About Last Night...

[Rebellious]

To me it sounds like it got back to her that you were discussing your "date"/"hook-up" whatever you wanna call it with other people, so she can't trust you to keep what happened between the two of you to yourself. It doesn't sound like she had trust issues with you and other girls.

 

Not that this matters anymore, but if you want to learn from it I'd take away to keep your mouth shut about date details when talking to mutual friends, or make sure they're not going to go back and tell her.

 

That would do it. Breach of trust.

 

I didn’t read all 10 pages, just the OP and the last page. Good catch.

[lakerman34]

That would do it. Breach of trust.

 

I didn’t read all 10 pages, just the OP and the last page. Good catch.

 

As I explained to her, the two guys that I told knew she and I had a thing, and I came to visit them and her. I left them to see her, then went to say goodbye to them. They asked me what happened, I said 'nothing,' they called my BS, and eventually all I told them is 'we hooked up. so what?'

 

The texts I shared were to my best friend in the world. She didn't know him, he didn't know her, and he kind of took my phone to look at them. Mistake I made was he said 'yo, ..... is texting you,' I allowed him to look.

 

I didn't blatantly go around sharing to people 'HEY I GOT WITH .... AND THESE ARE ALL THE DETAILS.' I tried to explain this to her. People aren't stupid, able to put two and two together, I didn't tell them the details, but apparently, this wasn't enough.

 

And, in all fairness, she shared with one of her friends as well (he told me).

 

I'm very open, extremely honest, and most of all, I am EXTREMELY trustworthy. I actually was very confused and a bit offended when she said she didn't trust me. I FELT like a one-night stand. She went thru a great deal just so her roommates didn't know that I was over or sleeping over (had to sneak in and out, had to be quiet at night, she even hid all the traces of me being there. I thought it was absolutely ridiculous and insulting, but I liked her a lot so I let it all slide. I later told her that I was a bit offended. She apologized, but her apology was BS to me. All I wanted from her was to be reasonable, and to see where I was coming from).

 

Like I said, when it happened she was 20, and she just turned 21. If she was, say, 24, I think we'd probably dating today. I think a lot of her pressures and expectations are due to her young age. To expect a guy that likes you to not AT LEAST tell his friends that he was going on a date with you, and to expect a guy to be entertaining 24/7 and 'clever and witty' 24/7 is absolutely ridiculous, and I can honestly say, yes, she'll find a guy that's great for her and in it for the long haul, but in her current state, I doubt that will come any time soon.

Edited July 15, 2013 by lakerman34

[hestheone66]

You ate falling for two issues... her unavailability (whatever reason), and your arrogance of needing to be right. although you are trying to come across as accepting of her reasons, the fact you continue to defend yourself suggests you hate 'losing' and that you beleive you and her should be in a relationship. just walk away and accept you are not the man for her..do you really want to be with someone that you have to convince...any serious mutual attraction should be enough.

oh and btw if she wanted u just for a ons tells u nothing more about her in general... i have done ons that has turned into the love of my life... but at the time i didnt want relationship or any emotional involvement...but the connection on that one night has sealed the deal!!!

[Mme. Chaucer]

OMG.

 

I just read this WHOLE THREAD.

 

What the heck is going on in your head, OP????

 

I think the first post was made on Feb 3 or so, right? And you had JUST MET HER.

 

By Feb 8, you are completely posting as if you are in a relationship.

 

You make a big deal about no penis in vagina, but yet you got her naked and you down to your underpants in one date? THAT IS LAME.

 

Either have sex, or don't. But "you're too special to f***" does not add up with naked girl / full body massage on first date. You still went way too far too fast for what your motives were. I don't know a thing about her, but I bet you gave off a whole buttload of mixed messages that all added up to one thing when she got them: just, NO.

 

And then you left on your trip … and immediately got into convoluted mind games and clairvoyant deciphering efforts with a girl you'd JUST MET???

 

Dude, never do anything like that again. If you meet a girl and you want to take things slow, that pertains to EVERY aspect of moving towards a relationship. Not just when you have sexual intercourse. It includes emotional intimacy, finding out about each other, taking time to learn before jumping to conclusions.

[lakerman34]

OMG.

 

I just read this WHOLE THREAD.

 

What the heck is going on in your head, OP????

 

I think the first post was made on Feb 3 or so, right? And you had JUST MET HER.

 

By Feb 8, you are completely posting as if you are in a relationship.

 

You make a big deal about no penis in vagina, but yet you got her naked and you down to your underpants in one date? THAT IS LAME.

 

Either have sex, or don't. But "you're too special to f***" does not add up with naked girl / full body massage on first date. You still went way too far too fast for what your motives were. I don't know a thing about her, but I bet you gave off a whole buttload of mixed messages that all added up to one thing when she got them: just, NO.

