About Last Night...

[Leigh 87]

BE CAREFULL.

 

South Africa is VERY, very dangerous...

 

 

I wanted to go to Cape Town this year, it was one of the places I was considering visiting on my overseas trip this year...

 

 

Then I spoke with people who LIVE there: it is just so bad there, that people live in gated communities, and if they know what is good for them, they NEVER venture out, besides getting food and essentials..

 

 

It is a shame, as Cape Town, and South Africa in general, is supposed to be one of the most beautiful cities on earth:)

 

 

Be carefull! Have your wits about you, and do not look dazed and confused when your in public... ALWAYS look confident, like you have a purpose/place to go/people to see.... NEVER just stand there staring at anything.

[Leigh 87]

And why don't you let her help set the tempo, when it comes to the frquency of contact?

 

 

To be REALLY honest? I think it is a little silly to go 80 days, expecting each other to not get on with their lives and experience new people....

 

 

Sex is a normal, natural part of life. Why put it on hold for 80 days, unless you know for sure that your a prospect for each other?

 

 

If your really into a girl, which it looks like you are, I would need her to tell me that she is very interested in dating me when I get back.

 

 

In your predicament? I would tell the person "look, I am into you, but it is 80 days, and I think that I would rather us both have sex and experience other people"

 

I would also add very clearly that " look, if we are a really good fit and we really want to be together, it will just happen when I get back, if neither of us finds someone else"

 

 

........80 days is a long time for an attractive, cool young doctor to abstain from sex, when I am sure there are enough ladies around you who would like a piece of you...

 

 

....I would get on with your lives! Live, have sex, know it WILL HAPPEN if it is supposed to!

 

 

..I am not necessarily advocating that you "leave it to fate". The logical explanation is very simply! Do not go without sex for that long, for a girl your NOT EVEN DATING!

 

And then, when your back, if your both really into each other, you will then get together!

 

Simple!

 

 

 

...I would only put life on hold for her, if she messaged you most days, and you talked virtually every day online, and you both got closer and closer, revealing intimate things about each other,a nd started a sort of relationship online!

 

..Short of that, she is not strongly indicating to you that she is really into you and wants you to wait.

[Leigh 87]

Let me give you some perspective quickly before I am off to bed...

 

Now, I really liked my boyfriend at first, but you know, if I were to go away or if HE was to go travelling around the world after we first met...

 

 

The thought of him with other women NOW Makes me sick, but that is because of the time spend together and love we have built.

 

 

....INitially, I would have not been sick at the idea of him being intimate with other girls, and I would have honestly been comfortable with him being with other people.

 

ON THE OTHER HAND: we did seam to get closer and closer. If we had both gotten close and always looked super forward to each reading each others messages, I would have suggested us to a long term R!

 

I would have been open to a long term thing if we talked a lot and... well, we just got a 'feeling" and excitment about each other, that we just could not shake.

 

 

 

.......Either develop things into an official LDR, or, leave it altogether, and only casual updates, assuming your both seeing other people....

 

 

I would NEVER just "leave it hanging!"

 

How tortuerous!

 

It must be hard for you! I can tell you WOULD CARE if she did anything with other men!

 

She sounds different and intriguing; you would be upset to miss out.

 

I think it is healthier for your mental stability, if you just assume you will either build this into an actual long distance relationship, or not bother at all; that way, you can be prepared either way!

 

You should know what the outcome will likely be; it is too early to tell now, but if she blows you off and does not reply often or share much about herself: basically, if you do not get a sense that she is waiting on your messages.....

 

And if she is showing no real progress in terms of getting closer and closer to you.... and the messages more and more consistant and frequent.. then yeah, see how things go!

 

It seams like things will either fizzle out, or get more serious.

[lakerman34]

And now I'm worried.

 

She studied abroad a couple of years ago in London, she kinda fell in love with this guy there.

 

Now, she's going back to London and it appears that she is going to try and hang out with that guy again. Her friends who were talking to me before we hooked up (or date, or w/e you want to call it) told me that she "still might really love him (apparently they were in love) but I shouldn't worry because he's all the way in Europe." Now, she's going in June.

