brokensad Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 There is a lot to this. I can't deal with it. Warning this will be LONG. So, we did break up once before for a few days. We had been together nearly 2 years. I had never been happier, I would literally do everything I possibly could to try and make him happy. I paid some of his bills, I gave him presents, called him at work, always told him I loved him, spent time with him.... had a lot of sex.... everything seemed great. But I have some emotional issues, I get upset too easy. He broke up with me about a month ago due to this, but said if I went to therapy, and worked on it, he would stay. I did - but my issue has gotten less severe than completely gone. So fast foward to yesterday. I got upset over something very silly, I did NOT cry as I would in the past, but the fact that I got upset at all apparently was too much for him. He said a BREAK we needed for a week. I was upset but I said OK. Then he went further into why he cancelled seeing me yesterday (I was gonna hang out with him and his friend). I found out he was rushed to the ER early that day as he fainted at work. Turns out he has some medical problems he was unaware of - VERY high blood pressure, and some sort of heart problem that may end up killing him. He did not want to immediately tell me to avoid upsetting me, but I was shocked... he is somebody who is in really good shape, very active, but his dad died young of the same issue and it seems he inherited it. He told the doctor apparently that he was being very stressed out by a lot of things. (he has issues at home, he has problems with my friends and sonething with ME I didn't even know). And the doctor told him that if he doesn't lay off the stress, he is going down the path of having a heart attack. At this point, he tells me that His mom equates 35% of his stress. His friends %15, work 10% and me... 40%. He said he honestly, for the whole time we were dating, never loved me, and faking his love for me was stressing him out. He said he tried to love me, and he knew from the 2 months mark that he could not see me as more than a friend. Again this has gone on for 2 YEARS. I still love him, I did EVERYTHING for him, and he told me the whole time he was miserable. Whenever we hung out, he was happy to see me leave because he could only handle me in small amounts, and he could never live with me or marry me, Note that last Saturday, my birthday, we were discussing marriage. We even had unprotected sex (his present to me...) and he wrote on my facebook how I am the 'best girlfriend ever' only a few days ago. This makes no sense to me. I don't want that to be true. Any of this. He may have a fatal heart condition. He never loved me at all. All of this is too much to take in. I feel like it was my fault for getting whiny yesterday when I shouldn't of but I didn't know what he was going through. This is too much. He is not an ******* or anything I think he is going through too much.... i can't take this myself though....
keyshiamarie Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Maybe talk relationship was moving to fast and he didn't have time to love you the right way..meaning that he probably had some other issues going on..I don't really know the details...but I'm really sorry to hear this...sometimes guys are just after sex tho, they don't have to be *******..I'm not saying that's the case with him though...maybe you just have to have that one last talk with him to really see what was up tho.I'm sure you will feel better after that
SerCay Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) I think he did love you.. I mean imagine, NO person can stay with someone for so long and have marriage talks without loving someone. unless he's using you for something... Think about it..was your relationship equal? Or did you do so many things for him that it was just easy to have you in his life? If it was equal, then he loved you. If he didn't love you, you wouldve noticed somewhere along the way I guess... Maybe you smothered him too much? It's a well known phenomenon (an unfair one though) that if one person pampers the other one a lot in the relationship, the other person becomes somewhat overconfident and starts thinking like your boyfriend did..is that a possibility? If so, you should make youself missed a little..not just for this relationship but with every relationship in life. I've learned this the hard way myself too! When you're ALWAYS there for a person, friend or boyfriend, they start to unconsciously think like, oooh she's the one thats always there and wont move anywhere anyways..know what i mean? Sorry I have to correct the ''always there'' part. Being always there is a good thing, but I mean more like always doing anything for a person, without equal returns Edited February 2, 2013 by SerCay
fungusamungus Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Maybe you smothered him too much? It's a well known phenomenon (an unfair one though) that if one person pampers the other one a lot in the relationship, the other person becomes somewhat overconfident and starts thinking like your boyfriend did..is that a possibility? If so, you should make youself missed a little..not just for this relationship but with every relationship in life. I've learned this the hard way myself too!I've also learned this the hard way. It is extremely unfair, but it happens. If you pamper someone, they feel pressured and smothered. If they have the courage to do so, they'll break up with you, if they don't, then they'll drag you on through until they feel too guilty or they are given a valid excuse to. 1
Inviv_girl Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Sorry to hear what you going through. In my opinion he probably feels too comfortable with you (you pay his bills, buy him gifts..etc) and I think that is a man job to pamper his woman. I bought my ex- gifts also but mostly he did that to me, or we exchanged gifts for anniversary or some special occasions. Being feeling too comfortable, he probably think differently about you, maybe the love was there, maybe also not, only you can tell when you were with him and how he treated you.
