Controversial:Money??? Who pays?

[Maneater]

All the men I dated in the past made a substantial amount of $. The new guy I'm talking to may be the one! We've already been talking marriage, kids, etc. Only issue is that he makes a little less than what I'm used to. He is younger so he's not at the top of the pay scale yet. Other men I went on dates with were 38-42.

 

My bf is only 30. He grew up in strict family where his parents never bought him a single birthday gift or christmas present. So essentially, he is cheap! haha. He says he doesn't want to be like his parents but he subconsciously is.

 

We're talking about moving in together in 6 months but he wants to SPLIT the rent. I make less for now, but will probably triple his salary in 3-4 years. He's mentioned that he has money for down payment and has to buy me engagement ring. If we split the rent, he says of course he'll pay for extra's like taking me out to eat etc.

 

So is this fair?? What about after marriage? splitting the mortgage??

[Maneater]

why isn't a relationship a 50/50 in your eyes????

 

you sound like a shallow gold digger going by your post.....

 

I'm not saying you are, but that's how it reads to me.

 

you want to live with this guy, but you expect him to pay for it all??? is that what you are saying????

 

explain why you shouldn't be splitting the rent like adults and equals????

 

 

No, I do NOT think he should pay for ALL! haha I would be happy if he only paid 15% more. Also, in the rest of my post I added that I will be making 3 times MORE than he does so I will probably be paying MORE for children and their college etc.

 

Basically I feel he should help me out more now and later I'm sure I'll get stuck with most of the bills.

[Maneater]

well, rightly or wrongly, I make sure everything is split 50/50 where a house etc is concerned.

 

mortgage, rates, elec, gas, cable, all gets paid out of the "house account" which we both put the same amount of money into.

 

I have lost partners by doing this... but I'm not here to pay for someone's way through life....

 

I will add, I am very generous with nights out, holidays, clothes etc.... I just feel strongly that any home should be a 50/50 expense...

 

obviously, I will have to change this when/if kids come along.... but that is my stance for now.

 

hope you get it sorted out.

 

 

Thanks for your reply! Can I ask how old you are? Were the women you were with expecting you to pay for EVERYTHING?

 

I still like the idea of old fashioned values. Men pay for majority but not ALL. Men still seem to expect us to cook and clean and take care of the children. So why should we basically take care of the entire household PLUS pay same amount you are.

 

If a man paid for 65-70% of expenses (not including my incidentals, such as makeup, hair care, clothes) I would have no issues doing everything else. Most men I've dated or been in serious relationship had no problem with that. especially since I made less so why make me pay half.

 

This is first man that all I hear from is split this, split that. Although he'll throw in dinners once or twice a week and holiday presents.

Edited February 2, 2013 by Maneater

[Maneater]

I'm 34... not they don't expect me to pay for 100% but what they were doing was looking at houses I could afford, but they couldn't....so they want to pay something like $200 a month for a million dollar house.

 

I think you've misread my post... I clearly stated that when/if kids come long my stance will change...I am very old fashioned actually, so if I have a wife and kids, I will look after them...l but in a modern relationship, if there are only 2 of you, then it's got to be fair....

 

The modern woman wants equality, wants the same pay grade, so she can't then say she's not splitting something 50/50.

 

if I go out to dinner, I'll still pay, but I expect that she will buy the drinks when we move on...

 

I may pay for a new tyre on her car, but I expect her to buy the car herself in the first place.

 

I'll pay for the suite upgrade, but I'll expect her to pay 50% of the 'base' price.

 

I protect myself a bit more as I earn a lot of money.... I only go out with females that have their own money.... I don't shower a girl with a champagne life if she can only afford water herself.

 

 

Ok if they were expecting to pay nothing for huge house then yes thats very little contribution. So you sound fair with money. Maybe you were dating gold diggers!

 

With this guy I'm dating, I feel like he'd still want to split the rent when we're married when I'd probably at that time make 5 times more than he does. Since he does want a family also he is willing to work harder to provide.

 

He's everything that I want in a man but cheap. I feel like its not my fault he slacked off in college and has nothing now when I worked my butt off.

[Maneater]

not gold diggers... I don't go near them... just women that thought love meant I would pay for it all... lol

 

Jeez, can't believe I'm defending my exes... hahahaha

 

totally agree with you actually... it's not your fault.... you need to decide how important money really is to you.... I have well off friends that have 'everything' but are not happy, and I have a sister who's husband doesn't earn a lot, but man does he work hard for her and their family...