 

I come back at the end of April. I sort of have a month to convince her to be mine. I'm very nervous about this. She'll probably break the news to me soon (that she is going back to Europe), all I can do is be excited for her.

 

She's a very rational girl, so hopefully the whole "he lives in Europe, I live in the United States" thing is a dealbreaker. HOWEVER, she might throw off this 'relationship' thing with me JUST so she can get with him a few times and remember what she used to feel.

 

UGH.

[Estate]

Hey Lakerman,

 

You are not there.... you cannot control her feelings and emotions.

And trying to "convince" her will only backfire, she needs to be feeling it.

 

I know everyone here will disagree but I think you are fixating on this and this one girl too much. It might work out but nothings solid. She wasn't going to invest in anything before you went away and life goes on while you're away.

 

Nobody can control what happens when you return, from right now in this moment.

 

My advice is go and enjoy your trip, meet friends, heck even better meet some girls to hang out with. I think you're fixating too much on this one girl, I already outlined my thoughts much earlier in thsi thread, it sounds like your interst is MUCH higher than hers and you'll only make yourself miserable if it doesn't work out.

 

Why not just enjoy your trip, flirt with some girls... if you come back and it works out great. If not, you won't be so down as you wont be so fixated on one girl. You'll be happier and more confident too.

 

I'd ignopre playing any games at all... forget about her for a while. I dont even mean it in a bad way but get on with your life for now. You'll pick things up when you're back.

[lakerman34]

Hey Lakerman,

 

You are not there.... you cannot control her feelings and emotions.

And trying to "convince" her will only backfire, she needs to be feeling it.

 

I know everyone here will disagree but I think you are fixating on this and this one girl too much. It might work out but nothings solid. She wasn't going to invest in anything before you went away and life goes on while you're away.

 

Nobody can control what happens when you return, from right now in this moment.

 

My advice is go and enjoy your trip, meet friends, heck even better meet some girls to hang out with. I think you're fixating too much on this one girl, I already outlined my thoughts much earlier in thsi thread, it sounds like your interst is MUCH higher than hers and you'll only make yourself miserable if it doesn't work out.

 

Why not just enjoy your trip, flirt with some girls... if you come back and it works out great. If not, you won't be so down as you wont be so fixated on one girl. You'll be happier and more confident too.

 

I'd ignopre playing any games at all... forget about her for a while. I dont even mean it in a bad way but get on with your life for now. You'll pick things up when you're back.

 

I think that's awesome advice. Yeah, I am doing that. It's just, when I'm up at 2AM b/c I can't sleep due to this heat and jetlag.

 

Already, there is at least one girl interested in me, I think. She stayed behind from the rest of the group with me to get a whiskey sour. She's cute, but I'm going to make her chase me a little before I make my decision on how I want to handle that situation.

 

Also, my roommate, I love him to death, but he's trying TOO hard with this girl who may be the cutest girl on the trip. We were sitting on this couch at a bar, and he obviously sat right down next to her, but she kinda moved so she'd be between the both of us. At one point, she was smoking and resting her arm on my leg, and laughing and putting her hand on my leg (the other girl that I think likes me kinda looked a little intimidated. I was flirting hard with two girls).

 

Personally, I prefer the one that my roommate likes, but I can't start drama on this trip. That'd be terrible. Still, looks like I'm an early fan favorite (not a lot of guys on this trip, it's about 3 girls to every guy, and I think this Aussie and I get awards for best looking, and girls tend to fall in love or hate my personality. So far, I've been good with not being too cocky and staying social. Lets see how far I can push that).

[Leigh 87]

And now I'm worried.

 

She studied abroad a couple of years ago in London, she kinda fell in love with this guy there.

 

Now, she's going back to London and it appears that she is going to try and hang out with that guy again. Her friends who were talking to me before we hooked up (or date, or w/e you want to call it) told me that she "still might really love him (apparently they were in love) but I shouldn't worry because he's all the way in Europe." Now, she's going in June.

 

I come back at the end of April. I sort of have a month to convince her to be mine. I'm very nervous about this. She'll probably break the news to me soon (that she is going back to Europe), all I can do is be excited for her.

