I treated her great and she dumped me..

[Derpderpleton]

Took her out, did spontaneous romantic things, gave her all of my trust, but she kicked me to the curb anyways. We were so into each other and this just happened so suddenly. She would always text me and tell me how amazing I am, how happy she is with me, and how she appreciates all that I do for her. Not even 2 weeks before we broke up she was telling me how she was falling in love with me, but she's been holding back some because "she's been there before and it ended badly". It was only a 3.5 month long relationship, but we did so much together during that time, we were absolutely each others best friend. We could totally be ourselves when we were together.

 

The last week or so she became more distant. She had always had real bad mood swings, but I would just put up with it. These mood swings were stressing me out though. It was stressing me out to the point where I was having trouble "keeping it up" in bed..yeah pretty embarrassing. I'm pretty inexperienced at sex and she wasn't. I told her about this and she seemed very understanding. She told me that it's fine and that she would never leave me over sex because "a relationship isn't all about sex". It's really frustrating because we were having great sex until this happened. It got bad, to the point where we hadn't had sex in about 2 weeks. The day before we broke up, we were hanging out. We were so happy together and having fun. Then we tried to have sex and it happened again. She told me that it's fine and didn't seem upset at all, and we just held each other until I took her home.

 

The next day she texted me telling me how I need to figure out what's wrong with me because she feels like it's her fault (when I already explained what was going on) and that this relationship just isn't the best for us right now. Later that night we talked, she told me that this isn't because of the 'issue' I was having, she cried and so did I, but she ended it. She gave me one last kiss and we said goodbye.

 

All of my friends have moved out of town for school and she was all I had. She was literally my best friend and now she's gone..all over something stupid. I want to hate her because of everything I've done for her and her just kicking me to the curb, but I can't. We're still friends..yeah, I know..pathetic. Matter of fact, we've hung out twice since the break up. Both times she's slept in my bed and we were basically almost cuddling. The last time we hung out was last night, she pretty much stayed the night. We had a few drinks together and fell asleep watching a movie. I guess this is why I'm writing this. Last night made me really miss her. She was just sleeping and I was just watching her, wanting so bad to just pull her close and hold her, but I didn't. Oh, and I have to work with her. In fact, we work together in a little over an hour and I'm just a wreck right now. I don't want to just shut her out of my life completely..I can't. We work together and our families have known each other for a long time. I still care so much for her..and it's pathetic. It sucks knowing that she just suddenly threw all of that away.

 

Sorry if this is all over the place or hard to understand. I probably left some things out, can't really think right now because she's all I can think about. Any thoughts/opinions/advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Keenly]

I went through a very, very similar situation. 3 months was all it took and I was completely hers and then she just tossed me aside.

 

 

What your about to go through is not going to be easy, and there will be no quick fix, but it must be done.

 

You need to stop talking to her if she has made it clear she does not want to be with you. Stop ALL contact. Block her on FB, the works. There will be a point in time after anywhere from 2 days to 6 months where she will attempt to contact you, and give you the impression she wants to come back.

 

Do not fall for this. This is an ego-band aid, and you will be discarded again.

 

That's really the best advice I can give you at this point man.

[williamshakespeare]

Listen to Keenly man. He's 100% right!

 

You need to distance yourself - i.e. emotionally detach yourself asap. It's gonna be difficult if you work together but you need to find a way to do it.

 

Don't let her f**k with your head. This could drag on for months and end even worse if you do.

 

If you start NC today then your recovery begins TODAY.

 

Good luck!

[Derpderpleton]

I know NC is the right choice, but it's going to be hard to do. I know that i'll have to see her atleast once or twice a week because of us working together. Seeing her at work is just going to make me miss her more. I just want so bad for her to just snap out of it and realize what she's walking away from, but that's not going to happen. About to get ready for work right now..this should be fun.

[Yamcha]

Yeah, my last ex and me were together for only about 3 months. She asked me to marry her, and then broke up with me about a week later. So, I know that feel, bro. NC is the only right choice. The friendship ain't worth it. Trust. My ex was my best friend, too. Here's a group bro hug from me to you. You can do this!

