MyPoutine Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 So I ended my LDR very recently, it was our second attempt to build our relationship and things simply didn't work out. Thing is I accepted a movie date for next weekend from a guy that I've known for a bit. My worry is if this is a rebound, on one hand I was already half-in/half-out with my ex this last time and aside from anger I don't feel much else about the relationship ending. And it'd be nice to talk to a real guy and not a computer screen for a change... My date is a very nice guy, I've given him an idea of what's happened and told him that we would go very very slow and he seems okay with it all but what if this is just a rebound and I find myself not liking him later on? I don't want to hurt him but at the same time I am looking forward to a date with someone in the same continent as me... Am I being selfish? Should I simply wait a while before even considering dating? I keep going back and forth...
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I don't personally hold that LDR's are 'legitimate' relationships in that an awful lot of the emotions and feelings you have with someone present, are 'partial', in limbo and restrained. It's almost as if you have to contrive the commitment, because there's no physical presence to provide the impetus.... it's my guess that if you ended your LDR very recently, it's likely that feelings were quite neutral or absent, already. You've described your prospective date as 'a nice guy'. I take that to mean you already know something about him that you like, that appeals to you. You've been open and honest with him, and he still wants to see you. Look, go with the flow... You never know until you try. Just be a free agent. There's no need to jump the gun and try to create more here than currently exists. Relax. Life's brakes are "What if" and "Yes, but...". They stop us from experiencing. Cultivate the "Hell yeah, why not - ?!" You'll have more fun learning, that way. 1
swenann991 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 You were honest what is most important, so YES you are ok 1
candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 First guy after a long relationship, tough one. It is normal to overanalyse and to be worried, especially if your previous LDR was a long one. I remember when this happened to me, I would mistake dates with beginning of a relationship. Dating means NOTHING, girl, remember that! If you date him, it doesn't mean he is your rebound. He doesn't need to know everything about your ex, just yet. You are only getting to know each other, and you will be at this stage for the next few months, if it works, so DO NOT JUMP, one date means nothing, most of the times. It means nothing unless you let it mean something. So how about not letting that happen? There are a few tricks, the most important one is to keep your mind busy - either with a new hobby or with a busy social program, new friends, new projects... or with other guys. You are vulnerable and still raw after your previous relationship, also you do not realize it. Jumping from one relationship to the next is a typical sign. That, and the numbing sensation you're mentioning. Ideally, you wouldn't be dating anyone for a couple of months, until you get used to the idea of being single again, come to terms with what happened, cry a little... So if you want to date, make sure you do it properly, don't just see one guy, see more. If you see just one guy, you may focus on him, obsess, think, imagine, make projections... when actually, it's never about him, it's about you and what you're going through. You can't obsess over two or three guys, can you? Just keep it casual, get to meet people and enjoy the recovery process. Welcome back to the dating world, my dear, it's a crazy ride, so hang on tight ! 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 A few things: It was a second, semi-ambivalent attempt with your LDR. Yes? If you weren't that emotionally invested as it died out, you're unlikely to be on the rebound. You've been totally honest and upfront with the new guy. Dating is an exploration. Going on a date is not a commitment to marry. It's simply a means of getting to know someone, with romantic potential, a little better. The only outcome at the end of your date is: should I go on a second date to learn more, or have I learned enough to know that I see nothing happening romantically with this guy? He will be doing the same on his end. What if's before you've even gone on the date are premature, even if he is an old friend. Enjoy! 1
Author MyPoutine Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Thanks for the replies, what has been said makes perfect sense. ^_^
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