Indi Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 What does a guys consider girlfriend material and what keeps a girl out of friends with benefits zone? Lately all the guys I keep meeting just want friends with benefits with me? Well have only met like two or three within the last two years. Need to put myself out there more! I have read online what a guy wants in a girl and it frustrates me because I do have most of those qualities that a guy would want in a girlfriend. But as soon as I think I am getting somewhere with someone that I am dating they spring the friends with benefits line on me! Just wondering what I am doing wrong... Do not want to keep making the same mistakes. Any tips to improve my dating situation would be appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
aed Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I don't know what makes good gf material. I have things I look for in A women, but if that makes good gf material, I don't know Keeping out of the FWB-zone is something you can do by making your interest clear to the guy. If you want a relationship be clear about it and set up strong boundaries. When he thinks different move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 What does a guys consider girlfriend material and what keeps a girl out of friends with benefits zone? Lately all the guys I keep meeting just want friends with benefits with me? Well have only met like two or three within the last two years. Need to put myself out there more! I have read online what a guy wants in a girl and it frustrates me because I do have most of those qualities that a guy would want in a girlfriend. But as soon as I think I am getting somewhere with someone that I am dating they spring the friends with benefits line on me! Just wondering what I am doing wrong... Do not want to keep making the same mistakes. Any tips to improve my dating situation would be appreciated! Guys who are able to successfully place multiple women in their 'friends with benefits' zone are the top, alpha, most desired males. The reason they don't want you as a GF is because they feel they can get someone higher on the food chain. Seen it. Seen women who have rejected me lust after higher guys and be placed in the FWB zone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 A feeling of strong connection to you. It's nothing you can really "do", including the timing of sex. You can keep yourself out of FWB zone 100% of the time if you refuse to have casual sex. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 How do you present yourself? as "one of the guys" but with a vagina and lots of sex talk? that'll get you FWB real quick to a guy you don't even know. Do these guys take you on real dates or do you just go to their apartments for movies? are they young like college aged? Link to post Share on other sites
aed Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Guys who are able to successfully place multiple women in their 'friends with benefits' zone are the top, alpha, most desired males. The reason they don't want you as a GF is because they feel they can get someone higher on the food chain. Seen it. Seen women who have rejected me lust after higher guys and be placed in the FWB zone. I think there is some truth in this, but not always... I had a couple of FWB, but I am absolutly not top of the foodchain. In the beginning of these arangements, the girls are in their Sex in the City mood. and encurge these things. But over time allot of testing happend, telling about dates etc. But I was always clear: I dont want anything, just the sex. And if you want out do it! But overtime one person wants something more. In my case it came from the girls. But in the end it is a poor mating strategy from the girl (in my case). She hopes the guy will get attached, but that is not how things work. I never felt I good get better, but in these casus I knew they wheren't someone I fell in love with. Expect one: but that last long for a FWB. And was more dating then FWB. One was really attractive in my eyes. But there was absolutly nothing more to it. The girl I asked out a couple of months later, was less fysical attractive. Most of those relationships last for 2 months, maybe 4. Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Date guys who actually WANT a girlfriend. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
superb Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Don't have sex with anyone til you know their clear agenda and it suits what you want. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SensitiveTJ Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I have to agree with what has already been said. No one can make you a FWB unless you agree to it. So don't do that. Hold out for committed relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 What does a guys consider girlfriend material and what keeps a girl out of friends with benefits zone? Lately all the guys I keep meeting just want friends with benefits with me? Well have only met like two or three within the last two years. Need to put myself out there more! I have read online what a guy wants in a girl and it frustrates me because I do have most of those qualities that a guy would want in a girlfriend. But as soon as I think I am getting somewhere with someone that I am dating they spring the friends with benefits line on me! Just wondering what I am doing wrong... Do not want to keep making the same mistakes. Any tips to improve my dating situation would be appreciated! It is not about you. It is only about him and his attitude. If a man is looking for FWBs, he is a FWBs material. If he is looking for a R, he is a R material. It is only about his intentions and none of your great qualities can change his intentions. You might change your preferences and focus on guys who are looking for Rs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 The guys who have the power to "friend zone" a female is the alpha males that is rich and sexy. They are like 0.01% of the entire male population. For the overwhelming majority of the males remaining, the female is almost always in command. Just stop chasing the alpha male. They have a huge amount of baggage and they got women begging for their calling. As for me, I prefer non-black females. I'm sure there is black females that I would be interested in but she has to be far from the norm for me to even consider the opportunity and those women is almost always taken. As for the rest, as long as she isn't fat, doesn't smoke a lot, and can take care of herself, the rest doesn't matter. Well, unless you have a STD. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Indi Posted February 3, 2013 Author Share Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) Veggirl I present myself very well. I go out on proper dates. Yet still seem to fall into the friends with benefits trap. . Getting a bit over that! Just annoyed I keep attracting those type of guys. Superb Oh I will be doing that from now on. I will be making sure where we are at before going there again. That'll weed out the duds sooner. Sensitive TJ The guy I last dated. Tried to get away with having an undeclared FWB deal. Sometimes when you like to go with the flow because you do not want to pressure them into anything, they take advantage of that. . He was the one pursuing me, calling, texting, first and taking me out on proper dates. Yet I still got the "I don't want a commitment" speech. Even when, a month before that I stated I did not want casual! I was just like WTF? He was just being selfish and thinking about his own needs. Having no regard for my feelings whatsoever. Won't be falling for the "see where it goes" line again after that. I guess my mistake there was not stating what I wanted before sleeping with him. Lesson learnt. Bac I reckon. Over meeting selfish bastards who only think about themselves. My problem is just not knowing where to look for a guy that wants a relationship! Have no idea where all those type are hiding. Don't have any guy friends also so won't be able to use that to my advantage either. Itjg45 I don't always go for alpha males. Just whoever I find myself attracted to. See I am not fat, can look after myself and have no STD's yet I still get this ****. It sux. Just wonder where to look for guys who actually do want relationships that's all. Edited February 3, 2013 by Indi Link to post Share on other sites
