Pistol pete Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Hey all Thoughts welcomed please. I've been chatting to a girl online for awhile. however it's generally 1 message per week, never with any real substance, always light. After a few weeks of this, I asked for her number (with the idea of texting) as basically, we're both not online much and it would be a hell of a lot easier. She replied saying would I mind if we got to know eachother a little better first... which of course I was fine with.. although for me, it's not a problem.. I can understand that others may have had bad experiences in the past with weirdos etc. However, what is the next step? Should I just ask her out and if she says no.. consider it a dead end?
meeji Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Tell her that you are interested in her and you would to eventually like meet her in person but that you don't want to put pressure or move things faster than she wants to. Maybe you can ask her if she is also interested in meeting (that way you aren't wasting your time if she is just not interested and is being nice) and go from there. I wouldn't suggest asking her out yet. Wait until you get the phone number before moving forward.
sillyanswer Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 One message a week sounds a lot like she's not interested. Not giving you her number sounds like she doesn't really want to get to know you better. 1
Fondue Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I tried OLD for about a month once. This is the one thing I never understood. I had many conversations via message with women on that, but as soon as you mention you want to exchange #s, they either avoid doing so, or say she will give to me "later," and it never came to. I got to the point where I realized most women were not serious about anything just wanted some light conversation. So I made it a personal rule to ask for a number after the 3rd message. If she didn't reciprocate, then I stopped the conversation all together. It was really stupid, too. Like, I would say, "I'm not planning on messaging you any further as this messaging thing is boring, here is my #, text me with what you plan on doing incase of a zombie apocalypse!" I wouldn't get a text, but I would get a message 2 days later online saying, "I plan on texting you soon!" or something similar. Never came. Out of about 5 initial messages, I would get about 2-3 of them to reply. If I asked them for a number (or gave them mine), only about 33% of THOSE would actually get to texting/phone. At this point I realized OLD was pointless. People just want attention and a messaging buddy. So I decided to back to real life game . It is better anyway. 1
superb Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) Sometimes women are on sites for just superficial attention. You can tell when someone is serious or not. Sounds like this one isn't. *also, texting is a horrible way to get to know someone. Shock a woman and ask for a phone conversation instead. Edited February 3, 2013 by superb .... 2
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 A few suggestions: Communicate more frequently than once a week, or most daters will assume you aren't serious about dating. If she was the hold-up for your pace, then you have your answer. She's not serious about finding someone to date or dating is not a priority for her, at least not with you right now. When I did OLD, most guys offered their phone number, rather than ask me for mine. (A number also gave me their full name and directed me to their Facebook page...very nice gesture, but not necessary.) It sounds minor, but for some women it's helpful to offer your number rather than request theirs. Your goal is to put the other person at ease. Many women worry about security and safety. My sense is guys worry most about whether she'll be fatter than her pictures. It's possible, she's brand new to OLD. Some women are very hesitant with the first couple of guys because you just never know. At any rate, I would give her the benefit of the doubt, and respond with something like: While I'd prefer live conversation to get to know you, I respect your view, and I want you to feel comfortable with the process too. Here's my number whenever you're ready to switch to offline communication. In the meanwhile, let's plan to email through the site more frequently than we've done in the past. I want to get to know you either way. [insert compliment about why you're interested in her.] Mentally, set an unspoken time limit for yourself, and stop communicating after that. Also, please communicate with others until you've agreed to a date. Some people have no intention of ever meeting. Million reasons why. Others are just cautious. No way of telling which category she is in based on a few exchanges. You just have to set yourself unspoken time limits so that you don't waste your time on dead ends...and talk to others until you've secured an actual date.
Estate Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Just to back up the other posters here... One message a week isn't a lot. I find the best ratio is 1 message a day. If she send you a message, reply later that day and expect a reply by the following day. People get busy sometimes so maybe a few days could pass if they genuinely aren't online to reply... but if she's only replying once a week she's not really into it. I know that's harsh but if I like someone I'll want to be in contact with them, at this rate she's not investing. Also, with such long breaks between messages, any interest you build in one message is lost by the next one. If you want to persue this... push for the number and set up a date ASAP. You need to meet her in person or this is going nowhere. If she doesn't give it to you or doesn't meet up soon, then I'd suggest leaving it go, there are plenty more girls on the site I'm sure who'd be very happy to be chatting to you.
Casablanca Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 She's not interested, move on to the next; one message a week she either isn't interested, and/or is keeping you around as a plan B
PhillyDude Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Hey all Thoughts welcomed please. I've been chatting to a girl online for awhile. however it's generally 1 message per week, never with any real substance, always light. After a few weeks of this, I asked for her number (with the idea of texting) as basically, we're both not online much and it would be a hell of a lot easier. She replied saying would I mind if we got to know eachother a little better first... which of course I was fine with.. although for me, it's not a problem.. I can understand that others may have had bad experiences in the past with weirdos etc. However, what is the next step? Should I just ask her out and if she says no.. consider it a dead end? Some questions for you 1. Why would you send someone a message a week? 2. Why would you want her number to text instead of calling? While you are doing all of that she is probably meeting other guys while you are wasting time.
Author Pistol pete Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 Yeah I don't disagree, I've done the whole online dating thing for awhile. But personally for me, if I'm not interested, I don't tend to reply.. Other times, the messages just seem to stop and the obviously you know that there was some initial interest, but it died out. I've also done that myself. The only confusing thing is that she continues to reply, this has been for about 6 weeks now. I already know from messages that she's had a guy on the site being abusive to her, so it could have something to do with it. I think I'll maybe continue for a couple more messages and work out her intentions and then if she doesn't wanna meet etc.. call it a day.
