A day in the life of an OW

[KissMyTiara]

Hey MM and Wives... ever wonder what the OW goes through?

 

Check this out: http://myst.betterbox.net/sadlove1.html

[supermom]

Thats very unfortunate. I just don't understand however, if a relationship can give you that much pain, then why do you still hold on?

[kellydontwanttasleep]

let go, let go, let go

[otherwoman]

totally understand all of what you wrote.

My MM said all those things.

I'm the love of his life.

He has always wanted to be with since HS.

He will never fall out of love with me.

We will be together forever.

I'm worth everything.

I love love love love love you.

 

Blah blah.....

 

Until he is cornered by his wife, then you are nothing.

Just like that.

Just a quick email stating that he told her and that he won't be talking to me anymore.

All those years together (3+ for me) and that's all you get. A "dear john" email.

 

There is one thing though, I have his child.

She is 3 1/2.

He is not in her life.

I don't want him to be.

And if he really really wanted to, he would have taken me to court for custody with his wife.

We both know that she is his, we knew the day we conceived her. We did a DNA test too.

 

We were all best friends too.

His wife, my husband and him, and all our kids.

 

Everything is over.

My ex best friend is the one that turned me in.

She called her.

And why?

I have no idea.

Let's just say I don't talk to her or wave to her when I drive by her house. (I have to drive back and forth her house to get to mine).

 

I'm sad, very sad.

I think I will also have this empty spot in my heart forever.

It's harder because of the child we made together.

And he said she was made from love.

She was even born on V-day! 1 month early.

It wasn't even planned.

 

I haven't emailed him or vise versa in over a month now.

I stopped cold turkey.

It was too humiliating listening to him talk about things.

I felt so small compared to him and his wonderful life now.

 

I hate living in the same town too.

Very very small town.

 

 

Anyways, I read what you wrote, and I agree 100%

[otherwomen]

totally understand all of what you wrote.

My MM said all those things.

I'm the love of his life.

He has always wanted to be with since HS.

He will never fall out of love with me.

We will be together forever.

I'm worth everything.

I love love love love love you.

 

Blah blah.....

 

Until he is cornered by his wife, then you are nothing.

Just like that.

Just a quick email stating that he told her and that he won't be talking to me anymore.

All those years together (3+ for me) and that's all you get. A "dear john" email.

 

There is one thing though, I have his child.

She is 3 1/2.

He is not in her life.

I don't want him to be.

And if he really really wanted to, he would have taken me to court for custody with his wife.

We both know that she is his, we knew the day we conceived her. We did a DNA test too.

 

We were all best friends too.

His wife, my husband and him, and all our kids.

 

Everything is over.

My ex best friend is the one that turned me in.

She called her.

And why?

I have no idea.

Let's just say I don't talk to her or wave to her when I drive by her house. (I have to drive back and forth her house to get to mine).

 

I'm sad, very sad.

I think I will also have this empty spot in my heart forever.

It's harder because of the child we made together.

And he said she was made from love.

She was even born on V-day! 1 month early.

It wasn't even planned.

 

I haven't emailed him or vise versa in over a month now.

I stopped cold turkey.

It was too humiliating listening to him talk about things.

I felt so small compared to him and his wonderful life now.

 

I hate living in the same town too.

Very very small town.

 

 

Anyways, I read what you wrote, and I agree 100%

[KissMyTiara]

I only posted what I did so that people who haven't been in the shoes of an OW can understand the torture we endure to be with the man we so desire, and sometimes love.

[otherwomen]

Thank you and your right.

 

He told me we had a relationship even called it "going out".

He even told me we would still be together if I didn't tell my ex best friend.

I needed someone to talk to and I thought I could trust her, since she trusted me with personal things.

Didn't work, she blabbed.

 

I would gladly email him a pic if he wants one of our child, but its not me to email him. I'm not going there.

Besides school starts and I'm sure I will see him at the school, since I am an aide there and my daughter comes with me.

 

Thanks for sharing the info

[pixie2004]

I am no OW and I would never be. (never say never...)

 

but I really can't understand this! How can someone like being 2nd best?

 

I know it is difficult, millions of people fall in love every minute, but sure you can't be that desperate?

 

Don't you feel guilty?

