Does anyone dislike positive people?

[Taramere]

It seems that overwhelming number of personality traits that today's society views as positive are actually turn offs for me.

 

So it's very difficult to try and improve myself and be more "likeable" by society, because I will become less likable to myself.

 

I don't think you come across as negative or unlikeable. You enjoy analysing things. On here it results in you starting threads that provoke lively discussions that a lot of people contribute to.

 

I see negativity as when somebody is surly and grouchy to a degree that it seems as though they're holding others accountable for their moods, problems and negative circumstances. If somebody in a workplace is negative to the point of being antisocial and making colleagues and clients feel uncomfortable then obviously that's going to get them into problems. There are some situations in which we really just have to recognise our negative feelings and manage them in some way so that we're not just offloading them onto everybody else or letting them seep out in passive aggressive ways.

 

Running emotional responses past a rationality filter before you act on them and generally keeping emotions in check. If somebody unleashes their negativity on me, I will generally try to give a measured response rather than just lashing back straight away in kind. There are always going to be people who regard you as fake for not responding in kind. The mistrust of you for, in their opinion, being fake tends to be exacerbated by their annoyance at not being able to dictate and control your responses.

 

So I suppose I would wonder if there was an element of that in your irritation about very cheerful people. Is it really just mistrust because you perceive them as fake...or is it resentment that they control the general tone of their responses, rather than being controlled by their environment and circumstances (including other people's moods)?

 

In wartime Britain, I think the mood was very much one of "chin up, get on with it, try not to dwell on negatives you can't do anything about... and keep yourself and those around you as cheerful as you're able". Being about keeping morale up, because that's an important factor in success...whether in war, business, love or friendship. So I generally regard cheerfulness against the odds as a sign of strength and teamwork/regard for others in a person, rather than something that it's wise to have a knee-jerk "that's fake" response to.

 

Dwelling on, analysing and sharing negative feelings is something of a luxury...and one that people can't always indulge themselves in, depending on the desperation of their circumstances.

Edited February 3, 2013 by Taramere

[pureinheart]

Humility is a much more admirable trait to me than positivity or negativity. Humility is real; Humility is owning up to one's mistakes and acknowledging weaknesses in ourselves. Pride is the opposite, and to me that is when someone is the most fake...when they are stuck in their pride. Because you know its a front. Take away that intellect, take away those big muscles, athletic ability, looks, etc. take away whatever that gift they've been given is (talents are gifts, another perspective from humility) and they aren't so tough. The guy living under the bridge puts his pants on the same way as the guy flying in his corporate jet.

 

If you want to see someone as they really are, see them when the are at their most humble. When the facade is gone and the raw emotions are laid bare. No one to impress or one up. To me, it takes a real man/woman to show humility. For example, what is the main thing that drives us nuts with politicians? The fake emotion, only sorry when caught. Take Mr. Armstrong. Just fess up, but no his pride is too big. People are quick to forgive when they see genuine humility. All of us have probably been burned by an ex. But if they called you tomorrow and just said, "hey I know things didn't work out with us. I just want to ask for your forgiveness. I know I did things wrong and the way I treated you wasn't right". We would all feel better, even if things didn't work out. Why? They humbled themselves and gave that elusive closure.

 

Just pointing out what is wrong in the world and other people doesn't take any special talent IMHO. We all have the natural ability (and inclination) to judge. What is the filter for our judgement? Ourselves, of course. The ultimate role model.

 

For me, it would be easy to throw in the towel. But in my weakness, that is when God is strong. I don't delight in my own abilities, but in God's. He can rescue and deliver. Humility is the key to redemption. When someone is humble, we forgive it, but when someone is proud and stubborn we just roll our eyes.

 

This is quite profound...as usual:)

 

Humility tears down walls

 

Humility creates a light heart

 

Humility causes us to be real

 

TFW, pride is a difficult bear. Pride thinks it's well hidden, although it is more obvious than the nose on ones face. Pride appears to be strong and in control, but the inward nature is one of turmoil.

