youngnlove89 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) Once time goes by in a breakup, it's hard not to ask yourself, "What did I do wrong in the relationship?" It's normal to ask yourself these things, but at the same time it can make you feel resentful. During a time of reflection, you see yourself for who you are. It's important to notice your flaws and own them. There were a few things in my last breakup that I didn't do right. That next time I can do better. That's the whole part of going through relationships, isn't it? To learn and to practice for the final one? 1. When we first started dating, I told him I only slept with 2 people. I didn't really think it was any of his business to begin with, so I lied about it. Well right before our relationship ended, I told him the truth. We both told each other our sleep partners. BAD IDEA. I slept with 12 people before him. He was VERY upset that I lied and that I slept with that "many". He told me he slept with somewhere around 25 to 30. He couldn't remember. Which is worse. But now when I think about it, I feel like a "whore" or like I am too easy and that is why he left me. Maybe that is why he fell out of love with me? I went through a phase a few years ago after I found out that my last boyfriend cheated on me with multiple girls. So in turn, I thought that sleeping with other men would fix my problem. It didn't. Lesson learned: Never tell a guy how many people you slept with and never ask how many he has slept with; it shall remain irrelevant 2. Needy. I needed him. There is a difference between wanting something and needing it. I always needed to hangout, talk, text, call, be with him, go hang out with him and his friends. I needed that to feel loved. I needed that to be happy. He became my whole life, my priority. I would drop whatever I was doing at the moment to shelter his needs/wants. My world revolved around him. It's horrible to rely on someone else, to need them in order for you to be happy. Lesson learned: Have a boyfriend that compliments your life, not becomes it. 3. Jealousy. I have a dad who is a cheater, cheated on my mom and it was what lead to their divorce. I also had a serious relationship awhile back where a boyfriend cheated on me. Basically, I don't trust easily. While most people trust until you give them a reason not to, I don't trust until you give me a reason to trust you. I wasn't bad about it or anything in the relationship though, if anything it was more detrimental to myself than anything else. If he didn't talk to me all day or if he said he was hanging out with his "buddies," I always put in the back of my mind that he could be cheating on me. I never questioned him or became that bitter girlfriend with a tantrum. But it made me very insecure with myself. Lesson learned: Learn to trust a little more. Whatever happens, happens. Don't make yourself (or the other person) suffer for something that hasn't happened yet. 4. Dependency. (Kind of goes hand in hand with neediness.) I basically lost myself in my last relationship. I think that is why it is so hard to get over because I don't know who I am. I came out of a breakup with less than I went into. The unknown is a scary place, not knowing who you are and trying to figure it out alone is even scarier. I depended on him. I made him my life. All my free time was him. I didn't have friends to hang out with or hobbies to occupy myself with. He was a priority, while I was an option. Lesson learned: Love thyself first. Love thyself whole. Be your first priority. Don't lose yourself over a guy. Make time for friends and family and your passions. A guy who really loves you, will wait. A guy who really loves you will appreciate that. What are some of your relationship qualms about yourself that you would like to change? Edited February 3, 2013 by youngnlove89 1
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