PhillyDude Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I tried OLD for about a month once. This is the one thing I never understood. I had many conversations via message with women on that, but as soon as you mention you want to exchange #s, they either avoid doing so, or say she will give to me "later," and it never came to. I got to the point where I realized most women were not serious about anything just wanted some light conversation. So I made it a personal rule to ask for a number after the 3rd message. If she didn't reciprocate, then I stopped the conversation all together. It was really stupid, too. Like, I would say, "I'm not planning on messaging you any further as this messaging thing is boring, here is my #, text me with what you plan on doing incase of a zombie apocalypse!" I wouldn't get a text, but I would get a message 2 days later online saying, "I plan on texting you soon!" or something similar. Never came. Out of about 5 initial messages, I would get about 2-3 of them to reply. If I asked them for a number (or gave them mine), only about 33% of THOSE would actually get to texting/phone. At this point I realized OLD was pointless. People just want attention and a messaging buddy. So I decided to back to real life game . It is better anyway. I bring up talking on the phone after about 8 messages. But the way the OP was communicating it would be 2 months before he got the number lol 1
PhillyDude Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Yeah I don't disagree, I've done the whole online dating thing for awhile. But personally for me, if I'm not interested, I don't tend to reply.. Other times, the messages just seem to stop and the obviously you know that there was some initial interest, but it died out. I've also done that myself. The only confusing thing is that she continues to reply, this has been for about 6 weeks now. I already know from messages that she's had a guy on the site being abusive to her, so it could have something to do with it. I think I'll maybe continue for a couple more messages and work out her intentions and then if she doesn't wanna meet etc.. call it a day. Why would u talk to someone online for 6 weeks when it's a good chance she will be meeting other guys? LOL You are not even giving yourself a chance
Casablanca Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Some questions for you 1. Why would you send someone a message a week? . Did I misread? I was under the impression that the girl he is talking to is only sending him one message a week, he replies soon after and doesnt hear anything back for a week
Author Pistol pete Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 Some questions for you 1. Why would you send someone a message a week? 2. Why would you want her number to text instead of calling? While you are doing all of that she is probably meeting other guys while you are wasting time. As I said.. she's not online much, probably logs in once per week, usually at the weekend. Also some people don't feel comfortable instantly moving to phone comnversations, texting is just another form of instant messaging/emails. It would certainly be more convenient for me to message via phone. Also, I've met a lot of girls online and there's nothing wrong with texting, ironically, the only girl who wanted to talk on the phone straight away was the biggest flake I've ever encountered.
PhillyDude Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Did I misread? I was under the impression that the girl he is talking to is only sending him one message a week, he replies soon after and doesnt hear anything back for a week Well he is foolish enough to keep talking to her. It's obvious she has no interest
PhillyDude Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 As I said.. she's not online much, probably logs in once per week, usually at the weekend. Also some people don't feel comfortable instantly moving to phone comnversations, texting is just another form of instant messaging/emails. It would certainly be more convenient for me to message via phone. Also, I've met a lot of girls online and there's nothing wrong with texting, ironically, the only girl who wanted to talk on the phone straight away was the biggest flake I've ever encountered. Either ask for her number or find someone else online to talk to
soccerrprp Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Been OLD dating over a year now and always communicated nearly daily with those who were interested. The few that communicated fewer than every other day, turned out to be not interested and most certainly because they were communicating with someone else and found their interest more appealing.
PhillyDude Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Been OLD dating over a year now and always communicated nearly daily with those who were interested. The few that communicated fewer than every other day, turned out to be not interested and most certainly because they were communicating with someone else and found their interest more appealing. That's basically what it means
apple OR orange Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 catch 22, most women meet in the real world (everywhere, friends, shops, work etccc), those who meet online have a reason to... kids divorce been used with this in mind, she might not be an “online” type, which means she wont like to give you her number as its outside her comfort zone Generally i have found those online aren’t "that great" in the first place and there’s a reason they are "online"... These are my findings so anyone who wants to disagree doesn’t worry me, however when i have done double blind studies on these the answers above are always right.
Estate Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 catch 22, most women meet in the real world (everywhere, friends, shops, work etccc), those who meet online have a reason to... kids divorce been used with this in mind, she might not be an “online” type, which means she wont like to give you her number as its outside her comfort zone Generally i have found those online aren’t "that great" in the first place and there’s a reason they are "online"... These are my findings so anyone who wants to disagree doesn’t worry me, however when i have done double blind studies on these the answers above are always right. SOME are like this but it's easy to spot (i.e. read their profile). The really great girls I've met online have either been because they are really great busy and successful girls and simply do not have the time to go out to bars all the time (and since apparently according to this forum, you can't approach girls anywhere else), she's not been meeting a lot of people. ... or... She HAS been meeting guys out but they just haven't been that great, so she gave OLD a try. Some great girls online. But you won't get them with your sad face mirror self pic and boring profile.
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 it's a game to weed out the players, if you stick around she is thinking you are interested in getting to know her rather than using her to increase your numbers. That being said, no more than a week or so should go by in this status, if she won't give you her number then she isn't looking to meet you and is only passing time with a penpal.
Recommended Posts