 

You know TFW, your post is so very freeing, and some of the most wonderful peaceful times/moments is when God brings me to my knees, revealing deep rooted pride. It hurts, but it's such a good hurt unless I fight it...when I fight it, it can be grooling, really grooling.

[EasyHeart]

Who knew that King Solomon was emo?

[Els]

I mean someone like Dr House for example. So negative/pessimistic but clever. That would be my ideal personality type.

 

House is ridiculously attractive, but gawd, he'd be a horrible bf, ES. Been there, done that.

[Taramere]

House is ridiculously attractive, but gawd, he'd be a horrible bf, ES. Been there, done that.

 

I would prefer the heterosexual version of Sheldon Cooper.

 

The thing I dislike about the House character (from what I saw of that series) is that he seems to revel in being a difficult, misanthropic character. Sheldon Cooper is similar in terms of lacking empathy and generally being a bit odd, but the difference is that he makes genuine efforts to improve his interactions with other people. That would make his irritating aspects more tolerable I think.

 

I read zero degrees of empathy a while back, and it focused on the difference between zero negative and zero positive. It talked about conditions like Asperger's where the "Aspie" will often have great talent in particular areas, experience difficulty in getting along with other people due to low empathy. Despite lacking empathy, the zero positives will tend to be principled and concerned with putting effort into having good relationships (hence the "positive" aspect). Given their often very impressive talents in certain areas, they contribute a lot.

 

In contrast, I think narcissists tend to celebrate unreservedly their own difficult, unpleasant aspects which they expect other people to not only accommodate but celebrate with them. In that sense, they need people (as narcissistic supply) in a way that the zero positives, who are absorbed in their work/hobbies etc don't. With House, the only saving graces I perceive are the comedy value in his wit, and the fact that he's a medical man who saves lives - and so that creates the conflict between unpleasant individual v good works he carries out that you are obligated to admire him for.

 

I'll admit that when I saw an episode where he described an overly idealistic young female doctor as a cuddly toy hand-knitted by grandma, I did love him a bit. Wit aside (and most real life misanthropic narcissist probably won't be a tenth as imaginatively witty as House is) were he a banker, with that personality, I doubt the series would attract much interest. Even if ES finds the tv character attractive, if she were dating somebody like House I think we'd be hearing a great deal about it on here...and I doubt there be much of a "this guy is a great match for me" tone about it.

 

More likely it would spawn one of those epic "the evils of narcissism - we've all been there, girl, we've all dated narcissists" discussion. It's quite interesting to see how a tv programme with a witty script can influence people into celebrating characteristics that, in real life, bring a lot of unnecessary unhappiness into people's lives.

Edited February 3, 2013 by Taramere

[Crusoe]

In wartime Britain, I think the mood was very much one of "chin up, get on with it, try not to dwell on negatives you can't do anything about... and keep yourself and those around you as cheerful as you're able". Being about keeping morale up, because that's an important factor in success...whether in war, business, love or friendship. So I generally regard cheerfulness against the odds as a sign of strength and teamwork/regard for others in a person, rather than something that it's wise to have a knee-jerk "that's fake" response to.

 

 

Definitely. I was raised around that kind of attitude and where I live there's still a few around who remember the blitz, or the times after it, and have that old blitz spirit in them. They're not necessarily happy, shiny people, though. Neither are they down. They're even, somewhere inbetween, which is the natural state of being.

 

I got the impression that ES was talking about those who feel the need to be happy all the time. I've noticed that society seems to expect that a lot more nowadays. To the point where being even, neither happy nor sad, is frowned upon or diagnosed as mild depression. We can't be "up" all the time and many people nowadays seem to think that anything less than up is down. It's another false image to chase, like having the perfect airbrushed or photoshopped body. I think it sometimes causes people to be sad, or think they have something wrong with themselves, or their life, relationship, or job, purely because they're not up and on cloud nine. Anything that stops them being up, is a bad thing, something to run away from or jettison from life.

