NoDice221 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Hey all, So I'm in a little bit of an unusual, but equally great situation. A little background, I'm a regular at a bar that hosts a regular music event, where I have performed at, in addition to lots of other local musicians. Ever since I started going to this bar, there has been this absolutely dreamy bartender I've chatted with occasionally while at the bar. I'm not quite 21, and she's over 10 years older than me, but she still serves me and used to get me in past security before I knew them. We've always been more of acquaintances until more recently, where she's become very flirty with me (as she is with a few others at the bar as well), giving hugs, smiling, making conversation, etc. I figured that it's part of her job, and that she's a social butterfly so I thought nothing of it. Recently, I was sitting at the bar all by myself, I came with friends but they were all chatting elsewhere. I wasn't lonely, just thinking really deeply with a brew in hand. Anyway, I asked her for another drink and we started talking about the medicinal qualities of this one drink on the menu, where she proceeded to tell me that she actually has cancer. It's something she's open about, but since I had never really spoken with her extensively it never came up. I was a little shocked, we talked about it, but she had to go fill a few more orders so had to leave for a minute. Long story short, after she's done taking orders, she comes back and suggests we "hang out sometime, just to chat." Of course, I'm all about it. We schedule to get lunch on her next off day. I was happy, was never expecting that one. Did not even think of it as being remotely possible, and SHE asked me? Crazy, right? Anyway, the day arrives, and we went to this nice little spot in the city, had a few drinks, had good conversation, great food, etc. My whole dilemma is I can't figure out what she's going for with me. We've flirted a lot, kissed once at the bar (very quickly, I've seen her kiss another male friend of hers at the bar as well). Even after the date, I'm still unclear as to what she wants. She told me all sorts of personal stuff, like how she dosen't really ever sleep around, or how everyone in our little music scene thinks that she's gonna end up with this a prominent local musician, but how they're actually just good friends but she lets everyone think that so they lay off her. She told me about a few sexual experiences she had (very briefly) and it was mostly funny stories, but I still think that's significant. But, at the same time, she was referring to me as her "buddy" when we were talking to the bartender at the restaurant, we didn't kiss or anything of the sort while we were out, and she INSISTED that she pay. I even nabbed the check from her (playfully, of course) and she said that I could, "pay next time." After she dropped me back off at my house (yeah, she drove too) she sent me a text 5 minutes after she left saying how we have to go out again. At this point, I'm ****ing confused man! She's incredibly attractive, much older than me, and I don't know what she's going for with me. Her health problems make it even more complicated. I'm hesitant to make a real move on her being that I don't want to upset her. I'm thinking that this may be the natural progression with her...she described a situation where she had been hanging out with a guy semi-regularly and the big climax was that they made-out, and now they're just friends (same prominent musician guy as above). I want your input. It would be appreciated greatly.
TaraMaiden Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 If she has cancer this might be a 'carpe diem' situation. Is it serious? Terminal? (Yeah, I know the whole of life is 'terminal' but you get what I mean.....) Maybe she sees you as exactly the right kind of young buck she needs to make herself feel great. I'd really discuss this with her, sensibly. Tell her - kindly - that while you appreciate all the attention and find it flattering, you are the kind of person that commits - you don't fool around, and you take relationships seriously. If she's simply out to have a no-strings-attached ball, then she's picked the wrong 'young buck'. Unless, of course, you're very happy to have a 'no-strings-attached ball....
Author NoDice221 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 From what I understand it is semi. It's not terminal, but she said she had tests done and they needed more tests shortly thereafter, which is a bad sign in her eyes. You know, I think that might be what it is, but I'm also not trying to be overly hopeful. She was calling me "buddy," and we didn't kiss or anything like that...maybe I'm just used to not getting my hopes up. I'm really just interested in spending more time with her, strings attached or not. You think talking about is superior to making a move?
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