About Last Night...

[sid3]

 

But, then again, she's a girl that likes challenges. Maybe she'll see the fact that we didn't have sex (which was VERY clearly her intentions) as a challenge?

 

Yeah, good luck with that!

 

You mean to say giving her a "full" body massage didn't include touching her jigglys?

 

Sounds like you were too nervous and got stuck at first base.

[lakerman34]

Yeah, good luck with that!

 

You mean to say giving her a "full" body massage didn't include touching her jigglys?

 

Sounds like you were too nervous and got stuck at first base.

 

I touched her jigglys AND her eh-eh, bro.

 

Only thing I didn't do was give her access to mine.

 

My friends (who all have beautiful girlfriends) told me what I did was a "veteran move." I've done this many times before kids, it's just the first time I put the brakes on a girl in hopes for having something meaningful with her.

Edited February 4, 2013 by lakerman34

[Estate]

Just a couple of questions for you:

1) How old are you?

2) How many meaningful relationships have you been in?

 

I've been in a few relationships. Some of them we had sex on first or second dates. What ended up happening was the relationship ended because things were "moving too quickly."

 

And dude, denying girl sex IS being seen as a challenge. You AREN'T giving her what she wants.

 

You aren't answering my questions. I know she likes me now, I'm more worried about how to keep her interest high for the 80 days that I'll be away?

 

I am 28 and have dated a lot of women for varying lengths of time, that good enough for you? If you want a full resume and my experience then sure... but it's irrelivant, sounds like I know more than you here.

 

Turning down sex using the excuse "lets not ruin our friendship" makes you look weak. Sorry if you disagree but it does.

By your own admission her responce to the dinner you planned 80 days in advance after having 1 date with her (eh, still being a challenge??), she basically blew you off.

 

Maybe she "likes" you but not as much as before the dat. She clearly wanted to hook up before the date, then after, she's blowing you off.

 

And I *AM* answering your questions but you're not getting the answer you want to hear.

 

If you want to know how to challenge her for the next 80 days (again, even the fact that w are counting the days here is so not a challenge), then re-read my post above about how to make her think about you during that time and not go off and find a guy who's not "afraid" to have sex with her. Your answer is above and it is correct, it's just not the answer you wanted to hear.

[sid3]

I touched her jigglys AND her eh-eh, bro.

 

Only thing I didn't do was give her access to mine.

 

Phew, thought I was going to have to tell you where babies came from.

 

Anyhow, its nice that you follow your moral compass the way you see fit. And I can see why you'd want to avoid first date sex. I would too. Although I'd have allowed her access to my family jewels.

[Estate]

I touched her jigglys AND her eh-eh, bro.

 

Only thing I didn't do was give her access to mine.

 

My friends (who all have beautiful girlfriends) told me what I did was a "veteran move." I've done this many times before kids, it's just the first time I put the brakes on a girl in hopes for having something meaningful with her.

 

Also, do not called them jigglies and eh-eh's.

You sound like a 5 year old saying that, be a man and call them what they are around her.

[lakerman34]

Also, do not called them jigglies and eh-eh's.

You sound like a 5 year old saying that, be a man and call them what they are around her.

 

smh i find it hard to believe that you are 28 and/or have had 'multiple gfs.' I, too, have had multiple gfs. The one's that wouldn't let ME have sex with them too soon were the ones that I had more meaningful relationships with.

[sid3]

Also, do not called them jigglies and eh-eh's.

You sound like a 5 year old saying that, be a man and call them what they are around her.

 

Oh please. Like he doesn't already know that:laugh:

[lakerman34]

Oh please. Like he doesn't already know that:laugh:

 

Wait, so I REALLY am NOT supposed to call them that around her? ****.....Game Over.

[Estate]

smh i find it hard to believe that you are 28 and/or have had 'multiple gfs.' I, too, have had multiple gfs. The one's that wouldn't let ME have sex with them too soon were the ones that I had more meaningful relationships with.

 

Of course!!! Its not the same for guys and girls.

If a woman holds out she probably sees you more as boyfriend material than just wanting a hookup... that's good if you want a relationship from her, but it also sucks because as a guy, you want to have sex with her... thus denying you or making you wait makes HER a challenge and makes you want to chase her.

