My ex and i broke up and i dont know how to deal with it.

[Cassrat]

Hey just thought i would share my story and see if anyone is going through the same thing and what they did to get through it. I just turned 21 and recently broke up with my 3 year boyfriend. It started out being a break, but soon turned into a full breakup. At first i was cool with the whole taking a break because i thought that our relationship wasn't working out. For the first month we still talked and saw each other and i started dating other people and going out with my friends all the time. Then a month later i found out that he was dating someone else. I felt like my whole world had just came crashing down right in front of me. I was angry because he said that he didn't want to date anyone else and all he wanted to do was hang out with his friends.

 

The hardest part is that he was my first love and i made the mistake of giving up who i was and my happiness to be with him. I quit hanging out with my friends not all my friends, but my guy friends and the people i used to party with. I didn't go to cancun my senior year because i didn't want to hurt him. I didn't go off to a big college because he was here. My 3 best friends graduated a year before i did and he was all that i had around so i justed started doing everything he did because my friends were all moving on to college, the army and also in relationships. Now that were not together i feel lost and have done things i normally wouldn't do just to keep my mind of off him.

 

I have always been a very self confident girl and never really worried about guys.

until now. I have done good about going out and going out with my friends but i seem to be looking for love in all the wrong places. Is it normal to go out and be crazy after a break up. I have no idea what i should do to keep my mind off of him in a positive way. The only thing that seems to work is date someone else, but when im around another guy im not myself because i fell insecure. Any advice would be awesome

[luvhurtconfusion]

Hi I just had to post because I'm going through same thing as you are and we are the same age. You can read a little about my relationship here.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t46544/

But long story short we were together for 5yrs, first love for both of us. He started seeing someone else and I felt heartbroken that he's moved on so quickly. Does your ex still tells you he has feelings for you, or do you two still keep in touch?

 

I also made a mistake of giving up my friends and stopped making new ones because I made all my plans with him and my last 5, especially college years revolved around him. And I thought I liked it that way because I wanted to be with him, but toward the end I felt like things weren't gonna work out so I broke up.

 

He also told me that he didn't want to get back because he liked being single and having his own time, but in reality he just wants to see her. Now I feel like I still love him and want him back but he's seeing someone else and can't make up his mind. Has your ex said anything to you about them two or about how he feels about you and him?

 

Sorry I'm not giving any good advice because I'm having same drama, but I'd say don't date anyone right now because it's not fair for the other person and it's not the healthy way to move on. You need some time to heal alone before you can move onto someone else.

[carolina]

Cassrat--

 

At least you're still YOUNG!!!

My ex (my first love) and I broke up after 6 years, 7 months ago.

 

I'm now 31 starting ALL over again. It sucks! My clock is ticking. I'm like now I'll never find someone in time to have kids and stuff. At 31 you should be getting married and having babies and here I am just looking for a guy again!!

 

So, as bad as you may think your situation is.........it could be worse, you could be 31 and going thru it!!

[cassrat]

luvhurtconfusion-

Me and My ex talk occasionally, but not very often. When i found out he was dating someone else, I flipped out and called him crying and saying that i thought it was bull**** that he would work on another relationship, but he wouldnt work on ours. He replied that he wasnt working on a new relationship that him and this girl are not serious and bla bla bla. When we broke up he said that he didnt want to date anyone else and that he just wanted to go and hang out with his friends. Regardless the fact that he was dating someone else totally devistated me. Even though i broke up with him. I started dating a guy i met in highschool before him and i got to gether. Which by the way only lasted a week. I think i just wanted to see what else was out there and then i went on a few dates with a really awesome guy, but i realized that i wasnt ready for anything serious and he was so i quit talking to that guy. Regardless i felt like "I should be out having fun and dating and he is suposed to stay at home and be heartbroken because he screwed up our relationship =). I guess things dont always work out that way damnit.

When i say he screwed up our relationship i mean it was most of his fault. He would come stay the night with me the nights before he had school. He never wanted to go out on dates because he is a cheap skate. He went out with his friends to the bars everyweekend usually on friday when i had to wait tables. Then saturday (my day off) he was to hung over to go do anything so we would just rent movies and stay at one of our houses. We were like an old married couple.

 

He always tried to get me interested in the things he liked, but thought the things I liked were stupied. (When you write this stuff out you feel like a complete idoit). He wasnt all bad though he waited on me hand and foot, always took care of me when i was sick, gave me foot massaches every night, always was affectionate no matter who he was with or where he was at and he always made me laugh. Bastard =)!...