[Derpderpleton]

Really appreciate all of the support, guys. Thanks!

 

Well..last night I didn't totally follow your advice. I talked to her at work..a decent amount. Made her laugh a few times. We both got off at the same time so I even gave her a ride home. Before I dropped her off she was telling me how she was going out of town to get drunk. Like I really wanted to know that, but ok. That's not even the worst part, though.

 

I went to bed around like 1 am. I woke up at 4 with 2 texts, a missed call, and a voice mail. It was her, she was completely hammered, sounded pretty sad, and said that she really wanted to talk to me. Good thing I was I asleep..otherwise I would have most likely picked up the phone. I still haven't texted her back yet, either. Ugh..it's so tempting.

[meeji]

Don't. If she really felt those things, let her tell you when she is sober.

[Derpderpleton]

I'm not gonna get my hopes up that she'll do that. Whenever I work with her again she'll probably just brush it off like it never happened. I've listened to that voice mail like 3 times already. It's nice to know that she was thinking about me, but it sucks hearing how sad she sounded. Makes me kind of wish I was awake to answer the call. It was most likely just the alcohol, though. I'm not going to text her back. I keep telling myself that. Hopefully she can say what she wanted to say to me while she was drunk, when she's sober. Like I said, not getting my hopes up, though.

[Keenly]

Your situation now further mirrors my own. I worked with my ex too... she is probably going to start telling you about all the dudes she's banging... : what mine did. Contact at work is unavoidable... no phone... no more rides home. What do you get out of it ? Heartbreak. Deny her that .

[Derpderpleton]

I keep asking myself "What if I answered her call? What did she really want to talk to me about?". The more I think about it, the more I regret not being awake to answer it. What if she was going to tell me what I wanted to hear (that she made a huge mistake letting our relationship go and that she wants it back)? What if by ignoring her, she thinks that I don't want her back anymore? So many damn questions..I hate regretting this, but that's how I feel right now. These feelings are stupid and they suck.

[Keenly]

Those calls are meaningless. I got the drunken phone calls and I answered all of them. She doesn't even realize she is doing it.... Its best just not to answer. If you don't answer, and she really wants to talk to you, she will text you. If the text doesn't have a thousand mis spellings, you will know she isn't drunk, but that does not mean she is taking it seriously.

[Derpderpleton]

I gave in and contacted her. I was doing fine until she posted something on FB that baited me into doing it. I told her on Saturday that I was going to be watching the Superbowl on Sunday, so she posted on FB on Sunday asking for someone to get a hold of her so she can watch the Superbowl somewhere. Some douche bag guy liked it, so I gave in and texted her. Basically told her I didn't get her messages until later because I was asleep and that we should watch the Superbowl together. She agreed.

 

We ended up just playing Xbox, laying in my bed watching a movie and, eventually, the game. It was probably the most fun that we've had together in a while. We were just laughing and being ourselves like when we were a couple. Eventually she fell asleep and got really close to me. Her face was literally against mine. I eventually put my arm around her, and just watched her sleep. I came so close to just kissing her, I regret not doing it now. I know that's probably what she wanted, but I didn't do it.

 

After she woke up, we talked. The talk eventually led to her asking how am I doing with the whole break up. I lied, told her I'm doing good. She then asked if I felt like she was leading me on. I lied again, said no. So we continued to talk, not about us, just talk. It was a great night, but after she left it just made me miss her more. She didn't leave until around midnight.

 

She had a basketball game the next day, she mentioned us maybe hanging out before her game the night before, so I, like a dumbass, texted her asking if she wanted to hang out before her game. She replied saying "She had a lot to do, sorry!". I wished her good luck at her game, she thanked me, and that was all the contact we've had today. I just don't get how we could have so much fun together the night before, it was like we were a couple again, then the next day it's back to being tossed aside. Of course my mind is going crazy, wondering if she was really just busy hanging out with another guy. I don't know, it's almost like, she just wanted to make sure that I wasn't getting over her just yet. I was doing just fine until that FB post, then the whole kiss thing just pushed me over the edge. I'm REALLY missing her right now, and it sucks..

[Keenly]

I tried to explain to you once... and this is the last time I'm going to attempt to get through to you because its your life and you will for whatever you will.