 

a good, strong work ethic is a major plus point and I would think about that carefully... I have huge respect for any man (or women) that understands they aren't going to be rich with what they do, but they put in the hours to provide for their family.... huge respect for that.

 

so what I'm saying is... if you have a family, I agree your man needs to pay for mostly everything if you're watching the kids... I think we agree on that.

 

but, can you live with him, and maybe be under what you want out of life in a material sense... ?

 

IMO, it's better to have less material things, and have a healthy family, with a loving man what batters himself to the bone to provide for you all...

 

and BTW, I certainly won't judge you if you say you want nice material things... I'm the same! lol

 

 

I'm glad we cleared the air about each other. You assumed I was a gold digger and I thought you were cheapskate

 

Yes the extras, that I love as a woman is clothes and shoes but those are things I have always intended on paying for no matter what salary a man makes.

 

So for now, is it fair that we split the rent before marriage? When children are born, that's when it's appropriate for him to take over majority of finances?

[rocketman122]

I'm glad we cleared the air about each other. You assumed I was a gold digger and I thought you were cheapskate

 

Yes the extras, that I love as a woman is clothes and shoes but those are things I have always intended on paying for no matter what salary a man makes.

 

So for now, is it fair that we split the rent before marriage? When children are born, that's when it's appropriate for him to take over majority of finances?

 

you are......

[Maneater]

you are......

 

Did you miss the fact that I'll be making 3-5 times more than his salary in a couple years? And that I intended having to pay for majority of our children's expenses, ie college 100k-250k

[rocketman122]

I'm glad we cleared the air about each other. You assumed I was a gold digger and I thought you were cheapskate

 

Yes the extras, that I love as a woman is clothes and shoes but those are things I have always intended on paying for no matter what salary a man makes.

 

So for now, is it fair that we split the rent before marriage? When children are born, that's when it's appropriate for him to take over majority of finances?

 

yes, I did, and yes you are. I would kick you to the curb faster than you knew what happened. if he was smart, he would too. everything you talk about is money.

[Maneater]

yes, I did, and yes you are. I would kick you to the curb faster than you knew what happened. if he was smart, he would too. everything you talk about is money.

 

What got under your skin? You do not even know me hahah. This is a forum and I chose to bring up the topic of money. So the entire thread is about money. If I was as shallow as you think I am, I wouldn't be asking for people's opinions. I would dump this guy and find this rich guy you are talking about.

 

The purpose of this thread was actually for people to tell me splitting is fine since I really like this guy. Many men actually might even have an issue if I make significantly more. So that in itself could be an issue later.

 

Also, gold diggers usually do not have successful careers like I do.

Edited February 2, 2013 by Maneater

[bac]

 

My bf is only 30.

We're talking about moving in together in 6 months but he wants to SPLIT the rent. I make less for now, but will probably triple his salary in 3-4 years. He's mentioned that he has money for down payment and has to buy me engagement ring. If we split the rent, he says of course he'll pay for extra's like taking me out to eat etc.

 

So is this fair?? What about after marriage? splitting the mortgage??

 

What is your priority to have a family or to have a lot of money?

From what I know, most people cannot have everything at the same time.

Therefore, they have to make a difficult choice.

Everything that is going to happen in the future (in 6 months, 3 years) is not a serious topic to worry about because nobody can know their future.

 

Also, you might say your BF that you would like to move together in 3-4 years when you can afford splitting the rent.

[bac]

 

The purpose of this thread was actually for people to tell me splitting is fine since I really like this guy. Many men actually might even have an issue if I make significantly more. So that in itself could be an issue later.

 

Also, gold diggers usually do not have successful careers like I do.

 

Splitting might be very wrong if you like the guy more than he does. In fact, splitting is right if he really likes you.

Many men are actually looking for wifes who are capable to support them financially.

[Maneater]

Splitting might be very wrong if you like the guy more than he does. In fact, splitting is right if he really likes you.

Many men are actually looking for wifes who are capable to support them financially.

 

He definitely likes me more at this point. He's too proud to expect a woman to pay for HIM. He's just into splitting right now, probably since we're not married.

[anne1707]

Without giving away the actual figures, how much more than you does he earn now?