 

Last year a mate was goonered by his wife. He lost his house, wife and kids and had to stand back and watch another man take his house wife and kids. He's struggling on but understandably miserable and a lot of his mates will have nothing to do with him. They are very bright and shiny people. Outgoing, life loving, laughing people and good fun to be around. But up and positive is so important to them that they cannot allow a mates sadness into their lives as it might drag them down to something less than up. Neither are they the type to play golf in the rain, even if it means letting down their partner. Or help a mate move house, or stay to clear up after a party, or stop and listen to a lonely old girl prattle on for five minutes. Those things are downers. They have a lot of things they call downers, all to be avoided.

 

That was never part of the old Blitz spirit. Back then you took on board others sadness, worries and problems, it wasn't a negative. Being "happy" had nothing to do with it. Chin up, have strength, give strength, be true, be honest, look after your family, friends, neighbours and carry on regardless. Chin up, don't quit, face your problems head on, stare them in the eye, scream bloody murder at them if you need to, don't look the other way, don't run away, don't avoid, even if it means you aren't happy, because happiness has f*ck all to do with it. Chin up, chest out, stand tall, face life, all of it, take it's blows, show your tears, wear your scars with pride and don't let the b*stards grind you down.

 

Thing is, if a self proclaimed happy, positive and optimistic person has a lot of things they consider downers, they aren't as good at keeping their chin up as they claim to be.

[Taramere]

Last year a mate was goonered by his wife. He lost his house, wife and kids and had to stand back and watch another man take his house wife and kids. He's struggling on but understandably miserable and a lot of his mates will have nothing to do with him. They are very bright and shiny people. Outgoing, life loving, laughing people and good fun to be around. But up and positive is so important to them that they cannot allow a mates sadness into their lives as it might drag them down to something less than up.

 

I had a friend like that. Several years ago I was going through a tricky time. I'd been fired, had a bad relationship break up and a few bereavements in close succession. I remember this friend inviting me round to lunch. I was trying to focus on her rather than talk about myself, but she got the subject round to a couple of issues that were troubling me. So I started to well up, and then she gave me a lecture about being depressing and draining. It was very clear to me that this was a rehearsed speech that she'd intended to give before we met for lunch, and she was determined to manipulate the conversation around to a point where she would feel justified in giving it (ie by getting me to talk about the things that were troubling me). The friendship continued for a few more years, but I never really trusted her again.

 

She'd got a new boyfriend round about that time, and I remember being invited along to a bar to meet him. Initially he was very cold, but by the evening he was really warm and friendly...inviting me round for dinner that he would be making with my friend. It was a bit of an odd evening, but after more time in their company I gleaned that she had told him I was depressed and this was why he'd initially been unfriendly. Her sister told me that he was of the type who regarded depression as a potentially contagious condition.

 

However, after talking to the guy it seemed to me that it wasn't just as cut and dried as that. It seemed more like he was the sort of person who would tolerate depression so long as there were signs that the person was trying to help themselves. Anyway, the perception my friend had that this was a guy she must always be 100% happy and shiny around was having an impact on her. The more I saw her, the more I got this sense of a desperately unhappy and insecure person with a Truman Show grin plastered across her face. "I'm not the sort of person who dwells on the past" she'd tell me. "I don't know what it is, but I just can't be unhappy like that. I just tend to shrug difficulties off." Having known her for years, I knew just what bs this was...but there wasn't any point in arguing with her about it.

 

She lasted with that guy for several years and became steadily worse. It was obvious to everybody that this was a completely crap relationship which involved her putting up a fake front of "everything's okay, I'm deliriously happy". Of course, as soon as cracks appeared in the armour, he dumped her.

