LB85 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 so this guy and I had been texting back and forth and hung out and he always seemed interested (we were in the same group of friends). I thought he really liked me, he said he felt a click and he messaged me every night. He always checked if I got home safe and apologized whenever he felt he may have done something wrong. He would always get jealous of my guy friends and would message me whenever I was abroad. I thought he really did like me and just needed time. I realized he wasn't moving things forward and I was talking to another guy (Guy B) at the same time. I thought I wanted to try and make things work with guy B so I requested him to not talk to me from now on, he got very angry and upset (later telling me he wish he had used his chance). After a few weeks, obviously I never liked guy B (but he did everything I wanted this guy to be). So my crush and I bumped into a party and started talking because he really wanted to fix things. We finally admitted to liking each other and that both of us felt a click. At one point, we hung out and things seemed to get a little better. I don't know why, but I felt like he wasn't making much of an effort and he was kind of trying but for some reason things got too much and I told him his behavior wasn't acceptable to me. That he would cancel or only do things on his terms. We finally got to the dreaded conversation of me wanting something more than him. He said he thought I knew he was leaving in 2 months and would be gone for 4 months so he wasn't looking for anything serious. I said no I did think there was more (especially after so many months) and we can just hang out but then I have certain boundaries if it can't be serious and he said "I really like spending time with you, we don't need to do anything you aren't comfortable with". I thought things would work out. He said he needed to think things through and that it was all too much for him. The next day was the first day he didn't message me. Then I messaged him the day after saying I thought things through and that I am fine with something less serious and just hanging out but that I really just want to forget the struggle we had gone through for the passed few months. He sent a cold response saying he thought things through and that we aren't really on the same page about things. I replied and he never answered. Now his message didn't even upset me because now I at least knew. Now I know I pushed him away but is there a possibility of a guy missing a girl and us still being friends? Or him even coming back? Or are guys more certain in their decisions? Also, does it mean he never really did like me?
Author LB85 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 No he obviously wanted to, he slept over one night and I said it was too much too soon. But like i said, he said that sex wasn't necessary..that he just liked spending time with me (weird)
TaraMaiden Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 yeah.... Sure. Actions speak louder than words. he wanted sex. You weren't going to compromise your principles. (admirable, I might say....) He's bailed. He doesn't want to wait. I see your point. I see his. And that is just the way it is.
Author LB85 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 we didn't even mess around, just kissed really
Author LB85 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 wow, a man can invest so much time in a girl for sex? I know there was more to it but I guess you must be right. I do respect him for being honest and not taking advantage of my feelings
TaraMaiden Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I'm sure he did like you. But he wanted the relationship to move to a new level. he had to think about it, twice, and then he told you. It was all 'too much for him' and you're not 'on the same page'. All too much for him = she wants me to wait, and I'm gonna get blue balls. Not on the same page = I want sex - you don't. Sorry - not waiting around. That's all it is, really. Different principles, deifferent wants. Don't hold out hope for friendship, because you'll just be desperate for a boyfriend, and he will still want sex.
Author LB85 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 So if a guy really likes a girl, he wouldn't bail just because she says she wants more?
fungusamungus Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) Depends. I've bailed in cases where I wasn't looking for something serious and she was. I liked her a lot, we got along fine, but I wasn't really in a place where I was up for getting into a serious relationship. I was pretty up front about it from the start and I would've preferred to take things slow to see where they were headed first, because we didn't know each other THAT well. I wasn't seeing anyone else or even interested in seeing anyone else, but she was really pushy about commitment and I wasn't really ready for that and did not want to lead her on, so I broke things off after about 3-4 months. I didn't JUST want sex either, I liked her, but I felt uncomfortable with her putting the pressure on when I had been pretty upfront that I wasn't looking for anything that serious. Edited February 2, 2013 by fungusamungus
Author LB85 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Well i agree since you were upfront. But this guy was never clear and then he freaked out when i said just be clear. And he said he was confused too. I dsnt pressure him as such but i couldnt lie and if a guy wont give it a shot, i assume whatever i thought there was between us..was most likely fake. I even said we could just hang out but he said i might start acting weird, how do you know unless you try. Its just sad that i finally felt like i found the real thing, now i wonder what is real. Also, this guy took ages to make a move, once he did i hoped it would get better but i got scared of the uncertainty
Keenly Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 I got halfway through your post when you said you told him you were pursuing guy B. That's what happened.
Author LB85 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 He actually only did something after he knew things didn't work out there
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