UmbrellaBoy Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I'm gay. I used to be celibate for religious reasons. I met a guy online who was not celibate but had guilt over that. He already had a boyfriend. I ended up breaking them up by, first, establishing an emotional affair as a confidante online, then moving to his city (after he cuddled me all night on a visit), and finally, I am ashamed to say, I partly played on the sex-guilt angle to accomplish this (meanwhile, his boyfriend/ex also was using the "pity angle" to try to keep him, since the ex had a hard life). "My" guy genuinely was involved with me emotionally, but would never quite close the deal in terms of being partners with me. Part of it was the religious commitment, he didn't know if he wanted to make that (even just try it). And also partly because the ex was still living with him. Then they moved out, my guy moved to a separate city (all this happened over a year and a half). I thought he might finally close the deal now that he was living on his own, but when I went to visit him at his new place, he said the ex had gone No Contact (for three weeks at that point) and that had catalyzed a need in him to make a final decision realizing he just couldn't be with me under those terms and that we both needed to move on and take time off from any contact. At the same time, on that trip, we also finally got naked together for the first time too. Our parting was amicable, in spite of his fear of me spewing hellfire again. I helped him block me on FB so I wouldn't be tempted to check it, and he said this doesn't have to be forever, but I said the ball is in his court. I think he was planning to go back to the ex he felt never got a "fair shot." A week later, I realized I no longer believed in the idea of a celibate relationship, that I intended to be sexually active, and sent him an email telling him this and apologizing for how I used this issue in the past, and saying he was right, that a partnership on the previous terms would not have been healthy. This has been a huge change in outlook for me , and has changed my whole (previously repressed) personality. I thought he'd come back, since that was the major issue I thought...but it's been two months and he hasn't. I've just seen him checking my blog a few times (where I also made these changes clear)...
Author UmbrellaBoy Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Well mirabile dictu, after three months we started talking again. Ironically, having made all my changes in a more liberal direction, he reveals as we spoke last night that the time apart made him think I was right all along and that maybe he DOES want to embrace celibacy. He didn't say he wanted to be with me explicitly, but unless he plans to be entirely alone in life, the implication as far as I can tell is that Id be his partner in this case if I wanted, I'm really the only option there. Is his change in this regard an implicit statement of wanting to finally try things with me?? It's odd, 3 months ago I would have killed to hear him saying he believed these things. No I'm less sure myself!
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