Really hating emotional roller coaster..

[Loveandpeace14]

So I already posted this in breaks and breaking up but then I thought it would make more sense posting it in this forum, sorry its a bit long lol. I also my story on breaks and break ups a couple weeks ago on two different threads(different situations). Best friend becomes boyfriend. Boyfriend dumps me out of the blue 6 months later even though our relationship seemed so perfect(amazing connection, treated me like I was the only girl in the world, hearing from friends that I was only girlfriend he's ever treated so special, helped each other through so much, was always there for him when nobody else was so I thought everything was going great because we had this strong bond like I've never had with anyone and I could tell he felt the same way..) then after he moved for school, he said he still really loved me so we got back together for a month then it was over again, which left me heart broken a second time, says he's moved on but won't stop talking about me to my friends(both good and bad stuff) and then tries to make me jealous, then two weeks ago after no contact since the break up, he attacks me over msn and so on..

 

I'm trying to keep no contact for good but it's hard and hurting so much. It's been over a month since our break up and I just can't seem to let him go. A couple weeks ago I thought I was over it, not over him but over the situation because I felt like I was accepting the break up because of what had happened two weeks ago, thinking that it's not worth it especially being treated like crap out of the blue, but now, I'm feeling worse than ever. Dreaming about him, missing him, wanting to hear his voice and be in his arms again, curious of what he's been up to, those things that were said that keep haunting me, and just all those little thoughts of him and of us dancing in my head that are really killing me inside. I haven't had the urge to cry as much lately but last night I just bawled my eyes out, I miss him so much. Miss being able to talk to him or be with him whenever I wanted to, all the amazing memories we shared.. Some days I feel like I'm over it but most days, I just feel pathetic.. Emotion roller coaster aaaagghh.

 

It bothers me so much every day especially when I think back of the things that were said right after our break up, and makes me feel so pathetic for trusting him the second time, but how couldn't I? He was my best friend, my everything. After all this, it's crazy to think I still miss him, care about him and love him so much. I know that being away from him will be good for me but i'm hating the idea that I will never be able to ever run into him(moved away for school recently but will be moving back in August) and i am actually terrified of the idea that we will never talk again. He was truly my best friend. He meant the world to me, like I really don't understand how somehow who meant so much to you is now a completely stranger. This leads me to think, it is never a good idea to date someone who was first your best friend. I know I'm still young(18!) and have plenty of time to meet someone new but it's so hard to think that I could ever replace my best friend and the most perfect person for me, but one day I could find someone more perfect, or we could even end up back together because we were meant to be(haha i'm such a dreamer) because there is really no way of predicting the future. Yes I will still keep no contact but I'm afraid I'm going to snap and give in because I really want to talk to him but I haven't tried yet. I just want to be over it already, I want to feel better and not be sad most of the time. Sometimes I just feel so depressed and just want to die which I find so ridiculous because it's over an insensitive immature boy and it makes it harder to keep calm because I had I have things to deal with outside of the break up, and also my busy schedule (school, work, homework, sports). It really freaking sucks what loves does to you once you've been hurt..

 

I know almost everyone goes through a bad heart breaking break up and being treating like crap, sometimes more than once but man, DOES IT EVER SUCK! They leave losing someone who loves and cares for them but you are the one who is suffering the most or in some cases the only one, ya they might sometimes be hurting at first as well but I doubt the pain even compares. Yes sometimes they come back, but other times, they just don't give a **** about you then in the future they will regret it or it will be eating away at them that they could treat someone so badly. It's an awful thought to think that they stopped caring and it hurts a lot... But hey, their loss. They will regret it sooner or later.

 

Sooo... Anyone have some good advice, words to help "fix"(lol can't think of the right word) a heart broken girl who lost her best friend or even just a happy ending story?

Edited February 2, 2013 by Loveandpeace14

[TaraMaiden]

Yup.

Stop posting, stop obsessing (you're right, you're young, this wasn't *it*) and go out, socialise, do great stuff, meet new people and let your hair down and enjoy life for what it brings you.

One so young should not be stuck in a self-destructive loop.

