LostGirl11 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 'I want to text him. I need to text him. I shouldn't text him. I can't text him. I'm not going to text him' That is all I've been saying to myself all day! I just want to text him saying 'I need one of our cuddles' That is all. I don't care what he says back. I wouldn't even reply, that is all I want to say. Need to say... Really, really close.
GlassesSeventy Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Please don't! You've made such good progress, you'd let yourself (and us) down if you did!
geegirl Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Cuddles? He's so far away. Plus, when you wanted to go see him, he didn't want you to come. Plus, he only wants you as a friend. Plus, he's not even fighting for you. You wouldn't even reply? What's the point? You're looking for a reaction. Yes? You can't stand that he's not contacting anymore so you're anxious. You want to re-engage again so he starts texting and dulls your bad feelings. Like a druggie looking for a fix? As long as you get that fix, no matter the outcome, you need the drug. You should text him. 1
na49 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I want to cuddle with my ex too. I'm not going to text her though. You shouldn't either. You don't "need" to text him. How long has it been since you last spoke to him? 2
SendHope Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 One of the things I miss the most is snuggling with my ex gf D: You would just end up feeling down if you send that text and he replies with something you don't like, or do not reply at all.
Author LostGirl11 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Cuddles? He's so far away. Plus, when you wanted to go see him, he didn't want you to come. Plus, he only wants you as a friend. Plus, he's not even fighting for you. You wouldn't even reply? What's the point? You're looking for a reaction. Yes? You can't stand that he's not contacting anymore so you're anxious. You want to re-engage again so he starts texting and dulls your bad feelings. Like a druggie looking for a fix? As long as you get that fix, no matter the outcome, you need the drug. You should text him. I don't want a reaction. I wouldn't want him to reply, and if he did, no, I wouldn't reply. I just want to say that. I don't know why, wish I knew!
geegirl Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I don't want a reaction. I wouldn't want him to reply, and if he did, no, I wouldn't reply. I just want to say that. I don't know why, wish I knew! C'mon, Lost. Let's be real. Cuddles? Really? If you really want to break NC, at least say something significant. Make it count. You can't stand that he has stopped engaging. You need to know what he is thinking so you want to send a little breadcrumb.
delighted_delilah Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Don't do it! I fell off the NC wagon for a couple days and am back to day one. He is texting me, calling me baby, wanting to know how my day is, and it is killing me not answering. But I can't, I am destroying myself with my love for him. I'll be strong and you be strong, okay?
Author LostGirl11 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 C'mon, Lost. Let's be real. Cuddles? Really? If you really want to break NC, at least say something significant. Make it count. You can't stand that he has stopped engaging. You need to know what he is thinking so you want to send a little breadcrumb. It may sounds really stupid, but I really want one of our cuddles, its the only time I felt safe. Sounds really sad but the feeling is intense.
geegirl Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 It may sounds really stupid, but I really want one of our cuddles, its the only time I felt safe. Sounds really sad but the feeling is intense. Well, the FACT is that you two are broken up. You have to accept that you have to live without. Cuddles made you feel safe but at the same time the relationship was unhealthy for you. His treatment made you feel bad. It's not about feeling safe. You're craving the closeness. It's just like breaking an addiction. You have to go through the discomfort of detaching.
cavalier99 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 It may sounds really stupid, but I really want one of our cuddles, its the only time I felt safe. Sounds really sad but the feeling is intense. Intense feelings pass. You need to ride this out. If you give in you reinforce that feeling and they will come back again stronger. If you accept the feeling as just that ..an urge..and get thru it. It will be easier next time you are assaulted. Keep coming back! Lol
Author LostGirl11 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 Well, the FACT is that you two are broken up. You have to accept that you have to live without. Cuddles made you feel safe but at the same time the relationship was unhealthy for you. His treatment made you feel bad. It's not about feeling safe. You're craving the closeness. It's just like breaking an addiction. You have to go through the discomfort of detaching. Did you ever break NC? How did you manage the urges? And yes, I'm craving the closeness.
geegirl Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Did you ever break NC? How did you manage the urges? And yes, I'm craving the closeness. I broke NC once when a woman contacted me about him cheating with her. Trust me, even with the cheating, there were days and nights I wanted to be with him. Cuddles? Yes I needed it. You have to keep reminding yourself of your situation. The reality of him. You have to step back and tell yourself it's just an urge, a wave of emotion and that it will pass. Sometimes my period would make it worse but I would console myself that there was a perfectly sound reason why I was feeling that way and that it was silly to act on a temporary hormonal urge. I had to go back to my journal of all the bad and remind myself that forward versus backwards. But what I would always do when I felt the urge would be to say to myself, "Ok Gee, you can text. But, THEN WHAT?" If I could not come up with anything significant that would make the situation any better, by the time I got to the end of my answer, it would have sunk into my brain to let it go. Lost, the man does not want to be with you. That in itself should send you cringing and running the other way, especially when you want to reach out to him this way. Dignity and self-respect. Hold on to it, if anything at all.
