Does anyone dislike positive people?

February 2, 2013

I'm a pessimist because I've had depression/anxiety through my life, you are incorrect in saying that >Pessimists hide behind a veil of good intentions, but seek to bring everyone onto their own road to hell.<

This is not always the case at all.

On the contrary; when I am at my lowest I isolate myself because I do not want to make anyone feel unhappy because of me. I also spend all my time working to help make others' lives (animals and humans) better.

Pessimism or negativity usually stems from feeling depressed/hopeless, I find it upsetting that you say people like that are worse than dogs*it, it is not a very compassionate view.

One reason I suffer with depression is *because* so many are already suffering.

I have a few friends suffering with depression, as did my ex when I met him, the thing they would least want to do is bring anyone else down, they are compassionate and thoughtful people.

I do know one person who is so low and negative that he does seem to want people to pity him, it can be frustrating at times, if we let it, he's an alcoholic, if he were to be told he's worse than dogsh*t it would only add to the hate he feels for himself, so while I would say that no-one should go along with his self pity and agree that everything about his life is awful, as that would not help him, he does need compassion and all the encouragement he can to seek help.

I find constant optimism false, considering how much suffering there is in the world.

The people who dislike (us) positive people are the people who are in so deep to wallowing, self-pity and negativity, that it becomes second nature to them. They seek support - but stonewall every suggestion. They seek counsel - but ignore all options given. They request opinions - but then complain that everyone is too demanding.

Pessimists are worse than DogSchytt.

At least dogschytt is 'honest'. It smells like dogschytt, looks like dogschytt and it feels like dogschytt when you step on it....

WYSIWYG.

Pessimists hide behind a veil of good intentions, but seek to bring everyone onto their own road to hell.

A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes.
A Realist sees the dark side of the cloud, and shrugs.
An Optimist - well, they don't see no clouds at all.
They're too busy walking on them.

Pessimists?
bah.
ES, you're welcome to them.

February 2, 2013

Yeah it's much better to be with someone who never complains even if something's bothering them. That helps relationships perfectly.

Who said anything about not speaking up if something is bothering someone? I said that being pessimistic isnt not a good thing. Thats all.

February 2, 2013

I'm a pessimist because I've had depression/anxiety through my life, you are incorrect in saying that >Pessimists hide behind a veil of good intentions, but seek to bring everyone onto their own road to hell.<
This is not always the case at all.

On the contrary; when I am at my lowest I isolate myself because I do not want to make anyone feel unhappy because of me. I also spend all my time working to help make others' lives (animals and humans) better.

Pessimism or negativity usually stems from feeling depressed/hopeless, I find it upsetting that you say people like that are worse than dogs*it, it is not a very compassionate view.

One reason I suffer with depression is *because* so many are already suffering.
I have a few friends suffering with depression, as did my ex when I met him, the thing they would least want to do is bring anyone else down, they are compassionate and thoughtful people.

I do know one person who is so low and negative that he does seem to want people to pity him, it can be frustrating at times, if we let it, he's an alcoholic, if he were to be told he's worse than dogsh*t it would only add to the hate he feels for himself, so while I would say that no-one should go along with his self pity and agree that everything about his life is awful, as that would not help him, he does need compassion and all the encouragement he can to seek help.

I find constant optimism false, considering how much suffering there is in the world.

Yeah, well I wasn't counting those with any kind of psychological disorders.

Naturally, if you have a specific mental problem, it's going to move the goalposts.

I was referring purely to people who have a natural and non-symptomatic proclivity for pessimism....

February 2, 2013

Not at all. It's not good to be unrealistic or blind to how some people can be but what is so wrong with trying to be happy and optimistic? It's not good to be miserable all the time and just wallow in self pity. As everybody here knows I have been through some stuff and either I can let it turn into me into a cynical and morose person or I can look for the good things in life, get back up and work towards a better future. Recently I have decided to choose the latter. I know there is a lot of misery in this world but why add to it?

February 2, 2013

Who said anything about not speaking up if something is bothering someone? I said that being pessimistic isnt not a good thing. Thats all.

Uh no, you said you are realistic but if a woman is she's a downer and men find that unattractive because its drama.

At least that's how I understood it.

February 2, 2013

The older I get the more I realize I prefer the company of "shiny, happy" people to miserable people. I know they're generally full of crap, but at least they're not bringing everyone down and pessimists are just as full crap. Very few people have an accurate, or fair, understanding of the themselves or the world. I'd rather be around those that are deluded in a positive way. Life is too short to sit around pissing and moaning all the time, even if it does suck at times.