 

You're putting way too much significance on something that really, is par for the course.

The young are going to experiment and do crazy stuff.

 

I suggest instead of being hung up about it, you go do a bit of the same.

[M23]

Your story is almost identical to mine

 

Best friend became my girlfriend. Out of the blue, it ended. For me, it was more than just a breakup. I lost my best friend too. We used to talk about everything. We were there for each other through it all.

 

Our breakup was over the most stupid thing ever. Which made this whole thing even worse.

 

Now we don't even talk. Its been 5 and a half weeks, she moved on already. It's hard, I've got lots of friends who have supported me. But... It's that special bond thats missing...

 

What helped me was reading a lot on this site. You are right in thinking that it's not worth being treated like crap.

 

Im the same though, I can't imagine finding someone else that I was that close to again. I can't imagine getting back with her, she would have to do something spectacular to make me think it could happen.

 

Don't break no contact, I did a few times the weeks following the breakup. It really does just put you back to square one. I wish I found this site sooner and got some support sooner.

 

I feel like I'm getting better, but Im not sure. It confusing to say the least.

 

 

.

[Loveandpeace14]

I like posting on this site because it helps me feel better to vent about how i'm feeling. I am going out, living my life. I'm keeping myself busy with school, work, homework, friends and focusing on my life but there he is, always on the back of my mind. I wish I could let go but it's hard to accept that I lost my best friend, the person that was there for me through everything, and me there for him. He was special to me, never had anyone in my life who made me so happy(not saying he's the reason to my happiness, I'm not a dependent or clingy person), and changed me for the better, but I guess people change, that's life. Thanks TaraMaiden.

 

 

M23, i'm sorry to hear about your break up yes this site really does help, on nights I feel really down, I come on here and read other people's post and I don't feel alone. It's nice having people I can relate to instead of only talking to friends who haven't yet been through a bad break up like mine. I really do miss that special bond, and honestly, I rather have him back as only a friend then nothing at all. It's hard to know what's going to happen next. I'm like that too, it is very confusing but if you feel that you feeling better, you most likely are feeling better than how you felt right after the break up.

[TaraMaiden]

I like posting on this site because it helps me feel better to vent about how i'm feeling. I am going out, living my life. I'm keeping myself busy with school, work, homework, friends and focusing on my life but there he is, always on the back of my mind. I wish I could let go but it's hard to accept that I lost my best friend, the person that was there for me through everything, and me there for him. He was special to me, never had anyone in my life who made me so happy, and changed me for the better, but I guess people change, that's life. Thanks TaraMaiden.

 

The big problem is, that people fill their lives with new activities, going out, keeping busy, doing new and exciting things - as a replacement or compensation for what they've lost.

 

Guess what?

 

It. Doesn't. Work.

 

Why?

Because it's a filler not a fulcrum.

 

People should be doing those things because they really want to do them for the joy and diversity it brings them, not as a distraction or diversion from what ails them.

 

Do these activities, but don't do them to 'keep him out of your mind'.

 

They're apples and oranges.

 

Do them to further you, make you a 'better person', do them because they are useful, fruitful and an advantage to you.

Not because it simply puts time between you and him.

Focus - on you.

 

Sure, mourn the break.

But live the life. Really.

 

With the Right Intention.

[Loveandpeace14]

I know what you mean, but I'm actually not doing anything new. I'm doing all the same things that I did before we even met. I just know it's not healthy for me to lock myself in my room day after day being upset and crying, like it happens, but I still carry on with my life. I'm still trying my best in school, I'm doing good at work, I still enjoy playing soccer, going to the gym and being with my friends. I do see people doing all these things to forget/impress their ex, but I'm doing it for myself, doing it because it's what I like to do. I'm an independent person and always have been. It's only the idea of losing the guy who meant the world to me that bothers me the most especially when there was no real explanation, didn't even get a chance to talk it out or anything, but I'm handling things quite well I think.

Edited February 2, 2013 by Loveandpeace14

[sadpanda87]

i chose a job, lived my life for the girl i wanted to marry. then bam things go sideways and shes now with a once very good and trusted friend of mine.

