maysj18 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months officially. I really am in love with him! He's so damn funny, we laugh all the time. I'm also so comfortable with him in every way and I just know I have someone special. I know every relationship has their speed bumps, but I have no idea what to do now that we've reached one. As close as we are, I feel like he half-asses his side of the relationship a lot. What I mean is that he's very selfish and it seems the things he does for me are the bare minimum he can get by with. I'm in school 45 minutes away from our hometown. I go home frequently to see him and my parents, but I love to stay at my place at the college sometimes too. He will NOT come down here. He always has a reason and it usually deals with the current state of his tires. Well, I drove home every weekend last semester even though my barrings were completely shot and my tire wiggled when I drove it (rebad some of my older posts to see what I'm talking about. Too long to go into). He also bitches me out for sleeping in later than him or taking a nap after class before I leave to see him, yet as soon as I get there he is writing music and gets upset when I tell him to spend time with me?! What's the difference? When it comes to gifts, he is pretty..blah. I don't expect diamonds, money, or ANYTHING like that..I just want something thoughtful. Every single gift I've gotten has been flowers. That's okay though, I loved them, but he doesn't write me a note or anything. I have told him how the card is the best part of the gift for me, but he said he doesn't like cards and that he's rather "show" me his love. Okay? He doesn't work or go to school, so he does NOTHING with his time except sit at home. Back to the car story, he has a fully operational garage with lifts and tools, yet EVEN FOR AN OIL CHANGE I have to BEG him to do it for me so I can save money. He says he doesn't like doing things for people because he doesn't want to be walked on. I swear to you, he has NEVER asked for my help! The only thing imn good at is school, so I'd help him with homework y time. I do small things all the time too, but when I ask for a favor that will take maybe 10 minutes, he forgets. It infuriates me and it isn't fair. I have asked him so many times if he thinks I use him, and he says absolutely not and that he knows I never would. Okay..then why can't you help me with my car? He's seen me break down into tears because my car broke down on the saide of the interstate, or didnt pass inspection, or strted smoking, yet he still has NEVER done a damn thing to help. He will say things when I'm crying like "Sweetie, we will fix it, dont worry", but when he realizes it will take some time he's like Well, you're Vetter off taking it somewhere else because it will take me like two days. If if wasn't for my brother helping me when he was in town, I would be out hundreds of dollars. He's not my mechanic, I know, but he's my boyfriend and supposedly loves me. I would do anything in the world for him, but if it puts him out of his way, he won't do it for me. What do ypu all think? Edited February 3, 2013 by maysj18 i would edit this but im on my phone
Maneater Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I know how you must feel and men are LAZY. Have you told him how you feel yet? That him not making any effort makes you feel unloved???
Author maysj18 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 I know how you must feel and men are LAZY. Have you told him how you feel yet? That him not making any effort makes you feel unloved??? Yes! He listens, agrees with me, etc. But its the same old ****. He also worships my body and I ask him, why can't you tell me how pretty I look rather than how good my ass looks? He just laughs and says he's a "guy". We don't have sex all the tine and I'm never pressured..he loves to snuggle too, but his comments annoy me. Why can't he recognize other traits too?
SJC2008 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 You either don't have many options so you put up with his crap or you have issues and are "chasing" a man who doesn't seem to care about you. It's just an opinion and I mean in with all due respect of course. In regards to the $10 part in the other thread. Any part that will make a wheel loose or seem loose; Like a wheel bearing or ball joint, is NOT going to be CHEAP. As a mechanic I have to side with your BF. Please tell about this $10 part, I'm curious. 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) I hate to say it, but he sounds like "A real bloke"..... the kind of guy who in 5 years time will sit in his chair all Saturday afternoon watching the game on TV, and when you ask him to help around the house, will contribute by lifting his feet while you vacuum. Listen to me very, very carefully: He. Will. Not. Change. He has everything he wants, his way, right now. He has someone who will always go out of her way for him, and all he needs to do, is sit and do nothing, because he knows that your nature is to go that mile further. If it ain't broke, why fix it? Remember what they say: "He who cares the least, controls the most." He's complacent, because you may grumble, but you accept his complacency. You don't dig your heels in and say 'Well, fine. You won't do.... neither will I.' You're your own worst enemy. You know what he's like. You can see what he's like. You can even predict, probably what he will do. Or not do, as the case may be. But you still keep banging away, making efforts to compensate for his lack of co-operation. You think that by doing more, he will finally see how much you're doing, and reciprocate at last. You think that suddenly, he will see the error of his ways, and change... In - your - dreams!! I know you love him, and I know you love him a lot. But this will get worse. And in time, you'll begin to be unhappy, disappointed, used, taken for granted and resentful. Oh yes, I know you will. You have two options: Wait until then, and continue with things as they are now for the foreseeable future, or - End it now. Nip it in the bud. Find a guy who loves you and will always put you first, and meet you half-way. This guy does not PUT you FIRST. He puts himself first. Always. And you know this. And that's what really hurts. .....How close am I? Edited February 3, 2013 by TaraMaiden 5
bolase Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 OP you have repeatedly complained about this guy, it sounds like he isn't making you happy or putting in the effort. These are not new issues, if you have tried to resolve them by bringing them to his attention and failed, perhaps its time to consider whether you would be happier NOT worrying about them i.e. single.