February 2, 2013

I don't dislike positive people. I am not particularly compatible with zesty, bubbly positivity, though. I have always been attracted to darkness, black humor, the macabre, and looking at the ugly underbelly of life and humanity, but at the same time, I have no patience with people who wallow in that and who are not in touch with the reality of all the blessings (I don't mean that in a religious sense, but it's the best word I can think of) that we are gifted with every single day. Gratitude is important, and it is a very positive thing.

I was struggling to think of how to explain, and you worded it beautifully, Mme.

It's also possible to be pessimistic and not miserable. Pessimism doesn't automatically mean misery.

People who only seem to be able to say "Don't worry, everything's going to be super great!!! Just cheer up and be positive!!!" in response to anything going wrong are really, really f-ing irritating to me. So are the "Everything is horrible, and the world sucks, and life's not fair, and no one would notice if I died" types.

In a nutshell, I get along best with people who are positive in that they make an effort to accomplish what they want to and try to be happy; strong in that they're willing to work their way through hurdles; negative in that they understand their limitations and don't waste time with the impossible; cynical in that they realize they can't have everything; and realistic in knowing that sometimes things will work out and sometimes they won't and that life requires effort, first and foremost. So, uh, all of the above, I guess.

February 2, 2013

I hardly ever dislike them. I used to be one of them. More shiny and happy, than dark and twisty.

February 2, 2013

I think both extremes are not really a healthy place to be. Some people are pessimists who want to feel sorry for themselves and have a "poor me" or an "ain't it awful" frame of mind, and they block out any positive thoughts. They prefer to hang around with others who will play that "ain't it awful" game with them because it makes them feel better when others are also suffering. The extreme of that--people who refuse to face reality and don't want to hear or deal with anything negative is also not healthy, because those types avoid dealing with problems, and I think they also have trouble empathizing with the difficulties of others. Neither perspective is a healthy one. A healthy perspective is to allow themselves to see and appreciate the positive things in life and to acknowledge and accept the negative things, but not desire to dwell on the negative. To be able to see both sides and see things in a more balanced way is a healthy frame of mind. I can see that people that prefer to see things positively, but are not extreme, would prefer the company of others who can see things more optimisticly. Being around someone who is usually negative can be draining. My mother tends to be a very pessimistic person, and I can only take her in small doses, because it does get pretty draining to be around her. It might be helpful to work on your more positive side or allow yourself to see things in a more positive light. Some people can get caught up in negative thoughts and they become a pattern of thinking that can lead to depression. When you have negative thoughts you could practice reversing them to a more positive or less negative thought, and I think that would help you to see things in a more balanced, more realistic way. Neither extreme is a good thing or a healthy thing.

February 2, 2013

So if you wanna be a Debbie Downer, then by all means. But do know that MANY men avoid that kind of woman. We HATE drama...and that what "realist" women bring to the table. The reason people like you hate positive people is because of jealousy...not because of some inane notion that positive people are out of touch with reality. They are happy, and you arent...so you want to bring them down.

Funny: men have been the ones most likely to bring drama to my life.

February 2, 2013

Funny: men have been the ones most likely to bring drama to my life.

Well you know what they say:

"If there's a frown on a woman's face, 9 out of 10 times, it's a man who's put it there."

February 2, 2013

Being positive is sometimes the only way to get through something difficult. Focusing on the negative destroys motivation and makes it difficult to get things done. That's how I feel, anyway. I struggle with feelings of depression, so for someone like me to give in to negativity that's the same thing as sitting down and giving up. If people don't like my happy mask, too bad for them. I'm not going to fall into a pit of despair just so they can feel better around me.

Maybe these "happy people" you see are more realistic than you think. Maybe they just don't want to be a downer to everyone around them but then when they go home at night they write in their journal or go to kickboxing class and punch the crap out of the punching bag. Maybe they have other outlets for their negative feelings and you just don't see that side of them.

Edited February 2, 2013 by SpiralOut

February 2, 2013

I don't like pessimistic people. But the positive people who are positive due to ignorance or lack of knowledge annoy the hell out of me.

February 2, 2013

People who are genuinely positive lift you up... people who are genuinely faking it tend to bring you down. What I have a problem with is people who go on and on about how their life is so great, kind of a rub in the face attitude about it. I have a casual friend who I had to unsubscribe from her news feed on facebook because it was always about how awesome her life was, and how enlightened she was, and how everyone should see things from her perspective; it got to be very annoying. I honestly think that positive people just live the good vibes up and emanate them out, but aren't overt about it and have no need to rub it in anyone's face.

Edited February 2, 2013 by venusianx13

February 2, 2013

I'd MUCH rather be around a happy positive person than a negative nelly who is miserable and bringing everyone else down.

I try to find the good in situations.

I would consider myself generally positive.

I am also very sarcastic, have a sardonic sense of humor, and am realistic.

Being postive doesn't mean being delusional or never feeling down :rolleyes:

Must be kinda nice to have such a simplistic view of people though, like you are either A or B in your mind I guess.

