I treated her great and she dumped me..

[StraylightRun24]

 

So, your best bet is to start NC. Remember, she's the one that made the choice to no longer be in a relationship with you. That's what she wanted. So, you give her exactly that. She either gets 100% of you or nothing at all. NC means NO CONTACT; therefore, you need to block her on Facebook (that's the tough one for most), Limit your contact as much as possible at work. Talk to your manager or whoever does the schedule and see if they can ensure that you two are on opposite shifts as much as possible. Don't answer her texts or emails. Let her calls go to voicemail. Do not return them. Remember, she made the choice to have you out of her life.

 

 

Listen to Chi TownD, especially on the blocking on Facebook. While I have been "NC" for over a month I only took my ex out of my newsfeed and didn't de-friend her because she never really updates it. Unfortunately my curiosity got the best of me last night, probably because of sheer boredom, and I checked it out and she had gone out last Saturday night with all of her female friends and posted a picture (she looked good too ). Can you believe she had the audacity to actually go out on a Saturday night with her friends?!?! BUT back to being serious... what really got me was the guy who she was in an open relationship with before me was commenting on her status about possibly meeting up with them and it made me feel absolutely horrible, then like a raving lunatic, and to the sober realization I set myself back in my healing process. I have since come back to my senses (a little haha) and realized NC means NC and that includes looking at her Facebook!

[Derpderpleton]

The thing is, I was doing NC after the break up and she's the one that broke it by texting me. I finally just snapped and asked why she was texting me, telling her how angry I was at her for what she did to me. She called me and freaked out on me for telling her that, then she texted me again saying "pleaseee, I don't want us to be like this". Then she asked to come over so we could talk about it, I agreed, and that was the first time we hung out since the break up (which happened not even a week prior to this). Her mood swings really are terrible. At times it's like she really doesn't know what she wants.

 

I'm going to try NC again, I guess. I still want her back, so it's going to suck to just shut her out. I shouldn't have even hung out with her on Sunday. I had a great time with her and everything, but it just made me miss her more. It's pathetic how much I miss her, when it seems all she wants to keep me around for is incase she hooks up with some lowlife ******* and it doesn't work out. Thanks for all of the replies, guys.

[Chi townD]

The thing is, I was doing NC after the break up and she's the one that broke it by texting me. I finally just snapped and asked why she was texting me, telling her how angry I was at her for what she did to me. She called me and freaked out on me for telling her that, then she texted me again saying "pleaseee, I don't want us to be like this".

 

The one thing about MOST girls is they can stand the fact that there might be one person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. She wants you in the friend zone so she doesn't have to feel bad about hurting you. She would want nothing more than to say to herself, "See, we're broken up and we're still really good friends. I guess the break up was for the best after all!"

 

Well, here's a news flash. She did hurt you and she continues to hurt you. She's stringing you along with a little false hope and mixed signals. That's not fair to you. Here's the deal. You are not her friend. You didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with the end result being that you are nothing more than a friend to her.

[Derpderpleton]

The one thing about MOST girls is they can stand the fact that there might be one person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. She wants you in the friend zone so she doesn't have to feel bad about hurting you. She would want nothing more than to say to herself, "See, we're broken up and we're still really good friends. I guess the break up was for the best after all!"

 

Well, here's a news flash. She did hurt you and she continues to hurt you. She's stringing you along with a little false hope and mixed signals. That's not fair to you. Here's the deal. You are not her friend. You didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with the end result being that you are nothing more than a friend to her.

 

I'm just being delusional, I guess. I want to believe that her hanging out with me, sleeping in my bed, and even spending the night here means that, deep down, she still wants some sort of romantic connection. Maybe not a relationship, but friends with benefits or something. I don't know, this has been consuming ALL of my mind so far this week. She can't just put me in the friend zone after all that I've done for her, could she? Yeah, that's probably what she's doing, just to make herself not feel bad for crushing me. Love is just a stupid game and it sucks.

[cotts1]

Every girl is different. To say all girls don't want a guy to fight for them after the relationship went south is not accurate in my experience. To me it comes down to what you want. If you love her don't give up. If it becomes apparent that there is no chance for reconciliation then move on.

 

Girls that I have broke up with and still liked but went NC and didn't fight for never came back. She is meeting other people and forgetting all about you. Women are not immune from making irrational decisions that they regret. I think keeping an open line of communication with them lets them know that you aren't mad, you are emotionally stable and willing to give it another chance. I've gotten back together with a few ex's just by staying in touch.

