Taramere Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 I spoke to a self proclaimed happy, smiling, positive mate the other day. He's always yapping that happiness is a choice and he chooses to be happy. I asked how his sick 98 year old mother was doing. Tough as nails this woman, lived a hell of a life. "Oh, I don't talk to her since she went blind, she depresses me and life's too short to be unhappy." "Well, is she depressed?" "Don't know, don't care, she depresses me, and that's what matters" Got be happy, got to be happy, got to be happy, its like a disease nowadays, and screw anyone that gets in the way. To stop talking to an elderly parent because she's gone blind is behaviour I would associate with the minority of people who are sociopathic, rather than being a sign of the times. That doesn't seem like normal behaviour at all. You said the guy is a mate of yours. What reaction do you think he expected to get from you, to a disclosure like that?
Crusoe Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 To stop talking to an elderly parent because she's gone blind is behaviour I would associate with the minority of people who are sociopathic, rather than being a sign of the times. That doesn't seem like normal behaviour at all. You said the guy is a mate of yours. What reaction do you think he expected to get from you, to a disclosure like that? I don't think he was looking for a reaction. I am, in real life, someone a lot of people confide in. As for sociopathic, I don't know, he thinks it's normal behavior, sees nothing wrong with it. His mum can be hard work nowadays, she can make an hour seem like a day, all the time nobody is there it probably feels like it to her too. His thoughts are "happiness is a choice and she chooses to be unhappy, she could be happy if she chose to be". Spiral, yup sad and there's a lot of it about. A while back an old girl three houses up from me died. Her body was discovered two weeks later and both her kids live within 1/2 mile of her. They were too busy being happy to pop in. Same for the divorced fella I mentioned earlier, mates he's known for 30 years know he's rock bottom but "he's a drag, f*ck him, lets go have some fun instead". A workmate, diagnosed with cancer last year, his wife left saying she couldn't face looking after him and is the type of person who has to be happy all the time. I could go on, and on. These are all bright, shiny, positive people. A good laugh, good giggle, very popular, great to be around during the good times. Horrors of human beings through the bad. They don't see it like that, though. It's their life to live as how they see fit, other people are not their responsibility, others happiness is not their responsibilty, others emotions are not their responsibilty, they don't have to tolerate negativity from anyone, they shouldn't have to. It's advice we see here all the time, but used to justify shoddy behavior in an eternal quest for happiness. To them, it's an act of self defense, they are protecting their bright, shiny, positive happiness, and you can justify a lot of harm in self defense.
johan Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 With so much wrong with the world, I often feel that positive people are delusional. They really annoy me, and if I see "I am a positive person" in OLD profile I skip right over. I love negative and pessimistic people, under the condition that they express their negativity with sarcasm and wit, rather than "woe is me" types. I have actually never met anyone that likes pessimistic people, ever. Do they even exist? I don't mind people who are positive-minded, because they have control in their lives. They are confident. I'm pretty sure a confident person has no need to be excessively bubbly. They can be realistic because they know where the cracks in their own armor are. They are able to empathize with the good and bad in you. I don't like to interact with people who paint on a happy smile because they refuse to admit they ever feel any kind of anger or sadness. They won't admit their armor has any cracks or that it matters. People like this are impossible to really trust, because when they do finally open up, it threatens to be unpredictable and messy. And people who can't deal with their own negative feelings can't deal with anyone else's either. You'd better just be happy around them or go find somewhere else to be.
Woggle Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 The kind of people I dislike more than most overly positive people are privileged people who are addicted to angst and being moody all the time. They have every advantage a person can have yet they mope around and want to always be dark. At least people who put on a fake smile are in their own way trying to be positive.
Njeanne Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Hm, there are so many different type of people. Sometimes a positive person annoys you, other times a different positive person makes you happy. It depends on their actions mainly and towards the daily situation. Imo a positive person should be someone who is themselves, happy, good mood but in no ways forces them to smile, so they can be sad/upset while trying to keep a smile on. Those kinds are very honest with themselves and others but know that no one likes negative people so they put up a smile. Other positive people just annoy the crap out of you. Their mood swing is just one linear structure, always happy, cheery, joking, laughing but sometimes those are the types you gotta watch out for behind your back. Those are the fake positive people, because inside they are mean. I prefer "down to earth" type of people, they aren't fully realistic but they go with the flow. For those who were talking about Dr. House, yes his personality is good in a way but I do not see myself being friends/relationship with someone like that. I wouldn't be able to trust him ever I believe.
Taramere Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) I don't think he was looking for a reaction. I am, in real life, someone a lot of people confide in. As for sociopathic, I don't know, he thinks it's normal behavior, sees nothing wrong with it. His mum can be hard work nowadays, she can make an hour seem like a day, all the time nobody is there it probably feels like it to her too. His thoughts are "happiness is a choice and she chooses to be unhappy, she could be happy if she chose to be". Without knowing him, it's impossible to say...but perhaps if he's spent a lot of time caring for her (and if she's 98 he must be getting on a bit himself) then he's had some sort of carer's burnout. It happens...and the caring professions are well known for the level of burnout that occurs in them. People who burden themselves, or allow themselves to be burdened, with unrealistic expectations about how much they should be available to others. They don't know how to say "I've spent enough time lately dealing with other people's problems, and now I'm going to take some time to myself." People call them saints, and in doing so do them a great disservice by adding yet more expectations onto that existing burden of expectations (of saintliness). Then they snap. Your friend, if he's not a completely uncaring sociopath, sounds like somebody who may have snapped with the result that he's become uncharacteristically uncaring. It's okay not to be positive sometimes. It's also okay not to be a bottomless well of support and kindness for every person who expects it 24/7. It's more than okay. It's essential, if a person is to preserve their emotional health so that they can be there for the people closest to them when it's really needed. If you completely shut yourself down from an elderly parent when they really need you because you've burned yourself out trying to meet other people's expectations of saintliness, then that's about as not okay as it gets. I take the point about happy shiny people who don't give a damn about those closest to them, but I still think those people are a rarity. What's far more common is that positive people will take a bit of a "charity begins at home" approach that others might regard as selfish....but that essentially means they're expending their energy where it is most needed and appreciated, and can do the most good. Edited February 4, 2013 by Taramere
SpiralOut Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I once had to deal with someone at my house who needed attention so badly that whenever anyone tried to talk about something that did not revolve around her, she would interrupt and just blurt out the most ridiculous things. At one point she was rolling around on my couch talking about how happy she was that her father was dead. She was too drunk for me to just kick out. We had to wait for her friend to come pick her up. I would rather deal with a fake happy person than deal with something like that. I really hate it when people use negativity for attention.
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