 

And how do you think the rent and other expenses should be split? Not just now but also in the future when you say you will be earning 3x his salary.

[Maneater]

Without giving away the actual figures, how much more than you does he earn now?

 

And how do you think the rent and other expenses should be split? Not just now but also in the future when you say you will be earning 3x his salary.

 

Thank you for answering the question and asking great question. Right now he only makes about 25% more than I do. We plan on moving in together in 6 months. So he wants to split rent and utility 50/50 and will still treat me to dinner and outings etc. will also help clean and cook once in a while. However men always say that. I trust that he will clean since he is super organized but not sure about the cooking part.

 

In the future, I think he should pay 60-70% of the mortgage and I can pay for my own incidentals (car, clothes etc) and will also cook and clean. We plan on having kids in the next 3 years which I also plan on taking care of. He likes nice vacations so I plan on paying for 2 expensive trips a year. And I will probably also pay for kids college since at that point I will have significantly more money.

 

Basically I think he should chip in more money now and I will take care of a lot later. I guess I'm trying to sort out finances now before things get serious bc I feel like the number one reason people eventually break is over money/division of labor and infidelity.

[anne1707]

So you expect him to pay more now because he earns a bit more because you say you will in the future - when you may be earning more and may have kids, ie there is actually no guarantee that you will end up paying more.

 

Also won't he be paying for his own "incidentals" too like car, clothes, etc

 

It does seem that you want it all your own way when there is no definite that you will reciprocate down the line

[Maneater]

So you expect him to pay more now because he earns a bit more because you say you will in the future - when you may be earning more and may have kids, ie there is actually no guarantee that you will end up paying more.

 

Also won't he be paying for his own "incidentals" too like car, clothes, etc

 

It does seem that you want it all your own way when there is no definite that you will reciprocate down the line

 

True, we may technically break up before we have children of marriage. He does trust me and knows that I would pay for a lot more once I make more, which is guaranteed in the field that I'm in.

 

I forgot to add he is moving across the country for me but mostly since he knows I can not find job out where he lives.

 

So I guess what you're saying is that it is fair, if we split everything now before we get married??

[anne1707]

I think it is fair that you split everything both before and after you get married. You live within both your means.

[Maneater]

I think it is fair that you split everything both before and after you get married. You live within both your means.

 

ok sounds fair. thats how I figured it would be.

[sid3]

Have you even met this guy yet? Didn't you have another thread stating he was coming to see you in a few weeks.

[crude]

I don't believe for one second you'll be making 3x as much as him and still be together. Your attitude is typical of a woman who expects the man to pay everything. "old fashioned", questioning splitting as if the man has to pay the rent, period, him of course paying for the extras because he's a man. No way on earth you'll EVER be the main provider, better move on to a rich guy who'll keep you for the rest of your life.

[Ladybugz]

If you think like this already about everything and him

i think things will go wrong for shoe if you continue your plans and relationships.

 

Cause you dont have that kind of money yourself but jet you put that

pressure on a guy.

You sound like a real gold-digger.

 

And after 3-4 years? Thats what you hope. But thats not the

reality now.

 

Is this guy cheap or do he just love to manage his money right cause of

the awareness of good management his parents giveth to him?

 

I think this guy is not a good match for you.

Cause the way you think will keep bring problems about money if you

stay with him.

You want to live large but you dont make that much yourself.

And both of you have to much of a big difference about money.

 

so everyday that topic comes up there will be a issue.

 

beside do you date based on money or feeling?hm.......

[rocketman122]

Thank you for answering the question and asking great question. Right now he only makes about 25% more than I do. We plan on moving in together in 6 months. So he wants to split rent and utility 50/50 and will still treat me to dinner and outings etc. will also help clean and cook once in a while. However men always say that. I trust that he will clean since he is super organized but not sure about the cooking part.

 

In the future, I think he should pay 60-70% of the mortgage and I can pay for my own incidentals (car, clothes etc) and will also cook and clean. We plan on having kids in the next 3 years which I also plan on taking care of. He likes nice vacations so I plan on paying for 2 expensive trips a year. And I will probably also pay for kids college since at that point I will have significantly more money.

 

Basically I think he should chip in more money now and I will take care of a lot later. I guess I'm trying to sort out finances now before things get serious bc I feel like the number one reason people eventually break is over money/division of labor and infidelity.