 

thats 6years of my emotions im never getting back. if you dont count the 10+ years ive known that pal.

 

im in my mid 20s and finding myself going out with new friends. forcing myself to meet new people, find new job etc. im doing better now. its taken a while but im slowly getting my life back.

 

they say it takes half the time youve been with someone to get over the breakup. guess im slightly ahead of schedule

 

moral of the story? go have fun, do new things... do your exercises, stay healthy, dress up and flirt with guys (safely). it'll get better, your new best friend is out there somewhere

[sadpanda87]

i chose a job, lived my life for the girl i wanted to marry. then bam things go sideways and shes now with a once very good and trusted friend of mine.

 

thats 6years of my emotions im never getting back. if you dont count the 10+ years ive known that pal.

 

im in my mid 20s and finding myself going out with new friends. forcing myself to meet new people, find new job etc. im doing better now. its taken a while but im slowly getting my life back.

 

they say it takes half the time youve been with someone to get over the breakup. guess im slightly ahead of schedule

 

moral of the story? go have fun, do new things... do your exercises, stay healthy, dress up and flirt with guys (safely). it'll get better, your new best friend is out there somewhere

[Loveandpeace14]

That's good that you're doing better I'm kind of a health freak so I try to stay healthy lol. I think I'm doing a lot better than a month ago, but the break up is still pretty new so I hope that the emotions will stop soon or at least decrease. I know everyone will have different "healing" time and he was my first love so it's a little overwhelming. You are right that my new best friend is out there somewhere.

[M23]

Sadly, the best friend we've lost could never be the same. At the moment I'd rather have the friend I lost there to help me through this. I'm never dating a best friend again.

 

Im mostly over her as a girlfriend, but not at losing my most trusted friend...

Edited February 2, 2013 by M23

[Loveandpeace14]

That's true, and I agree, never dating a best friend again. Sometimes I just can't handle it, I never knew it could hurt so much. I put so much trust into this guy who I thought was always going to be there, and honestly, I regret dating him so much. The moment I fell for him, I was actually so scared because I've never loved anyone before and I was scared to ruin our friendship, but I already knew he felt the same (said I love you a month before I did) so I thought I'd give it a chance, a chance I wish I never took.

 

I miss him so much more as my best friend, and what hurts the most is knowing things will never be the same, and who knows, might never hear or see him again. If I could take it all back, I would, I just want my best friend back, he was honestly so perfect for me in every way, nobody I ever talk to compares to him and it sucks. I know everyone always finds the person they love perfect for them at the moment.. But he really was the guy of my dreams, literally, I dreamt about him before we even met in person and the face matched the guy from my dream, and he had the same dream but with me. It was freaky.. He alway knew what to say at the right time, always knew what to do when I was upset and could tell when I was upset even over text without me being obvious, we liked alot of the same things, we shared alot of the same views in life, he was like my soulmate.. And now, practically strangers.

[M23]

Yeah, I know all those feelings well. I wish we had never got together too. I'd never had that sort of friendship with someone for about a year and a half. I never saw her as more. Then the start of last year, it just sort of happened. I tried to put it off, for this reason, but she kept pushing. How could I say no? She was amazing, perfect for me. We matched in every single way.

 

Things were amazing. Then one day its just gone. No real explanation. After it, I went NC for a few days, then she just changed, me going NC apparently meant all her insecurities were true, I didn't want her... She started lying, telling me she still loved me, but she couldn't believe I wanted her after how I acted after she ended us. I couldn't understand how at one point as friends that would never have happened, yet she did it with what seemed, such ease.

 

A year ago if someone told me that we would have been a couple, I'd have laughed. If someone told me, that her and I would never speak to each other again, I'd have laughed harder...

 

But... I don't want her as a friend after all that's happened and how she just walked away and moved on so easily. Which sucks. A lot.

 

I think that's why this all feels so weird. If she was just a girlfriend, maybe I wouldn't have felt so crushed. When I found out how much she had lied about, I sort of realized that she wasn't even that best friend anymore. That made things a bit easier.

