BrokenMan1987 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 EDIT - Holy **** i didn't realise how long this was.. can i suggest everyone just scrolls to the bottom ("THE MAIN POINT"), i don't expect anyone to read all of that. Hi, this is probably going to be EXTREMELY long, i will try to keep it as short as possible though. The first bit is just background, so just scroll to the bottom bit in CAPITALS for the main point of this post. So, i'll try and explain the story, but i'll have to miss a lot of bits out. It started about a year and a few months ago. Before that, i moved into a student house with 2 of my mates, and we put an add out for two more people to fill the rooms. We got a response, a guy and a girl who moved in. First saw this girl, no romantic interest whatsoever, she didn't wear make-up, and looked kinda geeky when i met her, and we all thought she was a bit weird. So anyway's, we lived together for a year and maybe went out as a house to the pub the odd time, and spoke to her occasionally. Then, most of us including the girl (i'll call her A) and her guy mate decided to stay at the house for another year. I moved my big TV, speakers, PS3, basically my room into the living room, and spent a lot of time sitting in there smoking weed watching movies, playing playstation etc. I wasn't exactly a desirable mate. A little background on myself - I've been a massive wasteman most my life - At uni i missed so much, haven't put in anywhere near the effort i could have, and have smoked weed almost every day. So anyway, she started coming into the living room, and we would talk. We became friends, but almost straight away she was flirting (denied it) and it went like this: She'd start hitting me with a pillow > She'd hit me with a pillow then fall on me > She'd then lay on top of me > then it got to the point where we would basically spend every single day cuddled up together watching movies etc and chatting, then eventually sexual stuff happened, not sex though, and i found out recently i was her first for that stuff as well (if she tells the truth, who knows) I didn't understand what was going on. Things kept going further and further, with her pushing every boundary. And i started fancying her, i wanted a relationship. She gave me various different reasons for why she acted the way she did with me (some days she liked me, other she used to like me but didn't want to be with me because of my negative personality traits, other days she said it was because she had felt sorry for me). So, she treated me like her boyfriend, but then would do things a bf wouldn't be ok with. One example is we went out clubbing and she let guys grope her, another is she went and slept round a guy mates house and slept in his bed, came back, lied about it, i found out went mad, she was all upset telling me how much i meant to her. I got paranoid about other guys - she lied to me about loads of things like going to party's, going round guy's houses for meals and ****. She once left her e-mail on my PC.. yes it was wrong, but i had a peak. What did i find? A hell of a lot. She e-mailed her mum constantly about me. She made out that i was obssesed with her, that i fancied her and wanted to be with her, and couldnt accept that she didnt like me, and i told her what she could and couldnt do, and her and her mum were saying how i was mentally damaged and ****. Her mum, nor her friends, had any idea that she was spending every day with me, cuddling me, eventually doing sexual stuff (not sex, she was a virgin at 22), they thought i simply liked her and tried it on and wouldnt get the hint and she never reciprocated. When she told me she didn't want to be with me (a few times), i told her we needed to stop acting the way we were because i would just get too attached and hurt. In an e-mail to her mum she told her mum about this and said "but that's perfectly ok (if he gets hurt), because i have absolutely no feelings for him". She would just keep coming in my room and slowly try and cuddle me untill i gave in. Skip forward, she finished Uni, moves back home 2 hours away. Things had gotten more and more serious, and we kept visiting each other after she left, and i gave her the ultimatum - either she wanted to be with me or we had to stop seeing each other. So, she decided she wanted me and we got together officially. Now, a lot of stuff happened, a lot more than i've said, and when we got together i didn't trust her at all due to the past lies. She never made me feel secure, and i never truly felt like she wanted to be with me. She avoided me meeting her guy mates, she would act suspiciously at time (i.e signing off facebook the second i came in the room) and a lot of other stuff. But, i felt anyway, that things started to get better, and i was starting to trust her.. But long story short, i did another thing i shouldn't have done - I looked at her facebook. She had our relationship hidden from one of her guy mates. She had been trying to have this guy mate from where i live, come and stay with her for 4 nights behind my back (the same one who's bed she slept in, who told her i apparently "took advantage her of kind nature", a text i found out she kept on her phone permanently because she thought it was true!), and one of her guy mates, we'll call him S, well he had been flirting with her a lot. Her flirting back wasn't really too bad, bud he was saying how she can cuddle him at thorpe park (a trip i wasn't invited to untill i accidentally found out about it and suddenly she was going to invite me when she next saw me) if it's cold, and she basically said yeah ok. Also something else - SHE made a rule no giving girls more than 1 kiss in texts and ****... Yes silly i know, but i didn't care so said ok, as long as it applies for you too and she said yeah cool. So i never did, and her fb.. 2 and 3 kisses to every guy all the time. Just a piss take it was her rule she was breaking. Then long story but i saw what she told a guy about it.. Apparently i went crazy because she was being "over friendly" with guys and giving them two kisses. That was it.. no explanation that it was her rule or that she was telling a guy who fancies her that he can cuddle her.. my girlfriend.. Oh that reminds me, in the e-mails i saw before we started going out, she would warp situations and miss out key points, and basically make herself look good and me look bad. So anywho, i ended it after seeing her facebook. She sent e-mails, left voicemails, texts etc, begging for me back... Telling me this S guy meant nothing to her and was just a friend (i had met him btw when i ended up going to the thorpe park event, shaken his hand, and i swear my instincts felt something was up) how i meant so much to her, i was who she wanted, she finally realised how great i was blah blah.. Never before had i actually felt truly wanted by her.. She'd never said anything like this before, and i wanted to believe it, So i gave in and answered her calls.. She was so upset and i felt so bad.. She was telling me so many nice things, things i'd longed to here from her.. But at this point we hadn't had sex. She had cock teased me badly for a year (rubbing herself on me, fondling me, you get the picture) but i accepted she was a virgin and really respected the fact she had waited so long. A lot of guys fancied her and wanted to **** her. I know i said i thought she was geeky - that was when i first met her, she doesn't wear make up and looks good and when she does on nights out she looks even better. But, me being 25, and having been in 2 long term sexual relationships, it was hard, and i started feeling like it was something wrong with me. So i said to her "you can't like me that much, you don't even want to sleep with me" and her response "*cute laugh* of course i do, i will". Long story short, i took her virginity a few days later. I was still very upset about what i found on fb, and was a mess in my head tbh, so i'll admit i didn't act the best. Anyway, a week later she ends it, i managed to persuade her to give it another chance, a week later she comes down, she is going out for a night with her mates from Uni, so i drive her out, and i'm supposed to be picking her up, but she messes me around when i have work early the next day blah blah i get angry, we get back to mine, she's drunk, tells me she hates me, she cant believe anyone would ever like me, wishes i was dead... more horrible **** than anyone's ever said to me. Morning, i get dumped right before work and she's blocked me from everything apart from phone cause she can't, before i even get home (2 hours later after breaking down on the shop floor). She then posts on her facebook (found out through friends) something like "i was the biggest mistake she ever made, cant believe she got with me, i was completely paranoid controlling and possessive blah blah". I was devastated. She wouldn't talk to me, apart from the odd bit of communication in which she accused me of being incredibly paranoid, possessive and controlling, told me i never let her be her own person, and get this, she told me that i psychologically abused her.... oh and apparently i tried warping her reality.. Just to point out, this girl told me many times during arguments how no girl would ever want me, and said various other spiteful things, i was never spiteful to her (untill recently after the break up). I contacted her after about 2 weeks (she had unblocked me on fb for some reason) and she blocked me almost instantly refusing to talk - i had asked for closure. Then i text her at some point and she told me how she is so much happier without me and doesn't miss me. SKIP TO THIS BIT IF ABOVE IS TOO LONG So, this guy, S, her "friend" who i was paranoid about.. Well i find out a few days ago, that this guy who she apparently never even found attractive who was only a friend, is now her boyfriend. They got together officially 6 weeks after the break up, but they started seeing each other maximum a month after, but it could of been straight away for all i know. I just can't believe it.. I accidentally stumbled upon it.. a mutual fb friend had become friends