 

 

Its obvious youre also a control freak. I would throw you now and in 3 years never even remember you. 3 years..3 years is like 5 years in the real world..its a looong time. youre also very immature. thats obvious.

[Yamcha]

In a decent relationship, everything should be split. Rent, housework, childcare, nights out, everything. Not saying that it needs to be split right down the middle to the penny. Worrying about money when you're living comfortably is just...dumb.

[Samilia]

All the men I dated in the past made a substantial amount of $. The new guy I'm talking to may be the one! We've already been talking marriage, kids, etc. Only issue is that he makes a little less than what I'm used to. He is younger so he's not at the top of the pay scale yet. Other men I went on dates with were 38-42.

 

My bf is only 30. He grew up in strict family where his parents never bought him a single birthday gift or christmas present. So essentially, he is cheap! haha. He says he doesn't want to be like his parents but he subconsciously is.

 

We're talking about moving in together in 6 months but he wants to SPLIT the rent. I make less for now, but will probably triple his salary in 3-4 years. He's mentioned that he has money for down payment and has to buy me engagement ring. If we split the rent, he says of course he'll pay for extra's like taking me out to eat etc.

 

So is this fair?? What about after marriage? splitting the mortgage??

 

I wouldn't split 50/50% with someone cheap, I have done that, he actually said the exact same thing your guy is saying "no worries I'll pick up the difference" when the reality is that he'll be leeching off you. Cheap people are just that, cheap. I can't stand them.

 

Split rent and bills based on % of what you two make. He makes 3000 and you make 2000? He pays 60% and you pay 40% of the bills.

[kaylan]

well, rightly or wrongly, I make sure everything is split 50/50 where a house etc is concerned.

 

mortgage, rates, elec, gas, cable, all gets paid out of the "house account" which we both put the same amount of money into.

 

I have lost partners by doing this... but I'm not here to pay for someone's way through life....I will add though, I am very generous with nights out, holidays, clothes etc.... I just feel strongly that any home should be a 50/50 expense...

 

obviously, I will have to change this when/if kids come along.... but that is my stance for now.

This. OP seems more concerned about money than love. A home is a 50/50 arrangement in my eyes. I didnt pay less rent because I made less money when I had a place with housemates or even my brother.

 

Make a big deal out of this OP, and you will lose a good guy. Hes only 30...so hes got options. Remember that.

 

Its 2012...and a guy whos 30 didnt grow up with old fashioned values. A 30 year old grew up in a time where most women work, have their own cash, and are perfectly willing to contribute their share to a household. Well, younger women are willing...since your older, it makes sense that you arent on the same page.

Thanks for your reply! Can I ask how old you are? Were the women you were with expecting you to pay for EVERYTHING?

 

I still like the idea of old fashioned values. Men pay for majority but not ALL. Men still seem to expect us to cook and clean and take care of the children. So why should we basically take care of the entire household PLUS pay same amount you are.

 

If a man paid for 65-70% of expenses (not including my incidentals, such as makeup, hair care, clothes) I would have no issues doing everything else. Most men I've dated or been in serious relationship had no problem with that. especially since I made less so why make me pay half.

 

This is first man that all I hear from is split this, split that. Although he'll throw in dinners once or twice a week and holiday presents.

He treats you to dinner once or twice a week and youre complaining? Most girls my age (im 26) would love that, despite them still wanting to pay their fair share of things.

 

Thank god Im the age I am now.

 

Ok if they were expecting to pay nothing for huge house then yes thats very little contribution. So you sound fair with money. Maybe you were dating gold diggers!

 

With this guy I'm dating, I feel like he'd still want to split the rent when we're married when I'd probably at that time make 5 times more than he does. Since he does want a family also he is willing to work harder to provide.

 

He's everything that I want in a man but cheap. I feel like its not my fault he slacked off in college and has nothing now when I worked my butt off.

So when you make more, youre OK with paying 75% of living expenses? Thats only fair if you expect him to do it now

 

If he slacked off so much compared to you, why are you older and in your 30s, yet he still makes more than you?

 

I get the feeling that you are overestimating or simply being to dreamy about the money you think you will make in the future. Theres no guarantees in life, and he shouldnt be paying more than his fair share based on the idea that you MIGHT pay more in the future.

Edited February 2, 2013 by kaylan