 

And then you left on your trip … and immediately got into convoluted mind games and clairvoyant deciphering efforts with a girl you'd JUST MET???

 

Dude, never do anything like that again. If you meet a girl and you want to take things slow, that pertains to EVERY aspect of moving towards a relationship. Not just when you have sexual intercourse. It includes emotional intimacy, finding out about each other, taking time to learn before jumping to conclusions.

 

I agree. I wanted to take it slow, and kind of didn't expect her to be stripped down to nothing that night. I wanted her, she wanted me, but I wanted something more from her. Who knows what she wanted from me.

 

I actually wanted it to be a date. She essentially said 'you know what? Come to my room instead.'

 

It was fast. I mean, we met way before that. Several times. Spoke to each other a little here, a little there, and then two nights we spent with friends we had deep conversations, and then the texting/messaging all day every day for about 2 months, we were building something although we weren't physically close to each other.

 

I appreciate you reading the entire thread, and I agree with you. Never again. I don't think I necessarily messed anything up, but I can see how I sent mixed messages. But, in all fairness, she did the same.

[bluegreen]

Why didn't you sleep with her?

 

I think she wanted to keep you hidden in her room so that her roommates don't tell the guy she likes (from the party the other day right?) that you were there.

 

A girl going in for sex on your first date...she will be fking other guys while you are gone.

 

A girl who will move in for sex on the first real date but is too shy to talk on the phone. LOL.

 

 

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

[lakerman34]

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

She's really not like that. At all. Trust me. Furthest thing from a 'slut.'

[bluegreen]

I never said anything of the sort but its still hilarious fact

[StarsOnFire]

I FELT like a one-night stand. She went thru a great deal just so her roommates didn't know that I was over or sleeping over (had to sneak in and out, had to be quiet at night, she even hid all the traces of me being there. I thought it was absolutely ridiculous and insulting, but I liked her a lot so I let it all slide. I later told her that I was a bit offended.

 

So she was embarrassed to be seen with you???? You're right, that is ridiculous and insulting, and I wouldn't have wasted one more second with this person! I think from the start there was no chance in it being a relationship....

[lakerman34]

So she was embarrassed to be seen with you???? You're right, that is ridiculous and insulting, and I wouldn't have wasted one more second with this person! I think from the start there was no chance in it being a relationship....

 

I think there was a chance, but I do agree, I should never have spoken to her again because that was rather insulting.

 

I don't think I'm so hideous and awful that I need to be hidden. Plenty of cute girls would be happy to show me off to their friends. Even my ex (our relationship was a train wreck) loved me meeting her friends.

 

She is a private person, and works at keeping her life private (friends of hers complain she never really shows much of herself to them), but I think that was a little OD.

[Mme. Chaucer]

But … the bottom line is that this whole thread is about a girl that you dated about 2 or 3 times right?

 

How can you make such a huge deal of it. Here is the condensed version:

 

You were interested in a girl, you dated her a couple of times, it didn't really go anywhere, you were disappointed about that and didn't (still don't, evidently) want to give up.

 

Please, stop trying to analyze her motives, dissect her personality and criticize her character. You hardly even know her and she did you no harm except for a little ego blow, which is what we all get when a potential romantic interest does not reciprocate.

 

The REAL point of this thread (and your other recent one), IMO, should be YOU and why you are doing this.

 

It's going to block you from EVER being open to getting to know ANY woman. Honestly, I can't imagine how you can have had the serious relationships you claim you've had with this type of obsessive thinking, since it has zero to do with actually connecting with another person on a realistic level. I suspect that your concept of a serious relationship differs drastically from mine and probably from the general understanding of "serious relationship."

[Rebellious]

But … the bottom line is that this whole thread is about a girl that you dated about 2 or 3 times right?

 

How can you make such a huge deal of it. Here is the condensed version:

 

You were interested in a girl, you dated her a couple of times, it didn't really go anywhere, you were disappointed about that and didn't (still don't, evidently) want to give up.

 

Please, stop trying to analyze her motives, dissect her personality and criticize her character. You hardly even know her and she did you no harm except for a little ego blow, which is what we all get when a potential romantic interest does not reciprocate.

 

The REAL point of this thread (and your other recent one), IMO, should be YOU and why you are doing this.

 

It's going to block you from EVER being open to getting to know ANY woman. Honestly, I can't imagine how you can have had the serious relationships you claim you've had with this type of obsessive thinking, since it has zero to do with actually connecting with another person on a realistic level. I suspect that your concept of a serious relationship differs drastically from mine and probably from the general understanding of "serious relationship."

 

Use of word "blow" too ambiguous.

[lakerman34]

But … the bottom line is that this whole thread is about a girl that you dated about 2 or 3 times right?