Samilia Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 There is a lot to this. I can't deal with it. Warning this will be LONG. So, we did break up once before for a few days. We had been together nearly 2 years. I had never been happier, I would literally do everything I possibly could to try and make him happy. I paid some of his bills, I gave him presents, called him at work, always told him I loved him, spent time with him.... had a lot of sex.... everything seemed great. But I have some emotional issues, I get upset too easy. He broke up with me about a month ago due to this, but said if I went to therapy, and worked on it, he would stay. I did - but my issue has gotten less severe than completely gone. So fast foward to yesterday. I got upset over something very silly, I did NOT cry as I would in the past, but the fact that I got upset at all apparently was too much for him. He said a BREAK we needed for a week. I was upset but I said OK. Then he went further into why he cancelled seeing me yesterday (I was gonna hang out with him and his friend). I found out he was rushed to the ER early that day as he fainted at work. Turns out he has some medical problems he was unaware of - VERY high blood pressure, and some sort of heart problem that may end up killing him. He did not want to immediately tell me to avoid upsetting me, but I was shocked... he is somebody who is in really good shape, very active, but his dad died young of the same issue and it seems he inherited it. He told the doctor apparently that he was being very stressed out by a lot of things. (he has issues at home, he has problems with my friends and sonething with ME I didn't even know). And the doctor told him that if he doesn't lay off the stress, he is going down the path of having a heart attack. At this point, he tells me that His mom equates 35% of his stress. His friends %15, work 10% and me... 40%. He said he honestly, for the whole time we were dating, never loved me, and faking his love for me was stressing him out. He said he tried to love me, and he knew from the 2 months mark that he could not see me as more than a friend. Again this has gone on for 2 YEARS. I still love him, I did EVERYTHING for him, and he told me the whole time he was miserable. Whenever we hung out, he was happy to see me leave because he could only handle me in small amounts, and he could never live with me or marry me, Note that last Saturday, my birthday, we were discussing marriage. We even had unprotected sex (his present to me...) and he wrote on my facebook how I am the 'best girlfriend ever' only a few days ago. This makes no sense to me. I don't want that to be true. Any of this. He may have a fatal heart condition. He never loved me at all. All of this is too much to take in. I feel like it was my fault for getting whiny yesterday when I shouldn't of but I didn't know what he was going through. This is too much. He is not an ******* or anything I think he is going through too much.... i can't take this myself though.... You have to keep in mind that you don't buy somebody's love with gifts, that giving your "everything" doesn't entitle you to someone's love either. I am proud of you for seeking help, a lot of people just whine and cry but never actually see someone like you did. I'm amazed really. I suppose most posters take LS for some kind of free therapy. While writing helps, it sure isn't the answer to the more serious conditions. I have the feeling that his recent diagnostic is just an excuse he's using to get rid of you. That's pretty awful to say, isn't it? But I believe it's true. Personally I would just keep at it with the counselling you're getting, forget that guy, don't waste your time on this. Never pay somebody's bill again or shower them with gifts they don't deserve. I would take a few months break to work on myself if I was in your shoes, to be honest I wonder if he's somewhat responsible for your instability.
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