Author lakerman34 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Here's the thing: Before I left, I let her know I liked her, that she doesn't have to worry about me getting with other girls, and that I wanted to see her again when I got back. She didn't tell me anything. At all. Hell, she wouldn't even tell her friends about me. She told me she only told her best guy friend about me. What I'm saying is, I'm a young guy, and she had the opportunity to lock me down, and she didn't. Still yet, I told her that I'd remain faithful. She on the other hand? Diddly squat. It has nothing to do with incompatibility, I think, but more to do with her insecurity. 1
ScreamingTrees Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 You're making yourself too easy, if she felt like you were a challenge she'd be interested. What if you just took her to bed, were the best lay of her life and then she had no idea if you were off banging more girls while you were away... she'd be dying to figure out if you were or what you were doing, or who you were seeing and would WANT to see you when you get back so your not stolen away by some other girl... but as it stands... she can't be bothered, you didn't man up... . Who needs a girl like that? Assuming a guy like OP or myself were to actually blow her mind in the sack, the only real reason why she'd be coming back would be based on the performance, which is a rather shallow and unstable foundation for a long-lasting fulfilling relationship if you ask me. I wouldn't want a shallow bitch like that, I want something long-term and intense, passionate, drawn out and personal, not a relatively impassioned, mechanical casual fling. "If you were a challenge she'd be interested".... So once you become available, the girl loses interest? How is an actual relationship possible under such a catch-22? A shallow girl like that sounds like she just wants to bang, she doesn't care about the person she's screwing, unless they can provide her with great sex, and THEN she'll keep them around.. Bleh, no thanks.
Archgirl Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Sorry I'm a girl and I disagree. I think you're giving terrible advice I think you're giving no advice at all. Why not help him out and offer an alternative female view then
Divasu Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 It has nothing to do with incompatibility, I think, but more to do with her insecurity. Au contraire mofrer! IF there is something about YOU, your personality, whichever --that makes her feel insecure that equals incompatible. This is all speculation of course (IE: her feeling 'insecure' about you).
Author lakerman34 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Au contraire mofrer! IF there is something about YOU, your personality, whichever --that makes her feel insecure that equals incompatible. This is all speculation of course (IE: her feeling 'insecure' about you). Girls have played so many games with me before when I was in high school, I know the importance of being straight up. I was INCREDIBLY blunt with her. And I let her know my intentions. Keep it slow, no one else, I liked her, etc. etc. So HOW can she be insecure? I don't know how else to be obvious. I even brought her a gift the night we hooked up! HAHAHA
Divasu Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Girls have played so many games with me before when I was in high school, I know the importance of being straight up. I was INCREDIBLY blunt with her. And I let her know my intentions. Keep it slow, no one else, I liked her, etc. etc. So HOW can she be insecure? I don't know how else to be obvious. I even brought her a gift the night we hooked up! HAHAHA Saying one thing, and doing another (IE: talk is cheap). I don't know what your behavior has been like while you've been in Africa, just going by your words. Plus, IF you have some reputation that she's aware of, that is a strike against you. That aside, weren't you just on one date with this girl? Why the fixation? It sounds like you're both going to be traveling for a while in different countries. If you've had ONE date and you throw the traveling into the mix, that would be hard for ANYONE to develop a relationship while thousands of miles away, both young and inexperienced.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 14, 2013 Author Posted March 14, 2013 Saying one thing, and doing another (IE: talk is cheap). I don't know what your behavior has been like while you've been in Africa, just going by your words. Plus, IF you have some reputation that she's aware of, that is a strike against you. That aside, weren't you just on one date with this girl? Why the fixation? It sounds like you're both going to be traveling for a while in different countries. If you've had ONE date and you throw the traveling into the mix, that would be hard for ANYONE to develop a relationship while thousands of miles away, both young and inexperienced. I've been on a few dates with a few girls. Some first dates went well, but there was no connection. With this girl, we had really similar weird interests, viewed the world in the same way, wanted the same things out of a relationship, are interested in intellectual pursuits, I can go on and on and on. We just clicked. Everything between us just clicked. Before, during, and after the hookup, it just worked. Thing is, she made it seem like she had feelings for me. We slept together and she grabbed my hand and we held hands all night for goodness sake! There was a physical, emotional, and mind attraction. That's why I'm a little fixated. I think she thought about this way too rationally, and thus irrationally. She isn't remembering how she FELT when she was around me. Oh well.