 

I don't say what you do is wrong, but hell knows if my boyfriend (soon to be husband) two-times with me I'll definitely blow a gasket!

 

 

[Moose]

I only posted what I did so that people who haven't been in the shoes of an OW can understand the torture we endure to be with the man we so desire, and sometimes love.

 

Sorry, but if you put yourself in that situation and the MM cheated on his wife, you deserve the punishment, and torture....and the MM deserves to have his nuts cut off too.

 

The people who haven't been in the shoes of an OW will hopefully NEVER understand what it's like.

[pixie2004]

Never say NEVER Moose - you might jinx it!

 

[Moose]

Pixie, I think that's why I said, HOPEFULLY never.....hehe.....trust me, I've been tempted, even recently.....but thankfully I know the consequences would be too much to bear.

[otherwomen]

No one knows each other situations.

No matter what anyone might say.

 

I wonder what his wife would think that he also had a one night stand with a lady from his work place.

[littleflowerpot]

Originally posted by Moose

Sorry, but if you put yourself in that situation and the MM cheated on his wife, you deserve the punishment, and torture....and the MM deserves to have his nuts cut off too.

 

The people who haven't been in the shoes of an OW will hopefully NEVER understand what it's like.

 

no one deserves torture.

[TheFaithfulWife]

Sorry to say that I have no sympathy for the OW.

 

You put yourself in this situation by getting involved with a married man.

 

You call the wife a bitch but you only know one side of the story, she may, as I have had ,to deal with the kids 24/7, never getting a break cause the husband always claims to be busy with work or some project while he is actually getting his rocks off with you!

 

He wants a wife that is eager for sex but after staying up all night with the sick 4 year old I am too exhausted to perform. Does he even make the attempt to help out? NO! He is only concerned with his own gratification.

I take the boys everywhere I go, the store, the bank, to doctors appointments. I ask him to take them with him on the days I am sick; His response: " geez I can't drag all these kids with me to the hardware store!"

I get angry but what does the OW hear about me" She was such a bitch today! She couldn't even watch the kids so I could run to the hardware store" (no word about me having a 102 fever.)

 

My husband was so involved with scouting that I never had a break from the kids, he figured that since he was taking one of them with him that was enough.

 

Do I regret having our 5 boys? NO.. but I do regret what it did to us as a couple.

 

He had the affair and he had big plans to move her into our house and have her raise our kids.

It all fell apart when she realized what she was getting into.

 

Yes we are back together but now we are in counseling, the therapist has opened his eyes to how much time I spend with the kids. I now have one day a week where I can go and do whatever I want and I can stay out as late as I want. I also can go grocery shopping by myself without having kids pulling me all directions with all their "I wants"

 

The only thing I have to be grateful to the OW for is that because of the affair we started counseling and now he is seeing life through my eyes.

 

The best thing you can do for a married man that shows he is interested in you is to tell him " Go fix what is wrong in your marriage, get counseling! and only if you have decided to divorce then you can call me"

 

TFW

[Moose]

WHOAH!!!!

 

Ok, did you like, talk to my wife or something???? I never had an affair, but what you said is exactly what my wife felt like when we were raising our five kids!!!! Man I see so much clearer now!!!

 

The torture these women are going through isn't nearly what the wife of the married men are going through. Ok, I can understand that they, "fell in love", with these married men. Have they learned now how big a mistake it was? Will they avoid the temptation now?

 

The OW made a mistake. The best remedy is to walk away from it, and never let it happen again.

 

When I said they deserve the torture, it's out of love. When I spank my children, it hurts them too. They did a bad thing, when we do bad things, there are consequences and they aren't usually pleasureable.

 

I'm just sorry that the temptation is out there, I'm not sorry to see someone learn a lesson from it.

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by Moose

 

 

Sorry, but if you put yourself in that situation and the MM cheated on his wife, you deserve the punishment, and torture....and the MM deserves to have his nuts cut off too.

 

The people who haven't been in the shoes of an OW will hopefully NEVER understand what it's like.

 

 

What about those, such as myself, who didn't knowingly fall in love with a married man, but just a man, and only later found out he was married? Even if we do put ourselves in that situation, NO ONE deserves the punishment and torture that you suggest.

 

You, Moose, are evil.