MyPoutine Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I am noticing people are having sex too early so guys can get away with the "undisclosed" FWB move. Keep your legs firmly closed for a while, like 3 months, by then all the flaky guys would have gone. Sex isn't something you should rush into if you are seeking a long term relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Somebody who would be as serious about making a relationship as I am and somebody I really click with. Also the number one standard I have for any relationship is what is daily life like being with this person. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 fwb men = commitmentphobes imho Link to post Share on other sites
pbjbear Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Unfortunately nowadays to get into a relationship you basically need a woman with strong communication and clear boundaries. No guy on this planet would take a relationship over a friends with benefits (where he could get other girls on the side) unless the woman is out of his league. We live in a world of absolute hedonism filled with selfish people. Loving/liking a guy wont make him want a relationship with you nowadays...demanding one is how you get one. I wish I had had this attitude much earlier in dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Estate Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 What does a guys consider girlfriend material and what keeps a girl out of friends with benefits zone? Lately all the guys I keep meeting just want friends with benefits with me? Well have only met like two or three within the last two years. Need to put myself out there more! I have read online what a guy wants in a girl and it frustrates me because I do have most of those qualities that a guy would want in a girlfriend. But as soon as I think I am getting somewhere with someone that I am dating they spring the friends with benefits line on me! Just wondering what I am doing wrong... Do not want to keep making the same mistakes. Any tips to improve my dating situation would be appreciated! As a guy, I'll give you my advice on this... It's really down to the guy, not you. Think of it this way, if you met a guy and thought he was nice and you saw him as a friend... the typical scenario guys come across. What will make you think of him as more than a friend? Probably nothing, for whatever reasons, those are your feelings towards the guy and even if he begs or buys presents or whatever, it probably won't change your mind no matter what he does or how he acts. Same goes for these situations. I know guys who like going out and having fun and meeting girls, but they don't want a girlfriend. I'm not saying I do or don't agree with it but I've seen them meet some incredible girls, I only wished at the time, I could have met... but they had their fling and was done with them... they just weren't looking for a relationship. Then you have the flipside, a guy who wants a relationship. If you meet this guy, he'll stick around and want you to be his girl. But this guy probably doesn't hook up a lot or randomly bring girls home a lot. If he's sleeping with you, he wants a girlfriend, and he'll try to keep you. But the thing is... you can't change either of these guys. Just like you, they want what they want. And as difficult as it is sometimes, trying to do something or change something about yourself really isn't going to change his mind. So unfortunately the best thing to do, is probably let this guy go and meet the guy who DOES want you as his girlfriend. I know that's not always the advice you want to hear but sometimes if you stick it out with the friends with benefits guy, you can end up frustrating and hurting yourself if you begin to get attached and the situation doesn't change. Link to post Share on other sites
Estate Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Unfortunately nowadays to get into a relationship you basically need a woman with strong communication and clear boundaries. No guy on this planet would take a relationship over a friends with benefits (where he could get other girls on the side) unless the woman is out of his league. We live in a world of absolute hedonism filled with selfish people. Loving/liking a guy wont make him want a relationship with you nowadays...demanding one is how you get one. I wish I had had this attitude much earlier in dating. pbj... Although I see where you are coming from I don't agree that this is EVERY guy. Yes, I know the guys you are speaking about but I also know the others. I mean, even to describe myself. Nowadays I am pretty good at meeting new girls (wasn't always the way) and if I am not seeing something in one girl then yes, I will cut my losses and try meet someone else. It stops either person being hurt more than they need to be. But some guys won't lie and cheat and steal and turn down the prospect of a GOOD relationship for having girls on the side. To be honest, I wouldn't. I don't really enjoy hookups, I don't enjoy juggling multiple girls, it actually gets stressful and you really aren't getting much out of knowing any of the girls because you're putting zero emotion or feeling into it. I'd rather have ONE really really great girl than juggling 10 "ok" girls just because I am getting sex. That's me, and thats where I am in life. I know that's not EVERY guy, especially younger guys but I don't think every guy is like that. Also, on DEMANDING a relationship... honestly... even if I met a girl I really liked, but she demanded that.. I'd see it as a red flag. I feel it's best to just let things happen. There's no harm being up front about what you want out of seeing someone, I even think its important to discuss but if the guy is hesitant and you demand he enter a relationship, it will more likely push him away. I think it's better to meet the guy who you don't even need to demand such a thing, as he already wants to be there. Link to post Share on other sites
tbf Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 There appears to be a divide in male minds between hot enough to do and hot enough to date. The divide appears to land a bit madonna/whore where they perceive the girl to be someone who they would introduce to their parents and friends. Bear in mind that this is all subjective opinion on their parts so if you're attempting to appeal to more guys, it will be a moving target. Not having sex early in dating can help to filter out the guys who aren't really interested in relationships but it only delays the inevitable for others. A thought just struck me. The madonna/whore dichotomy appears to surround overtly/covertly sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
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