Estate Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Man, I've said it over and over and so has everyone here. You need to let it go. She's not "driving herself crazy" waiting for you. She's not even thinking about you. You sound like you are WAY overthinking things and way over doing it... all these things are games: NC, jealousy tactics, being blunt, being shy, not giving her sex, the list goes on and on.... I think you need to cut your losses, you messed up. You thought you "got" her but you were wrong, we've all been there. You keep saying things like "she's different", "we get each other", "you don't understand, WE are different", "She's not like other girls". Again, we've all been there but these are ALL the signs of a guy hung up on a girl who has zero interest in him. It just comes off weird and creepy when a guy just insist a girl is all these things she is clearly not and can't let it go. There are billions of women in the world. You are in a whole new country full of new girls to meet and you've already told us at length how you "get" women.... ... why can't you move on? This thread is literally nuts. We pointed out to you weeks ago that you messed up with this girl and why... you insisted that's not true, we just don't understand... but here we are... she doesn't want you... we can all see why... ... except... You STILL insist we are all wrong and she is wrong, only YOU know something we have not all seen. Just accept it, you keep rehashing all these things you "know" about getting girls but they are all so misguided. You've drawn conclusions on things you've probably seen or heard but shows a sever lack of experience. Move on! 2
veggirl Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Yeah I'm sorry but honestly how many times does she have to blatantly say she is not interested. I think your best bet is to move on and pretend she doesn't exist. I wouldn't contact her when you get home or anything. She knows you are interested, she apologized for giving you the wrong idea....I mean honestly she could not have been more clear from what I'm reading. I have no idea where people would be getting the idea that she is jealous/untrusting of you. She flat out says more than once she never wanted fidelity or monogamy with you. Yes she said its a trust thing but....she says all the other stuff time and time again and its not gonna do you any good to cling to the one tiny part where she left a glimmer of hope. honestly, you gotta forget this chick. Stop obsessing over things like holding hands. I've fallen asleep holding hands or legs intwined and cuddling with guys that are just sex...its called a comfy and cozy way to sleep. You aren't doing yourself any favors by looking for signs that she might be interested and just "scared" or whatever. 2
Estate Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 Plus.... there's no point in obsessing over her "reasons". I've been there and learned not to even listen to them anymore. When someone first breaks up with you they'll try to break it easily and let you down easily... Most people just accept that it's over and walk away. But a small percentage will challenge it and be like "Oh, those reasons aren't true because X, Y, Z... I can fix it all!" Then they persist when she's already told you she's not interested and she has to come up with more reasons to tell you it's over and the longer they go on and the more you push the more the reasons become more irrational to you because you don't understand them. But the only reason all these things are coming up is because every time you challenge a reason, she has to think of something new when you won't get the message... you can take the actual reason given with a pinch of salt. In the end, 9 times out of 10 the only real reason is lack or loss of attraction which can't be pin pointed to a single thing about your personality but more about the actions you've taken up to that point.... and judging by this thread... we couldn't even list those things on both sets of fingers but no point going over it AGAIN.
CptSaveAho Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 EXACT conversation, word for word. Figured I'd post it for perspective: Her: okay. lakerman34. I do not want to be in a relationship with you. I do not want to be romantically attached to you. Done. End of story. Do not speculate about this. This is a blatant, blunt declaration. (making you hate me challenge accepted) Me: haha wheres this coming from?? and sry, dont hate u wherever this is coming from, i appreciate the bluntness. it's been really fun, ur an awesome girl, maybe i'll see you when i visit the kids at laf!! Her: It's a trust thing. It's been real. Enjoy Africa. Me: wait a second....one minute.......there are a whole slew of reasons why i would venture that you'd say that, but TRUST?!? Her: among other things. Me: ok, well that's that then. i'm going to be honest, i think i'm being judged over facebook messages, but i digress. a little unfair, i think, but i'll stand by ur decision. Her: Okay cool. And I'm not judging you. No ill will. Me: eh but you are though. im not even given a chance to defend myself for whatever i've done. i feel pretty judged. i wish only the best of everything for u, good luck with ur final yrs at lafayette, do great things, stay cool. later! Her: It's my bad for not being more clear. I sometimes forget that I don't have to Fe feeling protect the INTJs. Have a good time in africa/med school. Me: i think this goes beyond mbti. i'm sorry but a trust issue is a rather laughable offense that i never did (nor will) commit. but i'm not going to pretend to understand the inner workings of your mind. Her: I don't think that we are compatible people. That's fine though. I think that you want to be with an ENTP, but not me. Which is also fine. And I really don't want this to be a negative thing. I don't