presentation. Girls are much more into behavior than looks.

 

 

 

 

To all the men that have a more average looking woman that say "I dont feel I am settling" Id ignore them and look at their actions. All of my married female friends' husbands gawk at women that are hotter than their wives, secretly fantasize about them and have inappropriate conversations about these hotter women that show they wish they could have her. There is no guy on the planet that doesnt do this. Since people will respond and say my friends' husbands are just jerks and Im biased...none of these guys are jerks. They are all decent husbands and I say them as a "nice guy" before they got married. Im not even including my friends that married guys that I have always thought were jerks.

 

I want someone attractive but when I see a guy hotter than my current dating partner I dont react the way men do...men place more value on looks. Thats why so many women freak out when their husband is in their mid-life because no matter how great she is, a younger more attractive woman with a less than stellar personality to balance it WILL be a better option in their husband's eyes

You sure have a lot of generalizations about men.

If I had a wife whom I loved,I wouldn't consider some dumb bimbo a better option. It'd likely just go the opposite way since as you get older you are less interested in sex...

 

Most guys want the hottest women possible (any guy who says otherwise is lying) so most settle in that department.

 

In terms of personality, values, how they want to get treated there is variability among men on how much preference they place...so for everything else its up in the air. I know many men that say personality holds high value but then their dating choices dont reflect that at all...others do place personality high on the list. It depends

 

 

You REALLY do not understand men. At all.

 

And you respond by saying "All men will just call me biased and disagree and bla bla they are just mad..."

 

No it's just that you're not correct about the way that men perceive women and dating. At all.

 

This sounds like something one of those ****ty articles in a ****ty magazine written by ****ty women.

[TheGuard13]

I think pretty much everyone settles on some level (even those who like to pretend their significant other is a ten, perfect, etc), especially when it comes to looks. How can one person be every attractive person, or have every attractive trait out there? They can't. And after all, looks fade over time, and people change, and yadda yadda yadda.

 

Anytime I hear someone say "I don't intend to settle", I just kind of check out, because that person either doesn't understand people, or doesn't understand relationships.

 

I'm looking for someone compatible with me, who will continue to be compatible to me. I don't consider it "settling" unless I'm unhappy in the relationship.

[pbjbear]

This is really wrong. I consistently bang much hotter girls than I. I attribute it to my conversational abilities and presentation. Girls are much more into behavior than looks.

 

 

This sounds like something one of those ****ty articles in a ****ty magazine written by ****ty women.

 

Im not talking about girls hotter than you, Im talking about the hottest girl you could possibly get. All guys strive for that and any guy who says he isnt is lying. The difference is most men dont have those kind of options so they usually settle for one that doesnt meet their standards. Smart men are realistic in what they can attain

 

Guys bang girls too hot for them all the time, youre right...thats because girls dont care as much about looks.

 

Tell me, do you "consistently bang" girls not hot enough for you? Doubt it...girls do though-

[pbjbear]

I think most people have dealbreakers in choosing dating partners. My dealbreakers are things that prevent me from having a healthy relationship with someone (where it is a two way street and everyones needs are getting met)

 

Things outside of that, you gotta decide what you can live with and not. Nobody is perfect and youll never meet someone who fulfills a laundry list of requirements.

[Talak7]

You're saying he's wrong but then prove his point exactly by saying that you feel entitled to a woman who is hotter than yourself

 

 

Way too many men feel like they deserve a woman better looking than he is

 

I think you are confusing a sense of entitlement with a sense of value?

 

I guess I am "entitled" in a way.

 

I feel "entitled" to a reasonably nice, attractive young women with career goals and aspirations, varying hobbies and interests, and a positive outlook on life.

 

If by "You are entitled" means "you try to only bang hot girls" then yes- I try to only bang girls that I am physically attracted to....? I guess I'm confused on what you guys are saying.

 

If by "entitled" you mean "You ONLY try to go for girls "hotter than you" - I don't think that's the case. I said I've banged girls much hotter than me consistently. Actually my biggest let downs and rejections have been from girls not as "hot" that I was just WAY more into (super cool, love hanging out, etc...)