 

Depression, when everything is going to sh*t, is a pretty natural state of affairs. I think the point at which normally patient and empathic people will start losing tolerance is when the depressed person starts blaming others around them for the way they feel and trying to use their depression as a means of controlling people. That friend I mentioned, ironically enough, was one of the worst offenders I've ever encountered for having moods which she would blame others for. I think her impatience with other people's depression/negativity spoke to her own fragile emotional state which she was attempting to conceal.

 

My mother has a lot of the Blitz spirit about her...even though she was just a toddler during the war. "don't cry in public...put a smile on your face so that other people don't know anything is wrong..." that kind of thing. In some ways it can be seen as the false positivity that is being derided in this thread, but in another sense it's remarkably strong. At her own mother's funeral, she stood up to give a eulogy. I remember feeling very much in awe of, and quite inspired by, her almost regal strength. It was a quality of hers that I hadn't really appreciated until that point.....and sometimes a sense of cheerfulness she isn't really feeling goes with it. Any falseness attached to that is a negative I'm prepared to accept given the huge positives that go with it.

[Radu]

I don't like people who are phony. Sometimes I run into people who I refer to as the "cheerleader types" who think that being perky makes everything alright. Those kind of people annoy the hell out of me. But I like being around other optimistic people. To me, optimism means making the best of whatever situation you're in.

 

When I was younger, I thought it was cool to be cynical and critical of everything. But cynicism is a safe and comfortable philosophy. If you assume that things will always go bad, you'll usually be right --- but you'll never be happy. It allows you to blame the world for anything bad that happens, rather than taking responsibilty for yourself. Optimism is the radical (and dangerous) belief that we are all responsible for our own happiness.

 

Bullsh*t.

 

Cynics are the ppl who expect the worst to happen and prepare for it, and are truly happy when they get pleasently surprised.

 

Optimism is the radical [and dangerous] philosphy of thinking happy thoughts so that happy things can happen.

 

I'd rather be a cynic tbh, as i've generally been proven right that the vast majority of ppl are animals with basic needs and a slightly larger vocabulary than a monkey.

[TheFinalWord]

Who knew that King Solomon was emo?

 

"nothing new under the sun"

[Taramere]

Studies show that optimists who think the glass is half full live longer lives, on average, than pessmisits who think the glass is half empty.

 

Study: Optimists Live Longer | LiveScience

 

In terms of who has the greatest longevity of all...

 

http://cdn.idlehearts.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Dear-optimist.png

[Imported]

I am a pretty positive guy. When my work is like, 'we all have to stay very late today/night to get this done, sorry.'

 

And all the other dudes are bitching and moaning crying like little bitches since we don't get paid by the hour, I am like, '**** yeah!! By the time we get done with this ****, rush hour traffic will be completely over!!! Win win. ( I got two thumbs up)"

 

"Kid (one of our junior guys), here is some money, go to Taco Bell, get 200 taco's for everybody and a **** ton of Fire sauce, not hot sauce...fire sauce."

 

I hate driving in traffic, but I do like tacos.

[Anela]

 

My mother has a lot of the Blitz spirit about her...even though she was just a toddler during the war. "don't cry in public...put a smile on your face so that other people don't know anything is wrong..." that kind of thing. In some ways it can be seen as the false positivity that is being derided in this thread, but in another sense it's remarkably strong. At her own mother's funeral, she stood up to give a eulogy. I remember feeling very much in awe of, and quite inspired by, her almost regal strength. It was a quality of hers that I hadn't really appreciated until that point.....and sometimes a sense of cheerfulness she isn't really feeling goes with it. Any falseness attached to that is a negative I'm prepared to accept given the huge positives that go with it.

 

See, this is what I miss about myself: I had some of that in me. I thought I should just be able to handle things by myself. I told my mother, a few years ago, that I watched her handle so much by herself, and she said, "Oh, Angela, you didn't see me talking things out with [aunts/friends]." I didn't talk to anyone. The one time I tried to talk to a friend about the anxiety I'd been feeling for years, that ended up leaving me housebound, I'd written about it in a letter. Her response was something like, "Get over it" and I just flipped out, wrote back to her and told her where to go. It took a lot for me to say anything about it, and if I'd just been able to get over it, I would have done so.

