atlous Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 Ex called today after 3 weeks I did not answer the phone I do not want to hear what he has to say. Do you think that this is the best way to show him that he can't treat people like crap and then expect to phone them and say whatever he has to say. Do you think that this is smart of me to do. I am still angry for the way things went down and he just left as if nothing happened. I have to work at the same place as him on saturday two days away. I don't even want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me. What am I to do? I can't avoid him forever or can I. I still love him but I need time and nc or seeing him? help how can I follow through without giving in to hear what he has to say? He never left a message or anything oh well?
Istandalone Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 I am kind of going through the same thing. My fiance' and I broke it off. I am initiating my "no contact" rule, but it's dang hard. Maybe that's his deal too. If I had to work with him though, you'd better believe that one of us would be changing jobs! Is there any way that you can have the schedule switched? I think you did the right thing by not answering him. I wouldn't have the willpower that you do! I can tell you, talking to him didn't help me one bit. Just gave him more control. One more opportunity for them to say hurtful things and confuse the heck out of you.
Author atlous Posted August 26, 2004 Author Posted August 26, 2004 willpower? No I am so tempted to call and see what he wanted but I will never do that. I just want him to know that I don't think we could be again after all that has happened. I want to be in control. I want him to hurt like I hurt. Going towork and showing him that I don't care that he is there may be the right thing to do. I hope that he will never get a word in because your right I don't want to know! I just hope that I can stay strong and keep remembering what he put me through and keep thinking that If he was the one he would never have taken me for granted and hurt me the way he did! I am worth way more than the way he treated me. It never got you anywhere? what did he want when he began to call agian?
Istandalone Posted August 26, 2004 Posted August 26, 2004 He never really stopped calling to begin with... it's only been about 5 days since the shocking news. (see my post about not wanting to break up) When we talk, he just sends me mixed signals. It's about how he is sorry, but he doesn't want to be together. But, then he says "I want you in my life". Uh huh. Well, that isn't good enough buddy. I know what you mean. I want my ex to hurt the way I do too. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like they do. Then I wonder if it's just his way of coping. Or maybe he really has turned cold. Here I go again... I always get confused! We'll never understand men. They're just rotten. I'm here for you though, we'll get through this.... I hope.
Author atlous Posted August 27, 2004 Author Posted August 27, 2004 I wonder if that will be the last time he will call? I have a funny feeling that it isn't two and half years is alot of time. I was pregnant and lost the baby he never asked how I was? It all started when he said that he slept at another girls house. I told him that I had had enough and he turned it all around on me told me that I needed an anger managment program but the last time I checked I was only human and that hurt me alot. I still feel that we did have a relationship like no other we were very happy together and the most combatible it was scary how alike we are. I wonder if he feels bad about how he treated me? I wonder if he still feels that I am his soul mate he used to tell me that all of the time. I miss him terribly but can't erase how he treated me. I feel that if you love someone than you do not treat them with such disrespect. I am so angry at how he could just walk away and not deal with the anger hurt and jealously. At the same time I do love him. Is it true that guys deal with things totally different? Or if they truly loved someone they wouldn't go there to such a rough place by the time he is no longer angry and feels he can talk I feel as though I have moved on! What am I to do. My plan right now is if he wants to speak with me he is going to have to work hard to get me to listen. Where was he when I needed to talk nowhere. He just ditched me! I still have strong feelings that I need to work out before I am ready to talk. Or do I answer the phone and tell him that I don't think it's a good idea that we talk at all! help
mj108 Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 Almost going through the same thing: The guy I've been seeing for awhile came over my house Sat. night. He never called me all week. We generally spend Thurs. nights together. Well, I found out that he was over at a friends house that is trying to hook him up with someone. He decided to tell me Thursday...that she's cute & sweet but said he wasn't interested. Well, it didn't stop him from going to his friends house lastnight. I ended things lastnight. He called twice & then called this morning. I didn't take the calls. So I'm going through the same thing. I'm wondering if I should pick up. I guess, the only thing you could do is wait it out. I think it's about time he did the work in the relationship...since you've been putting 100% in to it.
dub03 Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 The No contact rule is tough and almost needs to be ammended when you work with the person. You do need no contact, but you can't do it for long, because that just makes matters worse. I am in the exact same situation as you. I work one day a week at the same place as my ex. We didn't work together for about a month after we broke up, and didn't speak as well. Then after about a month we started to work together again. Our first 3 shifts together we totally pretended like we didn't know each other. Honestly, I think that was a terrible way to play it, because it was so uncomfortable at work. Now when we work together we say hi, and chat occassionaly throughout our shift. But outside of work we don't speak at all. It is much more comfortable at work now too. I'm not saying you'll be able to do that, but that is probably the best way to play it when you work together, and our break was bad, so if we can get along I'm sure you can. Either way its tough, but hopefully it works out for you.