 

The point of this OW/OM forum is not for bashing - read the freaking description of it!

[TheFaithfulWife]

Kissmytiara I hope you didn't think that I was bashing anyone because it was not my intent.

I was just making the point that no matter how hard th OW "THINKS" she has it the wife more then likely has it 100X worse.

 

I once found myself attracted to a married man, at the time I met him I had no idea he was married. The attraction was mutual but I put on the brakes the very moment I found out he had a wife. Was it easy? NO! it was harder then hell ,but I had too much self respect for myself and for others to continue something I knew was wrong and that would hurt both her and me.

 

That is where I have no sympathy for a woman who continues an affair after learning he is married. YOU DO have a choice, you just made the wrong one. It takes more courage to walk away then it does to stay.

 

I have thought about Dan many times since then but I have no regrets that I said no, I can live with myself and know that I made the right choice. I have been on the other side , being the wife, I now know how much hurt I could have caused if I had given in.

 

Self respect is the key to walking away

 

TFW

[Moose]

When I said they deserve the torture, it's out of love. When I spank my children, it hurts them too. They did a bad thing, when we do bad things, there are consequences and they aren't usually pleasureable.

 

I'm just sorry that the temptation is out there, I'm not sorry to see someone learn a lesson from it.

 

Obviously you missed this post I wrote before you wrote your rude post.

 

You, Moose, are evil.

 

The point of this OW/OM forum is not for bashing - read the freaking description of it!

 

Description: The other side of the story: Support and DISCUSSION for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

 

I am discussing it. Just because the only committed partner I'm involved with is my wife doesn't mean I can't put my 2 cents in.

 

Like I said, I hope you learned a lesson and will do your best to avoid it from now on. Messing around with married people always, ALWAYS winds up hurting someone.

[otherwomen]

Not every MM tells the OW who is also married that his wife is this and that, and doesn't want to do anything.

There are so many reasons why two people get together whether married or not.

I have known my MM since HS.

We were best friends.

He has always liked me.

But his wife came first.

If I would of said "yes" to him 15 years ago then I would be his wife.

I didn't.

I didn't feel that way towards him.

People fall in love, that's just the way it is.

I don't care if your married or not.

There has to be another reason to be with a MM/MW other than sex.

 

I will always love my mm.

Even though we are not together right now due to events, he will always be in my heart, and I know I will always be in his.

And we will always be connected in one way or another from our little girl we had together.

Was she a mistake?

No.

We knew what we were doing.

She was the best thing that has happened to me.

I don't know what I would do without her.

 

 

I don't care what other people think.

You only have one life, and it can be short or long.

[Mr Spock]

AHAHAHHAAHHAHAHA

 

Moose is most surely NOT evil

 

Kissmytiara, you are moping HORRIBLY. Either piss, or get off the pot. Until you make decisions in your life you are doing little more than exploring your emotional masochistic tendencies. (sic)

 

 

Anyways, all wives come on here and say "walk away" like a marriage is the be all and end all of the universe. It's not. They're made and broken on a daily basis. It all depends on the particulars of the situation. Is he looking for a way out? Is he looking to relieve the agony that is his daily life? Is he just bored and looking to mess around? Has he truly made the decision to leave and begin his life anew? If by walking away, would one be giving up the chance for a deep meaningful relationship? A valid one?

 

All important questions. Ask your MM this kissmytiara.

[sameboatvillacabin]

I've been reading this site, I'm currently in the same situation, we're both married though. As I read these posts, I can semi-understand the feelings expressed here.

 

I understand confusion, some pain and anxiety BUT REALLY!!!! NO, you can't help who you love, but first love and inlove are very different. LOVE DOES NOT CAUSE SO MUCH ANGUISH!!! INLOVE, HOWEVER SUCKS ASS!!!!! I read the whole "DAY IN....." page, I didn't see this women's pain being caused by her relationship with a MM, she would be this way is she was dating a single man or even married herself. From what I get from these posts most of the people who are OW/OM, but mostly OW is that this is the general dating pattern for them.

 

My situation is horrid. IT'S SOAP OPERA CORNY, JERRY SPRINGER WEIRD AND HARLIQUIN NOVEL CLICHE'. REALLY F***ED UP!!!!! IF IT WERE A BOOK OR TV SHOW I WOULD BE A DEFINITE DOUBLEDAY PRODUCTION. WITH THE WHOLE UNDYING LOVE THING AND ALL, "SERIOUSLY F*****!"