with S as A had brought him to my city last weekend. I saw pictures of them together, his arms around her, all over each other.. It tore me up. This girl.. this girl who was so sweet, so innocent, who i loved and cared about more than anything.. Who's virginity i took like a month before she got with this new guy.. She had kept it for 22 years, waiting for the right person, then loses it with me, and now she'll be ****ing this next man soon.. My Current situation: I'm in my final year of uni, last 4 months. I've already messed up so much but i still have a chance to get a degree. As i say, i have a problem with cannabis. I managed to give it up for a week, and things were getting better, i was getting stuff done every day, i was thinking about her less... Untill i find out about the new guy. Now i'm back to square one.. I mean i did absolutely nothing but get high and feel bad since she ended it, then somehow managed to start sorting myself out.. Then i find this out.. and now i'm worse than the day it happened. So many thought's run through my mind.. You know.. Did she ever really want me.. Did she like S while she was with me, did she do anything with S while with me, was i right to be paranoid about S seeing as she got with her.. i could say a million more. I'm a total mess, my sleep cycle is ****ed, i wake up at 6pm then go to bed about 8am, then wake up at 6pm again. Last night i started crying, a lot. I was pacing my room, so upset just didn't know what to do, thinking about them together, thinking about everything me and her had, and how she could just replace me with another man, so ****ing soon after. It was my second day of not smoking weed, and i just couldn't do it, got to about 5am, and i just couldn't take the pain.. I guess i have been hiding my pain with weed for so long, i just can't deal with it without it. As soon as i had that first hit, the pain did subside a bit, but then comes the exacerbated thinking.. Ok, if anyone has managed to read all of this, you deserve a ****ing medal. I guess i must sound a crazy bastard from my post.. It's hard to explain it all you know, there is so much, and i know i did things wrong. I have torn myself up about whether i am messed up, whether it was all my fault and i was crazily paranoid controlling and possessive, and psychologically abused her, or whather the reason i was so worried all the time was because of the past lies and going behind my back and the fact she never truly wanted me.. She honestly thinks i am literally a horrible crazy messed up person, and at times i believe this. I don't know what's true anymore, or what's right and wrong So iv'e tried explaining the full story the best i could without writing all night long. THE MAIN POINT *Just to add the official relationship lasted 4 months. Ex girlfriend has gotten with a male friend and now they are officially together after a short time. I'm completely torn up about this. I am at a point in my life where i seriously need to knuckle down and be working hard at Uni and everything. I literally CANNOT waste anymore time. But i find myself unable to do anything. Sleep cycle messed up, not eating, thoughts running through my head. Because of the horrible **** she would say to me, and everything, i have absolutely no self confidence or self worth. I feel completely unlovable and unwanted and alone. I feel like my life is on the verge of ending, one way or another, and i feel like i can't take this anymore and can't go on. (Unfortunately i'd never kill myself as i'm too terrified of death, but i do feel like just giving up totally on life). I'm a mess and need.. How do i deal with this.. what do i do? Just to add another point about me which will probably make me seem even more crazy: I have a SERIOUS issue with a girls sexual past. First girl was a virgin, so was i, but even her doing other stuff with her ex's bothered me, not a substantial amount though. Second girl was a huge slag, slept with 20+ people, and i only found it out during the relationship, suffice to say, it tore me apart and it ended eventually. Then, i meet a virgin.. at 25 years old, a virgin who is actually attractive, who'd have thought at 25 i would meet another virgin.. a girl who was everything i wanted in terms of sweet and innocent.. not so much as had another guy's fingers inside her. It felt good, very good, and it was never an issue about her past because she didn't have one. After having the virgin, and taking her V when it meant so much to her (and it meant so much to me as well, being the one) i honestly feel like i could never be happy with a girl who i didn't have that experience with.. And at 25, i am never ever going to find a girl without a history again.. And the girl who i had that very special moment with.. well i got a weekend of awkward painful for her sex.. he's now going to get long term sex with her which she will enjoy, and the memory of sex with me, will be an unpleasant one.. So yup, i'm officially a total mess Any responses would be greatly appreciated.. And i'm not as crazy as i sound.. honest.