 

A lot depends on why the relationship was broken off. If its something to do with you that you can't change or don't want to change then you need to move on. But if it's something to do with her like she just didn't want a serious relationship at the time then you should stay in touch with her. Don't blow her up, give her space but don't let her forget about you. Again, every girl is different. It's worked for me a few times and it hasn't worked a few times. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Simon Phoenix]

The thing is, I was doing NC after the break up and she's the one that broke it by texting me. I finally just snapped and asked why she was texting me, telling her how angry I was at her for what she did to me. She called me and freaked out on me for telling her that, then she texted me again saying "pleaseee, I don't want us to be like this". Then she asked to come over so we could talk about it, I agreed, and that was the first time we hung out since the break up (which happened not even a week prior to this). Her mood swings really are terrible. At times it's like she really doesn't know what she wants.

 

I'm going to try NC again, I guess. I still want her back, so it's going to suck to just shut her out. I shouldn't have even hung out with her on Sunday. I had a great time with her and everything, but it just made me miss her more. It's pathetic how much I miss her, when it seems all she wants to keep me around for is incase she hooks up with some lowlife ******* and it doesn't work out. Thanks for all of the replies, guys.

 

She didn't break NC. You did. A lot of people blame the other person for the breaking of NC instead of themselves. If you are going NC, then it's up to you to maintain it.

[Chi townD]

Every girl is different. To say all girls don't want a guy to fight for them after the relationship went south is not accurate in my experience. To me it comes down to what you want. If you love her don't give up. If it becomes apparent that there is no chance for reconciliation then move on.

 

Girls that I have broke up with and still liked but went NC and didn't fight for never came back. She is meeting other people and forgetting all about you. Women are not immune from making irrational decisions that they regret. I think keeping an open line of communication with them lets them know that you aren't mad, you are emotionally stable and willing to give it another chance. I've gotten back together with a few ex's just by staying in touch.

 

A lot depends on why the relationship was broken off. If its something to do with you that you can't change or don't want to change then you need to move on. But if it's something to do with her like she just didn't want a serious relationship at the time then you should stay in touch with her. Don't blow her up, give her space but don't let her forget about you. Again, every girl is different. It's worked for me a few times and it hasn't worked a few times. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

 

Sorry, I don't agree with this at all.

 

First, if a girl expects you to fight for her, they usually lose in the end. Guys are getting sick and tired of playing games.

 

When a person dumps another, it's because they're ready to do so. They've already checked out of the relationship and are ready to move on. SO! When they feel strong enough and have something else set up (whether it be another man or woman. Or a support network outside the relationship) they pull the trigger and leave you in their wake. And we (the dumpee's) are left holding the bag and wondering what the hell happened. In the mean time, our Ex's are in new relationships and partying it up while we are still a slobbering bag of goo. They've already mourned the loss of the relationship WHILE they were IN a relationship with us. They are MUCH more farther ahead in the healing process and we've only begun.

 

Now, they may feel guilty and bad about hurting us. BUT!!!! Even though they may feel guilty, they rarely ever want to get back into a relationship with us. They know they hurt us, so never mistake their breadcrumbs as a "secret" way of showing us, "Hey! come chase after me! Show me how much you love, cherish and adore me!" They're only giving you breadcrumbs to ease their own guilt. They do feel bad that they're doing much better and they left you shreaded. They want to see you "not" hate their actions and how much pain they placed on you. Therefore, the "friend zone" exists.

 

Now, if the dumper truely feels like he or she has made a HUGE mistake. They've discovered the grass isn't greener. Then, they're the ones that have to do the heavy lifting. They're the ones that have to be at your front door with hat in hand say, "I'm sorry, I made the BIGGEST mistake of my life. I will do anything to get you back."

 

Ironically, THEY need to be the ones fighting for US! Not the other way around.

Edited February 5, 2013 by Chi townD

[calgary]

i'm going through something similar, I did the no contact she came back but didn't want a relationship because she's depressed and doesn't want to bring me down with her and all that.

 

she wants to go for dinner next week but doesn't want to lead me on.

perfect relationship for 18months... dumped me out of nowhere after I was completely nice to her. I hate what you're going through.

They are probably chasing somebody else and coming after you when he bails on her it sucks.

[cotts1]

All I'm saying is that every relationship and break up can't be lumped into the same category. Everything is not so black and white. There are variables to consider. For instance age, a younger girl will undoubtedly make a rash decision without necessarily wanting or being ready to do so. While an older women will probably be more calculating and steadfast in her decision.

 

In a perfect world the dumper would be the one to come back hat in hand, and ask for forgiveness. But this just doesn't happen. A girl who broke up with you and hasn't talked to you in months/years is not going to just show up at your door no matter how much she may miss you. Only by keeping some form of contact does the possibility of reuniting exist. You don't want to be her friend, your not gonna come hang out with her and her new BF. You want what you used to have with her.

