behappy12 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I've just joined although I've been on LS since my break up so I could read others' posts. I'm not ready to type out my whole story right now but basically I'm 8 months out of my "first love break up" in which we were together for 2.5 years. We're both 20, at different colleges now. I am the dumpee and I believe the reason was GIGS although I guess I'll never really know. She was my first love so I understand I don't quite understand my feelings and I don't exactly know how to deal with them yet. I went through all the stupid mistakes (begging her to come back, trying to be friends, etc) but I've been NC for 3 months now. I have days where I think I'm doing so great. I'm happy with myself and confident in who I am. I've gone out of my way to meet new people and try new things. I've been working out and have been in the best shape of my life. Then there are days (like today) where I can't stop crying. When I'm crying until I can't cry anymore and I feel like I can't go any longer. Days like today where I feel like nobody will ever love me again. I guess my question is... 8 months after the break up, is this normal? I'm just tired of feeling ****ty and I guess I need to hear from other people that I will be okay. If there was anything that particularly helped you get over your "first love," I would be more than willing to try anything at this point.
lourdes_bern Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) Don't be too hard on yourself. First loves are always very hard to get over because the experience was so new. It took me over a year to get over mine (my first college b/f), and he implemented NC right away. He dumped me, and he still has a grudge against me even though I did nothing wrong. It's been 5 years! My older sister took several years to get over hers, and even now (going on 10 years later), she still thinks about him and calls him the "one who got away." Whenever you feel sad, recognize the emotions and the reasons that they're there. Don't try to repress them, because that will make them worse. Sometimes you'll just have to ride them out until they go away. Have a good cry, write a letter to your ex that you'll never send, and at the end of it all, remind yourself that you ARE worth it and that there WILL be someone else in the future. Try talking to your friends (in person is better than chat/phone) and letting them know that you're upset and the reasons why. If they're true friends, they'll listen to you and support you. Realize that the process is going to take time, and each person's timeline is different. One thing that really helped me was traveling and meeting a whole bunch of total strangers; it's good to escape your life once in a while and to be a in totally different environment. I traveled with a friend for safety and because I trusted her a lot. Edited February 3, 2013 by lourdes_bern
mano Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 i understand dear, stay strong n keep yourself busy, the pain iz going to be there for a while, but don't worry. u will find someone who will love you again. u have made it thrugh 8 months, thats fantastic. u r strong. just believe in yourself
Survivor12 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I understand how difficult it is to get over a first love (in fact, it's very likely that you will always have a soft spot in your heart for her), but I want to give you something to think about... At your age, you are going through a lot of new experiences and responsibilities and many changes. For that reason, it is normal to go through bouts of anxiety, sadness and confusion even if you hadn't gone through a recent breakup. With that in mind, I think it may be helpful, when you are feeling down, to try to identify just what it is that is causing you to feel as you are. You may be surprised to find that your grief isn't always--or just--because of her or the loss of your relationship. It's just that it can become a sort of habit to attach feelings of sadness to something easily identifiable. Just so you know, I am speaking from experience. I went through a divorce a few years ago. Of course it was difficult, and I went through a couple years of coping with a gamut of emotions. One day, I woke up feeling sad, really sad, and immediately, my mind tried to figure out why. (You know that moment when you are waking up when your mind takes a mental "inventory" of what day it is, recalling what you did yesterday & what is in store for the day and you move from sleep into reality). My mind immediately went to my exH and divorce as the reason for my sadness. But, for some reason, I suddenly realized that that wasn't the reason at all. Truth was, a lot of other things were the real cause. I was going through a stressful time at work & was feeling a bit "defeated", money was tight & I was feeling "helpless", and although I had good friends, I didn't want to burden them with my problems (I felt that I'd used my share of ears and shoulders during my divorce) & I was feeling "alone" & "lonely"...none of which were caused by my exH or the divorce. That's when I came to realize that it had become a habit to blame all my negative feelings on my divorce. My feelings of being defeated, helplessness, and loneliness were about other things--things that I could control. That was the day that I began living again. I changed jobs, set some new goals and priorities for myself and made an active effort to reach out and meet new people. Now, I'm not saying that you aren't still grieving your breakup or missing your ex gf, but I am telling you that by focusing on the "feelings" and asking yourself what OTHER things in your life may be bringing you down, you may find that there are ways to make yourself feel better. 1
sadpanda87 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 so, you too huh ive actually just had a relapse myself also, hence looking through LS been 6 months, all of a sudden start remembering ll the good times weve had and the signs before the break up. not a good feeling at all but you'll get this less n less. move on with life, you'll get over this slowly but definitely
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