 

It doesn't work the other way around... a guy denying the girl sex just comes off like you dont know what you are doing, are too nervous or too weak or whatever.

 

 

Listen, what do want from me a social security, birth cert and full resume to prove who I am? Don't believe me, but I am more experienced than you from what you've told me. You're not going about this the right way and when I try to HELP you by telling you (even if its a tought love approach) you're getting personal with me because I'm telling you you messed up and need to do something about it to keept this girl.

 

If you DID do the right thing, would you even be asking on this forum?

 

Look, I tried to help. I'm checking out of this thread as you clearly don't want help here.

[lakerman34]

Of course!!! Its not the same for guys and girls.

If a woman holds out she probably sees you more as boyfriend material than just wanting a hookup... that's good if you want a relationship from her, but it also sucks because as a guy, you want to have sex with her... thus denying you or making you wait makes HER a challenge and makes you want to chase her.

 

It doesn't work the other way around... a guy denying the girl sex just comes off like you dont know what you are doing, are too nervous or too weak or whatever.

 

 

Listen, what do want from me a social security, birth cert and full resume to prove who I am? Don't believe me, but I am more experienced than you from what you've told me. You're not going about this the right way and when I try to HELP you by telling you (even if its a tought love approach) you're getting personal with me because I'm telling you you messed up and need to do something about it to keept this girl.

 

If you DID do the right thing, would you even be asking on this forum?

 

Look, I tried to help. I'm checking out of this thread as you clearly don't want help here.

 

The "right thing" (according to you) would have turned me into a booty call, and that would have been the end of it. That's all it was. I know. I've played booty call before. MANY MANY MANY times.

 

I think she thinks I wanted just a "one night stand," and that was not the case. At all. And she is FULLY aware that I am experienced. We spoke about our sexual adventures to each other before. We are very OK with that.

[lakerman34]

hmmm there is 2 ways to look at this:

 

1) you have done the right thing, and stopped a woman bang the f**k out of you, and have her walking like a cowboy for 80 days just driving wet and waiting for you to return... no other guy would get a look in....

 

2) You have wound up an obviously sexual girl with a bit of foreplay and are now leaving her for 80 days.... she may grab the first guy and get what she was after from you.....

 

I don't know.... personally I never sleep with woman quickly... but then, I don't get them naked and 'sleep' beside them either....

 

that seems very mixed signals and very half and half....

 

 

She told me "I don't think you know what you want and you seem nervous" AFTER I told her the whole schpiel about wanting to hold off on sex. And I told her "of course I'm nervous, I never turned down a beautiful naked woman before because I wanted more from her. Of course I'm nervous about that decision. It's a risk, but I'm a risk taker (a very ALPHA trait, Estate)." She looked at me, said "fair enough" and we continued to kiss, she smiling the entire time, saying from time to time "sorry I'm thinking" while staring blankly into space.

[intknight]

I think the girls thinks too much stuff for this relationship

[MrCastle]

I'm sorry...you lost me at purple orchid.

 

He lost me at turning down no strings attached sex.

[Estate]

She told me "I don't think you know what you want and you seem nervous" AFTER I told her the whole schpiel about wanting to hold off on sex. And I told her "of course I'm nervous, I never turned down a beautiful naked woman before because I wanted more from her. Of course I'm nervous about that decision. It's a risk, but I'm a risk taker (a very ALPHA trait, Estate)." She looked at me, said "fair enough" and we continued to kiss, she smiling the entire time, saying from time to time "sorry I'm thinking" while staring blankly into space.

 

The more details you post the more you are proving my point.

 

She said you are nervous and don't know what you want. Well this cancels out all those "alpha" traits of yours if she thinks that. Sorry.

 

Again, you told a girl who was offering you sex on a plate... no? And this will keep her on your puppet strings? She'll be banging the hell out of someone else tonight. A man who wouldn't turn her down for sex. The reason it only works if SHE turns you down is because she's a girl, she can get sex if she REALLY wants to... a guy can't, so to turn it down? Somethings up.

 

What you did was not a risk, it was a death sentence. You TOLD her you're nervous... what an "alpha" ladies and gentlemen! Also a risk taker does not SAY he is a risk taker. He is risk taker because she PERCIEVES you as dangerous and edgy... if you have to tell her to feel that way about you, then she doesn't.