February 2, 2013

Uh no, you said you are realistic but if a woman is she's a downer and men find that unattractive because its drama.

At least that's how I understood it.

I said Im realistic. And then I said pessimism is unattractive. How in the world does realism = pessimism?

For me, being realistic is recognizing the good and bad sides of life. Not focusing solely on the negative.

So again, where did I ever say someone shouldnt speak up when bad things are going on in a relationship? Dont put words in my mouth. Just because I said someone shouldnt be constantly negative, doesnt mean I think they should keep quiet when something is bothering them.

The problem is if something is constantly bothering them because of a pessimistic attitude. Speaking up when things are sometimes bad is fine with me....and is definitely healthy. But thats entirely different from constantly whining about things being bad because of the pessismist solely focusing on the negative...which inst healthy imo.

Funny: men have been the ones most likely to bring drama to my life.

Well you know what they say:

"If there's a frown on a woman's face, 9 out of 10 times, it's a man who's put it there."

Ive always felt this way--that a persons choice in mates is a reflection of their own personality and character.

So if a girl has a large past filled with constantly bringing drama-filled men into her life, it would tell me a LOT about her.

Edited February 2, 2013 by kaylan

February 2, 2013

I know how to handle truly miserable people so I don't get annoyed by them. Usually a combination of having good energy yourself and mocking their behavior keeps them at bay. The ones that do make me roll my eyes are the people who are genuinely dishonest. In whatever form it presents itself, positive or negative. There are a couple posters around here who could be epic if they were just honest about themselves, but they chose to be uninteresting with their bogus ways.

February 2, 2013

Ive always felt this way--that a persons choice in mates is a reflection of their own personality and character.

So if a girl has a large past filled with constantly bringing drama-filled men into her life, it would tell me a LOT about her.

They aren't my mates, though - they're other womens'! All but one.

Yesterday, my charming sister, trying to wind me up, told me that I split up two friends. She needs to believe that I jealous of her, so she finds things to poke at me, and tell me that I'm a jealous, delusional witch. Her now-husband wanted to get me naked, more than once, and admitted it in an email to me last year - when he told her that I was delusional and desperate, not wanting her to be happy, too.

Around the same time that she was saying this (that I'd split up my friends), one of those friends - the one who hit on me - commented on something I'd posted on FB, about his past, betrayal, etc - how he had wanted to be polyamorous, and THAT is why they broke up. He wanted it, she didn't, they both moved on. My sister wasn't strong enough to move on, and at the time I empathized, but now? No more.

Anyway, this brings me to more drama: women who need a man so badly, that they will tear down other women, including those in their own family, in order to maintain their delusions. It happened to my mother, and now she's joined in, to protect sisters' ego and so she doesn't lose her. This is why I was at least somewhat jaded by the age of six!

February 2, 2013

People who are genuinely positive lift you up... people who are genuinely faking it tend to bring you down. What I have a problem with is people who go on and on about how their life is so great, kind of a rub in the face attitude about it. I have a casual friend who I had to unsubscribe from her news feed on facebook because it was always about how awesome her life was, and how enlightened she was, and how everyone should see things from her perspective; it got to be very annoying. I honestly think that positive people just live the good vibes up and emanate them out, but aren't overt about it and have no need to rub it in anyone's face.

Exactly. The happiest people I know are the ones who don't need to say so.

I used to do the whole "pretending to be happy" thing. I don't bother anymore, especially now that I see other people on FB doing what you just described and I realize how douch-y I must have looked. I try to stay positive, but I don't pretend like my life is great. What I don't like are people who point out things about me or my life that they think I must be upset about, and try to make me admit that something sucks or that I'm unhappy.

February 2, 2013

If I'm dealing with somebody in a very superficial context - for instance ordering food for them, being served in a shop, speaking to a receptionist etc then I would prefer them to just paste a smile on their face while they're dealing with me... and I'll tend to return the favour. I'm not desperately interested in whether a complete stranger is having a crap day, and I certainly don't want to be exposed to their foul mood during my brief dealings with them.

People I'm seeing on a more regular basis...I suppose that usually I gravitate to (for example) colleagues who are jovially cynical. House would be a few shades too surly and antisocial for me to want to deal with him....but I do like people I can have a good bitching session with. Not some vacuum-headed Pollyanna who can't enjoy dark humour and cynicism because it's "too negative". But House...well he goes too far in the opposite direction. If I worked with that guy I would probably lace his coffee with arsenic in order to put him out of his misery.

February 2, 2013

Being positive is sometimes the only way to get through something difficult. Focusing on the negative destroys motivation and makes it difficult to get things done. That's how I feel, anyway. I struggle with feelings of depression, so for someone like me to give in to negativity that's the same thing as sitting down and giving up. If people don't like my happy mask, too bad for them. I'm not going to fall into a pit of despair just so they can feel better around me.