 

What I feel now is just an emptiness... I've got great friends, I can talk to them about some things. But I don't have that one person I can just be 100% honest with about it all.

[Loveandpeace14]

Yup, we had an amazing friendship and it's hard to think he could ever be replaced. He made me so happy, and I knew that, at least for most of our relationship, made him happy too. I treated him so well and he treated me extremely well.. I really wish I could turn back time.

 

I honestly never thought me and him would ever be friends, let alone date. I met him through a friend, then we ended up at the same high school. He thought I was "the most beautiul ever", and always asked about me and one day, my friend decided to introduce us. We clicked straight from the beginning, like we have talked over text quite a bit but never actually met in person. I already knew he liked me so I thought it was cute how nervous he was. I never thought a guy like him would ever be interested in me, not saying I'm a loser or anything, but he's the attractive could get any girl he wanted but yet he choose me. The little small Asian girl, not that I'm very foreign because Im pretty white washed, but still.

 

After everything, I'm also too wondering how much he has lied to me about, and after how badly he treated me after the break up, really does make it easier. I do too have great friends, and I go out and have fun but in the back of my mind, he is there. Missing the memories and just being able to be in his presents.

 

It's the feeling in the pit of my stomach when he comes to mind that bothers me the most, couple weeks ago I thought it was over, but it definitely isn't. I can't wait for the day where it's gone and I'm okay. Waiting for the day I meet someone who truly loves and cares about me as much as I love and care about him. Thought it was goin to be my best friend being that guy, but I guess not. I know I'm still young but I really felt like he was the one for me.

Not saying I thought we would get married, have kids and be together forever but you know. Never thought he'd be the one to hurt me.

 

Thanks M23, you're making me feel alot better, having someone who can relate with me. (:

Edited February 2, 2013 by Loveandpeace14

[Loveandpeace14]

There I go, crying again. I hate this, I hate this so much.

[M23]

I know its hard, I was broken for a full 3 weeks, I lost a few pounds, Ive put that back on now, I slept about 3 hours a night. I'm honestly hoping I don't relapse...

 

Im young too, that's the thing, you never think about how things will go or change. I just never imagined we would end in any way.

 

You're on the right track though. Thinking about meeting someone, someday that does truly love you and care about you.

 

And no, thank you, if I hadn't read your post today, I'd still feel like no one was going through what I have been through/am still going through. I was just reading it, thinking it was another post, but I really related to it. In a way it kind of brought back some sad feelings of what it was I've actually lost. But, I have accepted its completely over... I suppose that helped.

 

I'm not sure whether its easier to just cry it out, you can only cry for so long. Eventually you'll realise you don't need to cry anymore. Things will get better, feelings will fade.

 

I hope that day comes soon for you.

Edited February 2, 2013 by M23

[Loveandpeace14]

Yup i know what thats like, i couldn't get out of bed, I just felt sad all the time, but then after two weeks, I got myself back out there, I've lost 25 pounds (over two months) but because I started eating healthier, going back to the gym and i'm also a waitress part time so that helps too. It helped me feel better about myself, and so when my ex tried to call me fat, I know that I'm not so it didn't bother me lol.

 

Being young and losing the person you love is tough because you haven't had much experience, but I guess it's probably harder on people who were married or together for a really long time.

 

Yeah, and I know you will find that person too how crazy it would be if we actually knew each other haha kidding, but that has happened to me on this site before that's why I'm saying that, but you do seem like a pretty cool guy.

 

I guess we are helping each other lol, but I think I'm starting to accept that it's over but I do have my down days and days where I miss him so much, but it has gotten better. Sometimes I read posts and it brings back those feelings too, but yet they make me feel better knowing I'm not alone.

 

I haven't cried as much as I thought I would but some days I can't help it but it's nice to get it all out and move on with my life. I'm current just starting my first year in university so maybe I'll meet someone there who is even more perfect for me lol.