 

She's a very rational girl, so hopefully the whole "he lives in Europe, I live in the United States" thing is a dealbreaker. HOWEVER, she might throw off this 'relationship' thing with me JUST so she can get with him a few times and remember what she used to feel.

 

UGH.

 

 

 

 

The good news: a month is ENOUGH for a girl to know if she's into you!

 

I she is still interested in hooking up with another guy after a month - she is not the right girl for you.

 

The right girl would feel strongly enough about you to NOT want other men touching her. Seriously.

 

No decent girl would give you clear signs she likes you and wants to date you, only to go and hook up with an old flame.

With that being said, she should also not put herself in a position where she meets an old love ALONE, for a period of longer than a day at a time!

 

 

You know, my bf has an ex who he ADORED, from Germany. They only parted ways because they were travel buddies and they lived half way accross the world from one another.

 

He is over her, but true love never dies, I am afraid:(

 

Even if a person loves a new person, if he spent enough time with her alone, it is almost a given old feelings would re surface.

...Even if your really in love with someone, it is not wise to hang out, alone, for more than a day, with a person you were once in love with.

[Leigh 87]

and this is assuming she is into you when you get back!

 

If she is not giving you clear signs then there is no hope when she goes to London.

[Estate]

The good news: a month is ENOUGH for a girl to know if she's into you!

 

I she is still interested in hooking up with another guy after a month - she is not the right girl for you.

 

The right girl would feel strongly enough about you to NOT want other men touching her. Seriously.

 

No decent girl would give you clear signs she likes you and wants to date you, only to go and hook up with an old flame.

With that being said, she should also not put herself in a position where she meets an old love ALONE, for a period of longer than a day at a time!

 

 

You know, my bf has an ex who he ADORED, from Germany. They only parted ways because they were travel buddies and they lived half way accross the world from one another.

 

He is over her, but true love never dies, I am afraid:(

 

Even if a person loves a new person, if he spent enough time with her alone, it is almost a given old feelings would re surface.

...Even if your really in love with someone, it is not wise to hang out, alone, for more than a day, with a person you were once in love with.

 

Leigh, I know you mean well but there is way too much fairytale Disney happy ending stuff in here for reality.

 

Look back over the thread. They had one date and only kissed. For what you are saying about "waiting" and "being the right girl". They'd have to be dating a long time and be madly in love for what you're saying to ring through.

 

Honestly, I'm playing the waiting game myself with a girl. We went out last week for the first time and it as one of the best dates I've been on in a long time. I really want to see this girl again... but she's giving mixed signal. Sometimes hot, sometimes cold since.... So I'm getting on with my life.

I'm keeping in touch, I'm hoping she's interested and I see her again but it's not healthy to put all my eggs in one basket and "wait" for something I'm not sure will happen. It doesn't make sense after 1 SINGLE DATE.

[lakerman34]

I don't know why everyone is saying "they just kissed."

 

First and foremost, she and I spoke about it before, and she is more of a relationship type of girl over a hookup type of girl. I was somewhat of a player in college, so I think she thought all I wanted to do was hookup. She is somewhat sexually frustrated. We did more than kiss, I ran my tongue up and down on that body. She was completely naked on her bed, she took my pants off, and when she was about to take my boxers off, I refused. We then cuddled all night, and I have to say, she was grabbing my hand to hold, digging her head in my chest, all that. It was more emotional than physical.

 

When she woke up, we actually just hung out. She went on her computer and was telling me about her high school days. I don't remember a one-night thing where both parties actually stayed together the next day. Then, I grabbed her, threw her on the bed, starting making out with her again. She was very turned on by this. She is, however, a rational girl. I think it was wise for her "not to get into anything" with a guy who was leaving for 80 days. I'd venture to guess that she was actually PLEASANTLY surprised that I denied her because I liked her. We joked about it the next day "you know you pretty much cockblocked yourself, right?" "Yeah, pretty much, but hopefully it was worth it."

