Loveandpeace14 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) Alright so I already posted my story on here a couple weeks ago on two different threads(different situations). Best friend becomes boyfriend. Boyfriend dumps me out of the blue 6 months later even though our relationship seemed so perfect(amazing connection, treated me like I was the only girl in the world, hearing from friends that I was only girlfriend he's ever treated so special, helped each other through so much, was always there for him when nobody else was so I thought everything was going great because we had this strong bond like I've never had with anyone and I could tell he felt the same way..) then after he moved for school, he said he still really loved me so we got back together for a month then it was over again, which left me heart broken a second time, says he's moved on but won't stop talking about me to my friends(both good and bad stuff) and then tries to make me jealous, then two weeks ago after no contact since the break up, he attacks me over msn and so on.. I'm trying to keep no contact for good but it's hard and hurting so much. It's been over a month since our break up and I just can't seem to let him go. A couple weeks ago I thought I was over it, not over him but over the situation because I felt like I was accepting the break up because of what had happened two weeks ago, thinking that it's not worth it especially being treated like crap out of the blue, but now, I'm feeling worse than ever. Dreaming about him, missing him, wanting to hear his voice and be in his arms again, curious of what he's been up to, those things that were said that keep haunting me, and just all those little thoughts of him and of us dancing in my head that are really killing me inside. I haven't had the urge to cry as much lately but last night I just bawled my eyes out, I miss him so much. Miss being able to talk to him or be with him whenever I wanted to, all the amazing memories we shared.. Some days I feel like I'm over it but most days, I just feel pathetic.. Emotion roller coaster aaaagghh. It bothers me so much every day especially when I think back of the things that were said right after our break up, and makes me feel so pathetic for trusting him the second time, but how couldn't I? He was my best friend, my everything. After all this, it's crazy to think I still miss him, care about him and love him so much. I know that being away from him will be good for me but i'm hating the idea that I will never be able to ever run into him(moved away for school recently but will be moving back in August) and i am actually terrified of the idea that we will never talk again. He was truly my best friend. He meant the world to me, like I really don't understand how somehow who meant so much to you is now a completely stranger. This leads me to think, it is never a good idea to date someone who was first your best friend. I know I'm still young(18!) and have plenty of time to meet someone new but it's so hard to think that I could ever replace my best friend and the most perfect person for me, but one day I could find someone more perfect, or we could even end up back together because we were meant to be(haha i'm such a dreamer) because there is really no way of predicting the future. Yes I will still keep no contact but I'm afraid I'm going to snap and give in because I really want to talk to him but I haven't tried yet. I just want to be over it already, I want to feel better and not be sad most of the time. Sometimes I just feel so depressed and just want to die which I find so ridiculous because it's over an insensitive immature boy and it makes it harder to keep calm because I had I have things to deal with outside of the break up, and also my busy schedule (school, work, homework, sports). It really freaking sucks what loves does to you once you've been hurt.. I know almost everyone goes through a bad heart breaking break up and being treating like crap, sometimes more than once but man, DOES IT EVER SUCK! They leave losing someone who loves and cares for them but you are the one who is suffering the most or in some cases the only one, ya they might sometimes be hurting at first as well but I doubt the pain even compares. Yes sometimes they come back, but other times, they just don't give a **** about you then in the future they will regret it or it will be eating away at them that they could treat someone so badly. It's an awful thought to think that they stopped caring and it hurts a lot... But hey, their loss. They will regret it sooner or later. Sooo... Anyone have some good advice, words to help "fix"(lol can't think of the right word) a heart broken girl who lost her best friend or even just a happy ending story? Edited February 2, 2013 by Loveandpeace14 1
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