 

Sorry I keep talking, it just really nice to "talk" with someone I can relate to. It seems as if no one I'm close to has been through it before which I guess is good for them

Edited February 2, 2013 by Loveandpeace14

[M23]

Yeah, for 2 whole weeks I picked up extra shifts(I work in a kitchen, hope you dont work there... ) it was busy since it was over christmas and new year, I went from work to sleep to work to sleep. I cant really remember doing much else, those first 2/3 weeks are just a blur really. I really don't know what I would've done without work and university.

 

I suppose it might be harder if our relationships were longer. To me though, it was the strength of the relationship/friendship I lost. I thought it was built on complete trust and honesty. It felt so deep and real. Unlike anything I've ever felt for anyone.

 

I hope you find someone who treats you right. I hope I do too. I'm not in any rush now though.

 

It's good you're crying less and less. You could meet someone absolutely anywhere!

 

You seem pretty cool too, just remember, that's his loss. I've read some of your other posts. I have to say you've handled all this surprisingly well and maturely.

 

Feel free to talk away. It's been good to just vent really. I was feeling quite down this morning. Of course I still miss her loads, no matter what she's done to me. Just talking has helped me think about things.

 

I do worry I won't find anyone I can be that close to again. I don't even know if I'd want to risk it again. But who knows, at least I'll have "NC" to fall back on right away if there is a next time. I wish I'd found this site sooner.

Edited February 2, 2013 by M23

[Loveandpeace14]

Well taking a break from studying now, starting to feel overwhelmed ugh lol. I don't think you are an older asian man so i nope don't work there hehe. It would be really cool to know you but I don't want to sound creepy over a forum

 

The first couple weeks really were a blur, like a bad dream that was never ending. I as well had a lot of time to sleep because I didn't start school until a couple weeks ago, but it is true, don't know what i would've done without work and university either. Being with my friends helped too but sometimes I still feel alone.

 

I agree with you, I don't think it's the length but the strength/bond. My friend thought I couldn't love him already, but me, I knew I loved him, and deep down, I think I always will. The love can last forever, but the desire to be with them fades with time, I guess that is where no contact comes into play. Even though my relationship seemed perfect especially with the trust and communication, i'm starting to question if he was just playing me, at least the second time around. He was known as a player way before I met him, it seems that he really has changed because he has been hurt in the past as well, and even promised me he would "never break my heart", yeah right, but I'm sure he is back to his old ways.

 

I'm also in no rush but I do hope I find someone because I am also too worried that I won't find someone that I will be that close to again. I do hear about couples who do get back in the future because the dumper feels like they really lost something good, but for the dumpee, I feel like it would be hard to look at the person the same way, or even be able to trust them unless they really prove it to you. I also think any girl would be lucky to have a nice guy like you... yeah i'm being cheesy

 

I try to mature about things, but with him being the way he was, it was so hard. All my friends think that he will be back, they think that he's not over me because of the way he's been acting but myself, I'm confused because of his actions. Sometimes I do wish he'd talk to me, but I think it's for the best if we don't talk, at least not for awhile. Before I would be like there are plenty of fish in the sea, but with him, I want him to be my fish haha. I try not to cry but sometimes it's nice to let it all out, helps relax me a bit too.

 

Thanks for putting up with my venting and what not, it helps a lot, and feel free to vent all you want to. Talking also makes me help thing about things. I was also feeling quite down this morning, but I hope you are feeling better (:

[M23]

It's not creepy, I think? It really is nice just having someone who seems more and more like they've been through the exact same thing.

 

Questioning how much was real or true. I try not to think of that though, it might hurt more if I ever learn the truth. The ex promising they would never hurt us or break our hearts...

 

I like that, that love can last forever, but the desire to be with them fades. I still think its who I thought she was or who she was that I loved or love. I'm not sure on that either.

 

I've heard of couples who get back together too, I don't think I could. It wouldn't be the same. I've seen a side of her I never knew existed... Even if she somehow proved I was all she wanted. Things changed. Which sucks.

 

I wouldn't say I'm the nicest guy... I did deliberately hurt her, when I learned how much she had lied about, which I really am not proud of... I've never done anything like that. From what I've read, your ex has really lost someone special.