 

You are only causing yourself MORE pain.... the more you continue to contact her... and get all buddy buddy with her.... the more it's going to hurt when she comes running to you talking about that new guy she just met.

 

You are causing yourself more and more pain the more you talk to her or attempt to hang out with her.

[cotts1]

I recently had a similar situation. The relationship lasted 6 months, I was falling in love with her and thought she was falling in love with me. Out of nowhere she just broke it off. It's the worst feeling ever.

 

Truth is I haven't given up. Some people feel its best to go no contact and just move on. But I think if you really do love someone then you owe it to yourself to try again. Forget pride or ego, all that matters is that you are true to yourself and your feelings.

 

If you want her back you need to call her or speak to her in person and tell her how you really feel. Don't be afraid, just speak from the heart. Maybe she will give it another chance or maybe she won't but at least you tried and you can rest comfortably in knowing that.

[Derpderpleton]

It seems she would rather go out, get wasted, and hook up with some ******* rather than be in a relationship. Her reason for dumping me was "she don't want a relationship right now". Yet, when we hang out, it's like she wants me to make a move on her or something. I don't get it. One day she'll insist on contacting me and even hanging out with me, and the next, she doesn't want anything to do with me. Maybe NC is the best option.

 

She just keeps messing with my head and I don't know why. She tells me how sorry she is for hurting me, but apparently she doesn't understand that these mixed signals hurt too. It just feels like she's keeping me close incase she can't find another guy to be with out there. I don't know what I'm going to do. I still care about her...a lot. That's why just giving up on her is so hard for me. Sometimes, I wish I could just be one of those guys who just goes out and bangs girl after girl, not giving a f*ck about their emotions.

[williamshakespeare]

Again I'm with Keenly man.

 

If you really want to get back with her and it sounds like you really do, then the best thing to do is go NC. She is going to lose respect for you and you will blow all your chances if you keep doing what you're doing. Google how to get your ex-back and you'll see that this is what all the 'gurus' say.

 

If you go NC, then there's a chance she may re-consider - only a small chance but a chance nonetheless. The biggest benefit is that it starts your healing process.

 

Go NC!

[cotts1]

I just completely disagree about going NC if you want someone back. Out of sight out of mind. She doesn't see you or hear from you she will forget about you. I'm not saying you should blow her phone up everyday but I think some contact (a random call or text every week) is necessary. I agree that trying to win her back isn't the best for your emotions. However, if she's still hanging out with you and falling asleep at your place there must be something there. Perhaps she just wants a friends with benefits type relationship with you for now. If you can handle not being exclusive then do it. You can leave your options open while still enjoying her company on occasion. Don't ask about who else she is seeing and don't stalk her on social media. Its better to not know and in time you may grow on her and maybe she'll be open to a serious relationship again.

Edited February 5, 2013 by cotts1

[Sugarkane]

Yeah but if you stay friends you get friendzoned! And completely used and strung along while they suck face with someone new. Being friendzoned is painful.

[Simon Phoenix]

I keep asking myself "What if I answered her call? What did she really want to talk to me about?". The more I think about it, the more I regret not being awake to answer it. What if she was going to tell me what I wanted to hear (that she made a huge mistake letting our relationship go and that she wants it back)? What if by ignoring her, she thinks that I don't want her back anymore? So many damn questions..I hate regretting this, but that's how I feel right now. These feelings are stupid and they suck.

 

Dude, it was 4 a.m. She was wasted. She'd probably either get into a laughing fit or a crying fit and be completely unintelligible. She probably broke a heel and threw up either right before or right after the call.

 

A 4 a.m. drunk call contains no real useful information. If she had blown a fart into the phone it'd be as useful as the conversation you would have had. No one has ever had a meaningful non-sober conversation at 4 a.m.

[Simon Phoenix]

I gave in and contacted her. I was doing fine until she posted something on FB that baited me into doing it. I told her on Saturday that I was going to be watching the Superbowl on Sunday, so she posted on FB on Sunday asking for someone to get a hold of her so she can watch the Superbowl somewhere. Some douche bag guy liked it, so I gave in and texted her. Basically told her I didn't get her messages until later because I was asleep and that we should watch the Superbowl together. She agreed.

