heart_salvation Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 The first 6 months was devastating, I know we didn't have a good start but we always love each other. Through ups and down we conquered our issues, I know neither of us is perfect. When I met him, his a drunk person. He would spend all his money drinking and when his drunk, he will beat me up, call me names and embarassed me infront of the crowd. I know he got so many trust issues but i tried to understand and stick with him trying my best to help him out. He's an orphan so it must be very difficult on his part. I'm the only one he got and so do I since my family disowned me for being gay. We treated each other as our own family. We decided to live together and start on creating a better life. After few more months, the drinking hasn't change, I have to cancel my work and look after him after a night out. I would miss the opportunity to meet my friends or do important things for my self. I ended looking for attention and love from other men, I know I've cheated on him as a means of escaping from this nasty world i was in. He found out about it, made a big fight and argument, i was so sorry. I thought he would leave me but he didn't. Instead he also slept with one as a revenge. I did felt angry because i know I did it in the first place. After this we had the reconcillation, we promise to start a new life. I went for my counselling and so he did. But after 2 days he quit. He said he can't trust anyone about his issues. I asked him to go for cbt but then he refused. i continued on my counselling. I felt better and thought on being a new person. I realised lots of things, when i have the couraged to tell my parents that I have a boyfriend now, the more they got angry with me. My parents had been so rude and burnt all mt clothes. That day i felt even more alone but i told to my self i have him so it would be alright. Three months down the line, his behaviour got worse. He keep beating me up every night after getting drunk. He keep accusing me of things, would throw me out when he suspect I done wrong. Even on times that i was so good and knowing to myself I'm a complete new person he never believes me. Days that I'm tired from work, would go home clean and cook. But these small things has never neen noticed. One day he joined the gym, from 2 days a week it become 5-6 days. He would start from 6 until 11pm. He went home very happy one night keep talking about his new gym buddy. I felt gutted because its someone he likes and he said he just met him somewhere. He then decided to change his gym to be with this guy. I know there's something not right. One night i told him im cooking and will be waiting until he get home so we can have dinner together. It was a clear conversation but an hour after his work, i didn't heard anything, no text, no call, the phone is off. I confronted him when he got home 3 hours later. But i didnt get a decent explanation why. Few weeks later, he became very cold. No affection, nothing. Until one night i caught him chatting with another guy. So obvious enough that its more than friendship. Base on their conversation i felt like someone slap me on the face and told me, im sharing your bf. Now its the end of the month, things all went wrong. Ask him for explantions, since october but no answer. Last minute before we pay the house rent he told me he doesnt like to live with me anymore. Now i was left and hang. i dont know what to do, but i told my self i need to be strong. I worked to hard to pay my bills and rent. i think its enough! i've been continously disrespected. i decided to carry on with my life. But until today he's still on our place. I told him to leave and let me get on with my life. Now he said he change his mind and wants to be with me. But how can i trust him after all he done? I've been so honest to him that i dont like anyone who keeps jeopardising my future and my plans in life. If someone cant be sure of what they wanted and plans then i think its only fair to let the other person move on and carry on with their life. What should i do? He keeps bothering me even if i already told him, i dont like him anymore and im tired/disgusted of how he treated me.
meeji Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 you need to get away from him! I think you already have your answer. It sounds like this guy hasn't done anything for you, at all. All I read was all the things that you did for him. This relationship isn't mutual, it seems. What did your counselor have to say about your relationship? Tell him to leave and if he doesn't, tell him you will. try to find a friend or family member you can stay with until everything with the apartment gets sorted out. I think this guy knows that you are dependent on him and he doesn't respect you. He can treat you any kind of way and you will forgive him. I think you need to get out of that and start working on yourself. Good luck! You should never stay with someone who beats you. No matter how much you love them, its a clear indication that they don't love you (at least not the same way).
meeji Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 oh and one more thing... wait until he gets drunk and starts beating you again. Call the police and ask for a restraining order. He won't be able to come near you for a while, and if he is on the lease he won't even be able to come home and legally will be responsible for paying the rent regardless.
FailedFirstLove Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 This is wayyyyyy freaky! You need to move away. Far away! Get a restriction order and everything ! I can't BELEIVE you stayed with a person like that. Crazy!
TaraMaiden Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 oh and one more thing... wait until he gets drunk and starts beating you again. Call the police and ask for a restraining order. He won't be able to come near you for a while, and if he is on the lease he won't even be able to come home and legally will be responsible for paying the rent regardless. No, absolutely do NOT 'wait until he starts beating you again"...! That's utterly insane advice! The Police may not be able to turn up immediately - and what if he prevents her from calling, anyway? In the meantime - risk getting a black eye, broken jaw and beaten up nose? Hell no, kick him out now! Change the locks and dump all his stuff outside and make sure you get a security chain on the door and do NOT let him in unless you have at least 2 other people in the place with you!! My god, meej, are you crazy?? Invite another beating? I DON'T THINK SO - !!!
meeji Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 No, absolutely do NOT 'wait until he starts beating you again"...! That's utterly insane advice! The Police may not be able to turn up immediately - and what if he prevents her from calling, anyway? In the meantime - risk getting a black eye, broken jaw and beaten up nose? Hell no, kick him out now! Change the locks and dump all his stuff outside and make sure you get a security chain on the door and do NOT let him in unless you have at least 2 other people in the place with you!! My god, meej, are you crazy?? Invite another beating? I DON'T THINK SO - !!! No, I'm not crazy. I said in my previous post that he needed to get away. I wasn't saying to wait until the beating happened to try to get away.. I suggested staying with a friend or family member if possible. I'm talking about his refusal to vacate. If this guy won't agree to leave and the beatings continue, this is one way to get him out legally without having to deal with the drama (if they are both leaseholders then they both have the right to stay there here and neither can kick the other out). I have had this problem before with roommates. I don't know the situation with the place that you guys are living but its gets pretty nasty when people start refusing to leave and their names are on the deed/lease.
TaraMaiden Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 No, absolutely do NOT 'wait until he starts beating you again"...! That's utterly insane advice! The Police may not be able to turn up immediately - and what if he prevents her from calling, anyway? In the meantime - risk getting a black eye, broken jaw and beaten up nose? Hell no, kick him out now! Change the locks and dump all his stuff outside and make sure you get a security chain on the door and do NOT let him in unless you have at least 2 other people in the place with you!! My god, meej, are you crazy?? Invite another beating? I DON'T THINK SO - !!! 'him' not 'her'..... him. Sorry. Careless typo.
Recommended Posts