 

How can you make such a huge deal of it. Here is the condensed version:

 

You were interested in a girl, you dated her a couple of times, it didn't really go anywhere, you were disappointed about that and didn't (still don't, evidently) want to give up.

 

Please, stop trying to analyze her motives, dissect her personality and criticize her character. You hardly even know her and she did you no harm except for a little ego blow, which is what we all get when a potential romantic interest does not reciprocate.

 

The REAL point of this thread (and your other recent one), IMO, should be YOU and why you are doing this.

 

It's going to block you from EVER being open to getting to know ANY woman. Honestly, I can't imagine how you can have had the serious relationships you claim you've had with this type of obsessive thinking, since it has zero to do with actually connecting with another person on a realistic level. I suspect that your concept of a serious relationship differs drastically from mine and probably from the general understanding of "serious relationship."

 

I appreciate your point, but I am not putting her down and insulting her. I'm telling you that even when things were good, it was exhausting just to satisfy her. That does say something about her.

 

My issue WAS with connection, but not in the way you state. I tried to connect with her. The difficult part was getting her to connect with me BECAUSE she was always so in the dark, so hidden with everything. When I liked her, I told her, when she was having issues with her friends, she came to me to help her out, and I listened to her for hours, but in terms of 'listen, I'm going to South Africa to work. When I come back, can we pick up where we left off?' All she EVER left me with was uncertainty. Always in the gray area of "I think she likes me, but maybe not," and the fact that she still obviously liked some German dude she met 2 years ago and still keeps in contact with (all though they never see each other) and, I also got the feeling that she had strong feelings for her best friend will be troubling for ANY guy. I kept my mouth shut, never asked her questions about those two situations.

 

I was very upfront, told her my intentions, very honest, yet SHE didn't trust ME. Excuse me for thinking that there was some issue there.

 

I do admit, it is an ego blow, and it still bothers me, but you're incorrect in thinking that I still am trying to win her over. I've accepted a while ago that she's outta my life. I do wish things were different but eh. I learned from my last terrible breakup that I get over things quickly and something will always come up that'll force me to forget about the situation. Med school is around the corner...

Edited July 16, 2013 by lakerman34

[Rebellious]

That’s the risk of getting into an intimate relationship without first knowing each other. Honestly I don’t think she was smitten or ever hoped to marry you, it was just booty call.

Edited July 16, 2013 by Rebellious

[lakerman34]

That’s the risk of getting into an intimate relationship without first knowing each other. Honestly I don’t think she was smitten or ever hoped to marry you, it was just booty call.

 

I think something was there (marriage? hahahaha), but more was there to me than her.

 

Probably was just a booty call. Won't deny that. Just kind of a cruel game that she'd talk to me all day, everyday, for 2 months JUST for a booty call. I don't think I even have any male friends that would do that. Seems like a lot of work for a simple booty call.

 

On the other hand, she did mention sexual frustration to me the first day we met... Gotta admire that persistence, I suppose. Real go getter. I'm just the one who loses here.

 

I GUESS I could do what no man has done before, and consider NOT sleeping with her a consolation. I guess I could "proudly" say I denied her ass.

 

EDIT: There was a tint of sarcasm in that, for all those literal people out there.

 

DOUBLE EDIT: By the way, Rebellious, I really appreciate your honesty. Some people here think there's only ONE way to talk/get with girls, and some people here are 'insensitive' (for lack of a better word, I'm not a very sensitive guy), so I appreciate your advice. Probably the ENTP in you, though I'm sure you probably have a lot of extremely sarcastic posts sprinkled around this forum hahaha. Nature of the beast.

Edited July 16, 2013 by lakerman34

[Rebellious]

I think something was there (marriage? hahahaha), but more was there to me than her.

 

Probably was just a booty call. Won't deny that. Just kind of a cruel game that she'd talk to me all day, everyday, for 2 months JUST for a booty call. I don't think I even have any male friends that would do that. Seems like a lot of work for a simple booty call.

 

On the other hand, she did mention sexual frustration to me the first day we met... Gotta admire that persistence, I suppose. Real go getter. I'm just the one who loses here.

 

I GUESS I could do what no man has done before, and consider NOT sleeping with her a consolation. I guess I could "proudly" say I denied her ass.

 

EDIT: There was a tint of sarcasm in that, for all those literal people out there.

 

DOUBLE EDIT: By the way, Rebellious, I really appreciate your honesty. Some people here think there's only ONE way to talk/get with girls, and some people here are 'insensitive' (for lack of a better word, I'm not a very sensitive guy), so I appreciate your advice. Probably the ENTP in you, though I'm sure you probably have a lot of extremely sarcastic posts sprinkled around this forum hahaha. Nature of the beast.