Addison312 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Dude. I need to take a shower after reading that. Especially the part where you said something about a guy's fingers inside her. What ever happened to DATING?! Oh, and I don't know what advice to give you. The 4 month "relationship" was nothing but head games, not love. She has a personality disorder and you need to grow up. 1
Author BrokenMan1987 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Dude. I need to take a shower after reading that. Especially the part where you said something about a guy's fingers inside her. What ever happened to DATING?! Oh, and I don't know what advice to give you. The 4 month "relationship" was nothing but head games, not love. She has a personality disorder and you need to grow up. Sorry for the vivid detail, props to you for reading it all though. We lived together, so we didn't date as such, but we did spend a LOT of time together before anything sexual happened and did not sleep together until 4 months into the official relationship, a year after we had been very close.. To be honest our first real date was just after we got together. Maybe it was head games.. maybe she did like me but i was crazy, maybe she was just a bitch, maybe she never really liked me.. i don't know the answers. And yes i do need to grow up, tell me about it.
williamshakespeare Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Man, I REALLY feel your pain. Time to do some SERIOUS damage control. NO BS - You have to get into survival mode ASAP! Read the 'surviving a break up' post (top of this forum) Google the topics - overcoming heartbreak, broken heart etc., Block her on everything. Never check FB Burn everything that reminds you of her. Go to a gym. Recruit your buddies as a support system. Consider counselling even it its online Use this site and know that you are NOT alone (there are many wonderful people going through similar cr*p) Do anything that distracts you from thinking about her (games, tv, movies - action ones) Read the NC guide (top of forum also) Treat yourself well - go easy on yourself You have to look after #1 at this stage. My thoughts and support are with ya man!
Samilia Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Dude. I need to take a shower after reading that. Especially the part where you said something about a guy's fingers inside her. What ever happened to DATING?! Oh, and I don't know what advice to give you. The 4 month "relationship" was nothing but head games, not love. She has a personality disorder and you need to grow up. haha same here! Anyway... I would recommend taking on a purity ring till you meet the right girl. Which you won't do, I know. You don't see a problem with your d*ck plunging from a wawana to another wawana but you do have a problem with a girl who's doing the same. What a double standard. 2
Author BrokenMan1987 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Man, I REALLY feel your pain. Time to do some SERIOUS damage control. NO BS - You have to get into survival mode ASAP! Read the 'surviving a break up' post (top of this forum) Google the topics - overcoming heartbreak, broken heart etc., Block her on everything. Never check FB Burn everything that reminds you of her. Go to a gym. Recruit your buddies as a support system. Consider counselling even it its online Use this site and know that you are NOT alone (there are many wonderful people going through similar cr*p) Do anything that distracts you from thinking about her (games, tv, movies - action ones) Read the NC guide (top of forum also) Treat yourself well - go easy on yourself You have to look after #1 at this stage. My thoughts and support are with ya man! Hi, Thanks for the words and advice First 3 i have already done. 4th one - After i found out about this new guy, i deleted and blocked her friends on fb (something i had put off because i wanted to be the bigger man, i had no idea she'd be bring her new boyfriend up here and he'd become friends with her mates up here) and then i deactivated my fb account. I will leave it that way as long as possible, fb is nothing but trouble i swear. I've sent back, or hidden away anything that reminds me of her, i even rearranged my room. I'm planning on starting the gym Monday, but my sleep cycle is so messed up i don't know if i'll be able to manage it. My friends are no help, i don't really have any true friends tbh. I'm on the waiting list for counselling at Uni, i've had one session but now have to wait god knows how long. Yup, i'm going to use this site the best i can, going to start reading in a min. Been trying lot's of distractions, the bad things is, i shouldn't be sitting there playing PS3, i should be doing Uni work, right now i should be tidying my room and doing weights. It's easy to play playstation and it helps to take my mind off her, but it's back on her the second my game finishes. Again, thanks for the advice man, i will read the things you suggested, hopefully it will help. The hardest thing i think i'm finding, is dealing with the thoughts and emotions. You know.. like so many thoughts, so many emotions, so many questions.. and then it just hurts so much knowing she is most likely right this second, in that dick heads arms, kissing and cuddling each other, laughing and smiling, like i was never a part of her life.. knowing she hates me, she will tell him how crazy and horrible i was, and think how much better he is, and all the while i'm laying in bed at 5 in the morning in tears, or scowering the web for some sort of answer No contact. Do it. I'm not going to have any more contact with her. I did something very stupid.. When i found out, i sent the her and the new guy a VERY unpleasant message each. Yes, i'm aware how bad that was 1