 

I'm not saying he should put all his eggs in one basket and only hope for this outcome. He should move on in the meantime. But you have but one life to live and if she's a girl who makes you happy and you truly love and care about then I don't believe you should just give up on it. That's just my opinion. It's not the ideal scenario for everyone.

[Simon Phoenix]

All I'm saying is that every relationship and break up can't be lumped into the same category. Everything is not so black and white. There are variables to consider. For instance age, a younger girl will undoubtedly make a rash decision without necessarily wanting or being ready to do so. While an older women will probably be more calculating and steadfast in her decision.

 

In a perfect world the dumper would be the one to come back hat in hand, and ask for forgiveness. But this just doesn't happen. A girl who broke up with you and hasn't talked to you in months/years is not going to just show up at your door no matter how much she may miss you. Only by keeping some form of contact does the possibility of reuniting exist. You don't want to be her friend, your not gonna come hang out with her and her new BF. You want what you used to have with her.

 

I'm not saying he should put all his eggs in one basket and only hope for this outcome. He should move on in the meantime. But you have but one life to live and if she's a girl who makes you happy and you truly love and care about then I don't believe you should just give up on it. That's just my opinion. It's not the ideal scenario for everyone.

 

Yeah, my personal experience completely contradicts everything you are saying. I had a girl come back to me (maybe not literally to my door, but into my life) after over a year wanting a second chance. I have a friend getting married who took a year break from his future fiance with virtually no contact before it was restarted. There is no method that's guaranteed, as most reunification attempts fail or are never initiated, but I couldn't disagree more with virtually everything you've posted ITT.

 

It's not black and white, but it's basic psychology.

Edited February 6, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

All I'm saying is that every relationship and break up can't be lumped into the same category. Everything is not so black and white. There are variables to consider. For instance age, a younger girl will undoubtedly make a rash decision without necessarily wanting or being ready to do so. While an older women will probably be more calculating and steadfast in her decision.

 

In a perfect world the dumper would be the one to come back hat in hand, and ask for forgiveness. But this just doesn't happen. A girl who broke up with you and hasn't talked to you in months/years is not going to just show up at your door no matter how much she may miss you. Only by keeping some form of contact does the possibility of reuniting exist. You don't want to be her friend, your not gonna come hang out with her and her new BF. You want what you used to have with her.

 

I'm not saying he should put all his eggs in one basket and only hope for this outcome. He should move on in the meantime. But you have but one life to live and if she's a girl who makes you happy and you truly love and care about then I don't believe you should just give up on it. That's just my opinion. It's not the ideal scenario for everyone.

r

 

I'm not trying to be mean just curious, what was the reason you signed up for this message board? It might help me understand why you feel this way.

[cotts1]

I never claimed to be some love expert. I'm still fairly young (28) and I am always learning more. I've had my fair share of serious relationships and flings. I'm just posting what I have experienced and what has occasionally worked for me. I never stated my methods were guaranteed.

 

 

 

 

 

r

 

I'm not trying to be mean just curious, what was the reason you signed up for this message board? It might help me understand why you feel this way.

 

 

I came on here to vent about a recent breakup just like everyone else.

[Derpderpleton]

Pretty sure she's getting attention from another guy because today she acted like she wanted NOTHING to do with me at work. Usually she's the one that tries to engage me, but today she was being really bitchy. I should have never even hung out with her on Sunday. It's so crazy how quickly things can change. I just gotta cut ties. I'm so pissed and hurt right now, man. I just want to make her regret everything she's doing to me right now.

[Sugarkane]

I have also treated guys great yet dumped cruelly. Then oddly had vindictive dumpers who got off trying to hurt me. I guess some people really don't have Any taste, do they?

[Sugarkane]

Cotts1- My experience has gone completely against what you say. Doing contact once I got nothing but the dumpers lies and BS that the WHOLE breakup wast fault. And the dumper blowing up my phone with verbal abuse- he contacted me. Also him asking me back, standing me up then cruelly laughing at me via phone. Only to find he had some new flavour of The month. I'm glad I cut this cheating prick completely out of my life. Or I would've never met my current boyfriend who doesn't treat people like crap.

[Simon Phoenix]

Pretty sure she's getting attention from another guy because today she acted like she wanted NOTHING to do with me at work. Usually she's the one that tries to engage me, but today she was being really bitchy. I should have never even hung out with her on Sunday. It's so crazy how quickly things can change. I just gotta cut ties. I'm so pissed and hurt right now, man. I just want to make her regret everything she's doing to me right now.

 

Don't worry about her. Worry about you. Do what you need to do to turn a negative into a positive. Best revenge is living well.