 

You’re still young, we all learn from mistakes. So you’re learning girl-speak, now you know that when a girl mentions ‘sexual frustration’ when you first meet her, she wants booty, not love & romance. But you still have to treat her like a lady.

[lakerman34]

You’re still young, we all learn from mistakes. So you’re learning girl-speak, now you know that when a girl mentions ‘sexual frustration’ when you first meet her, she wants booty, not love & romance. But you still have to treat her like a lady.

 

I guess my attitude was 'she's always talking to me, getting emotional, I KNOW I'm getting these stories that no one else gets the privilege to hear, I got her in the bag.'

 

Guess that's not necessarily ever the case.

[lakerman34]

So there's a situation.

 

My ex, the reason why I came to LS, I dated for 8 months. Fell in love with her. Took 2 months to get over her.

 

This girl, I'm not entirely over. It has been roughly 6 months since the "we are over I don't want a relationship w/ you" message.

 

We never have full on conversations. However, once in a while, she reply to one of my Tweets, and recently Favorited one. Her replies are more so trying to egg me onto an argument.....kind of like it used to be when we were in our "I like you, you like me" phase.

 

I thought this was nothing, my best friend thinks she's trying to, kind of, reach out and isn't completely over me (after all, I'm the guy that had her naked on top of him, then put on the brakes. I took away her sex power that all women possess).

 

That's what my best friend claims. Honestly, I don't know.

 

A very wise woman I know thinks that 'we may be in love, but need to spend quite a bit of time apart.' This doesn't make much sense to me, but who knows.

 

I was invited to go visit my school by some friends next weekend. I don't plan on staying in their room, drinking and playing video games all night. I'm going to visit a lot of my friends.

 

Thing is, she intersects in A LOT of my friend groups....AND she's in the same dorm that I will be spending the night.

 

I'm not entirely sure I want to see her again. I don't really know. I'm afraid I'll freeze up. Hell, there could be a slight chance I end up in her bed. I don't even know if I want that. It could mess with my head, or it could be the closure I need.

 

Just looking for some thoughts.

 

I'm over her in the sense that I can get with other girls, give them my undivided attention, and I don't mope because of her. But I think of her pretty regularly. I have toyed with the idea that I might be irrationally in love w/ her, or I'm just building her up in my mind and she's really not that great (I think, from what I've said in this thread and what I didn't mention, that she has quite a few insecurities that she does her best to hide).

Edited September 2, 2013 by lakerman34

[lakerman34]

So, I visited school, and saw her. I tried talking to her, she was drunk, and she kind of ran away from me.

 

She apologized for acting like a 'snarky bitch' the next day. Then, we started talking. This time, she'd end conversations halfway thru (as per usual), but I NEVER initiated. She'd continue to initiate. This happened, I believed, on 3 separate occasions.

 

Then, last night, she got "accidentally" drunk, and started getting rather emotional to me. Then, she finished it with "ugh I don't even know why I'm telling you this stuff."

 

I told her we already know too much about each other and we are very similar and are cut from the same cloth. She said it was because I online and removed from her immediate reality, so in essence, she was taking advantage of me. I told her firmly not to take advantage of me. She apologized.

 

She told me she was looking for an outlet and she was done w/ college. I told her I'd be more than happy to come over w/ a bottle of wine. She said "yeah, I don't think so." I didn't take that as a no.

 

I then said it could be coffee for all I care, and if she had a penis, the offer would still stand. But it was helpful she didn't have one. The next morning, she admitted that was the creepiest way she was ever asked to coffee before. But, then she added me on Facebook (I'm not going to reply right away, wait a couple of days).

 

I told her what? The part that I admitted that I liked wine more than coffee or the part that I was stating a physiological fact about the human body? Then I explained to her how, by her own admittance, she was looking for an outlet, I'm outside of her reality, and she is stressed. Then I had a sweet moment where I told her I like her being confident and I hate her being depressed. And I told her whatever happens behind closed doors is between her and me.

 

She replies "okay okay okay. fine ya got me, sir."

 

I told her, "well then, whenever you want me, let me know and we'll schedule a date. I'm bringing a bottle of wine."

 

She saw this message, no reply.

 

I was careful to make it SOUND like it was friends w/ benefits situation w/o explicitly stating there would be anything physical. I'm careful to stay out of the friend zone b/c I'm sure she knows my intentions.

 

If she never responds, that's OK too. She's an intimidating girl to most guys, I think I made it clear that I'm not going to take her **** (the stuff she says that makes guys run away -- i.e. emasculating men) and I'm interested. Even if she takes two weeks, I think she'll always have this option on the back of her mind. She's more rational than most girls, and I think she can see this arrangement as a way to get rid of some stress with no strings attached, getting her brain fix (she likes talking about theories and ideas), not having to see the person on campus, AND NO ONE has to nor will know about it (unlike last time). Except, of course, the good people of LS.