She'd been to a therapist for depression, so I thought she'd understand, but she didn't understand the panic attacks/social phobia that I've now shed a good portion of.

 

I was going to say more, but I'll leave it for another time, if I decide to say more. I'm tired and in danger of rambling more than ever.

 

Studies show that optimists who think the glass is half full live longer lives, on average, than pessimists who think the glass is half empty.

 

Study: Optimists Live Longer | LiveScience

 

In terms of who has the greatest longevity of all...

 

http://cdn.idlehearts.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Dear-optimist.png

 

I'm picturing Tard the cat (who has been all over FB), saying something like, "So?"

Edited February 3, 2013 by Anela

[tuxedo cat]

 

I read zero degrees of empathy a while back, and it focused on the difference between zero negative and zero positive. It talked about conditions like Asperger's where the "Aspie" will often have great talent in particular areas, experience difficulty in getting along with other people due to low empathy. Despite lacking empathy, the zero positives will tend to be principled and concerned with putting effort into having good relationships (hence the "positive" aspect). Given their often very impressive talents in certain areas, they contribute a lot.

 

In that sense, they need people (as narcissistic supply) in a way that the zero positives, who are absorbed in their work/hobbies etc don't. With House, the only saving graces I perceive are the comedy value in his wit, and the fact that he's a medical man who saves lives - and so that creates the conflict between unpleasant individual v good works he carries out that you are obligated to admire him for.

 

 

In contrast, I think narcissists tend to celebrate unreservedly their own difficult, unpleasant aspects which they expect other people to not only accommodate but celebrate with them.

 

Interesting post. I've dated a few misanthropic narcissists.

 

I wouldn't say they revel in their negativity (revel to me suggests some pride) but they simply don't care about polluting their environment if they're in a bad mood. They realize on some level that being negative is considered an undesirable trait, and they often seem to be quite delusional about how they come across. So it's not like they're proud of being negative, at least the ones I dated weren't -- they just don't really believe they are at heart because they actually have a lot of contempt for depressed people and don't want to be one of those.

 

One fellow I dated was probably the biggest downer I've ever met, but like House he could spin whatever mood he was into charm and people were drawn to him. He insisted that he was a "fake misanthrope" and that he really cared a lot about other people. He was constantly boasting about how much he did for others and how he never put his own needs first. Regardless of his own mopiness he would frequently pass judgment on other people he consider downers. Overly upbeat people also annoyed him. There was a happy medium that he found acceptable in others.

 

It was interesting how much he was able to control his environment in that people around him really did accommodate him and attune their own moods to make him more comfortable. I worked with him so I saw it first hand.

 

We worked in a customer facing job where friendliness was expected, and whenever he arrived at work it was like the masks came off. I'd see coworkers start being borderline rude to clients in order to impress him. I often caught myself doing the same thing; even if I was in a good mood I'd tone it down a notch because he made me feel self conscious about seeming artificial. People loved him and he was constantly on the receiving end of hugs, gifts, free rides without ever lifting a finger for anyone.

Edited February 3, 2013 by tuxedo cat

[tuxedo cat]

I think the point at which normally patient and empathic people will start losing tolerance is when the depressed person starts blaming others around them for the way they feel and trying to use their depression as a means of controlling people.

 

I think her impatience with other people's depression/negativity spoke to her own fragile emotional state which she was attempting to conceal.

 

Yes, this is very common.

Edited February 3, 2013 by tuxedo cat

[tuxedo cat]

I often caught myself doing the same thing; even if I was in a good mood I'd tone it down a notch because he made me feel self conscious about seeming artificial. People loved him and he was constantly on the receiving end of hugs, gifts, free rides without ever lifting a finger for anyone.