cavalier99 Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) Did you ever break NC? How did you manage the urges? And yes, I'm craving the closeness. Well I'm not geegirl but ill answer. We all have urges. It is normal. I'm beginning to view a BU more thru the light of addiction as well as a grieving process. To get thru urges you do what ever you need to do. Go for a walk, pray on your knees, meditate, deep breathing, post here, call a friend, go to gym, change your surroundings ecetera. Do anything and everything but give in. In time they get better and you will be able to manage them. You will see in a little bit (maybe only hours) you will be wondering what you were so messed up about. This will teach you that you can handle it..as long as you don't cave. Also remember how bad you will feel if you slip up to gain nothing. Cav Edited February 3, 2013 by cavalier99
Kenji Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I will be honest. I don't believe that you don't want a reaction. Do you think you'll be okay with him not replying? Would you be okay if his respect for you diminishes? I do not think you should do this, but if you decide to do it, I hope that it ultimately makes you feel better about it in the long run. In other words, I hope you will not regret it. However, if you do, I hope that you will learn from it.
Author LostGirl11 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 I broke NC once when a woman contacted me about him cheating with her. Trust me, even with the cheating, there were days and nights I wanted to be with him. Cuddles? Yes I needed it. You have to keep reminding yourself of your situation. The reality of him. You have to step back and tell yourself it's just an urge, a wave of emotion and that it will pass. Sometimes my period would make it worse but I would console myself that there was a perfectly sound reason why I was feeling that way and that it was silly to act on a temporary hormonal urge. I had to go back to my journal of all the bad and remind myself that forward versus backwards. But what I would always do when I felt the urge would be to say to myself, "Ok Gee, you can text. But, THEN WHAT?" If I could not come up with anything significant that would make the situation any better, by the time I got to the end of my answer, it would have sunk into my brain to let it go. Lost, the man does not want to be with you. That in itself should send you cringing and running the other way, especially when you want to reach out to him this way. Dignity and self-respect. Hold on to it, if anything at all. I'll try that. Thanks. To be fair I've done pretty well, haven't I? It was him that contacted me and I haven't reached out since then, which was last week, I think? Sometimes I feel as though I've failed with NC, not because I've broken it, because I haven't, but because I have such a hard time suppressing the urges. I use too much emotional energy, Does that make sense? Same goes for my dignity, because I've starved myself, cried like a baby, cried in public, had conversations with him in my head, let myself go, it feels like I've lost all dignity, though he hasn't seen it. I haven't begged, I refused to his friendship offer, but still feel as though I've failed, and have no dignity.
geegirl Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 You've been doing amazing well, Lost! I've told you this before, some people would have lapped up the "friends" and kept in contact hoping things would change. The urges are very hard to deal with, so again, don't be so hard on yourself. It takes a lot of energy to fight it but as long as you fight it. It will be very hard in the beginning but as time passes, those urges will be few and far between and you will begin to spend less and less energy fighting it. You haven't failed NC and you haven't given up your dignity. You have too high of an expectation for yourself. Your break-up is fresh. Be gentle to yourself. Starving yourself, crying like a baby and in public, conversations in your head, letting yourself go is part and parcel of grieving. It has nothing to do with your dignity. I've done what you have done. It's not about dignity but feeling the pain and struggling through the loss of a loved one.
Author LostGirl11 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 You give amazing advice geegirl. Have you ever thought about a career in therapy? You should open your own forum.
geegirl Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 You give amazing advice geegirl. Have you ever thought about a career in therapy? You should open your own forum. Thank you, Lost I've never thought about it but as long as it helps you and some on here, it's just enough for me. I hope you are feeling a bit better.
Author LostGirl11 Posted February 3, 2013 Author Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) Thank you, Lost I've never thought about it but as long as it helps you and some on here, it's just enough for me. I hope you are feeling a bit better. So glad I didn't send that text! He emailed me. He said that he missed me, which was nice to know, but then he snatched it away. The email was just to let me know that the break up was all down to me, that we argued for two weeks solid and he couldn't handle it, he said I had zero respect for him and spoke to him like **** and that it wouldn't have worked out. I'm pretty damn sure that I said sorry more than one, and admitted my faults and that a lot of it was down to the pill. I was testing and I did cause most of the arguments. He said that he didn't want me to go see him because he didn't want to see me after I'd been so horrible. So now I feel awful, feel like I was a terrible girlfriend and that the break up was ultimately down to me. Can a break up be down to one person? I guess so.... I didn't and won't reply. Edited February 3, 2013 by LostGirl11
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 Please come back." And the awful agonising truth - which I share, believe me - is that he won't. All you can do is occupy your mind until the urge has passed. Running, baking, drinking with friends, manicure (paint DON'T TEXT on your nails!), anything. Anything except reaching out to an empty space where he used to be. You can do this x
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