 

I get what you mean, wanting someone to be your fish and only your fish. The problem is that fish sometimes fight, pull away and the line snaps... We can cast our line again, but its not the same line, its not the same fish.

 

I think after a while, even if I'm over her completely, happy and moved on, the friendship is already gone, even though that sucks... The conversations we had before, I think would be impossible to have again.

 

Feel free to vent. I wouldn't say I'm putting up with it. In a strange way, I've made more progress today than I have since the break up. Not sure why, maybe it's that you understand and relate to it all. Maybe it's that I've had a proper chance to vent.

 

You have definitely made progress yourself, even if it doesn't feel like it. As long as we both stick to no contact, we should be ok fully in time.

[Loveandpeace14]

Haha well it's not creepy, it just feels like I'm asking a stranger to be my friend lol. Dreamt about him last night, woke up feeling so crappy.

 

Yeah I try not to think about it either, I knew it was real at first but 4 months in is when things went downhill, like when we were friends, things were amazing, so I think jumping into a relationship was the worse idea.

 

I think I still love the person I met over a year ago but not the guy he's become in the last two months. It's like I don't even know him anymore, but we don't talk anymore either which makes it worse.

 

Yup not the same fish at all. It feels like no one I talk to compares to him, like I don't know what it was about him but he made me like him so fast, my heart was always racing and I'd even get butterflies. I knew he felt like that too (he told me and I told him I felt the same way haha he asked me to feel how fast his heart was beating and I told him to feel mine) ugh missing that feeling.

 

It happens, people say things they don't mean in a situation like that. There's many things I've said to him that wish I could take back. I made it seem like I was needy and clingy, but I was never like that until the day he broke up with me, and I only sent him 4 texts but still.. I regret the things I said.

 

It would be nice to be friends with them again, but sometimes it's just impossible even if the feelings are gone. It's like we are talking to a complete stranger. My ex told me we'd always be friends if we ever broke up because he was friends with all his exes but with me, we definitely aren't friends. He told me I was the best thing to ever happen to him and now to him, I feel like i'm a piece of ****.

 

That's good, i'm glad you are feeling better. It really is nice to have aomeone who can relate with you. Yeah no contact is soo hard but we need to stick to it! Don't want to go back to how it was a month ago at all.

[M23]

Haha, I wouldn't mind being your friend, you seem cool, you seem to know exactly what I'm going through too which is helping me a lot for some reason.

 

I was out last night, I had to just get out, it's been a full week of NC, even though I don't want her to contact me I want the her of a year ago to contact me...

 

I get what you mean about it being real at some point. We had never argued once in the entire time we knew each other, as soon as we were together, we argued 2 months later... But she was still the same, of course I knew we would argue sometimes as a couple. It really was just the last month or so, pretty much right after we broke up, where she completely changed. I know people change, but not to this extent, which makes it hard and confusing and easy at the same time... Easier because she has changed.

 

I think I love the person I knew from before we got together too, except I know "she" is gone.

 

I don't really get excited about things, but I always got really excited when I knew I'd be seeing her. I don't get the same sort of excitement from anyone, you're right, even though our ex's are different, no one else does compare.

 

I know what you mean about appearing needy and clingy. I must have seemed like that too. Even when she was just a friend, she was a huge and important part of my life. It's hard to explain, knowing you don't "need" someone but feeling like they sort of completed you?

 

My ex is friends with her exes too. We both said if we ever broke up at least we would be able to be friends. I guess that kind of shows that we did have something a lot stronger and different than we both did with our previous exes. Now we probably won't ever speak again. She said I was the best thing to ever happen to her too, she told me she couldn't live without me that she would just be lost if she ever lost me. She used to be terrified of losing me even before we were together. She seems fine to me...

 

I won't break no contact. I don't think she will either so that's good in a way.

I think that if she contacts me wanting to be friends or wanting me back, I won't reply. She might realise she made a mistake but I don't think she can make up for what she put me through...