Author BrokenMan1987 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 haha same here! Anyway... I would recommend taking on a purity ring till you meet the right girl. Which you won't do, I know. You don't see a problem with your d*ck plunging from a wawana to another wawana but you do have a problem with a girl who's doing the same. What a double standard. Wooah how did you get that impression? I have slept with more people than i would like yes. I have had one, one night stand, and i still regret it deeply. This was never about sex with this girl, it never is with me. I don't want to put my dick in anything but a girl i really care about and am in a long term relationship with.. The next girl i will sleep with will be one i truly care about and am in a relastionshiup with, just like her.. I'm really not the type of guy who sleeps around, i'm very different from most guys in that respect.. most i know will **** anyone. I'm not sure how i gave the impression i did..?
jovan Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 HAHAHAHAHAH I love you man , you made my day!!!! Grow a pair and get on your books. I lived with woman for 5 year's, without any problems, I was ****ing perfect to her, and she dump's me for no reason at all... saying how she doesnt care anymore. Shes now ****ing sucking licking swallowing eating, and I dont ****ing care, case shes not woman i fell in love with. And thats not a girl you fell in love with eather. So just let it go bro....
Author BrokenMan1987 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 HAHAHAHAHAH I love you man , you made my day!!!! Grow a pair and get on your books. I lived with woman for 5 year's, without any problems, I was ****ing perfect to her, and she dump's me for no reason at all... saying how she doesnt care anymore. Shes now ****ing sucking licking swallowing eating, and I dont ****ing care, case shes not woman i fell in love with. And thats not a girl you fell in love with eather. So just let it go bro.... I know man, and i also know it could be much worse. I need to let it go, but i am finding it so hard..
williamshakespeare Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Brokenman, You've already started taking some positive steps - well done. This is going to take a while but you've started down the path. Instead of thinking of her being with that guy, switch the thought each time to something you didn't like about her - either physically or her character. Start a list of what you don't like about her e.g., some stupid jacket she wore or expression on her face, or bad habit. I read that tip in a psychology book somewhere and if you practice it, it actually works. If you have to think of her being with that guy, think of them arguing rather than cuddling
williamshakespeare Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Also there may be some 'fall-out' from the message you sent. Just let it slide. Don't get embroiled in anything - it'll be a no-win situation for you.
Author BrokenMan1987 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Also there may be some 'fall-out' from the message you sent. Just let it slide. Don't get embroiled in anything - it'll be a no-win situation for you. Hmm, fall-out..? You mean consequences... yeah i've been ****ting myself about that.. She has a far far greater capacity to hurt me than i do her. My message to the guy and her was unpleasant to say the least. I'm not sure if she knows my adress - she could get here but lives 2 hours away, but i hope she never saved my address. And all her e-mails are blocked from my e-mail accounts and my phone is currently set to block her calls so she cant leave answer phone, and blocks texts from anyone not in my phone book. So i kind of made it so she couldn't contact me without coming to my doorstep but i could be wrong.. I am rather worried. Although you could of meant something else by fallout lol..
williamshakespeare Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 nah...i meant what you thought I meant. Just watch your back over the next cupla days in case the new dipsh*t b/f and his chums come looking for trouble. Hang out with your buds. PM me if you need back-up - I'll be there in a matter of hours with my boxing gloves on depending on where ya live
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