 

NOT JUDGING ANYONE, DON'T KNOW EVERYONE'S PERSONAL SITUATION AND I DO SO COMPLETELY APOLOGIZE IF I HAPPEN TO OFFEND ANYONE!!!!!! Just so you all know, most people would consider me a brutal, opinionated BITCH.

 

Now that being said:

 

1. Why would you sit and wait for anyone to call you? Married or otherwise. You are not waiting for these calls because he's married, you're waiting because that's what you do. He/She knows that. They know you'll always be there waiting in your ivory tower for Prince Charming to come(call) and you ride off into the sunset. LADIES, IN THE BIBLE, IT WAS THE SNAKE THAT CHARMED EVE INTO TAKING A BITE OF THE APPLE!!! CHARMING ISN'T A "DESIRABLE" CHARACTERISTIC IN A MAN!!!!

 

2. Second, I see a pattern that most of us women sit home faithfully, waiting for a chance meeting. WHY?????WHAT THE F*** IS THAT ABOUT. Why would you feel compelled to be faithful to someone who is fundamentally unfaithful by nature. Simply by default, he's unfaithful to you, why would you consider your exclusive love so cheap, that you're giving it away.

 

3. One word, "AVAILABILITY". If he can't see you at least once a week, don't be available when he gets around to seeing you. That rule applies for any relationship outside marriage... I'M TOLD THAT DIAMONDS ARE SOME OF THE MOST SOUGHT AFTER THINGS IN THE WORLD, NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE SO RARE, BUT BECAUSE DE BEERS ONLY RELEASES A CERTAIN AMOUNT A YEAR TO A FEW PEOPLE THROUGHOUT THE WORLD. DIAMONDS ARE ACTUALLY QUITE PLENTIFUL, BUT IF YOU COULD JUST RUN OUT AND PICK UP A VVS AT WALMART, THEY PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE SO PRIZED. LIMITED AVAILABILITY MAKES THEM MORE DESIREABLE!!!

 

4. I REALLY CAN'T STRESS BEING UNAVAILABLVE TOO MUCH. Trust me at first, he'll give you the guilt line, my personal favorite is "I went through so much trouble to meet you(which is usually a date to screw), and your not going to come...."blah,blah, bull****. When he want to go to hooters, he gets out fine.

 

5. VERY RARELY IS HIS LIFE AS MISERABLE AS HE CLAIMS.... NO ONE STAYS WITH A RAGING BITCH UNLESS HE'S A COMPLETE PUSSY, AND THE DIVORCE RATE WOULD NOT BE AT 50% IF NO ONE LEFT BECAUSE OF THE KIDS. PLEASE, DON'T EVEN ENTERTAIN THAT CONVERSATION. IT WILL ONLY CAUSE YOU MORE PAIN TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHY HE WON'T LEAVE.

 

6. I don't know if this is generally discussed here, but what other than sex and a fairytale are you getting? ALL THE BEST PLACES TO PLAY,COST TO GET IN TO, THAT INCLUDES PANTIES. NOTHING IN LIFE IS FREE!!!!!!

 

FINALLY, I'm not saying these things to down anyone. The most common complaints I hear are not exclusive to being the OW/OM, they are universal relationship problems. ALSO, just because he's married, doesn't mean you're second. There is such a thing as true love, bad timing, and all the other reasons we find ourselves in this relationship. You're not always getting seconds. Sometimes, you really are the Aston Martin, but Aston Martin's require a hell of a lot more to maintain than a HONDA OR EVEN A LEXUS(let's be a little fair to the wife,lol.)

 

When in a relationship with a MM, you set the pace. Don't leave something so precious as yourself in anyones control other than your own.

 

BEING INLOVE WITH SOMEONE REQUIRES YOU TO FORGET TO FIRST LOVE YOURSELF. LOVE, TRUE LOVE, NEVER WILL!!!!

[9Lives]

wow!! i read that article. It was soooo real. I am so glad this thing is over with. I would have suffered sooo much. I am thankful to you. I am still trying to digest it,