 

Her responce was "fair enough" which is never the full story. Have you ever said "fair enough"? It means we are cutting the conversation here even though I don't agree with you or something seems amiss. You were being lame... if you didn't want sex with her, she wasn't going to beg even though she probably felt you were putting so much weight on this decision that she was expected the care as much also, but she didn't...

 

Do you notice here how it's YOU want all these deep connections and conversations and feelings and its YOU giving her all these compliments... sounds like she is checking out.

 

And the last part... why are you even telling us this.

 

She is with you, she wanted you to bang her brains out and whil you cuddled her like an alpha, she stared off into space and when you did your puppy dog act asking what's wrong she just goes "nothing" or whatever... who's really on the hook here?

 

It sounds like you've put more importance of the non-sex that her.

You wanted answers, so I've broken down all of your last post and given you all the answers... I'll await your disagreements... again.

 

Honestly... if you KNOW you did the right thing to keep her on the hook, why did you post the question?

[pbjbear]

What makes you think she's flaky?

 

Quirky she definitely is. VERY bad jokes hahaha but I adore that about her.

 

For example, after the Superbowl she tweeted "And Ravenclaw wins the Quidditch Cup."

 

She's such a dork. And I call her dork ALL the time. I really like that about her.

 

Perhaps she didn't want to get emotionally attached with someone that she won't be seeing for 80 days, but wants to pick up (or not, which I worry about) where we left off when I get back? She told me "just don't get me a blood diamond," I told her "I'm trying to take it slow, why would I do that?" Every time I reference hanging out again, taking it slow, or anything like that, she responds positively.

 

I don't know how contact is going to work though when I'm in Africa. Girl friends of mine think I shouldn't contact her, wait for her to contact with me. I kind of like that advice.

 

Thoughts?

 

I think you hit the nail on the head here. I dont think turning her down for sex with backfire- dont agree with the previous poster. Sounds good, I wouldnt worry about her until you come back from Africa. (Random but Africa...that is so awesome Im jealous)

[lakerman34]

I think you hit the nail on the head here. I dont think turning her down for sex with backfire- dont agree with the previous poster. Sounds good, I wouldnt worry about her until you come back from Africa. (Random but Africa...that is so awesome Im jealous)

 

I can't believe I'm saying this, but the whole time I had in mind 'pbjbear would be so proud,' hahahaha.

 

Yes, I did turn down no-strings attached sex. But this isn't the type of girl that goes from sexual adventure to sexual adventure. I think she thought I was a one-night stand type of guy, and she wanted to have sex (she once told me she was sexually frustrated, it must have been 8 or 9 months now since she last had sex).

 

I know she likes me. The only thing I fear is if things change with her in 80 days. I've never felt such a huge connection with a girl before like this. And yes, she told me that she liked how genuine I was and, after I told her the whole story about how my friend was trying to hook me up with her, how I didn't want to but was talked into it, and how I didn't expect her to be as cool as she is (she's like a bro, except sexy), she had a HUGE smile on her face, kinda just grabbed me and started kissing me.

[lakerman34]

THAT was her response when you asked her to stay in touch with you via Facebook while you're away? That she MIGHT contact you when she's "bored?"

 

We had a joke. I told her one night "so you only talk to me when you're bored, huh?" And she responded "YES YES NOW YOU GOT IT!"

[lakerman34]

Nothing happened. Let's talk about that ad nauseum.

 

I stripped her down to her birthday suit. She was completely naked. I did everything short of go inside her. So yes, things happened.

[lakerman34]

The more details you post the more you are proving my point.

 

She said you are nervous and don't know what you want. Well this cancels out all those "alpha" traits of yours if she thinks that. Sorry.

 

Again, you told a girl who was offering you sex on a plate... no? And this will keep her on your puppet strings? She'll be banging the hell out of someone else tonight. A man who wouldn't turn her down for sex. The reason it only works if SHE turns you down is because she's a girl, she can get sex if she REALLY wants to... a guy can't, so to turn it down? Somethings up.

 

What you did was not a risk, it was a death sentence. You TOLD her you're nervous... what an "alpha" ladies and gentlemen! Also a risk taker does not SAY he is a risk taker. He is risk taker because she PERCIEVES you as dangerous and edgy... if you have to tell her to feel that way about you, then she doesn't.