want any ill will, hard feelings, etc. I don't mean any malice towards you. I just don't see it working out. Me: and i think you're reading too much into it. i think we could be plenty compatible, you're just not giving it a chance. it probably wasn't the best idea to hang out the way we did 3 days before i left on an 80 day journey. and no, i don't see it as negative. it's more of a premature decision. but whatever you think is right, i'm not going to try and convince you otherwise. Her: Yeah. I think we should just virtually shake hands and leave it at this. Me: sure. i am truly sorry if i ever hurt your feelings or for you not trusting me. it's for the best to just shake hands and leave it all alone. i agree completely. i have no ill will, just a little bit of confusion, but that happens in situations like this. Her: You didn't hurt my feelings. Hopefully I didn't hurt yours. Let's go about this in an NT way, call it what it is, and leave it alone. But I do ask for a little discretion. Tis all. Me: deal. Her: Good. I am not about drama or airing my personal business or anything. Thanks for being so cool about this. Sorry if I lead you on-- not my intention. You'll find yourself a cool ENTP lady doctor one day. Me: yep (A day later) Me: still, i think you are very incorrect here, i must say. the whole "trust" thing is what i don't understand. for future reference, could u please share with me what "trust" issues it is you have with me? at the very least, i want to turn this into a 'lesson learned' situation. (3 days later) Me: congrats on the poetry competition Her: thanks, thanks. I'm slightly embarrassed. (A day later) Her: Lakerman34, dude. I'm subscribed to the INTJ Relationship thread because I've posted in it before. Ya gotta stop this. I'm very sorry if talking to you over break gave you the wrong impression. I don't want to be the gal that messes with your head. I thought that I was being clear about my intentions. I tend to use a playful, joking tone with a lot of what I say, and I'm sorry if that got misinterpreted. I never asked for gifts, I never asked for fidelity, I never asked for a relationship... it's all a little intense. It is not that you scared me away (I still think that you're nice and fun to joke around with on chat), but kind of just that we got our signals a little crossed. I should have been more verbally explicit about this earlier, but this stuff makes me highly uncomfortable. Again, sorry. I really hope that no hard feelings come out of this. It was not my intention for any of this to happen. Me: its cool. no worries. really. Her: I feel really crappy about this whole thing. And I think that you misunderstood what I was trying to say the other day, which lead to a lot of misreading. Aside from maybe having some loose lips, I don't think that you did anything wrong. This is all on me. Me: loose lips was before discretion was asked. but seriously, don't worry about it. its not a big deal. Her: eh, maybe not so much before, but after. it's fine. asking for discretion is irrational on my part. it's a moot point that I shouldn't have mentioned. cool. glad that we are on the same page. Me: i'll be honest. one person i told and RIGHT away i said "****, i shouldn't have told u." i was under the influence of alcohol. but other than that, the only "loose lips" i had was to ppl you'll never meet. again, congrats on the poetry thing, thats really cool, ur no less cool to me, i gotta go. later. Her: mistakes happen. it makes me uncomfortable, but I can't fault you for it. It is not the reason that I am doing this. thanks again. glad to hear it because I do enjoy talking to you. and bye. I have to go to bed now anyway. -------------------------- That was about 4 days ago. I think it's over. Maybe I'm wrong, but the given conversation makes me think it's over. I think she might have found another guy (just using context clues) but probably not. She's going to Europe in June. I offered for her to stay with me in Greece. She has some back problems, I offered to teach her some yoga tricks to get her back better. I bought her a gift her in South Africa. I don't understand why she thinks I WANT to like her, but don't REALLY like her. I smell insecurity all over her now. Anyways, if she continues to talk to me, like I said, going to keep it short. If she says anything about wanting to be "just friends," I'm going to say something along the lines of "I don't want to have sex with my friends, so no." Anything you don't understand (Te, Fe, mbti, etc.) are psychology terms. It was one of our many mutual, geeky interests. I was kind of upset that in this conversation she was using those terms though. I was about to tell her off for it, but wanted to keep a cool head. WOW.... No offense but I laughed so hard reading this quote and the first thought that came to my mind was... "This guy can't be this lame" Then I see your posts defending it.... You got hosed... You want to know why she doesn't trust you? Because you did not have sex with her... She doesnt trust you as a man. I don't understand why guys on this forum can't see this... its a very simple concept, if a girl is naked next to you, shut your mouth and have fun... the only words that should come out of your mouth are "WOW" or "You're such a slut" I see you defending with "I have many of dates/encounters/relationships" They must have thrown themselves at you while you were tied down so you couldnt run away or screw them up OR they were with LUCY, your inflatable sheep 1
Author lakerman34 Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 This thread has grown quickly into a knock me thread. You guys don't know this girl, and, clearly, you all are pretending as if you were all there when we both interacted. I don't really need to be knocked. No point in it. So, I'm going to ask ADMINISTRATORS to kindly close this thread. Thank you!
