unknown249 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) Hi guys, I was with my boyfriend for 3.5 years, for 1.5 of those it was a long distance relationship as I have been at university, 4 hours away from where we live. Although it was difficult, we both coped very well with the distance - we saw each other every other week and skyped/texted every day. In September, my boyfriend started a new full-time job (he was at university the previous year, during my first year away). Things again were difficult, but we managed and realized how much we loved each other. However, two weeks ago my boyfriend unexpectedly told me he no longer felt he was in love with me, that things had changed for him and he didn't feel the same anymore. This came as a huge shock to me, I was home for Christmas and everything seemed fine. He told me these feelings started around three months ago (November time), but he thought they would get better and they didn't. But it was his birthday the following week, and although we sort of broke up/sort of didn't, we agreed to wait and see how that weekend would go, when I could come home. Anyway, I went back for the weekend. Friday night was awful - I tried to force him to make a decision about what he wanted to do, and he said he didn't know. His mind kept changing every minute. In the end I tried to leave his car but he wouldn't let me, he pulled me back and wouldn't let me go. After a very emotional evening we both decided to make the most of the weekend and enjoy it, as it was his birthday. And it was lovely. I left to come back to uni on the Monday. We both agreed we would talk more regularly, see how things go, and he said he started to feel better about us. But the whole situation got much worse on Wednesday, when I saw in his inbox a load of emails from a girl he worked with. They were telling each other they missed each other, adored each other and couldn't wait to kiss each other, they were arranging plans for Valentines day and he was telling her his heart swells when he thinks of her - heartbreaking. Turns out this had been going on since the two weeks he told me he lost the love for me. I confronted him about the emails asking him whether he was ever going to tell me. He said he knew it was going to be over between us, but he didn't want me to ever know he liked another girl whilst he was with me, so wasn't going to say. I was so angry with him, for lying, cheating - I did not expect that from him at all. I also asked about her on his birthday weekend, as I saw he was sending her a lot of messages then on his phone - but I couldn't see what they were. I asked him if he had feelings for her and he said no, that 'she was just going through a lot of trouble and she was a good friend so what else could he do?' -- why didn't he tell me he liked her then?? I spoke to some people and was advised to send him a goodbye message, to get the closure I need. It was such a nice message; I told him how I didn't blame him, the situation was completely against us, I could not give him what he needed whilst I was away, so of course it was going to be inevitable. And he replied saying he was really going to miss me, and he still loved me even if it's not in the way I want it to be, and also that he really didn't want to lose me in his life so hoped we could be friends in the future. We called for a short time after and we were both in tears, it was horrible. It felt like it wasn't right for us to break up, I am unsure whether he knew he was making the right decision. I asked him if it's definitely what he wants, and his response was "I think so, it's best, for now". So anyway we hung up, and I haven't spoken to him since. I really wonder what was going through his head with this other girl - has he really got over me that quickly and is falling for her? He was working with her for months so could that have made feelings grow? Or is she just a rebound for him? Was he really going to end it with me, or did he feel like it had to be that way just because I found the emails? Was he wanting to try for us? Part of me really finds it hard to believe that if he knew he was going to dump me, he wouldn't have found it so difficult that Friday in the car. If he knew he could have finished it so easily, I gave him so many chances to be honest and he wasn't. It is also so hard to stop the contact, we spoke for every day for 3.5 years, but I am staying strong. Thank you for any replies - been in a mess this last couple weeks. Edited February 2, 2013 by unknown249
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