 

I don't understand why I would date someone I'm not attracted to...

[Talak7]

Im not talking about girls hotter than you, Im talking about the hottest girl you could possibly get. All guys strive for that and any guy who says he isnt is lying. The difference is most men dont have those kind of options so they usually settle for one that doesnt meet their standards. Smart men are realistic in what they can attain

 

Guys bang girls too hot for them all the time, youre right...thats because girls dont care as much about looks.

 

Tell me, do you "consistently bang" girls not hot enough for you? Doubt it...girls do though-

 

The hottest girl I could possible get was my model girlfriend of 3 years.

She was not the best match for me, and I would've continued to be unhappy.

 

You are obviously just insecure about your looks and overcompensate for it in other ways. You attack people for rejecting you. That's your problem.

 

When I get rejected, I laugh and smile and hope we can have a great relationship as friends and wing-buddy for eachother. Why? Because it's life and there's 20,000 reasons to not date someone. You probably wouldn't have worked. Might as well enjoy connections in any way you can and put yourself in a consistently positive light.

 

 

You're right - If I bang girls hotter than I all the time, then girls consistently bang me (uglier than them) all the time.

 

Does this not highlight the glaring idea that you are putting so much emphasis on looks that you don't understand how attraction is really built?

[pbjbear]

The hottest girl I could possible get was my model girlfriend of 3 years.

She was not the best match for me, and I would've continued to be unhappy.

 

You are obviously just insecure about your looks and overcompensate for it in other ways. You attack people for rejecting you. That's your problem.

 

When I get rejected, I laugh and smile and hope we can have a great relationship as friends and wing-buddy for eachother. Why? Because it's life and there's 20,000 reasons to not date someone. You probably wouldn't have worked. Might as well enjoy connections in any way you can and put yourself in a consistently positive light.

 

 

You're right - If I bang girls hotter than I all the time, then girls consistently bang me (uglier than them) all the time.

 

Does this not highlight the glaring idea that you are putting so much emphasis on looks that you don't understand how attraction is really built?

 

Private message me and Ill send you pics.

 

Im not insecure in my looks at all. I get called hot and asked out all the time. I have a Master's degree and a ton of hobbies and friends too. I only post here when I am at work and bored.

 

When I come to this site I just say it how it is...Im not gonna sit here and sugarcoat how men really are.

Edited February 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Talak7]

I think most people have dealbreakers in choosing dating partners. My dealbreakers are things that prevent me from having a healthy relationship with someone (where it is a two way street and everyones needs are getting met)

 

Things outside of that, you gotta decide what you can live with and not. Nobody is perfect and youll never meet someone who fulfills a laundry list of requirements.

 

My dating requirements are

 

1. Sexually satisfying

2. Genuinely nice (Ie; non-abrasive personalities, honest, etc)

3. A few shared interests we can actively enjoy together.

 

From there, things work out or they don't for a variety of reasons.

 

1. Sexually satisfying is not all about looks. In fact, EVERY SINGLE TIME I would choose a 7 I can have a conversation/laugh with/thoroughly enjoy intellectual conversation over a 10 who thinks the direction of north is whichever way goes "up" in elevation (This comment has been made to me...). Sexual satisfaction comes from being ABLE to physically be attracted to them, combined with wanting to share that experience with them because you care for them.

 

just my two cents

[Talak7]

Private message me and Ill send you pics.

 

Im not insecure in my looks at all. I get called hot and asked out all the time. I have a Master's degree and a ton of hobbies and friends too. I only post here when I am at work and bored.

 

When I come to this site I just say it how it is...Im not gonna sit here and sugarcoat how men really are. Your posts reeks of entitlement and I called you out on it.

I apologize for my misperception then on your looks - That is certainly how it sounds. It's not about how hot you are, it's about how you feel about yourself. I'm happy you are not insecure - I just felt that's what it sounded like.

 

Exactly how do my posts reek of entitlement?

 

You sound exactly like a type of girl I would be interested in...why does that make me entitled? (Edit- I'm always consistently disappointed in the number of girls that don't seem to have any real hobbies/interests of their own....This sounds mean and judgemental but I think there's just a fair number of human beings who don't do much. I have lots of friends that I would certainly describe as "lazy" or "disinterested" in a variety of hobbies and activities outside the general hanging-out with friends.