 

Her responce was "fair enough" which is never the full story. Have you ever said "fair enough"? It means we are cutting the conversation here even though I don't agree with you or something seems amiss. You were being lame... if you didn't want sex with her, she wasn't going to beg even though she probably felt you were putting so much weight on this decision that she was expected the care as much also, but she didn't...

 

Do you notice here how it's YOU want all these deep connections and conversations and feelings and its YOU giving her all these compliments... sounds like she is checking out.

 

And the last part... why are you even telling us this.

 

She is with you, she wanted you to bang her brains out and whil you cuddled her like an alpha, she stared off into space and when you did your puppy dog act asking what's wrong she just goes "nothing" or whatever... who's really on the hook here?

 

It sounds like you've put more importance of the non-sex that her.

You wanted answers, so I've broken down all of your last post and given you all the answers... I'll await your disagreements... again.

 

Honestly... if you KNOW you did the right thing to keep her on the hook, why did you post the question?

 

She checked out alright. We woke up at about 10:30, hung out til, like, 12, and then hooked up til 2, then made out at the door as I was leaving. Sounds like a check out to me....

[Cutiepie1976]

If you are interested in a relationship rather than a ONS, your approach was perfectly fine, lakerman.

 

Enjoy South Africa. It's a gorgeous country.

[lakerman34]

If you are interested in a relationship rather than a ONS, your approach was perfectly fine, lakerman.

 

Enjoy South Africa. It's a gorgeous country.

 

That means a lot, thanks.

 

I'm going to love South Africa. I know it. Try not to think about her too much (although I hope she goes mad thinking about me).

 

Also, I don't think I'm going to contact her either. Let her make the first move. I hope I come back from South Africa and she's waiting for me, pick up where we left off.

[Cutiepie1976]

I think that's the best approach.

[lakerman34]

80 days will fly by for me.....not necessarily for her. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed on this one. Hopefully she feels the same connection I do (and I think she does).

[Estate]

80 days will fly by for me.....not necessarily for her. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed on this one. Hopefully she feels the same connection I do (and I think she does).

 

I genuinely hope you're right man. I've been harsh to you in this thread but from how you described things it sounds like you are WAAAAAAY into her and she hasn't shown the same level of interest (I'm not saying, no interest, but not as much). So thats why I've tried to get your head straight on this.

 

The problem being, you are away from home. 80 days IS a long time, especially to hold her interest while you are not around after only 1 date.

I had a similar situation before Christmas myself as I had to leave for 3 weeks. It didn't work out but I already knew beforehand her interest was going to level off and she will continue her life as normal being at home.

 

All the best though, I hope it goes how you hope.

[Cutiepie1976]

I genuinely hope you're right man. I've been harsh to you in this thread but from how you described things it sounds like you are WAAAAAAY into her and she hasn't shown the same level of interest (I'm not saying, no interest, but not as much). So thats why I've tried to get your head straight on this.

 

The problem being, you are away from home. 80 days IS a long time, especially to hold her interest while you are not around after only 1 date.

I had a similar situation before Christmas myself as I had to leave for 3 weeks. It didn't work out but I already knew beforehand her interest was going to level off and she will continue her life as normal being at home.

 

All the best though, I hope it goes how you hope.

 

Well, this thread is not about you and your data point. I would be careful about vehemently insisting on broad generalizations about another gender based on what happened to you at Christmas. With experience, you'll learn that far more factors into outcome than banging a girl as soon as you possibly can...before she has a chance to change her mind on you.

 

For me, a guy who is so desperate to get his jollies as soon as he possibly can whenever the opportunity arises is a turn-off. Desperation and lack of control are total turn-offs. Contrary to your assertions, some guys do have choices. Certainly not every guy humps everything as soon as it's available. Some guys wait, especially when they want more than a fling. Generally these guys have a lot more to offer than a frantic bang with poor technique.

 

A guy capable of restraint isn't guaranteed that I'll like him. On the other hand, a guy incapable of controlling himself is guaranteed that I won't want anything to do with him.

 

If a woman if looking for a drunken ONS, of course she'll be upset if you don't deliver. But she'll be on to the next guy the next night anyway. My impression is lakerman is looking for a meaningful relationship, not to be a random notch on some bedpost.