darkmoon Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) I had one like this, so he was (in my secret descision-making mind, yes, secret) put in the role of friends with benefits. So take him and his faults alot less seriously, try it for a day at first - or stay where you are with your behaviour pattern of putting up with anything, yes, feel free to look for others, but without checking in on him for permission. Since his good point is humor, watch some comedians on television too. Your current loyalty to him is too generous, I think he's only with you for sex and fun - he has not proved his love for you, but his lack of it is listed in your complaints - justified - about him. It's your crush, your life that you're wasting. Edited February 3, 2013 by darkmoon 1
MyPoutine Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Sometimes you have to take your heart and break it yourself. Trust me unless you do that you will keep going back and putting up with a guy who isn't worth it. Dump him, take some time off and then find someone else, once you get over it things will automatically start to look better and brighter. Good luck!
TaraMaiden Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I have no idea what you've just said - I have you on ignore. But I will bet my bottom dollar there is nothing there in support of the OP. Please - don't anyone quote him or tell me! 1
RachR Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I think he doesn't care about you all that much. And this is how it's going to be, so take it or leave it...hopefully leave it.
iris219 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 He doesn't work or go to school, so he does NOTHING with his time except sit at home. You created a long post, when all you needed to say was this ^^. Unless he's actively looking for work, the above says so much about his character. Are you really OK with the fact that he does nothing all day? I can't imagine he has a lot of interesting things to talk about since he sits home all day.
StanMusial Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months officially. I really am in love with him! He's so damn funny, we laugh all the time. I'm also so comfortable with him in every way and I just know I have someone special. I know every relationship has their speed bumps, but I have no idea what to do now that we've reached one. As close as we are, I feel like he half-asses his side of the relationship a lot. What I mean is that he's very selfish and it seems the things he does for me are the bare minimum he can get by with. I'm in school 45 minutes away from our hometown. I go home frequently to see him and my parents, but I love to stay at my place at the college sometimes too. He will NOT come down here. He always has a reason and it usually deals with the current state of his tires. Well, I drove home every weekend last semester even though my barrings were completely shot and my tire wiggled when I drove it (rebad some of my older posts to see what I'm talking about. Too long to go into). He also bitches me out for sleeping in later than him or taking a nap after class before I leave to see him, yet as soon as I get there he is writing music and gets upset when I tell him to spend time with me?! What's the difference? When it comes to gifts, he is pretty..blah. I don't expect diamonds, money, or ANYTHING like that..I just want something thoughtful. Every single gift I've gotten has been flowers. That's okay though, I loved them, but he doesn't write me a note or anything. I have told him how the card is the best part of the gift for me, but he said he doesn't like cards and that he's rather "show" me his love. Okay? He doesn't work or go to school, so he does NOTHING with his time except sit at home. Back to the car story, he has a fully operational garage with lifts and tools, yet EVEN FOR AN OIL CHANGE I have to BEG him to do it for me so I can save money. He says he doesn't like doing things for people because he doesn't want to be walked on. I swear to you, he has NEVER asked for my help! The only thing imn good at is school, so I'd help him with homework y time. I do small things all the time too, but when I ask for a favor that will take maybe 10 minutes, he forgets. It infuriates me and it isn't fair. I have asked him so many times if he thinks I use him, and he says absolutely not and that he knows I never would. Okay..then why can't you help me with my car? He's seen me break down into tears because my car broke down on the saide of the interstate, or didnt pass inspection, or strted smoking, yet he still has NEVER done a damn thing to help. He will say things when I'm crying like "Sweetie, we will fix it, dont worry", but when he realizes it will take some time he's like Well, you're Vetter off taking it somewhere else because it will take me like two days. If if wasn't for my brother helping me when he was in town, I would be out hundreds of dollars. He's not my mechanic, I know, but he's my boyfriend and supposedly loves me. I would do anything in the world for him, but if it puts him out of his way, he won't do it for me. What do ypu all think? I got to tell you I LOL'ed at this. I am just picturing some poor deadbeat that just doesn't give a sh*t and somehow you got mixed up with him. Eh, you seem young so just don't get knocked up or beat up, in a couple of years you should grow out of it (hopefully, not always). If you can break the pattern by 23-25 there's a 17% chance you will land a good one.
pbjbear Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I hear ya on the speed bumps thing But a guy this selfish is a dealbreaker for me Its only gonna get worse from here on out And dont listen to the "im a guy" comments. Start doing bitchy things and just say "im a girl" and see how well he will react to that. Seriously, guys get a free pass to act rude and insensitive and then can just follow it up with "im a guy"...us women dont have that luxury and I call bullsh**
xxoo Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 He's doing all he thinks he needs to do to keep you. Is he right? More importantly, he's doing all he wants to do. For the long run, it is very important to be with someone who wants to make you a priority.
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