 

I should add that I felt inhibited about expressing any sadness around him as well. The few times I confided in him about some personal problem you could have heard a pin drop in the room and within a couple of minutes he managed to steer the conversation back to himself. I realized my only acceptable role was to be a slightly, but only slightly, more upbeat version of whatever he was feeling.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Thanks guys, there are some great posts in here.

 

Taramere as usual gave me something to think about. She didn't exactly agree with me but her posts are worded in such a way that I don't feel attacked

 

In my everyday life, I am not unpleasant or difficult to people. I may be more withdrawn if I am feeling particularly down, but that's about it.

 

TheFinalWord, thanks for your posts. I was getting quite irritated few pages back but your posts always have this calming influence on me. You are so patient, kind and never judgmental

[Taramere]

Interesting post. I've dated a few misanthropic narcissists.

 

I wouldn't say they revel in their negativity (revel to me suggests some pride) but they simply don't care about polluting their environment if they're in a bad mood. They realize on some level that being negative is considered an undesirable trait, and they often seem to be quite delusional about how they come across. So it's not like they're proud of being negative, at least the ones I dated weren't -- they just don't really believe they are at heart because they actually have a lot of contempt for depressed people and don't want to be one of those.

 

One fellow I dated was probably the biggest downer I've ever met, but like House he could spin whatever mood he was into charm and people were drawn to him. He insisted that he was a "fake misanthrope" and that he really cared a lot about other people. He was constantly boasting about how much he did for others and how he never put his own needs first. Regardless of his own mopiness he would frequently pass judgment on other people he consider downers. Overly upbeat people also annoyed him. There was a happy medium that he found acceptable in others.

 

I dated a guy who was like that - ie charming depressive who doesn't tolerate any level of depression in others. He'd had a couple of suicide attempts in his teens, which I found out about in the course of the relationship. So there were some pretty severe issues there which I never really found out about. A bit like this guy you're talking about, he was impatient about both the depressed and the overly upbeat. I suspect that he projected his own issues, in that way, as a method of coping with them.

 

We worked in a customer facing job where friendliness was expected, and whenever he arrived at work it was like the masks came off. I'd see coworkers start being borderline rude to clients in order to impress him. I often caught myself doing the same thing;

 

Yeah, that can be a big problem in a workplace. When staff become contemptuous of customers/clients as a way of amusing themselves. It can take a grip of a culture really quickly. If a customer is being a pain in the neck, it's a difficult temptation to resist...but you can see how in some industries, contempt for the customer (through no fault of the customer's own) starts to spiral out of control. It can be pretty easily triggered by the involvement of the temperament you're describing.

 

They make other people feel special by pulling them in on the joke. "Us against the world"....everybody else - customers and our more stupid colleagues - fails to get it. Shielding people, with a false sense of superiority, from the reality that "tomorrow I could just as easily be the customer, client or patient who is being mocked by somebody like this." We're all of us able to be the cynically knowing, real life troll one moment and the gullible customer the next.

[Crusoe]

I had a friend like that. Several years ago I was going through a tricky time. I'd been fired, had a bad relationship break up and a few bereavements in close succession. I remember this friend inviting me round to lunch. I was trying to focus on her rather than talk about myself, but she got the subject round to a couple of issues that were troubling me. So I started to well up, and then she gave me a lecture about being depressing and draining. It was very clear to me that this was a rehearsed speech that she'd intended to give before we met for lunch, and she was determined to manipulate the conversation around to a point where she would feel justified in giving it (ie by getting me to talk about the things that were troubling me). The friendship continued for a few more years, but I never really trusted her again.

 

She'd got a new boyfriend round about that time, and I remember being invited along to a bar to meet him. Initially he was very cold, but by the evening he was really warm and friendly...inviting me round for dinner that he would be making with my friend. It was a bit of an odd evening, but after more time in their company I gleaned that she had told him I was depressed and this was why he'd initially been unfriendly. Her sister told me that he was of the type who regarded depression as a potentially contagious condition.