 

She still attacks my Facebook, likes EVERYTHING that contradicts me. For example, a friend (girl) of mine told me that I shouldn't associate with her because "it's bad for her image." The girl liked it.

 

I'm sure she'll send me another message soon. 75 seems like a large number of days, but it'll be over quickly. I know she is the type that can keep a crush for a while (we spoke about this in one of our long chats).

 

I'm just unsure where I stand. Part of it is more paranoia, really, I just want to play the game the right way and get her when I'm back in the States.

 

I wish there were right words to say here and there to make sure that her interest doesn't fizzle out. We spoke to each other for 50 days straight without ever really hanging out before we hooked up, what's another 75?

 

Also, when she's in Europe, I will actually be in Greece. She's going backpacking across Europe. I think I'm going to tell her "if you want to come to Greece, talk to me when I get back and I can be a part of your plans. I can show you around."

 

I also have a blog of my stay here, which I told her to check out (and I'm sure she is), so she can feel like she's almost a part of the experience.

Edited February 8, 2013 by lakerman34

[pbjbear]

This girl is too vague/non committal it seems. Cant tell why based on what has been described. Maybe she isnt that interested, maybe she doesnt have a trusting personality, maybe she is interested but doesnt want to bother since hes away, who knows.

Honestly, it doesnt matter because lakerman has already forgot about her and is talking about sweeping other women off their feet and bringing them back to his room. I have gotten player vibes from most of his posts and if hes like that, its fine, but then this whole situation with this girl is just not worth it.

[lakerman34]

This girl is too vague/non committal it seems. Cant tell why based on what has been described. Maybe she isnt that interested, maybe she doesnt have a trusting personality, maybe she is interested but doesnt want to bother since hes away, who knows.

Honestly, it doesnt matter because lakerman has already forgot about her and is talking about sweeping other women off their feet and bringing them back to his room. I have gotten player vibes from most of his posts and if hes like that, its fine, but then this whole situation with this girl is just not worth it.

 

There are no rules against me flirting with other girls. Like I said, I have no idea what I'm going to do about the other girls. I mean, fact is I told her I'm willing to wait out the 80 days, she told me she doesn't know, it's too far in the future. She told me to "go with my gut" when it went with other girls. I think she's trying to be nice and uncontrolling, but really doesn't want me to get with other girls? I don't know.

 

Fact is, she hasn't said ANYTHING about her not getting with guys, although (now I remember) she did mention that she "doesn't get guys" at school. I just hope she doesn't step up the effort, is all. I know she is sexually frustrated, my fear is she tries to solve that sexual frustration. I would like to think she's honest enough with me to let me know what her deal is.

 

Time will tell.

[Archgirl]

She told me to "go with my gut" when it went with other girls. I think she's trying to be nice and uncontrolling, but really doesn't want me to get with other girls?.

 

Yes. Exactly.

And also to see if you really like her enough to keep it in your pants.

[lakerman34]

Yes. Exactly.

And also to see if you really like her enough to keep it in your pants.

 

I never met a girl like her in my entire life. She's so worth it.

 

I'm gonna get the boys to help me out on this one. If I ever drink too much, they'll watch me.

 

In my pants it stays.

[Archgirl]

I never met a girl like her in my entire life. She's so worth it.

 

I'm gonna get the boys to help me out on this one. If I ever drink too much, they'll watch me.

 

In my pants it stays.

 

We'll see

It's a risky undertaking, I hope it works out

[Archgirl]

I never met a girl like her in my entire life. She's so worth it.

 

I'm gonna get the boys to help me out on this one. If I ever drink too much, they'll watch me.

 

In my pants it stays.

 

Or at least make sure she NEVER finds out!

I honestly have no idea if she will get with anyone else. If it was me it'd be 50/50 that I'd start freaking out that I liked you too much and you were probably not really serious and go out and, er, do something silly.

[Archgirl]

All wrong, man. You're doing it all wrong.

 

Hey, please elaborate, all wrong to achieve what outcome?

I'm all out of ideas from the chick perspective.

[lakerman34]

Back in my long, illustrious dating career, I found that if the guy puts the girl on a pedestal (which he's clearly doing), it will fail miserably. It definitely seems like the OP is doing that.