clia Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 People are jumping on you because you just aren't getting it. How many different ways does she have to tell you she doesn't want a relationship with you? EXACT conversation, word for word. Figured I'd post it for perspective: Her: okay. lakerman34. I do not want to be in a relationship with you. I do not want to be romantically attached to you. Done. End of story. Do not speculate about this. This is a blatant, blunt declaration. (making you hate me challenge accepted) Me: haha wheres this coming from?? and sry, dont hate u wherever this is coming from, i appreciate the bluntness. it's been really fun, ur an awesome girl, maybe i'll see you when i visit the kids at laf!! Her: It's a trust thing. It's been real. Enjoy Africa. Me: wait a second....one minute.......there are a whole slew of reasons why i would venture that you'd say that, but TRUST?!? Her: among other things. Me: ok, well that's that then. i'm going to be honest, i think i'm being judged over facebook messages, but i digress. a little unfair, i think, but i'll stand by ur decision. Her: Okay cool. And I'm not judging you. No ill will. Me: eh but you are though. im not even given a chance to defend myself for whatever i've done. i feel pretty judged. i wish only the best of everything for u, good luck with ur final yrs at lafayette, do great things, stay cool. later! Her: It's my bad for not being more clear. I sometimes forget that I don't have to Fe feeling protect the INTJs. Have a good time in africa/med school. Me: i think this goes beyond mbti. i'm sorry but a trust issue is a rather laughable offense that i never did (nor will) commit. but i'm not going to pretend to understand the inner workings of your mind. Her: I don't think that we are compatible people. That's fine though. I think that you want to be with an ENTP, but not me. Which is also fine. And I really don't want this to be a negative thing. I don't want any ill will, hard feelings, etc. I don't mean any malice towards you. I just don't see it working out. Me: and i think you're reading too much into it. i think we could be plenty compatible, you're just not giving it a chance. it probably wasn't the best idea to hang out the way we did 3 days before i left on an 80 day journey. and no, i don't see it as negative. it's more of a premature decision. but whatever you think is right, i'm not going to try and convince you otherwise. Her: Yeah. I think we should just virtually shake hands and leave it at this. Me: sure. i am truly sorry if i ever hurt your feelings or for you not trusting me. it's for the best to just shake hands and leave it all alone. i agree completely. i have no ill will, just a little bit of confusion, but that happens in situations like this. Her: You didn't hurt my feelings. Hopefully I didn't hurt yours. Let's go about this in an NT way, call it what it is, and leave it alone. But I do ask for a little discretion. Tis all. Me: deal. Her: Good. I am not about drama or airing my personal business or anything. Thanks for being so cool about this. Sorry if I lead you on-- not my intention. You'll find yourself a cool ENTP lady doctor one day. Me: yep (A day later) Me: still, i think you are very incorrect here, i must say. the whole "trust" thing is what i don't understand. for future reference, could u please share with me what "trust" issues it is you have with me? at the very least, i want to turn this into a 'lesson learned' situation. (3 days later) Me: congrats on the poetry competition Her: thanks, thanks. I'm slightly embarrassed. (A day later) Her: Lakerman34, dude. I'm subscribed to the INTJ Relationship thread because I've posted in it before. Ya gotta stop this. I'm very sorry if talking to you over break gave you the wrong impression. I don't want to be the gal that messes with your head. I thought that I was being clear about my intentions. I tend to use a playful, joking tone with a lot of what I say, and I'm sorry if that got misinterpreted. I never asked for gifts, I never asked for fidelity, I never asked for a relationship... it's all a little intense. It is not that you scared me away (I still think that you're nice and fun to joke around with on chat), but kind of just that we got our signals a little crossed. I should have been more verbally explicit about this earlier, but this stuff makes me highly uncomfortable. Again, sorry. I really hope that no hard feelings come out of this. It was not my intention for any of this to happen. Me: its cool. no worries. really. Her: I feel really crappy about this whole thing. And I think that you misunderstood what I was trying to say the other day, which lead to a lot of misreading. Aside from maybe having some loose lips, I don't think that you did anything wrong. This is all on me. Me: loose lips was before discretion was asked. but seriously, don't worry about it. its not a big deal. Her: eh, maybe not so much before, but after. it's fine. asking for discretion is irrational on my part. it's a moot point that I shouldn't have mentioned. cool. glad that we are on the same page. Me: i'll be honest. one person i told and RIGHT away i said "****, i shouldn't have told u." i was under the influence of alcohol. but other than that, the only "loose lips" i had was to ppl you'll never meet. again, congrats on the poetry thing, thats really cool, ur no less cool to me, i gotta go. later. Her: mistakes happen. it makes me uncomfortable, but I can't fault you for it. It is not the reason that I am doing this. thanks again. glad to hear it because I do enjoy talking to you. and bye. I have to go to bed now anyway. -------------------------- Now you are trying to read other things into what she said and lay your own interpretation into her words and to justify why she feels the way she does...and there is no reason to do that. All you have to do is listen to what she said: okay. lakerman34. I do not want to be in a relationship with you. I do not want to be romantically attached to you. Done. End of story. Do not speculate about this. This is a blatant, blunt declaration. Leave her alone. Seriously.