Author atlous Posted August 28, 2004 Author Posted August 28, 2004 Well I caved in and phoned him twice today to recieve no answer and no answering machine has picked up. Last night my daughter came up to me and asked why he has not emailed her back. I checked her email today and read this " Hi I hyrt my leg at hocey camp" bye love K. He is such a coward that he couldn't emailed her back. Everyone emails her back. She has done nothing to him. I was fuming so I called and I was going to politely ask what mt daughter did to deserve that. It really has nothing to do with me he just needed to be her friend. I am still in shock at how cold he can be. Who in the **** has he become and why! I am still feeling so angry that he can get off treating people this way? How can I show him that he is worth NOTHING! and I wouldn't touch him if he was the last person on earth!
cassrat Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 I think that you should wake up early before you go to work and doll your self up. Dressing up always makes me feel sexier and more in control. Ignore the hell out of him all day. Constantly be talking to other people. Have a smile on your face at all times and if he tries to talk to you simply say " sorry but im 2 busy for you right now . My ex and i broke up 2 months ago and i made the mistake of calling him balling.Which pissed me off so bad the next morning because i gave him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt me. We go to college together, but luckily i haven't ran into him. He called me the other day and i talked to him for a short period. He asked me how i was doing and i said " Im great, i have had so much fun over the past few weeks. This single thing is awesome because i don't have to care about anyone but myself. We talked about school for a min and about family. He was like im glad that you are happy and now that you are better I would like to come see your family and baby girl (our dog as in his and mine) then he said that he would understand if i didn't want to be there or see him. I want him to know that he didn't break me and that i am a strong woman that does'nt need a piece of **** boyfriend like him in my life. So now i just act like i could care less if i see him or don't.
Author atlous Posted August 29, 2004 Author Posted August 29, 2004 well there goes my plan about being strong. I seen him tonight and said hello he said hello. Then I told him that my daughter was hurt by him not emailing her I told him that I told my daughter to stop emailing him and that he should never phone me again that would make it easier on all of us. He got angry again. Why if this is something he wanted so bad than why is he so angry. I also told him that my intentions of speaking with him are to be only on civil terms at work. I told him that I am seeing someone else and that he should not be so angry? I want him to quit working there. Everyone knows about the pregnancy and about me losing the baby and him not being there. I tried to phone tonight to get everything striaght so we could work in a civil enviroment but he will not answer my calls and hangs up on me. Why the **** is he so angry? I never did anything to him. He is treating me like I am the psycho again but I am not if only he would answer the phone I could tell him that. Again I feel so angry that he again throws me off refusing contact! I want to be able to go to work and feel ok. I hate him so much for again not answering my calls I want to send him that hate mail because I don't care if I hurt his feelings! What should I do I feel so alone that everyone at work is like its old who cares but I do I really do. please respond because I feel that him and all his friends are sitting around reading my text messages and laughing. This is serious for me I feel like I am going down yet again and that everyone around me is not going through this you know I feel like an alien that has bad coping skills. I feel embarrassed that he still can get to me and I also feel like I need ****in explanations for why he would treat me this way. I was his everything and he is being so mean you have no idea. I am so hurt by his actions that I am balling just writing this. I am not a psycho and I never showed him that I am hurt. I told him that I was seeing someone! I am not seeing anyone! What do I do
nikkicam71 Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 Look...it's like this. When someone breaks up w/ you, they do so for a reason. Whatever that reason may be, it belongs to them. You won't ever understand, and you won't ever truly know what the reason is, unless they decide, for some reason, to tell you THE TRUTH...regardless of how much it may hurt you. Think about the guys you've broken up w/ in the past. There was always a REASON...no matter how much you may have second guessed your opinion, no matter how much you might have cared for the person, when you dumped them, you did it b/c you didn't care enough to stay. That's what these guys have done to us. As much as it hurts, as much as you may not understand, you need to deal w/ it. they ARE NOT COMING BACK. if they wanted to be in it, they wouldn't have walked away in the first place. There will be another guy. There will probably be SEVERAL other guys. They won't be him. But someday, you won't WANT that guy to be him. At that point, you're healed. Stop obsessing...it won't help. My heart aches every minute of every day...for a man I gave my heart and soul to...but he didn't love me back, not the way that I loved him. So I have to let it go...or I will miss the man who comes into my life who WILL love me back...and I won't be able to love him. Not if I'm still stuck on some immature a**h*** who can't appreciate what he has when its right in front of his face. Just LET IT GO. you don't really have a choice. ~N
Recommended Posts