 

I don't look to start augments on the internet- I'm here to learn from a variety of perspective.

 

 

Don't you want a seemingly nice, mature man, good looking, and maybe with an advanced degree as well?

Why can't I?

Edited February 3, 2013 by Talak7

[Estate]

Do you guys get to the point in dating where you feel settling is necessary?

 

I hate saying it but I think all expect maybe 1 or 2 of my friends have.

They are all in relationships... only those 1 or 2 I think went out of their way and were lucky to find really great girls... the majority just gave up after a long time of not having girlfriends and settled for whatever came along.

I know it sounds mean to say that about friends but...

 

I'm single, I've met a lot of girls lately and some who I see potential with... but the reason I've stayed single is not due to lack of interest, it's because I really don't feel I want to settle. I'm 28, I know the type of person I want and I think I still have plenty time to find that person before I need to "settle". That's just me IMO, if I still don't find her a few years down the line, maybe I'll feel differently, but I hope not.

[pbjbear]

Why do I need someone I only halfway am interested in? Don't they deserve the full love of someone? Don't I? Is it fair if I commit to someone and then meet my dream girl 5 years later?

 

I rather settle and be alone on the endless hunt for the queen of my paradise then have the queen of another person's paradise.

 

You dont so please dont do that. I hate seeing relationships where people are together due to fear of being alone, insecurity/comfort reasons, to just have a boyfriend/girlfriend, NOT because they really like each other. I would say over 50% of relationships I observe exist for these reasons. I have also dated guys I could tell werent super into me but they couldnt deal with not dating someone, or they thought I looked good on paper/looked good on their arm in their circle of friends. I couldnt stand it and they wouldnt admit it but I could tell thats what was going on.

 

Everyone has to settle on certain traits/characteristics but you dont have to settle for someone youre not interested in...if that makes sense.

[MrCastle]

I hate saying it but I think all expect maybe 1 or 2 of my friends have.

They are all in relationships... only those 1 or 2 I think went out of their way and were lucky to find really great girls... the majority just gave up after a long time of not having girlfriends and settled for whatever came along.

I know it sounds mean to say that about friends but...

 

I'm single, I've met a lot of girls lately and some who I see potential with... but the reason I've stayed single is not due to lack of interest, it's because I really don't feel I want to settle. I'm 28, I know the type of person I want and I think I still have plenty time to find that person before I need to "settle". That's just me IMO, if I still don't find her a few years down the line, maybe I'll feel differently, but I hope not.

 

This makes me very happy. I'm 25 and feel the same way.

 

I get blasted here, almost on a daily basis for my views on dating.

 

I prefer to remain single and for some reason that means I'm a monster.

[pbjbear]

This makes me very happy. I'm 25 and feel the same way.

 

I get blasted here, almost on a daily basis for my views on dating.

 

I prefer to remain single and for some reason that means I'm a monster.

 

Hey I dont think youre a monster. When I said the other day Id hang with you and not date you its because I dont think our sexual values are similar enough other than that youre fine. And no, dont settle...

 

I dont think men or women should settle but too many people are afraid of being alone. I dont get how our society pushes independence down our throats yet everyone needs to be dating all the time...its weird

[pbjbear]

 

 

On women... I think some people are talking about looks here. Looks are a big part for most guys, there's no denying that but as I get older, even though I still want a super hot girlfriend... if I met a hot girl and she's just an idiot or not a good fit for me, it won't work... I have to let her go... and I HAVE done that... it's not ALL about looks.

 

But most people here seem like they have no motivation to get what they want in life. Divorce rates are so high because people settle. If both parties are truely happy it wouldn't be so massive.

 

 

This is what I mean though, for all guys you need a super hot girlfriend + the personality

Most guys as they grow up realize having a hot girlfriend isnt enough...they realize they need the hotness PLUS the personality

 

Most women if the personality is there, he can be average looking and theyll be fine.

 

Guys do place more importance on looks