Author lakerman34 Posted July 13, 2013 Author Posted July 13, 2013 There were times when it seemed like she wanted to rehash something. Randomly messaging me, asking me questions, even questioning my manhood when drunk (she tends to do this to guys, she's very tom boy, likes to see if they back down or get around it). Anyway, haven't spoken to her in about two months. I really thought about it the last week, and I think I was (and am still, a little bit) in love with her. Only second girl I've been in love with, just so happens this one happened so fast. I've never met a girl more compatible to me, and I'd find myself always checking her social networking site, posting a link on mine that I knew was a mutual interest of both of ours to see if she'd try and start a conversation like she used to, but nothing. She moved to Astoria, NY. Being Greek, this is pretty cool for me. Something told me she'd ask me for advice on Greek food to try or something, but nothing came. Two months, no words. This is dead in the water. She'll always be the one that got away. After some thought, I deleted her from all my social networking sites, and got rid of EVERYTHING that reminded me of her. We never really dated, but there was always SOMETHING about her that hooked me like I've never been hooked by a girl. I'm making sure that there is no way for me to reach her. Deleted her #, email, all contacts. If she wants to contact me, she can (but she won't). Honestly, a lot of her smugness, arrogance, and pretension is probably due to her age. Give her to me two or three years older, she and I would probably be hanging out right now. I've already imagined all the 'what-if's, and I've finally decided it's time to put an end to that. What if I stayed in school instead of going to South Africa, what if I didn't say 'no, I like you too much' in bed, what if I didn't make an effort to talk to her when in South Africa. I'm done with it. The realization phase kicked in, now I'm entering the 'move on' phase for real. There are billions of other girls out there, surely there are a few that are EVEN MORE compatible with me than she was, and they would have more interest in me. I think I'm going to properly take a taste of single life. Not even looking for a hook-up anymore. I don't have time in my day for it. Just looking to better me, hang out w/ my friends, and prepare for medical school. I know some of you were really hoping this would workout, and trust me, I was too. But reality bites sometimes, c'est la vie, moving on.
Acacia98 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Of course!!! Its not the same for guys and girls. I totally disagree with this approach, Estate. Too much generalization, here. This idea that men have to jump into bed with women just because the opportunity presents itself is ridiculous. A guy has every right to feel differently and to take things slowly if he prefers. And if the woman doesn't like that it's absolutely fine. It simply means they're a mismatch. The fact that you have a different view of things means that you're a different person from the OP, with your own idea of what you want out of your interactions with women. There's nothing wrong with that if it works for you and the ladies you meet. But there is something wrong with the fact that you seem to want to impose your way and your priorities on the OP. Live and let live.
Acacia98 Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 Anyway, haven't spoken to her in about two months. I really thought about it the last week, and I think I was (and am still, a little bit) in love with her. Only second girl I've been in love with, just so happens this one happened so fast. I've never met a girl more compatible to me, and I'd find myself always checking her social networking site, posting a link on mine that I knew was a mutual interest of both of ours to see if she'd try and start a conversation like she used to, but nothing. I think you idealized her and even convinced yourself you knew what she was like and what she wanted. But the truth is it's not possible to get 100% into somebody's head. And it's definitely very difficult to see yourself exactly as the other person sees you. At the end of the day, the best you can do is state your intentions, and whatever they may be, wait for the woman's response. If she wants the same thing as much as you do, you'll both find a way to make it happen. If she doesn't, it won't happen. I agree with the gist of Estate's later posts and those by others in the conversation (that you should just accept the decision without overthinking it). It's great you were finally able to move on and go the NC route.
