dub fx Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 i first want to thank you for readig; hope it is all clear cause english is not my mothertone and im writing this from my phone.. me and my ex been 2 years together. We met while travelling when we were 21. We had a really good relation and we shared so much adventures and time together. it was ALMOST PERFECT.. But sometimes she could freak out; specially when she consumed some alcohol.. but otherwise no worries and everything was good. I thought so.. some background information: While travelling trough South Asia she got scared of flying and being in crowded busses. i thought it wasnt a big deal and i tryed to support her as much as i could. Sometimes she started to act moody and she started to open up and told me she had a difficult childhood because of her mom having depressions. She started talking to me about it and i always lost my concentration(adhd..) she got angry and i tryed to listen as long as i could but i always start tapping my fingers or something like this and that made her angry because she thought i was not listening.. and she was scared to have aswell depressions.. And to be honnest: i tryed to listen but i felt like a psycologist orsomething and i just couldt be for her that much.. im still young and never had issues in my life so maybe i really wasnt there for her.. And i was in my happy own world... At one point i got homesick and i flew back home for a month. she flew to Canada. The plan was that i would be here aswell after one month. but trough visa problems it took me 1.5 months. she got lonely and when i was back home i diddnt called her enough cause i was spendig more time partying with me old mates i diddnt saw for almost 3 years. i called her almost every week. she never told me she was feeling lonely or depressed. she told me she made friends from work and it so nice here. so 2 weeks before my flight to Canada she wanted to look for accomodation for us both. she was living in staff accom. i told her: dont worry about it, we will find a place together. but she got so mad: dont you appreciate my afford and so.. i told her i dont even know where i would be working so dont look yet. this night she went out and kissed someone else cause she felt i wasnt intressesd in her orso?.. im really bad in communicatimg while travelling or being somewhere else. but she know i love her with my whole hart and im not the best communicating with familly or friends while travelling. to the point: after i arrived in Canada she told me she kissed someone else. i got mad!! and i told her i bet you been ****ing around! but she told me it wad only kissing.. so i believed her and we spend some more days together. but she diddent wanted to have sex anymore. Ignoring me, going to the gym with this guy she kissed from her work. we got nasty fights and she broke up. 2 days later i was begging her to give me an other chanche and did all the clingy stuff. she told me she started seeeing someone else! i got so mad, after 2 years ur allready ****ing some one else??? we texted eachother the worst things. 3 months further. she is still seeying this guy. she told me it is not serious. And in this 3 months she called me and asked me what i was doing. sometimes she would text or say she misses me and loves me. but never wanted to go snowboarding or catching up.. i saw her few times i town and we had a quik bite or a quik coffee and small talks. i always expressed myself that i loved her so much and i diddnt know why we broke up and that i wanna be with her for always. she always told me she needs qtime and stuff.. so week ago she texted me on australian day: happy australian day: we shared so much precious time. they were like gold. i miss you and i love you. so i straight away texting i love you 2; wish we could spend this time roadtripping again in australia they were so beautifull blabla i love you come and see me. but she ignored me again.. so i was so angry deleted her from facebook and told her what the **** you want? im not a warm backburner and i tottally lost it. anf i told her if you loved me you never went with someone else and you lost someone who loves you with whole his hart. we texted angry things to eachother. and then i FINALLY knew why we broke up: i diddnt been there for her. she tryed to talk with me many times but she felt like a pshyco. i reallise i had to be there for her. i was selfish with my own no worries life and i just diddnt been there enough for her and i regret so much! i learned from this!! she told me this guy was always listening to her. while i was texting her angry awefull stuff. Now she doesnt know if she wants to meet up! she is scared she will get hurt again. she told me she loves me to much but she thinks i cant be there for her enough.. maybe i need time to heal or maybe my wounds never would heal she told me :-( i told her i wanna be with her for always and i never would let you down and support you for ever. i really learned from my mistakes and took our love for granted. somehow i was to immature to realise i wasnt there for her. she booked a flight to mexico with two workmates in 20 days that is what she told me quik on facebook chat. i kept texting her for 4 days everynight what she means to me and how i see our future and plz forgive me. i learned fro this. blabblabab i love you soooooo much... blsbala she ignorred everything and i reallised i was clingy again so i wrote her: ofcourse you know how i feel and what i want. im sorry for this anoying texts.. she wrote me back; its to much pressure and i dont know yet.. now i diddnt contact her anymore and i am scared like she doesnt wanna give me an other chanche and she keeps me warm incase she realise how much she would miss me again if i dont contact her anymor for a week orso.. im scared she leaves me waiting while she can move on and have good times with her friends on holidays and i would be sitting here scared i loose her or she comes back? im so confused, does she keeps me warm? is it to early to come back together? how can i convince to hang out with me cause i know i make her crazy and she will realise she loves me deeply. but im scared she is protacting herself agaisnt being hurt.. or she is moving on and letting me wait.. what can i do guys? any tips or advice? im so glad im over this lovesick depression. but i just know i want her now and not any day longer in this guy arms.. btw; i dont know how close they are... i cant see any trees trough the forest anymore.. so any advice is appreciated. thnx
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