[Loveandpeace14]

Haha I wouldn't mind being your friend either, but I don't know how we'd be friends, any ideas? yeah its helping me a lot too, most of my friends gave the usual blah blah just move on right after the break up, but obviously nobody can really move on within a couple days, I felt pretty much alone feeling like crap until finding this site, which I never thought I'd be posting on but I'm glad I did. That's good that you went out! How did you feel? I spent the night studying so it kind of kept me distracted for awhile from not thinking about him.

 

Yeah my ex and I never really fought, like we did argue too but we only really fought once that almost lead to a break up which we made up minutes later with him sending me a very long text about how I was his everything and he didn't want to lose me, then we talked on the phone and even laughed it off because it was over something stupid, but not even a month later, things just weren't the same. He was still the same guy after we broke up for good, but then two weeks later is when he was a completely different person, but now that we are in no contact, I don't know how he is. I didn't think someone could change so much either, but when they change for the worst, it does make it easier, a lot easier.

 

Knowing that the person you love is now "gone" is pretty rough, it feels like we never really knew them even though they were our best friends. I know what you mean, I don't get that excited about things either but with him, I always did, even if it's just a cute text. It is hard to find someone who compares, but I know we will someday find that person, or that person we once knew, might even come back but I don't want to dwell on thinking that they will, always better to think that we are going to find that person who was meant for us.

 

It's really hard to think that someone who was so important to you is no longer in your life but I guess sometimes it's for the best. The first time we broke up, my ex was afraid to commit because of his past especially because he knows the distance will hurt too much and said he rather hurt me the one time then to continously hurt me throughout our relationship which I didn't find so bad, but when he came back I thought things might work out, but what confuses me that after our second break up, he purposely tried to hurt me but failed miserably. I didn't feel upset at all, only thing that bother me was saying that is was uncool that I was still alive, how can someone go from being scared to lose you to not wanting you alive. :/ I know exactly that feeling, like you're independent but you want them in your life, as a best friend and not as your bank machine lol.

 

Yup I notice that the stronger the bond, the harder it is to remain friends. I think if my ex contacts me and does that, I won't reply either unless he actually proves to me that he wants to be with me. My ex kept saying how much it would suck to lose me, but he was the one who let me go. According to my friends, I seem more moved on than he is.. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but if he ever does regret it, and I'm fully moved on, he better remember that he let me go when I was the one who cared about him and was there by his side through everything. It's like they are the ones who lost someone who really cared about them, but then we are the ones that have to suffer. I do think she will regret losing you.

 

my post might be kind of crappy to read, i am using my phone haha.

[M23]

Well one idea to be friends is that we can just keep posting here and keep venting for as long as we need to, which is what I'm just about to do... Unless you have any ideas? I'm happy I found this site too, I don't even mind that my feelings are on show for anyone who wants to read this. Which is strange for me. I hope your studying went well, I've not really been able to fully concentrate on my studies at the moment. Not even because I'm thinking of her.

 

Last night was good, it kept me distracted for a good few hours. Yea, all anyone says is move on, or just forget about her, she's not worth it. That might be true but at one time she was more than worth it.

 

I've just sat and done nothing all day, I've ate ok, I've just sat and watched an old tv show all day. She's really heavily on my mind tonight, I'm not even sure what I'm feeling. I just miss something? miss her, miss having someone to talk to, miss not feeling like I'm alone. Yet I don't want her back in my life, not the way she is now. It's just things don't feel "right" in my life at the moment, even though everything else is going great. Its just ugh.

 

I don't understand how someone can change so much so quickly. I couldn't imagine me changing so much like that. How would you feel like yourself? Then I think that maybe she was like that all along, but never let me see that side of her. In a way I'm glad she did, it made things a lot easier, I'm not sure how I would be feeling if she hadn't changed...

 

It's really not cool that he just said he didn't even want you to be alive... I mean what did you do to him to deserve that? I'd guess nothing. I wouldn't think he actually meant it... but you can't just say that to someone you supposedly cared about... It was just an attempt to hurt you, but why? There was no need for it. Which is weird, that someone can treat you so bad, and for some reason you still feel something for them, even if you aren't 100% sure what you're feeling. "I'm dead" to my ex Maybe that's how she was able to move on so fast. That just made it easier for you to start forgetting about him?