Rebellious Posted July 14, 2013 Posted July 14, 2013 I was in a similar situation where the first date turned into a 3-day booty call. On our next meeting she stayed over for 5 days. Third get-together she stayed over for a week. Then she told me she loved me, and I never saw her again. She wrote me things by email that I never quite understood. C'est la vie.
Author lakerman34 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 (edited) I was in a similar situation where the first date turned into a 3-day booty call. On our next meeting she stayed over for 5 days. Third get-together she stayed over for a week. Then she told me she loved me, and I never saw her again. She wrote me things by email that I never quite understood. C'est la vie. Similar to my situation. She lives in NYC, and me outside of Philly, so we really could only see each other when school started up again (she was a 2nd semester junior, I graduated a semester early). I then left to South Africa a few days after. She and I have spoken about it, and she told me that she found herself telling me things that she never told anyone else, that she felt like she could be herself around me, and she felt a sort of comfort around me that she didn't even get from her friends. She also admitted she felt a little hot and bothered around me (I told her she always looked flustered when I was around). It's really unfortunate. I do wish it would have worked out. But, hey, there's always a better whip around the corner. I'll meet a girl soon enough that feels even more compatible with than I did with her. Not too mention, she was overly cynical, has impossible standards, very distrusting, kinda full of ****, a little pretentious, a bit ignorant of her own ignorance, was very exhausting (she insists that her significant other has to be witty and clever 24/7, even though I consider myself rather witty, I couldn't keep up), and had a big nose (hey, whatever it takes to get over her ). Edited July 15, 2013 by lakerman34
Rebellious Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 Similar to my situation. She lives in NYC, and me outside of Philly, so we really could only see each other when school started up again (she was a 2nd semester junior, I graduated a semester early). I then left to South Africa a few days after. She and I have spoken about it, and she told me that she found herself telling me things that she never told anyone else, that she felt like she could be herself around me, and she felt a sort of comfort around me that she didn't even get from her friends. She also admitted she felt a little hot and bothered around me (I told her she always looked flustered when I was around). It's really unfortunate. I do wish it would have worked out. But, hey, there's always a better whip around the corner. I'll meet a girl soon enough that feels even more compatible with than I did with her. Not too mention, she was overly cynical, has impossible standards, very distrusting, kinda full of ****, a little pretentious, a bit ignorant of her own ignorance, was very exhausting (she insists that her significant other has to be witty and clever 24/7, even though I consider myself rather witty, I couldn't keep up), and had a big nose (hey, whatever it takes to get over her ). I’ve walked away from short-lived flings and I knew exactly my reasons for doing so. But when somebody walks on you, you never really know why. Girls are very uninhibited when it comes to out-of-town sex, and since you’re still young and idealistic, you may not have come to terms with female promiscuity. You mentioned INTJ, have you found MBTI to be useful in relationships or is it BS like astrology? I’m ENTP, it describes me very well but I see no practical use in it.