 

However, after talking to the guy it seemed to me that it wasn't just as cut and dried as that. It seemed more like he was the sort of person who would tolerate depression so long as there were signs that the person was trying to help themselves. Anyway, the perception my friend had that this was a guy she must always be 100% happy and shiny around was having an impact on her. The more I saw her, the more I got this sense of a desperately unhappy and insecure person with a Truman Show grin plastered across her face. "I'm not the sort of person who dwells on the past" she'd tell me. "I don't know what it is, but I just can't be unhappy like that. I just tend to shrug difficulties off." Having known her for years, I knew just what bs this was...but there wasn't any point in arguing with her about it.

 

She lasted with that guy for several years and became steadily worse. It was obvious to everybody that this was a completely crap relationship which involved her putting up a fake front of "everything's okay, I'm deliriously happy". Of course, as soon as cracks appeared in the armour, he dumped her.

 

Depression, when everything is going to sh*t, is a pretty natural state of affairs. I think the point at which normally patient and empathic people will start losing tolerance is when the depressed person starts blaming others around them for the way they feel and trying to use their depression as a means of controlling people. That friend I mentioned, ironically enough, was one of the worst offenders I've ever encountered for having moods which she would blame others for. I think her impatience with other people's depression/negativity spoke to her own fragile emotional state which she was attempting to conceal.

 

My mother has a lot of the Blitz spirit about her...even though she was just a toddler during the war. "don't cry in public...put a smile on your face so that other people don't know anything is wrong..." that kind of thing. In some ways it can be seen as the false positivity that is being derided in this thread, but in another sense it's remarkably strong. At her own mother's funeral, she stood up to give a eulogy. I remember feeling very much in awe of, and quite inspired by, her almost regal strength. It was a quality of hers that I hadn't really appreciated until that point.....and sometimes a sense of cheerfulness she isn't really feeling goes with it. Any falseness attached to that is a negative I'm prepared to accept given the huge positives that go with it.

 

I don't think that is being derided, a few people have pointed out the difference between real strength and false image or selfish positivity. Your mother being the first, your friend the second.

 

My business partner has a reputation for being bit of a misery. He's a quiet fella, not a natural smiler and doesn't suffer fools gladly. Not many like working with him. He's also one of the most positive minded sons of a b*tches I've ever known. He can go through hell, focus on the tiniest glimmer hope, and keep slogging his way towards it, no matter what ails him.

 

I remember when he bust 4 ribs, he was back to work the next day, struggling on, using positive thought to grind through the pain. Of course, the pain was both visible and audible, and many of the so called chirpy, positive, optimistic, bright happy fella's took offense to that. They didn't want to be anywhere near him, he made their day less happy. They complained to me that he should be sent home as they didn't like his grunts and grumbles of pain. They sat back and watched him try to lift particularly heavy stones on his own with no offer to help, they would just complain when they heard him cry out or curse in pain.

 

"We can't put up with this, he's dragging us down, this isn't how we want to spend our day. Send him home, put all of us out of our misery"

 

I remember standing back and thinking, you boys think of this man as a misery, yet here he is, doing something none of you have the strength of mind to do. He's got his chin up and taking himself to a place you can't even imagine, and he's doing it solely on positive thought. You're complaining about someone elses pain and you think you're the positive ones. You're claiming he spoliing your day because he's not a ray of sunshine. How can this drag you down? Where's the optimism and positive thought you claim to have yet only he displays? If you have so much, why can't you lend him some? Why do you expect him, in all his pain, to give it to you?

 

So positive and optimistic were these chirpy happy men that one cloud spoilt their day. The expectation of happiness was their weakness. Whereas my grouch of a business partner keeps on going through a storm, alone.

 

I've always liked that poem by DH Lawrence.

 

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.

