acarls20 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I'm sure there has been threads about this online but I wanted to state my story. I've been seeing a guy for three weeks now. We just had our third date. He hasn't dated for four years and wants to take it slow. I really like the guy. I was the one that asked him out. On the second date I asked for a kiss and he kissed me. I keep having to ask if its okay to kiss and he does but I feel like I'm pressuring him. I feel like there is something wrong that I have to keep asking so then I keep pressuring more. I'm totally use to guy just wanting to get into my pants. I sent a stupid text at the end of last night being like," Hopefully, you can make a move on me next time." Then I regretted it immediately. I sent an apology e-mail telling him I'm really enjoying his company and I'm not use to taking things slow. I'm use to being taken advantage and I feel like there is something wrong when that is not happening. I hope you can be patient with me too. We have really great chemistry and fun together. Should I ask if things are okay? He hasn't responded to my apology or should I just move on and see his next move. I don't know for certain if there will be a fourth date. I sort of feel like I messed it up. I told him I wanted to cook for him since he's been paying for all our dates.
babycrapgreen Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I think you shouldn't have apologized but, you can't do anything now about it. I think since it's just the beginning stages of dating it's okay to ask. But, wait, til he gets more comfortable with you, it seems that he's awkward.
Author acarls20 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 Yah, he's very awkward about it all. I guess I'm not pressuring that hard really. I never once said take off your pants. He even flirted some yesterday which was new. It really can't be that terrible for a girl to ask to hold your hand or kiss you. I tend to be a worrier. The internet always says after a date your just supposed to forget about. Sure, easy advice if you don't already have a problem with worrying about everything. lol I knew after I wrote the apology I was a bit over-dramatic. He's a guy. He's probably barely worried about it. He'll probably read it and be like oh well, that's nice and call me when he's ready to again.
Author acarls20 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 What does bother me about him so far, is whenever we have a good date. I definitely have certain amount of messages I'll get from him until the next one. So I'll get the whole I'm glad you made it home. Have a good night thing. Then, I'll go ask a question and he won't respond for days. I know he doesn't like to use the phone a lot but it certainly drives me crazy when I'm already insecure about threatening the relationship to begin with. I'm probably being irrational. Usually after he doesn't respond I leave it alone until he's ready. Obviously he needs to be in control to a point. But I won't be happy with this forever. Do you guys think this is a temporary thing with communication?
oldschool1 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 How stressful for you. The lack of sex part doesn't worry me as much as the lack of responses. Has he responded to your email yet? If I were in your situation, I would wait for him to contact you and ask you out the next time. Sometimes people are gun shy after a trauma (even men!), so it is possible that this man is just out of his element or slow to trust. But, there is also the possibility that he is simply not interested---and I assume this is your worry. Try mirroring him a bit. That way, you know that you're not overdoing it and scaring him off.
Author acarls20 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 Yah, I've never taking it slow before and its a confusing thing for me just like dating is a confusing thing for him. When we're together he does seem genuinely interested. We did end out last date on a kiss and he waited by the sidewalk until I pulled away. He has been very generous with our dates. He even flirted some last time! He has from the beginning not been a phone guy so I'm trying to not let this get to me. He didn't have a cellphone until he started his most recent job. Even in the 1st and second date it would often take him a few days to respond. Even with the e-mail I used to ask him out it took all weekend. I just don't think he really uses technology to communicate. I'm trying to give him space and mirror his behavior. I don't think I'll make anymore first moves with being physical for awhile. Basically I showed him its okay to kiss and try to touch me. So he can do it now if he wants to. And i'm trying to take it slow on my side. I tend to have the obsessive behavior so I'm trying to just move on with my life. If he calls me great. If not it really doesn't change anything in my life. I also feel like if he didn't want to see me again he'd tell me. He is still a mature adult.
MidwestUSA Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Three dates and you're referring to it as a relationship. That may be giving him reason to back off. Ease up, have fun, and let things progress naturally. Good luck!
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 For one, you are definitely coming on to strong. For two, he sounds like he isn't that interested. My advice. Stop complaining about him not advancing and give him a chance to try to! The fact that you are all excited that he "flirted" seems off to me, I understand taking things slow. But there is taking things slow, and just dating someone because you don't have anything else to do really... and that seems to be what he is doing. If you really are into him, give him some space, let him make the next move, and stop worrying so damn much!
mitchell Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Was he a good kisser or was this just a peck on the cheek? Maybe offer him a BJ. That would really break the ice and nobody can refuse them.
Author acarls20 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 We made out on the second date. I don't think a BJ is a good idea when he feels uncomfortable with kissing a lot. I am trying to take everyone's advice. This is literally the slowest I've ever dated. Usually guys don't tend to take things slow at my age or mind it when I make the first move. Also, I know we don't have a relationship. That is very obvious to me. I guess I'll wait to see if he responds this week. I'll let you guys know. I really do think that he will. We do have a lot in common and have a lot of fun. I just need to chill out and let him make the next move. It is also funny what is considered too strong sometimes. Sometimes coming on too strong is asking to hold someones hand or sometimes its trying to take their clothes off. I honestly think I'm not coming on that strong. I'm being very verbal with him trying to make him comfortable in the situation. I also only text him a couple times and then I stop until he responds. I'm doing the best I can.
silvermercy Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Maybe it's just me but I don't find his pace that slow at all. I'm female and I usually take it slow, too, so maybe that's why it doesn't strike me as odd. However, as already mentioned though, you should be able to feel his interest more during dates.
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