 

We talked the other day and i acted like the happest person you ever saw in your life. I told him how great I'm doing and how much fun being single is and not worring about someone else. I told him that i have been having a blast and im always out of town with my girls. It made me feel like I gained my pride back. Thats when he was like I miss your family and I want to come see our dog and your parents. He also was like i understand if you dont want to be there. I was like i dont care, i might be here, i might not.

 

My ex told me that he does still have feelings for me and he does still love me but he doesnt see how it would work out right now. That was the night i called him crying. He said that he cares about me and stuff like that. Yes he did tell me stuff about him and this girl. Only because i made the mistake of asking questions like " did you have sex with this girl". " Is it serious? and stuff like that. Yeah dont do that because you really dont want to know the awnser. O-yeah my ex went to dallas with this girl too. We hardly ever did anything fun so i was totally pissed about that. Now i still miss him but i see clearly and know that he didn't deserve me and i should have left his him along time ago.

[luvhurtconfusion]

Carolina, sorry to hear about that, I really don't know what to say because I can't imagine how hard it is going through my situation 10 years later... but maybe experiences like these make us stronger if we can overcome this period.

 

Hi cassrat, I'm proud of the progress u made in getting over him, and I'm trying to get there right now. How long did it take you to just not care anymore when he calls you up and tells you that he misses your family blah blah? Like how long after he started seeing the girl. It's been 3 weeks for me, I still can't do that, if I hear him on the phone telling me he still has feelings for me, I'd just soften up again =(. But it's because he fluctuates so much with his words and actions he took me on a emtional roller coaster.

 

The last night (2nights ago) when we talked he said he thinks about "us" still, then he disappears for 2 days and be with her, I don't even want to bother calling. I was so nice to him throughout the whole 3 months we've been broken up, I can't believe he'd still mess with my head like that saying one thing and do another.

 

And u're right I don't want to know where they've been or how far they've gone. he was sort of a cheapstake too when we were together, I had to pay for stuff a lot of the time, not like I really minded. But now he's going to act like some generous guy taking her out everywhere. They go clubbing and drinking together alot, i don't see how that builds a good foundation for a relationship?

 

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story, anything else you can suggest that can help me get over him would be helpful, =).

[cassrat]

luvhurtconfusion-Hey sweetheart let me tell you exactly how everything went down so that you will know how I dealt with it. OK at the end of May I realized that me and my ex were drifting apart. Nothing was fun anymore, our sex life was like a routine, and he went to the bars all the time with his friends. I was a pretty good sport about him going to the bars because i was an idiot and thought that he just wanted to go with his friends and hang out because all of his boys are single and thats were they go. Well yeah he has been parting at the bars for the past 2 years, but he always called me when he was out, always said i love you and all that ****, and he always answered me phone calls. So i trusted him for some stupid reason. I'm not sure he ever cheated on me, but i wouldn't be surprised if he did. For the first year everything was perfect. We partied together, we went out together, and we took turns hanging out with each others friends. Then slowly he started going out with his friends on Friday nights because i had to work and it was all down hill from there. I told him I wanted to take a break at the end of may. He agreed that we both needed sometime to enjoy being young. I never thought that we would actually break up for good. For the first month we still talked everyday, still said I love you and were still sleeping together. I was dating other people and I was enjoying being on a break. Then the weekend before the 4 of July I went out with my brothers friend to a party and my ex called alot and I just kinda ignored him. The next day he said that he never knew exactly how I felt when he went out until now and that he was sorry for making me feel that way. Which totally pissed me off because he would say he was sorry but didn't offer to change or stop doing it. Then I went to the lake on the 4th and had a blast, but i was surrounded by couples which made me miss him like crazy. I called him when I got back and asked him to come over. He called me later that night and said that he didn't want to see me because he was enjoying being single and knew that he would be affectionate to me if we were together. He also said that he didn't want to lead me on. I started balling because I never thought that he would feel that way. I cried for about 2 days and then went out with the girls and started having fun again. Then one night when i was out i saw his friends. The friends that he is always with and he wasn't there. They told me that he was in Dallas and I knew at that moment that he was with a girl. That was when it really kicked in. I went to his house to get some of my stuff back and things were really akeward. Then later that week i called him and on his voice mail it said "hey some girls name, I'm really sorry i lost my phone and i will be late to met you, but i promise i will be there". My heart stoped and i went crazy then i called him and asked him if he was dating another girl and he said yes and that they were sleeping together and thats who he went to Dallas with. He was trying to be nice and say that i could call him whenever i want and he would do anything to make me not hurt so bad. He also said that i probably only wanted him back because he was dating someone else. GUESS what he was right bastard. I called him one more time really really really balling and saying all this **** like he said he didn't want to date anyone else and who he was a lier who would work on a new relationship, but he wouldn't work on the one he was in for 3 years. Then I hung up cried non-stop for a week and thought that i wanted to die. Then I went on a float trip with my friends mom and her friends. Got really drunk made out with 2 guys. One which is really really hot and who i talked to just last night. Then i went and got some empowering chick music, bought a modifating book, and wrote allot in a journal. Now when I start to think about him I go back and look at what I wrote about him then and when we were together and I realized he is not worth my time and I am a awesome girl that any guy would be lucky to have.