[Taramere]

Taramere as usual gave me something to think about. She didn't exactly agree with me but her posts are worded in such a way that I don't feel attacked

 

I don't think there are wrongs in how you perceive things. Just, as always, pros and cons. I can identify with a lot of what you say.

[Taramere]

My business partner has a reputation for being bit of a misery. He's a quiet fella, not a natural smiler and doesn't suffer fools gladly. Not many like working with him. He's also one of the most positive minded sons of a b*tches I've ever known. He can go through hell, focus on the tiniest glimmer hope, and keep slogging his way towards it, no matter what ails him.

 

I remember when he bust 4 ribs, he was back to work the next day, struggling on, using positive thought to grind through the pain. Of course, the pain was both visible and audible, and many of the so called chirpy, positive, optimistic, bright happy fella's took offense to that. They didn't want to be anywhere near him, he made their day less happy. They complained to me that he should be sent home as they didn't like his grunts and grumbles of pain. They sat back and watched him try to lift particularly heavy stones on his own with no offer to help, they would just complain when they heard him cry out or curse in pain.

 

Yeah, that was pretty selfish of them. I can, though, understand people thinking "come off it...it's not a matter of life and death that you be at work today. Go home and rest up before you do yourself longer term damage here." Strength and stoicism are good qualities, but if somebody is badly injured then it just seems like madness for them to not take the time they need to recuperate.

[FitChick]

Nothing means anything until you decide what it means. What you decide depends on your beliefs.

[Taramere]

I think one of my favourite "cheerfully robust and positive thinking in the midst of Satan's den" fictional characters has to be Will from the Inbetweeners.

 

The Inbetweeners | Exam Time | Series 2 - Episode 6 - YouTube

[Crusoe]

Yeah, that was pretty selfish of them. I can, though, understand people thinking "come off it...it's not a matter of life and death that you be at work today. Go home and rest up before you do yourself longer term damage here." Strength and stoicism are good qualities, but if somebody is badly injured then it just seems like madness for them to not take the time they need to recuperate.

 

The option to rest wasn't there.

 

But the story isn't about him, not really, he lived up to his positive mindset, his proclaimed values. It's about the so called happy, positive people who claimed he dragged them down. They couldn't be positive or happy even though their hardship was incomparable to the man they describe as a misery. Couldn't even find it in them to help him out or offer encouragement. Just complained and wished him gone, even though he was doing nothing to harm them.

 

I spoke to a self proclaimed happy, smiling, positive mate the other day. He's always yapping that happiness is a choice and he chooses to be happy. I asked how his sick 98 year old mother was doing. Tough as nails this woman, lived a hell of a life. "Oh, I don't talk to her since she went blind, she depresses me and life's too short to be unhappy."

 

"Well, is she depressed?"

 

"Don't know, don't care, she depresses me, and that's what matters"

 

Got be happy, got to be happy, got to be happy, its like a disease nowadays, and screw anyone that gets in the way.

[tuxedo cat]

interesting article

 

Labor of Love | New Republic

[SpiralOut]

The option to rest wasn't there.

 

But the story isn't about him, not really, he lived up to his positive mindset, his proclaimed values. It's about the so called happy, positive people who claimed he dragged them down. They couldn't be positive or happy even though their hardship was incomparable to the man they describe as a misery. Couldn't even find it in them to help him out or offer encouragement. Just complained and wished him gone, even though he was doing nothing to harm them.

 

I spoke to a self proclaimed happy, smiling, positive mate the other day. He's always yapping that happiness is a choice and he chooses to be happy. I asked how his sick 98 year old mother was doing. Tough as nails this woman, lived a hell of a life. "Oh, I don't talk to her since she went blind, she depresses me and life's too short to be unhappy."

 

"Well, is she depressed?"

 

"Don't know, don't care, she depresses me, and that's what matters"

 

Got be happy, got to be happy, got to be happy, its like a disease nowadays, and screw anyone that gets in the way.

 

 

That's actually very sad. How happy can he be to live with himself and the way he is treating her . . . .