williamshakespeare Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 She and I broke up. I thought I had her back but realize I'm not a priority in her life. She says she wants to take things slowly and tells me everyday that she loves me but her actions don't match her words e.g., she doesn't make much of an effort to see me. Bottomline is that I think I'm now in a one sided relationship and I just want to end the pain. However I don't want to tell her I'm going NC for the following reasons: a) in case she really is making an effort, I'm judging her harshly and she gets hurt b) I get weak and need to talk to her (I'm such a wuss) - I don't want to 'box' myself into a situation c) I don't know what the right thing to do is - this buys me some time. So I'm just gonna make up a story about some business trip, hotel has no internet etc., and 'disappear' for a few weeks. I'm hoping I can use that as an opportunity to gain some mental space, see what life is like w/out talking to her everyday and begin the NC process. Somewhere down the road obviously I will tell her I needed 'out' because it just wasn't working for me - just Not Now! Does this make any sense? Thoughts?
Samilia Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) She and I broke up. I thought I had her back but realize I'm not a priority in her life. She says she wants to take things slowly and tells me everyday that she loves me but her actions don't match her words e.g., she doesn't make much of an effort to see me. Bottomline is that I think I'm now in a one sided relationship and I just want to end the pain. However I don't want to tell her I'm going NC for the following reasons: a) in case she really is making an effort, I'm judging her harshly and she gets hurt b) I get weak and need to talk to her (I'm such a wuss) - I don't want to 'box' myself into a situation c) I don't know what the right thing to do is - this buys me some time. So I'm just gonna make up a story about some business trip, hotel has no internet etc., and 'disappear' for a few weeks. I'm hoping I can use that as an opportunity to gain some mental space, see what life is like w/out talking to her everyday and begin the NC process. Somewhere down the road obviously I will tell her I needed 'out' because it just wasn't working for me - just Not Now! Does this make any sense? Thoughts? Ah.. because lying is such a great component of a successful and healthy relationship... Beside the fact that she's probably keeping you as a back up plan, just be be honest. Tell her you need some time to yourself, she need some time to herself, tell her "why don't we take a break" and actually mean it. PS: even mac donalds have the internet nowadays, our phones have the internet.. where are you going again that there is no internet and no phones? Yeah, again, no.. go with the truth. Edited February 2, 2013 by Samilia
Author williamshakespeare Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Ah.. because lying is such a great component of a successful and healthy relationship... Beside the fact that she's probably keeping you as a back up plan, just be be honest. Tell her you need some time to yourself, she need some time to herself, tell her "why don't we take a break" and actually mean it. PS: even mac donalds have the internet nowadays, our phones have the internet.. where are you going again that there is no internet and no phones? Yeah, again, no.. go with the truth. Thanks Samilia. I can't find any fault with your words. But if I start mentioning the word 'break' to her - trust me, the sh&t will hit the fan. I'm just trying to buy time and space in a non-controversial way. I know its bs but I need to protect myself emotinonally and can't afford a big argument with her at this point. I'm way more exposed than she is at this. This may also bring some equilibrium back into the relationship.
Samilia Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Thanks Samilia. I can't find any fault with your words. But if I start mentioning the word 'break' to her - trust me, the sh&t will hit the fan. I'm just trying to buy time and space in a non-controversial way. I know its bs but I need to protect myself emotinonally and can't afford a big argument with her at this point. I'm way more exposed than she is at this. This may also bring some equilibrium back into the relationship. You're trying to play games with her, make her miss you, so her interest level goes up. You can't pull the plug because you're in love with her. You mentioned you guys broke up, there is no relationship anymore. I think you're just afraid of pulling away totally and losing her for good. Some people think that if they remain in the other person's life, then they can't be forgotten. In reality, they become an annoying constant buzzing sound, something that keeps popping in the dumper's life. It will become so annoying that eventually the "better half" will end it for good. Right now everything is on her own terms. Showing some balls can only play in your favor, if not, plenty of fish in the sea. Fish with no back up plans.
Addison312 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Just be honest and end it. There may be no drama at all...she may agree with you. But do not disappear as that is just rude. I don't know exactly how she's acting, but remember the Golden Rule...treat her how you'd like to be treated (sometimes even if she doesn't deserve it). Just communicate!
Author williamshakespeare Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Thanks to all of you for your great advice. Makes me feel weak cos I'm not sure I have the strength to end it. In order to keep going I need to know there's a glimmer of hope down the road. I guess I'm just not as strong as some of you in a situation where she still tells me daily that she misses and loves me. Half the time, I don't even answer her calls as I'm trying to regain some power in the relationship. If I go AWOL then I'll be getting messages saying where are you and I miss you. I could use these to build up my strength to sever contact completely. I have a weird emotional instrastructure and there is some selfishness within my approach - I know.
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