 

I wouldn't say that I don't miss him and that I'm 100% over him, but for the first time I do know that I don't want to settle for someone who is selfish and who doesn't appricate me. It's been about a month since I found out or 3 weeks since I found out about him and this other girl and all that went done. I was so mad at myself for giving him the satisfaction of me calling him crying. So I wanted to take back my pride. So I did and I swear that if I see him around or at school I will be that happiest damn person he ever saw in his life. I will say hi and how are you and when he replies I will say thats great and it was nice to see you bye. Regardless how he feels about this girl I know that she cant replace me and that real love is not that easy to find. Also I realized that if i wanted another relationship I could have one. I have dated about 5 guys since we broke up and talking to a few other ones. Most of which I have blown off because i don't really care for the opposite sex right at the moment.

 

If you think about it you are lucky right now to finally get rid of him and do whatever you want to do. You can watch whatever you want to watch "Go rent sex in the city" it will make you feel better. You can make new friends or call up the old ones you had before he screwed up your life. You wont truly be happy until you make yourself happy, so get up and do just that. It will take a while to find out what you like again because if you were like me at all you forgot who you were and what you liked and just started liking the things he did. When he realizes that you are OK without him and that you are having more fun than you ever did with him. He will want you back and by that time you will probably be over him. If he is going to get you back at that time it will be completely up to you and he will have to work his ass off. Just sit back and imagine that. Doesn't it feel good to be able to see that. If he moves on with this girl then you can feel sorry for her because you KNOW what she has in store. "Poor thing"=). Plus remember no matter how hard he tries "She will NEVER be you.

[staceyrenea]

I am also going through a bad time right now. And it really has helped me to read everyone else's stories, knowing that I am not the only one out there going through a break-up. On one web site this woman was saying that she dated some guy for a few years and they had a great time together, but one day he was killed in an automobile accident. And she received a lot of sympathy from friends and family. (It was almost more than she actually needed.) She said that she loved him, but was not in love with him, plus she was young. However, she moved on and found the man of her dreams. But months later he broke up with her. She said that she was actually more upset by the break-up than she was of her ex's accident. Not that she did not care for her deceased ex or anything. But the point is, all of the sympathy that she received following her ex's funeral, she could have used during her break-up with the guy she was really in love with. She also pointed out the fact that when someone breaks up with you, it is kind of the same thing as them dying, because they are no longer in your life anymore. So, it really does hurt and will continue to be painful for a long time. I am twenty-one and have had many boyfriends. However, I started dating one of my sister's best guy friends about a year and a half ago. We had an awesome relationship. We were together every weekend and 2 or 3 nights during the week. (we live about 25 minutes away from each other) We enjoyed the same type of music, clothes, outdoor activities, and anything else you can think of. The about a month ago he asked me to go on a vacation with his family to North Carolina. I was already very close with his family and the vacation just made us closer. We came back from vacation feeling more in love with each other than ever. Then on a Thursday night he called and told me he loved me for the first time and said how happy he was to be dating me. However, the next day he told me that he was going to hang out with the guys over the weekend. Which he did and I was cool with. But then he told me that following Wednesday that he had time to think about things and he thought that we should break up. He started crying and said that he was going to miss me so much. I told him that if he was not happy with me, that he should follow his heart. As he walked away he told me that he wanted me to call him, but I haven't. His friends say that all he does is sit around on the couch or in his room. I don't understand why he made a complete 180, and is now acting like he is upset. I want to be back with him very much, but he thinks that I need to go experience life. (He's 28) He also told me that I am too good for him. I just don't understand this. He loves me and I love him, so what could possibly be keeping us apart? Also, since he is friends with my sister, I don't know how I am going to react when I see him next. Should I accept the break up and pretend to be friends, should I cut him out of my life completely, or should I wait to see if he changes his mind and realizes how good we are together?