 

We ended up just playing Xbox, laying in my bed watching a movie and, eventually, the game. It was probably the most fun that we've had together in a while. We were just laughing and being ourselves like when we were a couple. Eventually she fell asleep and got really close to me. Her face was literally against mine. I eventually put my arm around her, and just watched her sleep. I came so close to just kissing her, I regret not doing it now. I know that's probably what she wanted, but I didn't do it.

 

After she woke up, we talked. The talk eventually led to her asking how am I doing with the whole break up. I lied, told her I'm doing good. She then asked if I felt like she was leading me on. I lied again, said no. So we continued to talk, not about us, just talk. It was a great night, but after she left it just made me miss her more. She didn't leave until around midnight.

 

She had a basketball game the next day, she mentioned us maybe hanging out before her game the night before, so I, like a dumbass, texted her asking if she wanted to hang out before her game. She replied saying "She had a lot to do, sorry!". I wished her good luck at her game, she thanked me, and that was all the contact we've had today. I just don't get how we could have so much fun together the night before, it was like we were a couple again, then the next day it's back to being tossed aside. Of course my mind is going crazy, wondering if she was really just busy hanging out with another guy. I don't know, it's almost like, she just wanted to make sure that I wasn't getting over her just yet. I was doing just fine until that FB post, then the whole kiss thing just pushed me over the edge. I'm REALLY missing her right now, and it sucks..

 

Congrats. You are now the gay best friend. I'm not saying that to be a d--k (or to mock gay people, there's nothing wrong with that), but you are getting friendzoned like a motherf--ker. And you don't seem like you have the self-control to prevent it. You can not allow that to happen again. If for whatever reason you do get in that situation (which you will because you'll cave), then make the move. She'll reject it, but at least she'll know that you aren't going to be put into the friend zone meekly and that you have some sort of pride left.

[Simon Phoenix]

I recently had a similar situation. The relationship lasted 6 months, I was falling in love with her and thought she was falling in love with me. Out of nowhere she just broke it off. It's the worst feeling ever.

 

Truth is I haven't given up. Some people feel its best to go no contact and just move on. But I think if you really do love someone then you owe it to yourself to try again. Forget pride or ego, all that matters is that you are true to yourself and your feelings.

 

If you want her back you need to call her or speak to her in person and tell her how you really feel. Don't be afraid, just speak from the heart. Maybe she will give it another chance or maybe she won't but at least you tried and you can rest comfortably in knowing that.

 

Trying again is fine, but trying again by throwing caution to the wind and not even giving yourself a fighting chance isn't.

[Simon Phoenix]

I just completely disagree about going NC if you want someone back. Out of sight out of mind. She doesn't see you or hear from you she will forget about you. I'm not saying you should blow her phone up everyday but I think some contact (a random call or text every week) is necessary. I agree that trying to win her back isn't the best for your emotions. However, if she's still hanging out with you and falling asleep at your place there must be something there. Perhaps she just wants a friends with benefits type relationship with you for now. If you can handle not being exclusive then do it. You can leave your options open while still enjoying her company on occasion. Don't ask about who else she is seeing and don't stalk her on social media. Its better to not know and in time you may grow on her and maybe she'll be open to a serious relationship again.

 

This is very wrong. People don't "forget". Have you forgotten about any girl you've seriously dated? That's just a concept built out of fear and has no application into real life. Absence is more likely to make the heart grow fonder than make the heart forget. You can't miss something that doesn't leave. Exes are smart enough to know what you are doing with your weekly text/call. You aren't fooling anyone. You are just showing that you don't respect their decision (at a time where they want nothing more than to confirm that their difficult decision is the correct one) and it makes them much more likely to stick to it and get annoyed at anything you do.

 

If you step back, they respect the fact that a) you are "respecting" their decision instead of trying to tell them they are wrong and b) that you can actually stand on your own two feet and are strong, which is a big reason (especially with women in regards to men) why they liked you in the first place. If someone wants space, give it to them. As the old saying goes "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." They wished for you to be gone, so be gone. They might realize that they don't want you gone after all. Of course, they might not, but you have a better shot if you let them do their thing than if you resist it.