Maybe these "happy people" you see are more realistic than you think. Maybe they just don't want to be a downer to everyone around them but then when they go home at night they write in their journal or go to kickboxing class and punch the crap out of the punching bag. Maybe they have other outlets for their negative feelings and you just don't see that side of them.

I know what you're saying: it is hard work to be positive. For years, I did my best to not let my issues affect anyone else. And it got me into trouble, because nobody knew what was going on with me, I didn't talk about it, and I needed to.

Also, how many times do you hear that someone who committed suicide had seemed to be just fine?

February 2, 2013

There's two kind of positive people. Those who can stay positive and battle through the toughest of times, and those who are only positive because they run from and refuse to recognise the bad in the world. The first type I admire, they're not always laugh a minute, but they're tough and positive, fighters. The latter I am not so keen on, they are the kind who are only there for the good times. The type who will leave their partners when it stops being fun, abandon their mates in times of trouble, or turn their heads and not even look at homeless person or starving child. They don't want to know, nothing is allowed to touch or dent their bubble of happiness. It's happiness and positivity through selfishness. I have little time for that, but there's a lot of it about.

February 2, 2013

I know what you're saying: it is hard work to be positive. For years, I did my best to not let my issues affect anyone else. And it got me into trouble, because nobody knew what was going on with me, I didn't talk about it, and I needed to.

I find it interesting whenever you talk about what's bothering you. It's genuine. Which you don't do often enough I think, you usually refer to being bothered by something but don't expand on specifics. I also adore Disenchantedly because she's honest about her feelings. How anyone can be annoyed by her I don't understand. I like Negative Nancy too. Even though some people would probably say she's negative. I enjoy Johan the most when he talks about suicide because it seems to come from such a genuine place. Even though it might be the most negative thing you ever hear from him.

I've met some people that can use negativity in a manipulative way which is annoying and fake. Trying to control the room and extract certain expected reactions from other people. I know one woman who deliberately pretends not to be able to hear in order to make you repeat yourself 5 times because she's a passive aggressive, controlling attention whore. That is definitely annoying, but I don't see a whole lot of that around here fortunately.

February 2, 2013

I consider myself a positive person. But I can get into a deep blue funk like no one else can as well.

To answer the question, I think only people who are depressed or have self loathing hate positive people.

February 2, 2013

People with higher sense of coherence have higher levels of mental health.

Antonovsky's sense of coherence... [J Epidemiol Community Health. 2006] - PubMed - NCBI

Positive attitude is predictor of sense of coherence in adolescents:

Predictors of strong sense of coherenc... [scand J Public Health. 2005] - PubMed - NCBI

A changed perspective: How gratitude can affect sense of coherence through positive reframing

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CEIQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.researchgate.net%2Fpublication%2F228658158_A_changed_perspective_How_gratitude_can_affect_sense_of_coherence_through_positive_reframing%2Ffile%2Fd912f506d94422f345.pdf&ei=VWsNUbKxIc-w0QHrsIF4&usg=AFQjCNFZe0TEb-xmGNoO59csZIy439GgyA&bvm=bv.41867550,d.dmQ&cad=rja

Explanation of theory:

Salutogenesis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The "sense of coherence" is a theoretical formulation that provides a central explanation for the role of stress in human functioning. "Beyond the specific stress factors that one might encounter in life, and beyond your perception and response to those events, what determines whether stress will cause you harm is whether or not the stress violates your sense of coherence." Antonovsky defined Sense of Coherence as:

"a global orientation that expresses the extent to which one has a pervasive, enduring though dynamic feeling of confidence that (1) the stimuli deriving from one's internal and external environments in the course of living are structured, predictable and explicable; (2) the resources are available to one to meet the demands posed by these stimuli; and (3) these demands are challenges, worthy of investment and engagement." In his formulation, the sense of coherence has three components:

Comprehensibility: a belief that things happen in an orderly and predictable fashion and a sense that you can understand events in your life and reasonably predict what will happen in the future.
Manageability: a belief that you have the skills or ability, the support, the help, or the resources necessary to take care of things, and that things are manageable and within your control.
Meaningfulness: a belief that things in life are interesting and a source of satisfaction, that things are really worth it and that there is good reason or purpose to care about what happens.

According to Antonovsky, the third element is the most important. If a person believes there is no reason to persist and survive and confront challenges, if they have no sense of meaning, then they will have no motivation to comprehend and manage events. His essential argument is that "salutogenesis" depends on experiencing a strong "sense of coherence." His research demonstrated that the sense of coherence predicts positive health outcomes.

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Does anyone dislike positive people?

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