 

It's hard not to dwell and want them back. Even if I know I'm better off without her for lots of reasons... I know I will fully move on, it won't be easy but I will.

 

It is a really nice thought that we will find someone just perfect for us someday. Our exes did let us go and it seemed easy for them... I bet he's already regretting losing you. We might be suffering now but one day, they might randomly check up on us somehow, they'll see that we are happy, probably happier than they ever made us and it might hit them hard over what they actually lost and even if it doesn't it won't matter, we won't even care about them anymore. Our happiness is what is important now, not theirs.

 

I wouldn't have even noticed that post was sent from your phone. Vent over, that felt good to just "talk".

Edited February 5, 2013 by M23

[Loveandpeace14]

I don't have any ideas, like there is always facebook, msn, stuff like that, but I don't know if you'd be comfortable with that, I don't usually meet people online so i'm not sure how to befriend people online haha my friend always does and it's actually crazy, she met a guy online, haven't met yet but will this summer, been dating for over a year, i am amazed, they have a great relationship!!! Studying right now is awful, taking a break even though its almost midnight. I've been so distracted and also not because I'm thinking about him, midterm is tomorrow and I feel like I know nothing. Wish me luck!

 

That's good. I know what you mean, you knew that they were more than worth it because you knew them more than your friends, and for the first while only saw the good side of them.

 

Yeah I know that feeling. You miss them, but yet you are confused because it feels like you don't know them anymore. You miss being with them but you don't know if you trust them enough to ever want to be together or to even be friends. I have that feeling too, nothing ever really feels right but feels great at the same time, and you try to be happy but it's hard. It really is ugh.

 

I dont understand either, I would think that I rather become a better person, and not a worse one. I think that too, like maybe they acted a certain way or changed for you, but then when they get too comfortable, they start showing their true colours.

 

What I did was try to be a good girlfriend, I tried that and he threw me away like I was nothing. I know its crazy, how you can still have feelings towards someone who insults you and is a total ass. I'm trying hard not to think about him, somedays I can go hours without thinking about him, and others he's on my mind all day, guurrr.

 

It's very hard, but no matter hard it is, that day will come soon that we are fully moved on.

 

Yeah it is nice A lot of people say that happiness is the best revenge. One day they will think back and be like wow why did I let them go lol. I bet she regrets losing you, it seems like you really cared about her, because if you didn't, you wouldn't be feeling this way, true feelings

 

Vent all you want

[M23]

Haha, msn could possibly work? I can't say I usually meet people online either. Yeah its just hard for me to focus for whatever reason. I'm sure you'll do fine on your midterm! Good luck!

 

I dreamt about her last night... When I woke up I didn't feel incredibly upset. She isn't really on my mind even though I dreamt about her. It was a weird dream, she was trying to make it up to me but I kept pushing her away. She's not really on my mind this morning so that's good.

 

I can't believe anyone could have such an effect on my life. I just want things to be right again and get rid of this ugh feeling. I am happy in a way, it's just not the same happiness anymore. It doesn't feel as good for some reason.

 

While she has changed, I really have changed for the better. This has been quite an experience, I think I'll be a much stronger and confident person than I used to be. I thought I was pretty strong, I study psychology and philosophy, I'd have thought studying those subjects would have given me a much better insight into how to deal with this sort of thing. Maybe think rationally or something about it all, but I just couldn't, stupid emotions... I miss someone who feels like a stranger and I don't really want her back.

 

I thought I was a good boyfriend too, I thought she was a good girlfriend but yea, apparently not. We just got thrown to the side so easily, out of nowhere. I still don't fully get the reason or reasons, but I don't need to know anymore.

 

I don't think she regrets losing me, not yet anyway, she might never regret it. I try not to care but I do a bit about that. If she did regret it, I probably wouldn't have ever needed to post on this site

 

I won't lie, at the moment I do want her to regret it all. I want her to see me end up happier without her. But that's not a big deal. I just want to be happy again for me. It is nice to think I felt/feel that way about someone, even if she didn't really feel the same. Someone will feel that way about me. Hopefully.