[cdt76]

Bro, she gave you the answer. She said: "Do you think I am leading you on?" She doesn't want you the way you want her. Who knows what she wants, hell, she probably even doesn't know. But YOU know, that she doesn't want you like you want her. Accepting that fact is the hardest thing to do but it is the one thing that will eventually settle in and you will move on. I'm working on doing just that right now! And it's freaking hard.

[StraylightRun24]

This is very wrong. People don't "forget". Have you forgotten about any girl you've seriously dated? That's just a concept built out of fear and has no application into real life. Absence is more likely to make the heart grow fonder than make the heart forget. You can't miss something that doesn't leave. Exes are smart enough to know what you are doing with your weekly text/call. You aren't fooling anyone. You are just showing that you don't respect their decision (at a time where they want nothing more than to confirm that their difficult decision is the correct one) and it makes them much more likely to stick to it and get annoyed at anything you do.

 

If you step back, they respect the fact that a) you are "respecting" their decision instead of trying to tell them they are wrong and b) that you can actually stand on your own two feet and are strong, which is a big reason (especially with women in regards to men) why they liked you in the first place. If someone wants space, give it to them. As the old saying goes "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." They wished for you to be gone, so be gone. They might realize that they don't want you gone after all. Of course, they might not, but you have a better shot if you let them do their thing than if you resist it.

 

Simon Phoenix is completely right about people not forgetting people they were in serious relationships with. I could tell you a little something about each of the my ex's serious former boyfriends because we talked (and sometimes laughed) about them. Hell she even brought up the only one she ever really "loved" when she was breaking up.

 

As for going NC and respecting their decision to end things he is also right. You have to let them reap what they sow! My ex offered the olive branch of friendship (most likely to ease her guilt of breaking up with me) and while I didn't shoot it down 100% I basically told her I'm respecting her decision to end us, but she had to respect my decision that I couldn't be "just friends" with her right off the bat. She asked if she could call me in a few weeks and see how I was doing and I told her, "I would really like that but in my best interest I would prefer if you didn't," and that I'd contact her when I was ready. That was over a month ago and she has respected my wishes. I won't lie it does suck not having her in my life, but at least I can hold my head up high and say I respected myself and didn't allow myself to fall into the friend trap and torture myself even more. I've personally been there and it was the equivalent of repeatedly sticking my hand in the flames....

[Chi townD]

Time to take a stand, dude. Time to put your foot down. Right now, you're being used as an emotional tampon. She gets your friendship. The fun side of you to play xbox with. Someone to cuddle with watching a movie. A "friend" to talk to when SHE needs to talk. She's got the perfect set up with you. But, once she finds someone else to do those things and more for her, she'll kick you to the curb in a minute. It's only a matter of time.

 

You'll start to see that she becomes more distant. She'll answer your calls and texts less frequently. When she does talk to you, you'll get the feeling that she's annoyed to talk to you and will start finding excuses to cut the conversation short. You'll ask her to hang out and she'll give you an excuse as to why she can't hang with you. Only to find out that she lied to you and did something completely different than what she said she was going to do. Then, you get in an arguement and she'll throw you that same sentence all our Ex's tell us that we try to be friends right after a break up, " Where I go and who I hang out with is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. We're not together anymore!"

 

So, your best bet is to start NC. Remember, she's the one that made the choice to no longer be in a relationship with you. That's what she wanted. So, you give her exactly that. She either gets 100% of you or nothing at all. NC means NO CONTACT; therefore, you need to block her on Facebook (that's the tough one for most), Limit your contact as much as possible at work. Talk to your manager or whoever does the schedule and see if they can ensure that you two are on opposite shifts as much as possible. Don't answer her texts or emails. Let her calls go to voicemail. Do not return them. Remember, she made the choice to have you out of her life.

 

Then, start making positive changes in your life. First, you sound young and for a young person to have problems with ED is not normal. Go to the Doctor and just get checked out to make sure there isn't an underlying medical condition. This could be a simple fix and can bring things back to normal for you.