 

I've yet to see that mentality work once with anybody.

 

Definitely good luck to the OP, though. Maybe it will work out this time. Who knows?

 

She initiates every conversation, she is the one on my Facebook (I don't comment on hers anymore), she is the one that wanted sex, and I rejected her. Remind me how I put her on a pedestal?

 

Yeah, I speak glowingly of her in this forum, but as far as she knows, I like her enough for a second date. That's it. "Take it slow" means "I need some time to see where this goes."

[lakerman34]

The more and more I think about it, the more I think she's trying to easily let me down. We haven't spoken in a couple of days, which is obviously fine, but I think I'm just an option, if anything, in her book. The "I only talk to you when I'm bored" started off as a joke, but I think it has become a reality. Time for me to give her one word answers, and let her realize that I will not be used like that. That is, if she ever talks to me again. If she doesn't, then I know.

 

This, of course, could all be my paranoia haha. I know I sound bad in this thread, but I am having a blast in South Africa. Just part of my mind is still on that situation.

[sid3]

The more and more I think about it, the more I think she's trying to easily let me down. We haven't spoken in a couple of days, which is obviously fine, but I think I'm just an option, if anything, in her book. The "I only talk to you when I'm bored" started off as a joke, but I think it has become a reality. Time for me to give her one word answers, and let her realize that I will not be used like that. That is, if she ever talks to me again. If she doesn't, then I know.

 

This, of course, could all be my paranoia haha. I know I sound bad in this thread, but I am having a blast in South Africa. Just part of my mind is still on that situation.

 

So one word answers is the next move in playing games? You'd have been better off sleeping with her IMO.

[pbjbear]

Dont give her one word answers. Dont be passive aggressive!!!!

 

Its too hard to tell whats going on. There are too many factors into play here. If you werent in Africa itd be a whole other ball game.

 

Since shes giving mixed signals just dont worry about her until you return

[lakerman34]

Dont give her one word answers. Dont be passive aggressive!!!!

 

Its too hard to tell whats going on. There are too many factors into play here. If you werent in Africa itd be a whole other ball game.

 

Since shes giving mixed signals just dont worry about her until you return

 

Yeah, OK. I just won't talk to her until she talks to me, I guess. That works best.

 

Part of me really wants to believe that this is going to happen, but part of me thinks that she wants my interest to end, and won't be honest with me because she thinks she'll ruin my trip or something.

 

IDK.

[Archgirl]

Nothing has changed, stop looking for trouble, making drama and making yourself miserable.

[lakerman34]

Nothing has changed, stop looking for trouble, making drama and making yourself miserable.

 

One thing I am is quite perceptive. I think a lot has happened, actually. She has just planned a trip for June to Europe, and plans to visit all her study abroad friends -- INCLUDING the guy she fell in love with. I think it's safe to assume that she has been talking to him in lieu of me, and it's stupid, it really is, she lives in NYC, he in England. But, after two years, she never got over him. She has this ideal image in her mind that she's going to be with him, even if it is irrational. I think he's the only guy she's ever dated, and it's absolutely ridiculous, but what can you do?

 

I have a VERY strong feeling that I won't ever hear from her again.

Edited February 8, 2013 by lakerman34

[Archgirl]

One thing I am is quite perceptive. I think a lot has happened, actually. She has just planned a trip for June to Europe, and plans to visit all her study abroad friends -- INCLUDING the guy she fell in love with. I think it's safe to assume that she has been talking to him in lieu of me, and it's stupid, it really is, she lives in NYC, he in England. But, after two years, she never got over him. She has this ideal image in her mind that she's going to be with him, even if it is irrational. I think he's the only guy she's ever dated, and it's absolutely ridiculous, but what can you do?

 

I have a VERY strong feeling that I won't ever hear from her again.

 

You are making up stories in your own head, probably got the middle of the night panics huh? If she is doing any of that stuff does it change how you feel about her or what you want from her?

I suggest you quit being a drama queen and always keep the outcome you want in mind, only you can decide if it's worth the risk of rejection or regrets.