Author lakerman34 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 (edited) I’ve walked away from short-lived flings and I knew exactly my reasons for doing so. But when somebody walks on you, you never really know why. Girls are very uninhibited when it comes to out-of-town sex, and since you’re still young and idealistic, you may not have come to terms with female promiscuity. You mentioned INTJ, have you found MBTI to be useful in relationships or is it BS like astrology? I’m ENTP, it describes me very well but I see no practical use in it. She, too, was ENTP. I think it's all a bunch of crap. One of our biggest arguments (b/c boy, you ENTPs LOVE to argue) was she and my two college roommates insisted I was an STJ. She, at first, thought I was ENTJ. I explained that as an introvert, I don't show my introverted function. She somewhat understood this, but still insisted I was an ISTJ. My roommates (who I no longer talk w/, thanks to MBTI) INSIST I'm an ESTJ. She later conceded that I do use Si, but perhaps I do use Ni as well b/c I 'claimed' to, so she was willing to go outside the bounds of the rules of MBTI, and said that she saw me use Si (which isn't true, I NEVER use Si), and is willing to accept that I use Ni because I claim very strongly I do. That was the end of that argument between her and me (she concluded I'm an ISNTJ, which, of course, is theoretically inaccurate unless I have severe personality disorders). I studied for hours and hours and hours and some sort of NTJ is definitely the best fit for me, though I lean slightly towards INTJ. It's helpful in getting to know people and figuring people out, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not science, I wish I've never learned it b/c I automatically and unwillingly have preconceived notions of people by typing them, nor can I stop (i.e. 'yikes! A 20 year old ESFP! I know that she and I won't get along.') Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, MBTI wins out. It became my obsession, thanks to my 2 roommates who kept throwing it upon me. If you're thinking about learning more about it, just BE CAREFUL. It's silly to throw people into one of 16 types. I did it, and sort of alienated myself from my friends at college, lost all of them. Didn't really care much though, honestly. She is really the only person that I sort of wish I had some sort of contact with. Of course, not the case, so I just deleted her from all social networking sites and got rid of her number. Probably won't ever see her again. I really, honestly think she'll be a famous writer some day. I'd name her right here so you guys could look out for her Girl has a real gift. BUT, I don't want her to find this forum where I've written PLENTY of personal things, a lot about her. 3.9 GPA at a baby ivy league school, and she's applying to Oxford and Cambridge (she's an anglophile, I don't understand it, as I have no interest in England, but I always supported her love for the country. I don't think she has ever visited any other country BUT England, so may have something to do with it). But I do agree with you. Female promiscuity is something I have not come to terms with. One of the things that gets me is the girl that is ALL up on you in the club, and thirty minutes later is with another guy or leaves with another guy. That happened to me in South Africa and REALLY confused me. I guess I can't get it outta my head that some girls really don't want to get emotionally attached, or take FOREVER to reach that state. Being an ENTP, she would do WHATEVER IT TOOK to make sure I didn't get thru her barriers. This seems counterproductive to me, as she probably won't ever find a man that fully satisfies her and she could date (an ENTP marry? HAHA). I think this might be an age thing on her behalf. Just too many defenses, and it seems that her main objective when she crushes (not very often, I was one of the lucky few), is to stop crushing, regardless of whether the guy she's crushing on feels the same way. She was fully aware that I really liked her. FULLY aware. I'm almost certain she really liked me at some point as well. It must have killed her. Heaven forbid to date a guy that you like and likes you back. Goes against all the rules of being an [21 year old] ENTP. Edited July 15, 2013 by lakerman34
Rebellious Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 She, too, was ENTP. I think it's all a bunch of crap. One of our biggest arguments (b/c boy, you ENTPs LOVE to argue) was she and my two college roommates insisted I was an STJ. She, at first, thought I was ENTJ. I explained that as an introvert, I don't show my introverted function. She somewhat understood this, but still insisted I was an ISTJ. My roommates (who I no longer talk w/, thanks to MBTI) INSIST I'm an ESTJ. She later conceded that I do use Si, but perhaps I do use Ni as well b/c I 'claimed' to, so she was willing to go outside the bounds of the rules of MBTI, and said that she saw me use Si (which isn't true, I NEVER use Si), and is willing to accept that I use Ni because I claim very strongly I do. That was the end of that argument between her and me (she concluded I'm an ISNTJ, which, of course, is theoretically inaccurate unless I have severe personality disorders). I studied for hours and hours and hours and some sort of NTJ is definitely the best fit for me, though I lean slightly towards INTJ. It's helpful in getting to know people and figuring people out, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not science, I wish I've never learned it b/c I automatically and unwillingly have preconceived notions of people by typing them, nor can I stop (i.e. 'yikes! A 20 year old ESFP! I know that she and I won't get along.') Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, MBTI wins out. It became my obsession, thanks to my 2 roommates who kept throwing it upon me. If you're thinking about learning more about it, just BE CAREFUL. It's silly to throw people into one of 16 types. I did it, and sort of alienated myself from my friends at college, lost all of them. Didn't really care much though, honestly. She is really the only person that I sort of wish I had some sort of contact with. Of course, not the case, so I just deleted her from all social networking sites and got rid of her number. Probably won't ever see her again. I really, honestly think she'll be a famous writer some day. I'd name her right here so you guys could look out for her Girl has a real gift. BUT, I don't want her to find this forum where I've written PLENTY of personal things, a lot about her. 3.9 GPA at a baby ivy league school, and she's applying to Oxford and Cambridge (she's an anglophile, I don't understand it, as I have no interest in England, but I always supported her love for the country. I don't think she has ever visited any other country BUT England, so may have something to do with it). But I do agree with you. Female promiscuity is something I have not come to terms with. One of the things that gets me is the girl that is ALL up on you in the club, and thirty minutes later is with another guy or leaves with another guy. That happened to me in South Africa and REALLY confused me. I guess I can't get it outta my head that some girls really don't want to get emotionally attached, or take FOREVER to reach that state. Being an ENTP, she would do WHATEVER IT TOOK to make sure I didn't get thru her barriers. This seems counterproductive to me, as she probably won't ever find a man that fully satisfies her and she could date (an ENTP marry? HAHA). I think this might be an age thing on her behalf. Just too many defenses, and it seems that her main objective when she crushes (not very often, I was one of the lucky few), is to stop crushing, regardless of whether the guy she's crushing on feels the same way. She was fully aware that I really liked her. FULLY aware. I'm almost certain she really liked me at some point as well. It must have killed her. Heaven forbid to date a guy that you like and likes you back. Goes against all the rules of being an [21 year old] ENTP. Girls are different than guys when they have flings, they bring on the emotional thing which makes it look very real, they can’t get off without it. So maybe you fell for it. I try to be honest and have fun along the way, some want to marry me after a month, some leave, some bore me, some I can’t figure out..
Author lakerman34 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 (edited) Girls are different than guys when they have flings, they bring on the emotional thing which makes it look very real, they can’t get off without it. So maybe you fell for it. I try to be honest and have fun along the way, some want to marry me after a month, some leave, some bore me, some I can’t figure out.. I wouldn't call myself a lady's man, but with the girls I do get, it's usually with a mix of good looks, charm, confidence and wit. This Soup of Game works only with a few, and I'm quite good at getting that few, but actually keeping them? I'm lost. Some of my friends are weirdly disappointed with me, stating if they had the assets I had they would be landing a different girl every weekend. I'm not THAT good at picking up girls, and I actually like to get to know a girl first. When I get one night stands, it's usually during drunken nights with insecure girls and when I'm feeling sexually frustrated. I've gotten girls VERY emotionally charged with me, I swear they like me, and then they just let go, in a moment. Confuses me every single time. The girls I can't figure out are the ones that intrigue me the most. THOSE are the ones that I don't feel bored around and I want to talk to. Edited July 15, 2013 by lakerman34
Rebellious Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I wouldn't call myself a lady's man, but with the girls I do get, it's usually with a mix of good looks, charm, confidence and wit. This Soup of Game works only with a few, and I'm quite good at getting that few, but actually keeping them? I'm lost. Some of my friends are weirdly disappointed with me, stating if they had the assets I had they would be landing a different girl every weekend. I'm not THAT good at picking up girls, and I actually like to get to know a girl first. When I get one night stands, it's usually during drunken nights with insecure girls and when I'm feeling sexually frustrated. I've gotten girls VERY emotionally charged with me, I swear they like me, and then they just let go, in a moment. Confuses me every single time. The girls I can't figure out are the ones that intrigue me the most. THOSE are the ones that I don't feel bored around and I want to talk to. Maybe she truly likes you but wants you to chase her? Most girls think that after sex-on-the-first-date you will never respect them, so they run. Some female friends might be good for you. I know they are for me because they become the sisters I never had. But it’s hard for me to keep female friends because as soon as they realize that I don’t want to date them they disappear. Anyway, I think female friends would be good at deciphering this girl for you.
Author lakerman34 Posted July 15, 2013 Author Posted July 15, 2013 Maybe she truly likes you but wants you to chase her? Most girls think that after sex-on-the-first-date you will never respect them, so they run. Some female friends might be good for you. I know they are for me because they become the sisters I never had. But it’s hard for me to keep female friends because as soon as they realize that I don’t want to date them they disappear. Anyway, I think female friends would be good at deciphering this girl for you. I have/had female friends as well. There's another bundle of problems. All of them rather don't talk to me anymore, really like me, or we slept together. I don't really have that confidant female friend who still acts like a girl around me, but sees me as a real close friend and I her, the same.
StarsOnFire Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 To me it sounds like it got back to her that you were discussing your "date"/"hook-up" whatever you wanna call it with other people, so she can't trust you to keep what happened between the two of you to yourself. It doesn't sound like she had trust issues with you and other girls. Not that this matters anymore, but if you want to learn from it I'd take away to keep your mouth shut about date details when talking to mutual friends, or make sure they're not going to go back and tell her.
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